koshii's advice column

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Q: i want a lion 4 a pet
how do i get it without joinin the circus

You aren't allowed to have one because they are exotic and illegal.

Q: im such an idiot. Ive quit smokin even though there ciggerates in my locker and i havent have a shot or any liqur in like 2weeks. ive stop cuttin and everything. Until today. my mom wont quit yellin at me for stuff that i did do or didnt so i cuttin my side it really bleeding. Im like on my 6th paper towel but its slowing down. My life is screwing up again i dont think i can survive another downfall. Thanx for listenin bye
*dead soon*
p.s. ive seen a consular and they sux, they make life worst

Your home life sucks and so does mine. External help is not always the answer. I hate to preach, but have you looked into spirituality, meditation, or some way of expressing your spirit? I am not talking about church or "getting religion" because that isn't always the answer. If you have some quiet time to yourself, I suggest you find a private spot outside or some where you dont' have bad mental associations. Take a candle or a marble or something you like, a little trinket that makes you feel all right, and just think about it. Think about nothing, or about wind, or about how spring is moving around, the feel of your clothes on your skin, or sleep, or talk to yourself quietly about the things you like and what you'd like to do someday.
This is what got me through the worst years of my life. It hasn't improved much with my family, but my mind is much stronger because I have trained myself that my destiny is my own, and the negative hateful things my family say to me have no base in reality.
If you'd like any further guidance on things of this nature, considering I can't change your family's perceptions of you; only try to help you change your own perception of yourself; contact me if you'd like some sites about things to meditate on, or various spiritual sets of ideas that may make you feel better.

Q: me and my best freind are more than friends! the otherday we were in the skool bathroom and were fingering, and licking each other! i really love her A LOT!!! tonight we r going to go to her house and have sex. we already have 4 dlidos and 2 vibrators. are we wrong? we have lots of fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lezbo lezlie

Girls just wanna have fun.

Don't get caught at school... the authorities get pretty anxious about that sort of thing.

Q: am i weird? i masterbate with anything and everything i can. ( and electric toothbrush, stuffed animals, my dog, ext.) heve i crossed the line?

Humans don't seem to have much of a line when it comes to sexuality. Try as you might, as creative as you think you're being, there is someone who's named it as a fetish and has a Yahoo group about it. As extremely odd as you think you are, there are twelve thousand people who are making you look pathetically tame. You're not trying very hard! Anything you think up is NOTHING compared to what people have, and do, come up with. Trust me.

Q: ok im 128lbs im 5'6 and in 8th grade. at our school we do swimming and i want to look good in my stomach area when i wear a bikini PLEASE PLEASE HOW DO I LOSE WEIGHT IN THAT AREA IN 3 WEEKS?????????IV TRIED NOT EATING AS MUCH AND IV TRIED DIETS BUTI NEED TO LOOK GOOD IN 3 WEEKSPLEASE HELP NOW!

You won't. You can't, without seriously detrimenting your health. If you're 5'6 and at 128, you're fine. Don't complain until you're over 140. Then we'll talk.

Q: Ok well see i started my period like a monthe or two ago and now im on my third mothe but i havent had my period since the frtst month even though my first period went two days into the 2nd month is somehting wrong(i didnt have sex either)

Probably not. Just leave it alone.

Q: I'm 13 years old and I have a 2.5 inch long penis when it gets a boner. If I asked any of you women out there, would you suck it?

No.

Q: What is the meaning of life?

42.

Q: Why do you keep telling people that hymens grow back all the time like cuticles? This is not true. Please do some research. For instance, look at this site: http://www.teenhealthfx.com/answers/851.html It, and many others, will tell you that a hymen cannot grow back.

Wow, you are smart about hymens. I guess now I'll take better care of mine since it's not a renewable resource! Poor precious priceless and irreplacable hymen, the crown of my being and the only reason I have worth!

Q: ok i have been playing soccer for 7 years is there a chance my hymen could have torn already because i was reading a sex questions and one person answered that if you are active in sports that your hymen has already torn? ALSO WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE AFTER THE HYMEN HAS TORN? i want to know if mine has torn or not

It doesn't feel like anything, and it's not important really. It's just a membrane, and it grows all the time like nail cuticles, so if you had sex and then did not for a while, it would grow back. Soccer and sports don't have any bearing on your vagina unless you really had some odd accident, which hasn't happened here. The hymen is extremely overplayed and is really amazingly unimportant. It's just a part. You can't feel it, some people don't even have one, and don't worry because it's not made of freaking diamonds.

Q: i have been bleeding now for over a month.
I also bleed a little when i have sex?
but the blood dosent look like normal period blood it is a lot darker.Could i be pregnant?
thanx i would like some advice please.. from sam

It's possible you are having a slow and reluctant period. The longer the blood stays inside you the more it congeals and it will get to a dark color. I doubt you're pregnant unless you have missed a period earlier and now your body is rejecting the pregnancy in a self-abortion. It is very dangerous for you to bleed so long, the least of which is becoming anaemic. Eat some beef, spinach or green vegetables at once, or take Iron vitamins, or you could be at a bad risk from losing so much blood. Call a doctor. My friend had this problem, and she wound up with cysts on her ovaries that may make her sterile for the rest of her life. Get to a medical professional before you get very sick.

Q: me and my m8 are both meeting up wt our bfz on Friday nite and they wanna finger us. this is our 1st time bein fingered. How is it menna b down below, hair,shaved!? AND wot are you menna do wen they r doin it 2 u? pull/make noises??? is it menna b wet or dry plz help !!!!
b4 friday!!!! thanx xxx

It took me nearly five minutes just to read this, and then I had to get my thirteen year old sister to translate, so I am really wondering what's going on here, age wise.
Make sure these people don't have nasty things on their hands, like herpes, or bogeys, or food, or mud, or crap from scratching their bums, or dog hair, or snail juice, or whatever. Keep an eye on your own health and don't get too excited. They probably don't know what they're doing, either.
*sigh*.

Q: wtf is a girly girl...
and guys like all the "pretty" girls and they could care less if they were smart, nice, and have a good sense of humor.. "SOME" guys think that...

Wtf yourself. Girly girls are the ones who squeal and act immature, giggly and clingy. Boys, yes, like things that give them visual titillation, and this is why dating is pretty much all the same path for about ten years unless you're mature enough to break out of it and so is he. There ARE males who are human enough to care whether a potential mate can talk in a straight line or not, and those make good friends and good lovers. I guess you've made up your mind, though. Don't let me improve your life, for gods sake.

Q: There is this kid at my school, I feel so much more than a "crush" I feel a feeling I've never felt before I wrote his name on my hand one night just out of the blue.. I alway see his face, and when I dont see, it comes back.. its like hes haunting me.. I love him so much.. I just dont have the guts to ask him or to tell a friend.. He is is like the oxygen I need to breathe! He is the perfect one I've been looking for... And if I ever got my chance I wouldn't want to lose him!
What does this all mean? What do I do? Im so confused!!

Raven

No, trust me, it's a crush. If he doesn't return your love and you don't interact, it's a crush. You will either get over it on your own, or something will happen between you (good or bad). Just try to be yourself and not a horrid lovesick puppy. Nothing turns a guy off faster than a girly girl.

Q: I think Im losing alot of weight, but I am or was 90 pounds and Im 11.. and now thes epants that fit dont fit anymore.. I dont like to eat for some reason.. I once skipped lunch in school.. and plus i heard from a teacher the lunch ladies dont wear gloves nor hair nets.. Its awful! I only drank milk that day.. and people keep saying I look skinnier, IM not anerexic and I dont wanan be I try to eat as much as I can! But I dont like food.. Its kinda hard to explain...

Raven

It doesn't matter really how much you weigh, it's how tall you are and how much muscle you have. At eleven, you're still growing like mad (I remember horrible growing pains in my knees at night that would make me cry to sleep) and if you don't get enough vitamins and things, you could harm your organs later on. Iron is very vital to your reproductive health, and calcium is needed to fill the gaps in the bones you're growing. 90 pounds doesn't sound overwight to an 11-year old to me. If you can't stand the thought of school food or whatever's at home, try out new foods. There are all sorts of fantastic exotic foods that may tempt your palette. Once you find something you like, you will feel just fine again. Be very careful not to abandon food completely because you need it, remember!

Some of my favorite "exotic" foods are Indian curry, sushi, mexican food, pita bread with ham and lettuce inside, bagels with cream cheese and salmon, and stir-fried veggies. experiment until you find something new and tasty you like.

Q: im always expecting the guy to stay with me for a long time. i want a long time relationship...im only 13. im homeschooled so i cant date a bunch of guys. theres hardly anyone my age around my house and if there is they are all drug and/or sex addicts! i hate this! i need to be more...kidish. i flirt alot but it doesnt seem to help. what should i do?

Thirteen year old boys barely know whether girls are yucky or sexy at that age. If you do find one that sticks around, I guarantee it will take sex to keep him that way, and thirteen is no age to be scrumping. Put your desires on hold for a while until the male population ripens. You will find someone eventually if you're a tolerable person. Flirting will only attract perverts which could be dangerous. I hate to say it, because I would have hated to hear it at thirteen, but relationships are going to suck badly for about three years.

Q: i meet guys of the net becaue i am unable to make real friends in person. I meet this last guy on the 5th december for sex . We got to no each other b4 this and got on well. NO i cart help but real used. I have my personal reasons for wanting to meet friends of line butno he says it was just about sex and he likes me but y did he get so close and next min i could b his dream girl what is he playin at? im just so confused i thought he was mr right hes such a great guy

I think you just answered your own question. When you approach a male and he KNOWS it's solely about sex, you are fulfilling his most base fantasies. Every boy's dream is to have a sex partner without any responsibility. You are a piece of hot meat to him. sorry. When you approached him that way, his mind was set. He will say anything and everything just to get back into your pants. Have no doubts about that.
Yes, you are being used. everything he says to you is trying to get you naked. If you're okay with that, go ahead. If not, ignore him and move on.

Q: Hi im one of your fellow advice columnist!
I'm asking this question because i'm desprete! (no offence) My mom has this hatrid for schools and so i'm home schooled but I don't get taught anything! Some of you may think this is great but I want to go to collage and my mom is excepting me have my GED when I turn 16 which is in 2 years. My mom says thats its my responsability to remind her to teach me. Its just that I don't like to remind her because all she does is give me the same stuff to that she has been giving me for the last 6 years. My mother REALLY depressed and I am having a hard time with her. this year when school starts I should be in 9th grade and in high school but I amm really scared about what to do! because if the state knew that I'm not getting any schooling they would take me away. I mean I'm getting to the point to where I'm going to tell the state. Please don't tell me tell my mother to put me in school because I have done that MANY times and trust me my mom isn't pretty when she is mad.
I have taught myself to read and write play the piano and many other things that I could learn to do in school. I am very advanced in piano and I write poetry and I have one that is published and I have storys published in magazines too. i am very good at cooking and baking. sewing.
So you see I'm not stupid but I cant go any futher now. I NEED to be in school.
I really could use your advice! i really would like an aults point of veiw on this but will take anybodys advice.
thankyou you can e-mail me at kutekrushkat@yahoo.com

signed
not stupid

It is a federal law that children go to school, and if you want college, believe me, hold onto that dream. It's a fantastic and wonderful place. You must inform someone. Your mother is not providing the duties she is required to, and if you can take action, you absolutely must. It is your future that is in danger. You know that. She sounds like she's in the middle of some psychological problems, so this is a situation where you have to help yourself the first step. Authorities only want the best for you. Go ahead and tell someone.

Q: the car is running fine but i just bought it a couple of days ago. I don't think it means anything but i thought there was a general rule when it came on. the previous owner said it had come on a couple of times but went off. anything to worry about?

It could be a wiggly wire, in which case it really is the light that's broken, not the car. I'd keep an eye and an ear on it and make sure it's not having any problems, and if something goes a teeny bit wrong I'd have it checked just in case.

Q: I have a 1990 300ZX and the check engine light came on today and I do not have a manual. What does this mean for this vehicle?

Actually my fiance has a Corsica, and the Check Engine light appears to be broken--it's on all the time. :)
It could be a wonky transmission or exhaust system. When did you last have a tuneup? Try changing the oil and giving it a basic checkup, then take it to the shop if you notice anything odd in the noises, brake responsiveness, feeling when you push the gas, or vibrations that you're used to. The easiest way to tell if it needs help is by driving it enough to feel when something is a little bit off.

bio

People have been coming to me for advice so long, I might as well do this all in one spot. I watch a lot of unfathomable Japanese TV and drink a lot of coffee. I'm a freshly-hatched Illustration major, formerly trapped & dying in the American South, now busily teaching phrases to all of Nagoya Japan. I'm always on the lookout for more video games and sushi.
I have lots of interesting pets. Wanna see my beetle?