cloudy_conscience's advice column

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Q: Heyy ,
I am 15 years old and my boyfriend is 17. We haven't been offically going out for that long but we have been "together" for a while. He doesn't go and get with every girl. But he is older and more experienced than I am. I am comfortable with him but i dont want to rush into anything that im not ready to do yet. But i just am hoping that he understands and doesn't get mad. So i was just wondering if anyone can help me on what to say , if the conversation comes up of doing something more serious , as in sex.

The best thing to do is just to let him know how you really feel about it. Tell him that though you do care about him and are comfortable with him, that you just aren't ready for the responsiblity that comes with it. Let him know that you do care about him and that you want to be with him and also let him know that if he really cares about you he will understand.
I think it's really great that you aren't going to have sex with him just because he has before, I really really respect you for that and I hope you don't change your mind if he gets angry. If he doesn't understand and tries to force you then he wasn't worth it and you deserve someone that will respect your wishes.
Good Luck.

Hope I Helped.

Q: When all I'm doing is making out with my boyfriend, he gets hard. I mean, we're like laying together and stuff, but is that normal, for guys to get hard from just making out?

Yes, most guys get hard over the smallest things, when you are making out his mind is probably wondering and thinking about the other things that might just come out of it.

Hope I Helped.

Q: hi,
my best friend dated a guy on and off for about six months. he's going away to college in the fall and he was away the whole summer so he kind of broke it off in june. then they started talking again a couple of weeks ago and decided they were both ready for sex. so they had sex this afternoon, and she came over tonight and was clearly upset that he's leaving.
i don't know what to say to her, because she's emotionally attached to him and he's leaving for college. he says he wants to see her when he's home from college for breaks, but she's been crying over his leaving and i don't know what to do.
any help?
thank you so much!

It's very difficult to stand by and watch your best friend be in pain about a long distance relationship, but there isn't much you can do about it except be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. You can also try and do things to keep her from thinking about him, make sure you guys are always doing something, like the movies, having sleepovers, going shopping, fun things like that. But don't force her, if for the first few days she just wants to be depressed and eat Ben & Jerry's then let her, she needs a little bit of time to be sad, but don't let it go on forever. Try your best to keep her spirit up and most importantly always be there when she needs to talk.

Hope I Helped.

Q: I'm a girl and i'm 13.. So there is a lot of drama in my grade... Anyway... I have a friend that is a boy and we always just hang out and talk... Like, i tell him all of my secrets cause i know he won't judge me or go tell everybody and talk about me behind my back.. Well, today, one of his other friends came up and told me that he liked me and wanted to go out with me... I like him too, but i also don't want to ruin our friendship when it don't work out.. (I'm an 8th grader.. Unless it is some meant to be together sort of thing... we will probably break up some day!!) Anyway.. I also like another boy. but i don't think he likes me.. Any tips? First, what should i do about my friend and what do i do about my "crush?" Please help me!!!!!!

If you like your friend and think you may want to give him a chance then I say go for it. It probably won't hurt your friendship, because you are really good friends and since you are so young it won't be that serious. When I was in 8th grade, I stayed friends with all of my ex's. But if you feel like you like your crush more, then I think you should just tell your friend that at this moment a relationship wouldn't be in your best interests. Then try talking to your crush and see where you stand with him, basically just go with who you think you will be the happiest with.

Hope I Helped.

Q: my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 4 months, and we fight all the time. and then in 1 of our fights, he just told me he didn't love me anymore.. and he said he didn't know because we hadn't seen each other in awhile, and i was like okay, when we see each other again, things will be fine. well, we saw each other, again, again, again, and he never said it. so i brought it up, he said it wasn't fair to me to tell me he loved me, and then tell me he didn't, so he needed to make sure. well, alot of things have happened anymore, he isn't the same as we were before, and we almost break up daily, and i cry all the time, and i bitch and complain to him alot too, mostly about not seeing each other and him not calling me. (because he never does and he told me he'd call me more) and, i really just don't know what to do, should i stay with him? should i throw in the towel? i never used to believe in heartbreak before, but now, i feel like he's ripping my heart out of my chest, it hurts so bad, but i love him so much. my family loves him and everything. i don't know if i will ever be the same after this.. i just feel like sleeping and never waking up. then sometimes i think, what would happen if i died, you know? like, how would he take it, would he even care i was gone? i just, i really need someone to talk to. and i need advice.

Relationships are one of the most difficult things in the world to be a part of, you have to be able to compromise and give to it. But if both parties aren't giving and you feel as though you aren't getting the attention you deserve then yes I think it's time to give up on it. But it's not my place to tell you that, you have to make that decision for yourself. I think you should sit down with your boyfriend and discuss where you both stand in the relationship, from what you told me there is no way that you guys are happy. I mean you say you fight daily and you never see one another and not seeing each other is hard enough, but then when you fight constantly about it it just maakes it worse.
It is also bad that you are actually thinking about dying, that is really really not a good sign. A relationship is supposed to make you want to live and make you happy, and if it's doing the opposite then maybe you guys just need a break from one another. When you sit down with him let him know that you really do care about him, but that you just aren't happy and you don't even feel like it's worth it. Get his feedback, maybe it would just be better for both of you guys if you just took some time away, so you could both think. If you guys think you are happier apart then stay that way, in the end you have to do what makes you happy. It may not seem like a good idea at the time, but if you are already doubting him and the relationship then you aren't going to regret getting away from it for a little while.

I Really Hope I Helped.
;]
Get Back At Me.

Q: HEy do guys get upset if a girl is really athletic and is really better than they are does that turn a guy away? And do guys hate when a girl is really competitive?

No I definatly don't think that all guys find it unattractive, some guys may indeed find it intimidating, but some like the challenge. I am one of those girls and I have always been great friends with alot of guys, most of which I dated at one point or another. You just have to find a guy who is up to the challenge and who is not easily intimidated.

Hope I Helped.

Q: my boyfriend of 8+ months, just recently told me last night that he needed 'space' we both were crying our eyes out, and everything was so depressing. i saw it coming because of all the fights we've been having, and things between us just don't feel the same. he says he needs until the end of the week to decide things for himself. we're still dating, but we don't talk anymore. and we won't for the rest of the week. i'm completely crushed. i can't eat or even think straight. i don't know what to do. i just keep crying. what am i supposed to think? are our chances of getting back together good? i just need opinions :(

'Breaks' or break-ups whatever you want to call them are the most devastating things that anyone can every go through, but the best thing for you to do is to try and keep going. You are so much more than the boy you are dating, yes he may have been a big part of you, but if he couldn't realize what an amazing catch you are then he isn't worth it. I know right now you may feel like your world is crumbling around and that nothing will ever be okay again. Depend on your friends alot, call them stay in touch, try not to pull away from them, they will be your strongest allies in this situtation. Try to stay positive in your mind, don't blame it on yourself, know that you did everything that you could to make this relationship work and thats all you can do. Here are some lyrics, ' love is like a puzzle when the pieces don't fit, there ain't nothing you can do about it.' All you can do is try you best, give them all the love that you can, and know that was all you could do.

I think that if you give him some space, then maybe things may turn out the way you want. When I broke-up with my ex I told him I needed space, but he just wouldn't let me be. He kept suffocating me and wouldn't let me think and it ended up badly and we broke-up, simply because he wouldn't let me have my space. Your boyfriend may just need sometime to think, so I think give him that space and maybe he will realize that you are amazing and that he really misses you and needs you.

As for what you can think, well I say think the best, because if you think the worst then the worst will happen. In these situations you have to keep your head up and stay positive, things will get better.

Hope I Helped.
If you want some follow-up you can email me, bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com

Q: my bf and I enjoy having sex. we both love it. but he knows what to say while we do it. like what he likes and what he wants and just naughty words. when i do it he loves it and goes crazy. i have never done that before with any guy. so i do pretty well from what he says but what else could i say i dont want to run out of things to say to him!

I totally understand what you mean, at first it's kind of intimidating because you are afraid you'll say something wrong and ruin it, but as you do it more you will become more comfortable with it. As for what to say, just go with the flow you won't run out and even if you do, he really isn't going to be that focused on what you're saying anyway, I mean there is a bigger thing going on then the simple dirty talk. Just keep talking, transition from talking quietly in his ear, to a little louder, you'll get the hang of it and things will be great.

Hope I Helped.

Q: my mom and dad are really strict. they dont want me dating or staying out with friends (guys or girls) till one in the morning.

but my bf (my parents dnt know he is) wants to go to vegas with me for 3-4 days. he already bought the tickets and its for august.

i want to go but what lie could i tell my parents so they let me go without them knowing im going to vegas and with a guy.

Okay not to seem like a negative nancy or anything, but this sounds like a really bad idea. What if you go vegas and something bad happens, then you have to call your parents, tell them, and then you will be in a heck of alot of trouble; plus Vegas is a very dangerous place.
How old are you?

I know it seems like your parents are just being old fashioned and trying to ruin your life, but they really love you and want whats best for you. I think you should talk to them about your boyfriend and show them that you are responsible. Now about staying out with your friends until 1 in the morning, it's called a curfew and parent the boundaries so that you will be safe. Plus most teenagers have curfew through the state anyway. I'm sorry if you don't like my advice I apologize, for being so forward about it.

Hope I Helped.

Q: In your opinion, how stupid are boys?

Well that depends on if you want the perspective of a girl or a boy. 90% of girls/women will say that boys/men are stupid, while 90% of men will say the opposite. That is one of the biggest opposing sex arguments.

Now, I am a 17 year-old female and I have to say that I don't think all guys are stupid. Yes, most make some really stupid decisions but that doesn't make the whole race stupid now does it. It just depends on the guy you are looking at. For example, my boyfriend is amazing and smart, though he does say/do something stupid things, but overall I love him and those quirks only make me love him more.

Long story short every guy is going to stick his foot in his mouth at one point or another, but if you love him and care about him then most of the time you just ignore it and move on. Just don't start expecting too much out of them, because they may just let you down. Most importantly, learn from your own experiences don't go by everyone elses' opinion ;]

Hope I Helped.

Q: so my boyfriend and i have been dating for 7 months now, and i was always very mean to him, just because i was truly scared of him breaking my heart. i would always threaten to break up with him just because i was scared that he would do it first, but i knew that i would never really break up with him because i love him, with all of my heart. well yesterday he was talking about a break up due to all the mean hurtful things that i sometimes say to him. well obviously it tore me apart and i literally begged for forgiveness. we came to the conclusion that we should trial date for a week and see how that goes.. and see if i can stop my mean ways, and if i can regain his trust.. just try to get back to normal again.. well i slept over his house last night and we had a conversation about how he does truly love me and how he still wants to marry me.. and i thought that this meant that we were back to normal and everything.. so we had sex.. twice.. well then today he tells me that he isnt sure about whats going to happen and that we still have alot of work to do before we're normal again.. he told me that theres still a chance that this wont work out.. and so here i am devastated.. and clueless as to what i should do.. any advice is greatly appreciated.

It's very common for you to be scared of a broken heart, especially if you have been through it before, but you have to learn how to be on the guard without completely shutting him out. It seems as though you really care about him and don't want to lose him, so I think that you need to focus on letting him in and stop saying hurtful things to him. Let him know that you are scared, let him know what you are feeling, and get his thoughts on it; relationships work so much better when the two of you can communicate to one another.

As for him saying it still might not work, I think that you hurt him by saying these hurtful things and now he is unsure if he wants to continue to be in a relationship with you, even if he does love you. In the next 'trial' week, I think you need to work hard to show him that you truly love him and care about him. Let him know that you are willing to let your guard down and let him in. Show him you trust him and have faith in your relationship, if you do I'm sure things will get better and you guys will last for a while.
But if things don't work out just remember that if he ends up in your past, keep him there. He was there for a reason and you will find someone that you care about and love and want to be with forever.

Hope I Helped.

Q: I am 21yrs my penis foreskin is uncircumscribed please tell me how to make the foreskin of the penis to go back to make the penis head come out?

Is there any problem with the uncut penis?
i am a healthy man

No, there is no problem with an uncircumsized penis. Except that you have to clean it more often and make sure to clean it well, as to avoid infection. Some people even believe that uncircumsized penis's grow larger than circumsized ones, now I don't know how much truth there is in that but there it is.

The only option I can give you is to get circumsized, that would remove the foreskin. As for other options, I'm not really sure there are any.

Hope I Helped.

Q: What should one do when he's falling out of love, and how does he go about doing that?

I fell out of love with my boyfriend of 3 years and it took me a long time to decide what I thought was best for all of us. I really wanted to avoid hurting him, but I had to realize that I was miserable in the relationship and it wasn't fair to him.
The best thing for you to do is let your partner know, tell them that you have changed and you just don't feel about them like you used to. Sit them down and tell them the truth, don't beat around the bush because the longer you are with them the longer you are leading them on and the more it's going to hurt them in the long run. But before you do anything make sure that you KNOW that you are unhappy and have fallen out of love. In the long run you have to do what makes you happy and not base that decision on anyone elses feelings.

Hope I Helped.

Q: This is going to be hard to honestly grasp but I'll try to explain the best I can. I left a boyfriend of almost two years to be with someone else. I didn't fall madly in love with this someone else at first because I hung on to feelings for my ex and it did come between me and my new boyfriend a bit. He also had his ex of a few years in the background every once in awhile too. Well we never truly let it come between us we always seemed to stay inseperable because we wanted to get through everything together and just be together. I moved out to Utah for him then he moved to Minnesota for me then finally I had to move back to Rhode Island where I'm from and he eventually came there for me too. This is where things went downhill. Things were weird between us and eventually it caused him to push me out of his life. It crushed me it made me realize how much in love with him I got to be and how much my ex was just a mere memory. He became distant and was always gone hanging out with "new friends" He was living at my uncles house at the time and finally when I was ready to just stop talking to him he called me crying. I later found out that he was secretly with this girl for a few weeks and they had sex and what not and apparently he loved her? He told me he thought he did. This is where I literally started to go crazy. We always promised each other that we would never rush into anyone else and that we would never have sex without love because we are two very passionate people. I was disgusted at him for basically cheating on me emotionally because we were still basically very close and together in a way. and disgusted at him for wanting me back all of a sudden. I eventually gave in because He was my everything. We tried but there was always a problem after that. I was a jealous scared wreck...do you blame me for being scared of him up and going off with another girl because that wasn't the first time... he kissed a different girl before that even happened the first day they met... I started to view him as any other guy instead of the person I was so passionate about. He had complete control over me though he was throwing my heart around telling me he loved me and then being cold and careless. At one point he told me he didn't want to care about me anymore. but then he'd go back to i love you i love you. I always fell into his love trap and we would end up having sex and then breaking up again. He was good at making me feel like it was my fault but I know I was doing everything for him. The girl he cheated on me with is now back in Rhode Island and told me that hes been telling her as well that he loves her. It hurts so much. I feel so used and worthless over him. I wanted to die 3 times in the last two months. We are finally just not going to talk anymore but I don't know how to do that. I really need advice on how to get over someone like this he used to be so perfect so into me so passionate. His smile used to be so sincere. We experienced so much together so much. Hes letting her back into his life but he says as a friend it kills me. I'm scared of not being able to ever trust again. I feel so alone. We were together for a year. I'm 17 and hes turning 20 in 3 months.

It seems to me that he really didn't care about you as much as you thought he did, he may very well have cared about you, but probably only as a friend. I was with a boy for 3 years and moving on after such a passionate and heartfelt relationship, but then things started to change between us. I finally realized that I would be better off without him, yes it was hard for the first few months but then I feel in love with a boy who completely takes my breathe away.

The first things that you have to do is get some hobbies, make plans with your friends, and stay away from this boy. He is probably going to keep trying to get back into your life, so keep your distance from him. And know that he was using you so you don't fall back into his trap. You also have to realize that not every guy is like him, when you find someone that you really care about you will slowly learn to trust again. Yes, it's probably going to take sometime but you'll get back into it.

Maybe this quote will help:
'Always have the strength to move on. And remember when
you do move on, what a blessing it was to have had
that person become a part of your life. Know that
they have impacted who you are today in some way
and because of them, you will be forever changed.'

Hope I Helped.

Q: Ok well im only 13/f and i get the feeling that i like NEED to have sex or something. is something wrong? and is there a way to "please" or 'fufill" this feeling?

No it's not wrong, you are simply going through puberty and your body is changing, your hormones are changing, everything is. A way to fulfill said desire would be masturbation.

Hope I Helped.

Q: Should middle schools give out condom

Truthfully, I think yes. I mean the kids are going to do it either way and I think it would be way smarter to educate them and give them the means to protect themselves. You can't really stop it if they are going to do it, so you might as well give them the tools they need to be safe in doing so.

Kids are having sex younger and younger, and if they can't get condomns then they are probably going to have unprotected sex, which puts them at a very high risk of contracting an STD or getting pregnant. Society promotes sex everywhere, so we might as well promote the ways to prevent the spread of STD's and pregnancy as well. We should educate the younger children, give them someone to talk to, and a means to get protection. If they are going to have sex, I would prefer they use protection and be educated rather than jumping in and screwing up royally.

Again this is really an opinion question and would be based on the certain communities response to the situation

Hope I Helped.

Q: What are signs that you're falling out of love with someone? And that someone's falling out of love with you?

When you are falling out of love you don't want to spend all your time with them anymore. You start spending more time away from them and though you may still care about them you realize that you don't have to be with them anymore. You want more for yourself and less for them. Things aren't the same as they used to be, when you were completely in love with this person. You know that your feelings for this person have changed and you want to move on to different things.

Thats some of the things you may be thinking, feeling, etc. and getting out of a relationship can be difficult, but I say if you are falling out of love get out quick because the longer you stay the more unhappy you get.

Hope I Helped.

Q: well i was just wondering how like everyone says that if you don't fight or have alot of bad times then its not a real relationship? but like i really like this guy, we're not technically dating but we both really like each other and i think he's gonna ask me out soon the next time we hang out, but we don't fight at all and we have so much fun together but we've never been in a fight yet. so my question is, is that normal? does it mean our relationship won't last because its not real? i kinda want a fight to come though because i want to see if he will still stay with me but i dont wanna like pick a fight, what should i do? thankss
16/f

I don't think that because you don't fight alot, you don't have a lot of bad times, and you enjoy each other that you don't have a real relationship. Now if you have dated for at least 6 months and you haven't fought at all thats a little strange. Every couple has small little fights, thats just normal, but if you don't then don't worry about it. Some couples may not get into their first fight for a lot longer than another couple, it just depends on your relationship and the people involved in it.

Don't listen to the sayings and such, if you believe that you really like this guy and that you want to be in a real relationship with him, then go for it. It depends on the two people in the relationship and if they want it enough then I think more power to them and they may just be happy. So I say go for it, if you want to try this guy then go for it. Do what makes you happy and you will always be happy.

Hope I Helped.

Q: i started dating this guy and its been almost a month.

hes really open with me and my family. he hasnt met my friends but im sure he'd be the same.

me on the other hand, im not shy because ive never acted this way. i can start a conversation with a toal stranger and go on for hours.

but when it comes to his friends or family, my mind goes blank and i just giggle or smile and thats it!

how do i get over this or what can i do to get over this? well i ever get over it?

he thinks im shy and afraid of what they will think of me. i honestly dont know?

Thats a perfectly normal reaction for you to have at first. Every girl is nervous when meeting a guys friends and family for the first few times. The first thing you can do is when you are around his family and friends be conscious of the way you are acting, and attempt to open up and talk to them. I'm sure they will like you, if you give them a chance to get to know you. Just be confident about who you are and be yourself.

Hope I Helped.

Q: What do you do when the person you like a LOT is talking to WAY prettier girls? Do you keep liking them and pursue them anyway? Or just give up? :(

First of all, looks aren't everything and if you think you aren't good enough for him then you have already failed. Confidence and personality, those are two of the most important things to remember when approaching your crush. If you seem confident in yourself and show your true personality he will respect that and like you more. If you seem like you are unsure of yourself and fake, he won't like you. Guys don't want to date girls who need reassurance all the time, they don't want to have to tell you like a million times your beautiful, you should know your pretty, who cares what anyone else thinks. Be yourself around him, guys like that.

Second, if he is all that wrapped up in a girls' appearance then you deserve 100 times better than that.

Hope I Helped and Keep Your Chin Up.

bio

I am a 19 year old female. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet. I am funny. I am free-willed. I am a lover. I am a friend. I have been through alot & many people call me their guru. & I will try to give you the healthiest advice possible. I may be young but I have a lot of life experiences in many areas, and since my career will be giving advice I figured I'd give a head start. I can be blunt and will give you my honest opinion, although I will do it in a nice way.
I am married to an amazing guy, we have been together since my Junior year & we can't be happier. I have 2 dogs & they are my babies, life wouldnt be the same without them. I am going into my 2nd year of college, I plan to get a degree in Radiology.

I am currently really busy in my life but I will answer any and all questions that are sent to my inbox. I do my best to get on & answer as many questions as possible whenever I am on. If you wish for me to answer one of your questions please submit them. Thanks.