Ivy921's advice column

askIvy921

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Q: I have changed a lot ever since my dad died. I have become sad. Like not just sad, but like "depressed" I don't know if I am, but I'm afraid that I am. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning and have to push myself to even sit by my friends. When I am with my friends I try to laugh and smile to make it so that they don't have to see me this way, but I can't do it much longer. My grades are dropping and my parents don't suspect anything yet. I don't want them to know, they don't really understand. I don't feel comfortable talking to my mom because she cries every time i talk about him, and my step dad... well I just can't talk to him. I don't like my councilor, besides, he would talk to my mom and step dad. I can't talk to my grandmas or aunts, I just don't know what to say. My boyfriend would understand, but we aren't that far in the relatiopnship. So I don't know if he would be comfortable, it might scare him away. My father died 3 years ago, I don't know why it is just starting to bug me now. My whole life is confusing! Can you help with any of it? thanks for whatever you can do in advance!

I'm so sorry about your dad and how you are feeling. I think this is pretty serious what's going on. I think what is probably making matters worse is the fact that you feel that you can't talk to anyone and that is making you feel more alone.
I know that your mom gets upset each time you talk about him, but with the way you feel and what is going on at school she needs to know regardless of if you think it will upset her or not. But if you feel like you can't have a one on one discussion with her, talk to one of your favorite teachers, or counselors or even your best friend's mom first then you all maybe can talk together.
I know you may not want to hear this, but you may be suffering from depression. That is not to say there is something wrong with you or that you are crazy... that isn't the case at all. Its natural to feel like this and its also hard when it feels like its been so long and you should be 'over it' by now. But a person is going to feel how he or she is going to feel and there is no time line. But admitting to your feelings and getting help is a good first step.
Good luck and keep me posted. I do hope everything works out for you.

Q: I'm horribly apprehensive about my up soming Bat Mitzvah!! I have prepared a very long speech about what i learned in hebrew school. Thats not what im nervous about though. I'm nervous about the hebrew reading (which is actually written in transliteration). I get nervous and start shaking. Sometimes I get so nervous that I talk really fast and slur my words. I don't want to mess up a day that is all about me!! How can I gain some CONFIDENCE in myself!! I'm so gunna screw up!!

You won't screw up-you are going to do great! I remember with mine (that was a while ago, but I never forgot this) I totally forgot one of the tunes for the chants. I FROZE. but i took a deep breath, and the rabbi hummed it a bit quietly next to me and i went along and did fine. The thing is everyone there is there because they are your family or friend and loves you, and is rooting for you no matter what. And if you make a mistake, big deal, just keep going and try not to let it get to you, it will still be your parents proudest moment and you should be proud too with all the work you did for it. Mazel and keep me posted.

Q: In the mornings, I only eat a bowl of cereal and milk. I need more protein in my first meal of the day, but I don't know any quick protein rich things that are easy to whip up when I'm still half asleep. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

make some hard boiled eggs the night before. pretty easy to grab one in the morning. or a piece of cheese.

Q: hello my name is ally and i am 23 and married for last 4 month.
i would like to know if a women does not gets her mensuration (monthly periods)in any of the month then how many days does it takes to know her that she is pregnant.....n whats is the measure to confirm that she is pregnant.

thanks

take a test that you can get at a drug store about 3-5 days after the time you thought you should get it. if that test comes back positive, go to the doctor, if it comes back negative and you still don't get your period, you still may be pregnant or something else may be up and call your doc too.

Q: Do you think if I cut out all sodas would I lose about 5-7 lbs in 2 weeks? I usually drink about 1-2 sodas a day, but I am not overweight or anything I am 5'5 and 110 lbs. I would just like to lose about 5 lbs or so. Also I hear people say to even cut diet soda out? I thought diet soda was okay to drink b/c it has no calories, how could I benefit from not drinking diet either?

first of all with your height that is really a great weight, even maybe a little underweight. the reason why people say diet soda isn't great is all the sodium it has it makes you retain water. water and low sugar fruit juices are the healthiest, but diet soda is ok in moderation.

Q: My friend is turning 16 next week and she just found out that shes pregnant.. her boy friend isnt tlaking to her right now and she thinks hes an asshole now. Her mom kinda has a feeling that she is btu doesnt exactly know. Shes coming over in a couple hours and i have no clue what to do how do i comfort her what do i do? please help...

Just be there for her and let her talk about what she feels like. If she is in her first few weeks of pregnancy, on top of being really scared and sad about her boyfriend, she may also feel really tired and not feel well. The best thing to do is to be a friend and not to judge whatever she decides to do. also, make sure that she gets the proper medical care whatever she decides to do, and if that means talking to a trusted adult, then that may have to be the case.
good luck to you and her and keep me posted.

Q: but my friend is a chrisitan. He wants me to go to church with him every week, and im not all that enthusiastic. I feel guilty for even thinking about saying no because i get all self concious when i think of him thinking of me as a sinner. Anyways we were having a very good time at a footbal game and then we were talking about stuff and somehow the topic just came up about dying. He was like, no offense but if you died right now i think you'd go to hell. He was being really serious. Well, it depressed the hell out of me. Im a nice person, i dont try to judge people, i like to share, my morals are higher then anyone elses and then i get depressed because i cant live up to them. I was really hurt but i didnt let on. He wouldnt elaborate, he said we could talk about it on the phone sometime. Well, do you think it was right of him to say that? Or am i just being dumb? I cant help but feel like im some kind of 'project' hes trying to save...

You are not going to hell. That's ridiculous, because who is he to say? and if he's really that religious he knows he should not be judgmental. The fact that you are concerned about his feelings shows that you are a nice person. If he is making you feel bad or you feel trying to 'save' you, then maybe you need a break from this friend.
I know that religion is a popular thing to talk about and means a lot of things to a lot of people, but you are entitled, in fact its your right, to believe what you want to believe and not have others force their views on you and not judge you.
Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: Hey!!! I need SOOO much help!! Ok, well im gonna have my sweet 16 soon, and its gonna be HUGE! Well my question is, does anyone know a website to hire a celebrity to preform at a party???? PLEASE i need HELP FAST!!! Thanks soo much!! 5's if you at least tried!! :) ♥

Not the easiest thing since its probably really expensive. If you live near a major city, call a party planner in that town and see if they were able to arrange that for you. You can try and enter something through MTV or a local radio station but, I think that going the professional route and having party planners contact their managers is the best chance.

Q: Theres this guy and i really like him but i dont know if he likes me a couple of months ago we made out and hooked up like a month later it happend again.. he was a major player but for some reason i think he actually likes me now hes got a girlfriend and she is sorta my friend he purposely kisses her in front of me and touches her and all that stuff. I dont know if he likes her or not but hes been going out with her for like 4 weeks and he hasnt cheated on her yet and thats not usual with him.What should i do?

This guy sounds like trouble and you have such a serious crush that it sounds like this could be major drama. I would say try and look around and find someone else to be interested in. This solves 2 problems: you wouldn't be 'the other girl' if he decides to cheat and secondly, he'd probably get more interested in you the less attention you pay to him. Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: How should I ask a girl if she will go out with me?

Call her or see her around and start talking to her casually enough, see if you have something in common like a movie you both want to see and as her out. or if you mean not like in a date but to go together... hang out a lot, IM, have fun, talk, then ask her out. Girls sometimes don't like if a guy asks her out out of the blue. Good luck and keep me posted.

Q: In colleges do they have those crowded no privacy showers with a curtain or is it just one big room full of shower faucets and there is no privacy whatsoever and you are just out in the open with your naked self?

They have curtains, and walls, and sometimes even bathrooms that lock. Its not like some crazy sex place. don't worry.

Q: ohk so im freaking out because today i was going upstairs and my dad asked me if i ate and i told him yes in an attitude because lately i've been wanting to be alone. and he just annoy's the crap outta me cause he'll just stand there staring at me and being like what are you doing? its so frustrating. but anyways he started screaming at me he was like wtf is your problem nd i was like nothing why & he was like well look at your face your attitude. and we kept arguing and then he was like soon im going to have a long talk with you because i've been finding out of things you do and none of those are good. and i have proof so i know that they're true. and i havent told your mom yet cause she's sick.... so i was thinking about all the things i've done and i dont recall doing anything bad. and he also said ohh you need to fall off your high horse fast & crap and he also told me how he has connections and he's going to send me to some private school, im literally pissing my pants because im so worried please please help me gimmie advice or sumthing anything can and will help right now !!!!!!

You have to understand, he's under a lot of stress and probably doesn't know how to deal. If your mom is sick (I hope its nothing serious) he's probably stressed about that and he's probably sad because you two are growing apart. If, like you said, you haven't done anything wrong, then don't sweat it. He probably just said that in the heat of the moment and probably won't bring it up again. If he does, and you have a "talk" just try not to get mad and try and address his concerns in a calm way. That will make it a lot easier to deal with in the long run. In the mean time, I'm sure you are being fine and its ok to be alone, but he'll get off your case and you'll get along better if you maybe make more of an effort to be nicer to him.
Good luck and keep me posted.
_Ivy

Q: I was talking to my friend the other day. He was talking about how he was in a band in highschool. I asked him what year he graduated and it turned out to be the same year I was born. I started to laugh and when I told him his face went beet red and he couldnt look me in the eye.
I thought that because we are just friends that this was a strange reaction.
Do you think that maybe he has feelings for me as more than a friend? That would explain why he was embarressed.

That would explain it and that he felt old as well. Don't be surprised if he doesn't want to hang out much anymore... He may want to be with girls closer to his own age.

Q: 13/f. I recently asked a question concering weight loss sites. Now I am asking for help again. I want to lose 10 pounds by the end of the month. I am currently 5'0 and weigh 130 pounds. I play field hockey 5 days a week for 1 1/2-2 hours. I also cheerlead for 3-4 days a week for two hours. With that being said about how many calories should I take in a day?

My hunch is that you probably drink a lot of sports drinks at games and practice, many of which are just LOADED with sugar. Switch to water or low-cal low-sugar drinks. Also, for me, when I first started working out I thought that entitled me to eat whatever I felt like. Not True! Make sure you have lots of vegetables, proteins (like chicken or fish) and no cookies or chips. Try not to look at it like a crash diet but a change in your life that you can keep forever. Good luck and keep me posted!

Q: I truly love him but he's too high maintence. How do I just tell him easily but can we still be friends?

You have to sit him down and look him in the eye and break it off. Just do it in as nice as way as possible since he'll probably be pretty upset.
However, I'm sad to say that if a guy is too high maintenance, he may not want to be your friend if you break up with him. If he says he does, it will probably just an attempt to get back together with you. Tell him that you think you two need your space for a while, then maybe sometime down the road you can be friends.
Good luck. Let me know what happens!

Q: In the last week or so, my one guy friend started flirting with me. And on Friday he sat with me and my friend at lunch. He sat by me and kept flirting by me, but I wasn't really thinking of it as flirting cause I didn't think he liked me. Turns out that night when we were IMing each other I said something like who do you think I should go out with and he said me. And i was just like...? And he was like you know I'm serious didn't you notice me flirting with you at lunch today. Then he asked me out and I said yes. Like an hour later he IMs me right when I came back from being away and said hey (my name) i was thinking and I like another girl too. And I don't wanna be going out with you when I like another girl too. So sorry but i guess its over. Does anyone have any idea why he did that in the first place? Or if it was just a joke? Or what?

I'll rate for good answers!

I'm pretty sure he likes you still, but he freaked out. You are in different grades which can be scary for him and he may also be scared to lose you as a friend or worried about being teased about dating someone right now. I don't think it was a joke so don't worry about that. My advice, play it cool. Don't call or IM him but be nice and talk to him if you see him. Let him contact you first. He'll realize what's he's missing and in the mean time you can also maybe find someone grown up enough to like you back the right way. :) good luck.