nonamecat's advice column

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Q: well what does it mean when people say they are into bonding now...or bondaging? i know it means something sexual..it it like going down on someone and all that good stuff?? lol

You have a lot of incorrect answers here, let me set you straight:
Bondage involves being tied up or otherwise restrained for pleasure. Typically people enjoy this because there is an exchange of power roles. People may use handcuffs, cords, rope, or other fabrics as a means of restraining the submissive individual.
People who enjoy bondage do not necessarily enjoy discipline. Discipline is enacted on the submissive when he/ she does not obey the dominant's orders. In this act people use whips and other various devices to discipline the submissive. The submissive gathers great sexual enjoyment out of the pain, and the dominant out of his/ her control.
Both of these come from the phrase BDSM which is short for Bondage Discipline and Sado- Masochism.

Q: when you give a guy a BJ, how long does it usually take for them to cum ?

Depends upon the man and the situation.
Some men do not get the same enjoyment out of a blowjob as other men, you could spend five hours on them and they would never come. Others come in three minutes, some it takes two hours. Sometimes it depends upon their sensitivity, other times it will depend on how much time is available. Additionally, it has something to do with technique. Some men prefer a little bit of nibbling during blowjobs, others don't. Some prefer long periods of deep throating, others prefer for the woman to concentrate on the head. If you don't know what technique your partner prefers, it will take longer.

Q: when someone knocks on a bathroom door and your inside, what are you supposed to say? haha i know its a stupid question but i dont know what to say.

"Yes?"
"Who's there?"
"Occupied."
For those special moments when your family can't seem to leave you alone, "WHAT?!?" (personal favorite)
"May I help you?"
"Hello?"
"I'm busy."

Q: I have a sore on my toungue on the tip of it.I've had it for about a week.Is there a way of my boyfriend to get it if he makes out with me?If so, how can I treat it and what not?

It's an inflamed tastebud. They're not contagious. You get them from biting your tongue too hard or eating spicy foods.

Q: I took the morning after pill right a couple hours after having sex but I am suppossed to get my persiod in two weeks so I am afraid I could get pregnant I really can not afford to get pregant at such a young age. I am praying that I am not pregnant cause my family will not be happy. do you have any advise. When is to soon to take the pregnancy test I really want to know if I am pregnant or not. I hope I get my period early.

I assume you are a teen since you used the term "young age." As such, wait until two weeks after a missed period to take an at home pregnancy test. However, the morning after pill is very effective an it is unlikely you are pregnant. You can take the morning after pill up to three days after intercourse, but you took it immediately after sex. Because your period is two weeks away you are likely not yet ovulating, so what the morning after pill will do for you is 1) Keep you from ovulating (your egg will not be released) or 2) delay ovulation by altering your menstrual cycle. In cases where the first two actions fail, the fertilized egg dies before it attaches to the lining of the uterus.

Q: Hi.
recently, i walked into many convenience stores looking at porno magazines.
I sometimes masturbate when no1 looks.
If you were the cashier there, what would u say to me?

Honestly. I'd call the cops and have them arrest you for indecent exposure.
I used to work at a major amusement park and it really pissed me off when women wouldn't cover up while breast feeding in public (There are certain things parents should have control over their young children seeing, that's one of them). So I'd call security for the park and have them sit with the exposed until the police arrived.

Q: i'm a teenage girl.
So there's someone who I want to hook up with, and he can drive, i can't yet... I just don't know where is a good location to do it.

We might not go all the way, but definately at least to 3rd. (it depends on how it goes and how i feel then)

So please don't say anything like "oh don't do it".

I just need to know where. And it couldn't be in either of our houses b/c my parents would find out.

I am not one to encourage people who are not prepared for sexual activities to be engaging in such activities....
Soooo... since I can't discourage you, let my encourage you to use a condom. If he doesn't, you can. They have both male and female condoms.

Q: situation:
i was at this party last friday and i ended up making out with this guy who's infamous for hooking up with a lot of girls. my 'friends', L, A, and S, were the ones who made me do it. they said "come on its your first make out and you should do it". without a defense, i did. the next week at school, they told everyone who would hear. they told my prude friends (who i didn't want knowing because they'd be ashamed of me), my best gay guy friends (who i didn't want knowing because they'd make fun of me), and basically everyone else (because they'd judge me).

problem:
what the heck do i do?!?!
do i stick up for myself?
do i make a joke of it?
do i apologize to my friends who are ashamed of me?

i regret it and i'm mad at L, A, and S.

Well first of all, no one made you do anything. We all have freewill, including the will and ability to say, "No, I don't want to." It may not sound cool, but at least you won't end up doing something you'll regret in the future. You need to apologize to yourself for not sticking up for yourself at the party, first. As to your other friends, it's not their life, it's not their business, and they are in no position to judge you.

In response to your feedback: No one said life was going to be easy. And sometimes, you may have to battle "the world." I've been there, I've done that, and I still do it. But if you don't stick up for yourself and your own opinions, no one else will.

Q: My bofriend and I have been friends for about 7 months and dated for 2 of those months. We're pretty close but I'm wondering how far it is ok to go in our relationship physically. So far we haven't even kissed, but on IM we tell each other sexual things about how/where we want to touch each other. Nothing too bad and it's not anywhere close to having online sex, but it's still awkward. I don't want to rush into things because we both wanna be virgins til marriage. So how far is appropriate for us to go at this point, and how far is appropriate to go if we end up staying together another year or two? Christian opinions will be greatly appreciated, considering he & I are both Christians!!!

I teach a sex education class, and I always tell the people in my class that "making out" is a dangerous activity because it may lead to sex. It gets your hormones and blood rushing, which isn't good if you want to abstain. I suggest staying your current course. Kissing is an okay activity when you feel you are prepared for it. But I would avoid kissing while sitting on beds, alone on a couch, or in other intimate areas.

Q: on average, how long does it take to read Animal Farm by george orwell? Great Expectations by Charles Dickens?

Animal Farm is a quick read, less than a week. I read it in two days. Great Expectations is not quite as quick a read. While a thoroughly enjoyable book, you sometimes drag your feet returning to it and may need to repeat sentences to get the jist of them. It's also longer than Animal Farm. Give Great Expectations two weeks, three weeks if you hate reading.

Q: Sometimes I have to hold my urine until I can go. During school, I never go during passing period only if the next class is close by. Otherwise, I go to the next class. Sometimes I have to go but I wait until I have lunch time. Once in a while I wait about 3 hours until I go use the restroom. Is this bad for my bladder? My counsin said it isn't good for me by holding it for that long.

-Confused

You should go when you feel you need to go and not hold it. Holding it for long periods of time leads to bladder infections that may be severe enough for you to need hospitalization. As years go by of doing this behavior your body will train itself and you will never know when you need to go. Eventually, you will release small amounts of urine into your underwear without meaning to.
I know you probably don't want to take my advice. But, I was a not so bright child- I was afraid of blue water in public bathrooms, so I would go all day without going to the restroom. I've been paying for my childhood fear (or stupidity) ever since.

Q: What is an average penis size for a guy who is 17 years old?

Average penis size in general, when erect is 5.5 to 6 inches. Because you are 17 your penis will not be experiencing anymore growth spurts.

Q: hey
i was wondering...whats the maximum size for a males "best buddy"?

or whats considered "big"

The largest human penis on record while erect was 13 inches. Average size for a human male penis when erect is 5.5 to 6 inches. Anything bigger than that is typically considered large. Ron Jeremy's penis is nine and three quarters inches... some women refuse to work with him because of how large his penis is.

Q: everytime i pull my hair back a get head aches.

whether its a high pony tail low ponytail half ponytail it doesnt matter

I only wear my hair up when I play softball or if I am outside and its hot (so usually my hair is down more than up)

and lately I have been having killer head aches while I play ball because of it.... even those pre-wrap headbands have been making it worse

any ideas on what could be wrong or what is causing it?

I'm not going to the doctor... its not like a life threating headache.. its just irritating

Tying your hair back too tightly can cause headaches as can having too long of hair. If your hair is rather long, consider trimming off a few inches (if religion permits). When you go to pull your hair back next time, try doing it slightly more loosely, or even with a hair clip instead of a band.

Q: I just got a nose job, and was told to be careful of direct sunlight for several weeks after the surgery. I am going out of the country in about a week and a half, and it's going to be really hot. I bought a little umbrella and some spf 45 sunblock as a precaution...
but anyway, my first question is, after about a month after surgery, is it safe to go out in the sun provided I constantly wear sunblock? Is it better to also carry around an umbrella? And last thing, after how long is it safe to have direct sun contact?
And another thing (2): after how long should the bruising subside?
If it matters, I 'm 22 F.

Call your doctor and ask these questions. The nurse whom answers the phone will be more than happy to provide you with information about sun exposure etc post surgery.

Q: okay so this girl at my school has this sweatshirt & it says "have heart" on it like three time in a row. & i was wondering what it means. & where i could get a shirt/sweatshirt with that on it. thanks :]]]

Have Heart is a band.
Try Aftertaste Clothing online
http://www.aftertaste.com.au/
They probably have the shirt you are looking for, or something similar.

Q: okay well one of my best friends has a gf that he likes a ton.they have been tgr since september,they are perfect together.but he knows i like him,and he asked me to hook up and do stuff with him.i really really really want to,ive liked him for so long!does this make me a slut?

It won't make you a slut, but it will make you an enabler. Meaning, you have enabled him to cheat on his current girlfriend. You are no better a person than he is.

Q: okay well the thing is i recently dropped my cell phone into the pool, and its dead, so my parents yeah they were mad at me but they said i could get a new one. i saved up my money and gave them all i had, to pay for my new phone, and i really wanted the sidekick 3 or sidekick iD. but no.. i got my phone yesterday and it is the crappiest thing ever. i absolutley hate it! it has nothing on it, like no camera or video or whatsoever. i think it's unfair because if i'm paying for the phone, shouldn't i be able to pick my own phone? how do i convince my parents to get me a better phone?

and does anyone know the difference between the sidekick 3 & the sidekick iD?

Did you have enough money to afford a sidekick3 or the sidekick iD? Do you pay for your own cell phone plan or is it built into your parents plan (family plan)? If you are on their cell plan, then possibly they did not want to get you a cell phone with features that they could not afford. Or possibly, after having dropped your cell phone into a pool, they did not feel you are responsible enough to own an expensive phone.
Just giving you a parent's perspective.

Q: Okay so help please. My White African Cichlid that I got Monday is laying on its side on the bottom of the tank. I had him in a 2 1/2 gallon tank with my gold fish. The Cichlid didnt swim around much except to chase my goldfish, and he ate some of my gold fish's tail so i put a divider that i made from a plastic bag and carboard. There was some plastic that was loose and tonight my cichlid got stuck in it and was laying on its side. My mom moved the divider and told me so i took the divider out. Then the cichlid swam to the corner of the tank, in his favorite spot. Then he chased my gold fish. So I decided to put him in a different tank that is a 1 gallon tank. The second I put him in there, he layed on his side on the bottom. My mom said he is going to die. Whats wrong with him and what can I do to save him?

Putting a cichlid in with a goldfish is not an ideal situation. Goldfish emit too much ammonia for the cichlid to handle, and goldfish live in cold water whereas the cichlid will prefer a warm temperature of at least 79 degrees F.

Q: ok, I know I'm a horrible person.. but I need your help. so, I am 15, and I have a boyfriend. I've been his girlfriend for 2 weeks and one day.. since then, we've hung out ONCE, and he call me ONCE, we've never kissed, we don't hold hands, but we do hug. He's never called me pretty, or complemented me in any way like that. I almost feel like I'm just a friend.

Then there is this other boy, who I hang out with almost every weekend, and we've been hanging out at lunch, in the library. He calls me every night right before we go to bed. He calls me beautiful, and cute all the time. He just recently broke up with his girlfriend, and I think he wants me to break up with my boyfriend.

I feel like my actual boyfriend is less of one than the other boy. I don't like my boyfriend as much as before, and I do like the other one, and he likes me back. The problem is, I'm going to feel bad if I dump him. I am his first girlfriend, and it only has been about 2 weeks. I don't know what to do, stay with him or break up?
Please help thanks

You're not a horrible person, just young and confused. You've only been dating your boyfriend for a short period of time, and considering you're his first girlfriend he may be unsure of how to act and what to say. Before you break up with him, discuss with him what is going on, maybe he thinks you're beautiful, and wants to say it, but is scared to. If things don't work out between you two and you wish to pursue a relationship with this other young man, then be polite and tell your boyfriend that you would prefer to be friends.