I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172848
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i have a girlfriend right now. ive been with her for 2 years. i love her to death. were both 20 years old. the thing is, shes the first girl ive been with. it doesnt matter to be because im really in love with her and i know i cant live without her. so ive been with guys all my life before her. the other night...i was at a party [she wasnt there] and this guy was all over me. he was SO CUTE. but i dont like guys. i dont think theyre bodies are attractive. just their faces i think? i have no idea! im so confused. ive been thinking about this guy all weekend. what is going on? i have no idea what to do.. i really like him. i also have a class with him a few times a week to make it a little harder for me to get him off my mind! :[ (link)
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Whether you decide to define yourself as lesbian or bisexual, the real issue here is your relationship. Do you want to be in a monogomous relationship with your girlfriend? If so, you're going to have to find a way to manage your attraction to this guy.
If you are seriously considering trying something with this guy, you'll want to think about the implications for yourself and your girlfriend. Open relationships don't work unless both people are happy with the idea, and messing around behind someone's back rarely has a happy ending.
It's totally normal to feel attracted to another person even when you are deeply in love with someone else. It's human. We can't switch off our sexuality just because our hearts are given away. This is something most people in longterm relationships need to deal with at some point, and you're the only person who can figure out what is most important to you.
I wish you the best.
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15/f
so me and my boyfriend just had sex yesturday. Only im not sure if its considered sex. I was a virgin and he wasnt. and his penis did go inside me but he didnt finish. It was taking a while and it kind of hurt and i was tired so we stopped. So i dont know if that counts or not.
help?
thanks (link)
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Virginity means different things to different people, but the conventional definition of a straight person losing their virginity is that they've had intercourse.
It doesn't matter if he didn't orgasm, or you didn't.
Things you may want to consider for next time - were you using lubricated condoms? This can make things less uncomfortable, particularly if you combine it with a water-based lubricant (other types can ruin the condom's effectiveness). Also, did you take enough time before the actual sex to get your body and mind 'warmed up'?
Sex and virginity is something unique to how you perceive it. Even though you've now had sex, you can still change you mind and decide you no longer want to - or you can choose to continue.
I wish you the best.
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One of my friend's brother or step-brother, I can't remember which, tries to rape her every night.
She first told me about it a week ago, and I told her that she has to tell someone that she can trust immediately. Well, she told me that she's told her parents and the school counselors, but no one is doing anything about it.
I really hate to see her like this because she deserves so much better, is there any way that I can help her out? (link)
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Professionals have the legal duty to inform other services if someone tells them about something this seriously. If your friend has actually told the school counsellor and nothing has happened, then she has not been offered a good service.
You may want to offer to go with her while she tells another professional - a teacher she likes and trusts, for example. This can be a really hard thing to share with someone, but your offer of support might help her. Her other options include writing a letter to a teacher asking for help.
You may also want to research your local Social Services department - these are called different things in different areas. Your friend should be able to phone them (or you can phone them, if you are concerned), explain the situation, and get help. If there are local drop-in services for young people in your area, the professionals there should also be able to offer support.
I wish you both the best.
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How do i know when im ready for a cupped bra size? I wear like those cami-cut off bra things now but everytime i wear a shirt i can see my nipples. Does this mean i should start wear cupped bras??
What's the smallest bra out there??
help me. any answer is greatly appreiciated. (link)
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There are loads of great internet sites that tell you very specifically how to measure what bra size you are. An even better option is to have a professional fitting - this is free at any good store that sells bras!
A fitting will tell you your size, what bra type/style you will find best, and also give you the chance to be waited on hand and foot. These women are professionals who can answer your questions about whether you need to consider a different type of bra.
The fabric of any bra - whatever style - can have a big effect on whether or not your nipples are visible. You may want to consider a thicker fabric, especially now that winter is fast approaching!
I wish you the best.
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14/f
i think i'm gay.
i've been thinking about it a lot lately and really think i am. like ok when all the girls in like fifth grade started liking guys and getting "boyfriends" i was just never interested. i know that could be normal for a kid but still. and like when i'd play with barbies or some doll like that with my friend a long time ago she'd have the boy and girl kiss, ha i'd have the two girls kiss mostly. and now my friends always sit around saying how hot guys are and i just sit there you know? i'm normally thinking about the girl nowadays. i've gone out with guys but it just never felt right to me. i alwyays felt uncomfortable.
but what i don' get is how on the internet most lesbians say they knew when they were like 7 or 10. i'm just now starting to realize it. maybe it's hormones? but i think it's more than that. maybe everyones different? what do you think? what should i do?
-anyone who answers thanks. =] (link)
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Sexuality is a tricky thing. Some lesbians do claim to have known from a very early age, while other women might not realise until they are well into their forties, fifties, or beyond!
All of these are normal.
People are socialized from a really young age to be heterosexual - this means that it's the 'normal' thing, the expected thing, etc. This can make it difficult to realise what your feelings might mean.
The only one who can define your sexuality is you. If you feel like you might be a lesbian, stay open to that and just see where your body/mind/heart lead you. It's quite normal to begin to question your sexuality in the teen years, as sex becomes a much bigger part of awareness.
One other thing to keep in mind is that many lesbians who do not come out (to themselves or others) until their twenties or thirties can look back on their childhood/teen years and suddenly 'see' they were gay from a young age...forgetting that at the time, they had only a vague idea or no idea at all!:)
I wish you the best.
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i am a young 18 year old girl.. i had a misscarrage about 3 months ago and i was 3 months pregnent.. the doctor at the time said it was naturl and women have then everyday and that its not my fault but that i am furtile and i am able to have children.. i do smoke and i did smoke while i was pregnent,, but i seem to think only myself that i pee from the big hole,, like i know where everything is,, and i have looked and shaowd me bf's mom lol and everything,, they all just laugh at me and think i am crazy.. but the question i have is can you pee from the big hole?/ is it normal if you do?? and i at all i could be peeing from that whole did it kill my baby??
Thankx Shay-z (link)
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There are three holes on the female body. One for poop, one for pee, and one for menstrual blood/sex/babies. Each has its own specific job, and they do not mix.
Your urethra (where the pee comes from) is a teeny, tiny hole that is very difficult to see. Nevertheless, that is where your pee is coming from. This did not have anything to do with your miscarriage.
Miscarriages happen for a variety of reasons, and many women go on to have heathly pregnancies after a miscarriage. They can be really traumatic, so I would encourage you to think about counselling as a way to speak about what has happened.
I wish you the best.
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so when i masturbate i can only orgasm if i use a vibrator thing.. like fingering myself doesnt feel good to me at all.. is that normal? (link)
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Most women find it is easier to reach orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris, rather than 'fingering' or putting a finger (or more) into the vaginal canal.
It is not uncommon to have difficulties reaching orgasm if you are not touching your clitoris.
Whatever works for your body is normal and natural for you. Everyone is different and likes different things, and as long as you aren't harming another person, you're good to go.
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OKAy so Im 14 F and i masturbate alot. i even try looking for porn. to me it's a new feeling and is sort of weird b/c ive nevr had a boyfriend before.. I don't think my other friends do this. and I think from masturbating so much my vagina has become wrinkly? and elongated? I went to the gyno to see if it was normal and she said it looked fine to her. I was embaressed to even have to go to her for help. And im afraid for when im ready to have sex that the guy might be grossed out about how it looks. Is this normal?
please help (link)
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First of all, how wonderful that you went to your gyno when you had a concern. That shows a real respect for yourself, and I think that's great!
Masturbation is normal, and though your friends may not talk about it, many of them have probably tried it. This can be new to people in their pre-teens or teens, but adults masturbate as well. It's normal.
Masturbating will not change the way your vagina looks. If you do it a lot, or roughly, it might make you a bit chafed or sore, but a few days' break will sort that out.
Vaginas are a lot of skin - it's normal for the lips (medical term: labia majora) to look wrinkly, particularly when a woman is not aroused. When a woman IS aroused, blood can flow into the area and make things less wrinkly.
I like to think of vaginas like fingerprints - no two are the same. And it's supposed to be that way! Your vagina can have different sizes, shapes, colours - like it's own little personality. It's worth getting to know how you look and feel, as this can increase positive feelings towards your body.
No guy is likely to judge you based on your vagina's particular style - and if he did, I would suggest he probably wasn't worth keeping around.
Keep on taking care of yourself and your health, and enjoy your fabulously unique self.
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I'm 17 and my boyfriend and I were at the beach about 2 weeks ago. we were fooling around a little bit but we weren't having sex and for a really brief moment i was straddleing his errection. we were both wearing bathing suits but there were kind of wet. Now i'm 3 days late on my period. is there a good chance somthing could have happened due to that. we havnt had sex all month just that one instance stands out in my mind. I'm also really stressed and iknow that can contribute to the length of a menstraul cycle. help (link)
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As I've said before, any time sperm enters a vagina, there is a chance of pregnancy.
The word 'chance' is the key thing here. I would never advocate not protecting yourself when engaging in sexual activity, but when worrying about pregnancy it's worth remembering that all situations are not equal. Your chances of being pregnant from this encounter are minimal.
If your period has not arrived after a week, you may want to buy a pregnancy test, read the instructions carefully, and take it. If you need further info about tests, feel free to get in touch.
In the meantime, it might be worth considering what, if anything, you would do differently the next time you were in this situation.
I wish you the absolute best.
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Before you press the "Back" button to answer another question, please take this seriously. I know that almost every day, a 13 year old girl asks about being pregnant. This is different.
Oh, and please don't judge me.
I am a 17 year old guy. Before this weekend, I had never done anything sexual with anybody. This weekend, me and one of my guy friends (he is 17) had oral sex. I asked him before if he had any STD's or AIDS, and he said no because some his other partners were virgins before he met them, but he later told me that some of them were not. He has had a sexual relationship with 4 other people.
I am really scared. I need to get tested for STD's and AIDS. I want to do it tomorrow after school at Planned Parenthood. I looked at their website and it says that they do STD and AIDS testing. I'm just worried about getting tested. Will they tell my mom because I'm a minor? I have money from my job that will pay for the testing, but I can't show proof of insurance or anything. Is that okay?
Is it too soon to get tested if I had oral sex today and want to get tested tomorrow? How long will it take for the results to come, and how accurate are they?
I live in Georgia.
Thank you so much. You have no idea how truly scared I am and thankful that you read this. (link)
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Okay, breathe. This is scary, but there are lots of ways you can support yourself.
It's great you are going to go get testing. Laws on confidentiality vary, so before you confide anything in a professional, ask them what is and what is not confidential. Then you can make an informed choice about how much to share.
Many larger communities also offer anonymous sexual health screenings.
The thing is, many STDs (including HIV) have a hibernation period. You might test negative for HIV, only to test positive three months later (the test is looking for antibodies to the virus, and most people will develop these within three months of contact, though some people take as long as six months to have a detectable amount). Unfortunately, you can't change what has happened - you need to find a way with coping with waiting. Your Planned Parenthood might offer ongoing counselling - or perhaps one session might be enough to help you manage.
Planned Parenthood offers sliding scales, and other local services do as well - if not free, depending on where you live.
Get tested now - sharing your concerns and asking whatever questions you need to ask. Make an appointment to get tested again in three months time. Use condoms every time you engage in sexual activity until then.
If you are HIV and STD negative, it's still a good idea to use condoms. As you've learned, partners wanting sex are not always honest. Hopefully you'll be negative for any STDs. Don't let this one bad scare put you off future relationships - sex can be a wonderful thing, too. It's just scary as well, particularly when health risks are present.
I wish you the best.
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Hello, I am a 35 year old female.
I need to loose around 60 pounds in a reasonable time. I'm going to eat right and exercise, but I would also like to take some safe, healthy and effective, diet pills.
So if any of you know good diet pills that are safe and healthy, also dieting and exercise plans too! I don't have any heart promblem. I will be going to the doctor and requesting diet pills but I would just like to know alittle about the best before hand.
I'm 230 pounds and 5 ft 6 in.
(35/f)
Thanks so much! (link)
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Even if there was such a thing as a safe diet pill, I question how helpful it would be. When you stopped taking the pill, what would happen then?
Losing weight isn't about quick fixes, though I think most people wish it was! There's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthier, but if you want to be healthy you have to act healthy.
There are plenty of local face-to-face support groups for people who are trying to lose weight. I've personally lost 54.5 pounds in the last year, and it hasn't been too taxing or terrible. It's about eating less unhealthy stuff, and moving around more. For me, it was also about being really ready.
Your doctor will probably offer you great advice, but I think you can't beat the support of other people - whether this at a major company's smaller meeting, or in one-to-one counselling. Or even joining an online version - forums and emails can be very motivating as well.
I wish you the best.
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I have been told that if a guys sucks on ur nipple or play with your breasts, then your breasts will get bigger. Is this true or just a myth? (link)
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There's no coincidence that people start exploring sexually when they are teenagers - this is a period when your hormones allow you feel more sexual excitement than when you were younger, but's it is also a time when your body is growing.
Female breasts can grow for a long time. They generally grow for about four years after puberty begins (you get your period about halfway through puberty). The only coincidence is that your breasts happen to be growing at a time when you are likely to be messing around with people.
People touching your breasts does not make them bigger. Your nipples will temporarily become erect or more puffy, but this does not last. The only things that will naturally determine your breast size is your body weight, your genes, and your period - your breasts are likely to increase in size just before your period, and then go back to normal once it arrives.
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Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them? (link)
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People can be addicted to all sorts of things, although the word 'addition' is used to describe a lot of things that aren't actually addiction.
If I was working with a client who said they wanted to be counselling forever, that would actually give us a lot of stuff to work on. Anything is 'grist for the mill' when it comes to counselling!
If someone felt that strongly about counselling, it would be helpful for them to look at what needs the counselling was meeting. For example, it might be the only place they feel safe or cared for. If that's the case, you can understand how it would be scary to leave that behind.
Let me know if you need anything more specific!
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Hi this is really embarrassing i hope you can help
im 18 and ive never been with a girl or had a girlfriend mainly because my penis is very small
its only just on 3 inches long im just too embarrassed to have a gf or commit to a relationship im worried they might laugh or just wont want to be with me so what can i do?
do girls care about size that much? (link)
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I'm not sure if you mean three inches while your penis is hard or not. If you mean while it's erect, then yes. You are smaller than average.
I won't lie to you. Size matters to some women. But to others, sex with a larger man might be painful or uncomfortable - one size does not fit all.
Women are less likely to be worried about your penis size, and more worried about how you treat them. They'll be looking for consideration, honestly, and fun! Your penis is only a very small part of who you are, even in relation to sex. You've got more to offer than a bit of flesh between your legs - you've got tongue, mouth, hands, and on and on.
Why would you want a relationship with a girl who would judge you so harshly? In reality, you are probably judging yourself much more than a girlfriend is likely to. And if you never try for a relationship, you're missing out on a lot.
I wish you the best.
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Just as the title says. I'm sexually frustrated. Not in that I simply don't get enough sex. I just can't have an orgasm from having sex. I have had sex enough to where I should be pleasured enough to have an orgasm, but I haven't. I really only can have an orgasm if I touch myself, or if oral sex is being given. I'm frustrated because I can't seem to figure out why I can't have an orgasm during sex. I've had to fake it every time. Is this something I need to talk to an Gynecologist about? I would like some advice and input. Help! (link)
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If you fake it, your partner will think that he/she is really pleasing you...and will therefore keep on doing what they are doing. This means that you are left always pretending to enjoy sex more than you really are.
Many women have difficulties having orgasms from penetrative sex. Most women can more easily have orgasms through oral sex or clitoral stimulation. So while your frustration is real, at least you know you are not abnormal or the only person with this problem.
Some of the techniques you use during masturbation might be helpful to teach to your partner - after all, the hope is that they would want to please you! Figure out what works for you and ask for it.
If your concerns continue, it might be helpful to have a chat with your gyno and share your concerns. Your doctor may be able to offer more practical advice, and has probably dealt with this question a lot.
I wish you the best!
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Hi i was wondering im a guy and i tried anal sex before and used a dildo.(and i used alot of lube) but it still kinda hurt and felt uncomfortable.how come it dont feel good for guys but all girls seem to like it? (link)
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This is something that is very individual, but guys actually have a built in advantage - stimulation inside the anus can press on the prostate gland, which can give a guy a spectacular orgasm.
I say 'can' because not every guy enjoys penetration. Some others require more time to get used to it, and it might be something they only feel like on a small number of occasions. This can also be influenced by how turned on you feel, if you are alone or with a partner, your confidence, etc.
Even if you decide this isn't for you, great for you that you tried it in the first place. Exploring what you enjoy (and discover you don't) can lead to a richer and more satifying sex life in the future!
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is there any possibility of me getting pregnant if i will be engaged in annal sex? thanks a lot! (link)
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Anytime semen (the stuff that comes out of the guy's penis when he has an orgasm) enters your vagina, there is a chance of pregnancy. With anal sex there can be a small chance that the fluid can drop down and ooze into your vagina, but it's tiny.
More importantly, anal sex comes with a risk of tearing. This mean you'll have wounds in your anus, with blood and semen as well. There is a huge increase in the chance of receiving (and passing on, as well) a sexually transmitting infection when you've got fresh tears and bodily fluids. Protect yourself and your partner by using condoms.
And for your own ease and comfort, you might want to consider buying a condom friendly water-based lubricant.
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how can you learn to read lips?
or is just a practice sort of thing (link)
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Being able to properly read lips is a demanding skill. Some deaf people that choose (or are educated) to community orally - meaning speaking and reading lips - can still have difficulties, and they spend their whole lives reading lips.
Hearing people take in all sorts of information when they speak with someone - lip shapes, the words being said, how the words are said, facial expressions, etc. This makes it more difficult to concentrate solely on the lips...and you might look a little weird if you suddenly stopped making eye contact!
If you are interested in lip reading from a distance, this is even more difficult. I would suggest you going with your guy feeling rather than trying to pick out every word. You can learn a lot from watching people's body language, and there are a lot of great sites on the internet that offer info on this - though I think the best expert is always YOU. Your intuition is there for a reason, and it's probably based on a lot of small signals you aren't even aware of picking up!
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do you need a prescription for the morning after pill? (link)
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If you are in the UK, you do not need a prescription. You can simply walk into a pharmacist and ask for the morning after pill. Keep in mind it is most effective if taken within 24 hours of unprotected sex, and ineffective if taken more then 72 hours afterward.
You can access this pill for free and confidentially in the UK if you are a young person.
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I know this isn't really asking for advice, but the last few days I was just thinking about this and wondering why the people here joined.
I guess it is just out of pure curiosity. I would have just posted this in the moderator forum or in the supporter discussion, but I'd rather see why everyone joined rather than just those who have been here for some time and such.
So, why did you join advicenators and why are you still here? What about the site made you want to stay?
I'll probably be one of the first people to answer this (I'm not going to answer it in the question).
S_C
:] (link)
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I've been around for about three years, and I honestly can't remember how I found Advicenators. I had previously participated on a sexual health advice site, and it went under. So....I came here.
Unlike other people, I feel very comfortable giving sexual health advice info to young people. I do think there is a shocking lack of places young people can go for accurate, non-judgmental information, and I am very happy to be a source of support for people.
This is very close to what I do 'in real life,' only a lot less demanding. I find it really enjoyable to come here, poke around the forums (if not ever actually type anything!), and answer some questions. There are a lot of terrific advice givers on this site, and I continue to be impressed by them!
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