hoji's advice column

askhoji

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: ok so there's this guy *Tim* and I have been talking to him alot on IMs but everytime we talk I somehow end up flashing him on my web cam. I mean I have dumps two of my boyfriends(now my exs). I really like this guy so don't tell me something like stop talking to him. I just wanna know if there is anything sneaky or something like that so that I don't end up flashing him!

I Really Need Some Help!

Ask him to flash you or just say no.
I'd be kind of carefull of capturing anything I dont want everybody too see on ANY camera.
Watch Trainspotting and i'm sure you'll agree.

Q: Over the past 2 months, I've had 4 crushes. One of them I met online, she likes me too; one of them likes me as a friend; one of them I really don't give a damn, but I think she was hitting on me; and one of them is my best friend's sister. So, when I had a crush, when I loved, it was the best feeling of my life. I never wanted to lose that feeling, it was (I quote "What is this feeling?" from Wicked) "Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe". But in a good way. A very very good way. Problem is, I've lost the feeling. Good feeling's gone. I love no longer. But I want to love despaately, I really do! I want to keep the feeling! I want to be truly happy again! Advicenators, what should I do?

You sound like me when i did drugs.
The drugs buggered me up (not talking about the trip), and made me lose alot of friends, and what you are descibing might just do the same thing.

That funky feeling ALWAYS passes and thats when real love begins. Only you can make yourself happy, NOBODY else. If you are counting on somebody/something else to do that, you'll never be happy for long.

Q: I met my girlfriend over the internet about 7 months ago. We started as a good friendship. So then I asked for her phone number. We talked on the phone for hours and hours. I started to love her and have really strong feelings for her. She did too. We did webcam and send pictures and mail. But things started to happen to me I started to feel depressed. I started to have personal problems with my family about it. I didn't care I know I love this girl a lot. I haven't seen her yet cause I'm not ready yet. I want to look good for her physically and in ma peronality. I don't want her to see an ugly me. I want to lift weights get taller and look good for her. I want to have money and get my education. Thats why I haven't gone to see her. I want to be for her inside and out. But is gettin frustrated. Cause so many guys have I asked her out but shes says no to them cause she waiting fo me. But I can't cause I went to get muscles and get taller and get ma money straight get new clothes and get ma education. So, then I can see her. But I don't want her to give up. I feel bad cause I want see her but I want to surprise but gettin muscles and lookin taller and being a person who can make her smile, laugh, make her feel good about us and look good for her. I love her a lot she is a beautiful young girl. She is cute, nice, hardworking, special, and comfortable to talk to. What do I do. I'm a male who is 17

My best friend in school weight well over a 100kg,
suffice to say he was pretty fat. neither of us had girlfriends, but his personality was awesome, i envied him cause of it, he could have had ANY (nice) girl he wanted, but he didn't know it and wouldn't believe it, so he didn't get the girl he liked (which by the way turned out to have liked him alot too at that stage...too late now)

If she is worth it she won't mind what you look like or how much money you have, and the fact that she telling other guys to buzz off (FOR YOU)is a clear indication of how she feels.
You can gym while you date her, she might infect you to work harder (seems she already has), and you could shop for better clothes together...be carefull of shopping with a woman though.

Q: SORRY ITS SO LONG.. BUT I'LL RATE 5'S FOR EVERYONE NO MATTER WHAT.

ok so my ex ((james)) broke up with me in April and we had been going out for 4 months.. i really liked him alot.. he was probably the one guy i liked the most.. well i really missed him for a while and i would talk to him online and we'd be friends.. but then he started to become popular and snobby to me... then we were fighting and he called me a slut.. so i blocked him and he's been blocked.. and now its summer and i never see him or talk to him.. but i still have feelings for him.. i mean i don't like him as much as i used to but thinking of him makes me sad and i miss him.. i can't tell if i really still like him.. but i wanna hate him so badly!.. so then i have my other ex boyfriend ((pete)) who i broke up with in novemeber.. and he's still in love with me.. he really likes me a lot.. and he's such a sweet guy with a great personality and he always makes me laugh.. so here's the deal.. whenever i see pete.. i like him.. but then a few days after i see him im like.. well i don't know if i like him.. but he's like the perfect guy for me.. but there's not a big spark.. so my questions are.. do you think i still like my ex james??.. do you think i should give pete another chance and go out with him??.. and what can i do to get over james quicker?? sry its longg

james called you a slut after becoming popular...
pete is sweet, makes u laugh and has a great personality...

the first girlfriend i had was horrible to me, i haven't seen her in 6 years, but i still feel funky thinking about her (took me about a year or more to get over her), but thats also why i don't bother looking her up.

About the spark, thats not real love, thats mother natures way of telling us theres still space for a couple of more humans, and the spark always fades (great way to meet new people though). Love takes dedication and time and have a tendancy to grow.

You have to do whats best for yourself, but be fair to pete.

Do yourself a favor and read "the road less traveled" by m. scott peck.
I think that it should be a prescribed book in all schools.

Q: How can i tell if this guy i was with but just broke up with because of a distance issue still likes me?? I mean cuz he is always around and talks to me still..Like calls me everyday..and his fave team is the ravens and he wants me to wear my ravens shirt and idk..but i really do love this guy..How can I express myself to him and How can i tell if he still likes me??

its really sad, but long distance relationships doesn't work. It's unfair to you both.
You can't be together when you are apart, in situations like that people grow apart, they experience differant things start listening to differant music...
I personally hate cheaters, if a friend of mine cheats on his girlfriend i lose all respect for him and find it hard to trust him as a friend. When however he only sees his girlfriend once a month, appart from whever they talk on the phone every day of not, i cant blame him.
Your man propably still loves you if he was willing brake up with you because of this reason,or maybe he met someone local.
You can't be together when you are apart, unless maybe you both have budists disipline.

Q: Well i was datin this boy *jamie*. and me and him got into a arguement over me braking up with him cause my parents split up. he said i broke up with him for a boy named *rodney* but i didn't me and rodney started talking 2 days later. cause he lives next to my mom. i was supposed to move in with my mom but i didn't and i wrote him a 4 paragraph note on icq. and sent it to him. explaining everything to him. but he still is all jumping down my throat. well i don't know what to do. cause i REALLY love *jamie*. he was my first love. and i can't move on with out him. i'd do anything for that boy. what can i say or do to make everything better.. the other thing is. that the other nite i think last saturday. we got into a arguement. and he threatened me and then his sister threatened me. but god nos i really love that boy. he nos it. i've cried since we broke up. should i talk to him or just move on (because of the threatening part). i don't know if he really meant what he said about him wanting me to die and junk. but what should i do.. i really think i'm inlove

*Confussed But Inlove*

i think he REALLY likes you.
i don't know this guy but i at least i know myself a little.

My problem is that "falling in love" absolutely drives me insane, im not lying. the things i've done, while under the influence, i would never admit to anyone, its hard enough to admit it to myself without banging my head against the nearest wall. back then, i also wished that she would just die, and i wished myself the same fate.

don't be too hard on him, he is insecure.
if you love him, tell him and kiss him.
else move on, it hurts for a while, but it eventually goes away and you will both fall in love again.

goodluck.

PS. do yourself a favor and read "The road less travelled" by M. Scott Peck...maybe give him a copy too.

Q: how do you make icons on iconator?

i really need to know!! if theres a special program.. tell me!!!!!

ill rate 5's

i don't know iconator, but open paint, make a 32x32 (64x64 should work too) pixel bitmap, save it, rename it with to *.ico , done.

Q: is it bad that i am an independant person.. when ever i get a boyfriend i dotn like it when he spends any money on me because i dont like it when girls use guys to buy them shit. but anyways my best friend is makin a big deal about it and my boyfriend doesnt like the idea. he thinks i dont like him when i dont let him buy me anything.. can someone please either help me change my point of view on this?? or do you think it is a good or bad that i am independant?? thanks

it's not bad being independant.
the best girlfriend i've ever had had the same thing about me paying for everything, so we settled on for example if we went to a movie, she'd buy the tickets and I boaght the snacks, or visa versa.
sometimes let him treat you, sometimes do the same for him.
If love was buying other people stuff, only the rich would be capable, or would love more that poor people could, and thats bull.
Love is when two people are totaly capable of being apart, but choose to be together.
NEVER give up being independant.

Q: alright. this will be long.
me and my boyfriend have known eachother since kindergarden. we went out in sixth grade, and broke up after 4 months of seeing eachother.
i am in love with him, and he knows it, because we have been going out again since the 2nd. last night he told me he loved me as well.
my parents do not approve of him though. i think it is because my mom thinks he lies to me (which he doesnt) and my dad never liked any boy i went out with (because that's just how dads are) my sister doesnt like him, either, and i dont know why she doesnt.
how can i get my family to approve of him?

K, first off I admit, I don't know your family, suppose there are people out there who actually DONT want the best for their kids/sisters.

Maybe just accept that your family don't like him, that they have absolutly no reason to like him or trust him and know that they like you enough to admit it and don't want to see you hurt.

Sadly you can't trust people just cause, thats something they must earn. Its up to your boyfriend if your family is to approve of him, not you.

Last thing I can advise is for you to read "The Road less traveled" by M. Scott Peck... then again I'd advise everybody to read it.