IhAvEaNsWeRs2104's advice column

askIhAvEaNsWeRs2104

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I tend to flirt with alot of guys. I think its because Im very un-confident && it makes me feel better about my self but also it opens more opertunities relationship wise. The problem is that If one of them asks me out then it feels weird to me being in a relationship and also the guys get mad at me.

I haven`t been asked out but the guy that I fell deeply for is starting to talk to me again && its making me think that what if I do end up throwing all these other relationship possibilities away plus the friendships i have gaind for him && he ends up just using me or something.

I guess my problem is how do I choose one guy to like. But by choosing one guy what if he doesnt like me && i have no chance with him!

what should I do? I cant stop flirting because I do "like" all of these guys a little bit. I just kno ill get screwd over when one of them becomes serious && end up having a relationship

HELP!

I used to have the same problem and then I found the perfect guy for me and now we have been dating 2 years and 3 months and it has been amazing and believe me it is hard to stop at first. Before you decide to stick to one guy and start to change your ways you really need to make sure this is the guy that you could possibly have a long term relationship with and make sure he likes you in the same way also. Really because you don't want to be cheated on. And really you need to stop flirting so much because soon these guys are going to get the wrong ideas and you may end up hurting them and you really don't want any of that.

Well I hope I helped,
Good Luck

Q: How do I get a guy to like me? I have a lot of friends that are just guys, but what's the next step to get them to be interested in more than just a friendship? Any flirting tips, body language basics, and tricks of the trade are appreciated!!!

Just do some playful flirting. Hang out with him a lot. Try to hang like on him to hint it. But if you are a very outspoken person and you want to get straight to the point just tell him I like. Try to get him to hug you and like rub your chest against him a lil to show him you want to get close to him. But don't try to be to pushy or anything because then you may drive him away. When you want to tell him something and you guys are alone lean close to him and whisper in his ear that is another way of being close.

Well I hope I helped,
Good Luck

Q: okay so i have this friend and were pretty close well i still liked my ex but so did my friend and my ex still liked me but then my friend asked my ex out and he said yes grrr well so now she is acting so mean and i hate dealing with her i was on the phone with her ex b/f kolby and she called my friend marrisa and they were 3 way so anyways my ex friend wanted to know if i was talking about her and what i was saying to her ex b/f cause her ex likes me i am getting over my ex and show should my ex friend but why is she still hanging around her ex. I am going out with her ex AND she is going out with mine and she doesn't like it but i don't see the problem what should i do

The first thing you should do is talk to her if she is a really good friend you don't want something so dumb to get into the way it always seems to be boys who mess up bestfriends. While you are talking to her you need to let her know she is dating your ex also so if you are cool with it then she needs to just get over it. You also need to see if the reason she is mad is maybe she still has feelings for him also. But don't let a boy break up a good relationship.

Well hope I helped,
Good Luck

Q: There is this guy and im not sure if i like him.
Here's some reasons why i may and may not like him. I hadnt talked to him in a long time and when he called i got a little excited. On the other hand, i igored that phone call from him. When i'm not around him i wish he was with me but when i'm with him i don't like him as much. I got a little jealous when my friend asked him to sit by her in the car (dumb i know) but i didn't necessarily want him to be right next to me. What do you think? Do i just have problems?? haha im confused.

It seems to me that you have just a crush it doesn't really seem like much more than that. Because if you have a crush it is normal to feel jealous sometimes and not want to be with the person all the time. Like sometimes you feel like you want him to not exactly be with you just not with anyone else. I have been in your place and I know what you mean but you should really just maybe get over the jealousy and try to be just friends but if you find out you like him a little more and your feelings start to change take the it a step up.

Well I hope I helped,
Good Luck

Q: I just got out of a two year relationship and I have been really devastated about it. Well lately I've been hanging around my friend whose friends with a lot of guys. So I flirted with a lot of guys and I felt like one of the guys was the next guy I'd like to date. I really feel like I'm moving too fast. I keep flirting with all of these guys convincing myself that I love them at then I go home at night crying over my ex-boyfriend. I know for sure that I am not over him and that's what scares me.

I was wondering if I should be trying to hook up and date other guys in your opinions. I mean, I think in a way I do have feelings for this friend of mine, but I think another part of me is trying to escape the misery of the past boyfriend. Can anyone tell me if what I'm doing is taking things too far or give me some advice?

I'm a 15 year old female.

thank you

That is a very long relationship and I bet you shared a lot of feelings with him and you probably love him. Yes it is going to get over someone you love especially in a fast period of time. I really think you should take some time and sort out your feelings so you know for sure you want to date this guy because you like him. You don't want to go out with him and take the chance of getting all wraped up in you and then you find out you really don't want to be with him. Because then you would be putting him through what you are going through now and you really don't want to put someone else through that. So really you need to figure out if you are really ready within yourself for another relationship so soon.

Well hope I helped,
Good Luck

Q: ok i have a really bad problem with cheating on my gf weve been going out for like around 6 months and i can never see her out of school and i want to stop but whats the best way to do that im really not sure??

First of all before you try to fix the problem you have to tell her to see if she even wants to still be with you because if she doesn't then you are just wasting your time trying to fix things. Then you should probably get a hold of yourself and ask yourself since you are already cheating on her is she even worth still being with no girl deserves that so you really need to figure things out with yourself. After all that then you need to find ways to see her out of school if you like her enough you will do anything to just see her. And in between all that you should really stay away from other girls so you won't get tempted.

Well hope I helped,
Good Luck

Q: my ex bf is datin a 13 yr older and i wanna kno if i should tell someone.

Why? Wouldn't you tell someone like is he really over age for her or something. If there is a problem and something is wrong then yes I think you should tell someone. But if you are just jealous then really it is your choice.

Well I hoped I helped,
Good Luck

Q: im 15 and female.i have a exbf who im pretty sure i love and he says he loves me but he isnt ready to date me again cuz he doesnt want us to end short. so were gonna wait till summer. but he is startin to get more envoled w/guys and girls so my question is should i wait for him to come around or should i move on?
sincerly,
still waiting

Well that is a hard question cause you don't want to move on when it could possibly be something real but you don't want to waste your time and life just sitting around and waiting for someone who could be nothing so really what I would do is not talk to him for a while and see if you start to miss him and when you are not with him your true feelings will start to get out if you start to miss him a lot then ya wait for a while but don't let him get out and have all the fun if he starts to not seem interested in you anymore then just let him go

Well hope I helped
Good Luck

Q: this girl thinks were kool and i hate her she was talkn smack on me in a note and dont kno i read it so should i tell her i did and call her out or should listen to wat people and just ignore her no clue but i dont drink alot.
love dc

Well that does sound like a problem because of course you don't want to loose a friend over just lashing out on someone but if she really hurt you then you should really say something and I don't mean just go and freak at her but don't be mad at her and not let her know that you are and why just talk and tell her she hurt you by talking smack on you even if you aren't the type of person to take things calmly just try you don't want to loose a friend over something so dumb

Well hope it helps
Good Luck love you dc

Q: I come on here and I always give advice but this time I am asking for advice. I have always been good at giving advice but as most people know for most people it is hard to come up with advice for theirself. There is this person who I use to date. The only reason we broke up is because we both got busy in our own lives. I love this person and their son with all of my heart and soul. They are my life eventhough we aren't together. Well about every couple months this person comes to me and tells me they still love me, they remember all the times we spent together, all the things we did together, how I used to hold them in my arms, how they held me and we took care of the other one when they were sick. They even said the dream about me. Since we broke up we have stayed in contact and we talk all the time. They do all of this even if they are in another relationship and the same goes for me. I have tried to be in other relationships, tried to love other people and just couldn't do it because my heart and mind is always on my ex. Both of us are always making comments about how we are both in a relationship why does it always work out this way. Well now we are both single but my ex says they are swearing off relationships. I guess my ex is tired of getting hurt eventhough I have never hurt my ex and have always loved that person and their son. My ex knows I still feel this way but still says they are staying single. So knowing how I feel and how they feel about me should I remain patient? if not, any suggestions on how to get over my ex? This whole thing has been going on for like over a year now. And I am heart broken because we are not together. I am a 24 year old female. I would appreciate any help and I am sorry this is so long. Thanks Fiesty

Well this seems like a very big problem and you dont want to do the wrong thing to where you end up losing this other person even as a friend. But if I was in your place I would wait because you really sound like you love this person if you have waited this long I am not saying wait forever but talk to them and slowly try to move in if you start to show your feelings instead of say them then this person wont be able to resist but dont try to make it fast if you really love this person then be patient but still dont sit around try to move in slowly by talks and just hanging out a lot.

Well good luck,
I hoped I helped

Q: one of my best guy friends constantly smokes. he is only about 13 or 14, which really makes me sad for him. he said he quit, but he hasn't. i really care about him and am concerned, i've tried getting rid of the cigarette while he was using it, and trying to explain to him that i care, but he is not emotional at all (he doesn't cry over relationships, and not even when his brother died). i would appreciate suggestions on how to get him to quit completely. thanks!

See I have a friend with the same exact problem she is 15 and she does drugs also. What I am doing and what I did which helps is just keep nagging about how bad it is learn facts about it and tell him all the bad things that can happen but what I did that really helped is I spent as much time with her as possible so when she would want to change the suject or do as many things with him to get his mind off of it. But most importantly never stop being there or being a good friend always stay by his side and let him know you are there no matter what.

Well good luck,
I hope I helped

Q: Could a sign a guy likes you be that he talks to everyone and is able to keep long converstations with other girls, but with me hes shy and we have short random conversations, usually having to do with making fun of each others in a nice way? thanks in advance!

Yes this definatly could be a sign because guys really usually dont get to shy to easy and if he gets shy around you I bet it is real cute and sweet and it seems you guys are doing that cute lets make fun of each other thing so it definatly it and I say if you have the same feelings girl make a move and fast before another girl gets him.

Well good luck,
I hope I helped

Q: ok so i met this guy in the beginning of the semester and hes super sweet we went out for a month & he broke up with me in the cruelest way possible. he felt really bad and due to the lack of me being able to stay mad at him i still talked to him. now that classes have changed i havnt really seen him for like almost a month. i think he still likes me bc we still talk on aim & we wanna hang out but i hear rumors & my friend told me he couldnt decide between 8 [yes 8!] girls. after that i was completely over him but now im wondering if i would consider seeing him again. hes sweet REALLY funny and cute but he makes me so upset. should i keep him as my friend or try to make it something more??

Well that is hard to answer because if you dont hang on to him a little then you wont really know if there are any feelings really there but you dont deserve to be treated like a you can be just thrown around no man should be able to hurt you and definatly there is no man out there who has the right. I really think though you should keep it friends with him but still hang with him so if you do feel something coming back you can still have the chance to go back BUT if he starts to hurt you then you really shouldnt stay in it I think before you get back with him you should really find out if they are big feelings or feelings you could just get over like a crush because you really dont want to be hurt again.

Well good luck,
I hope I helped

Q: im a sophomore in highschool and the guy i like is a senior. he'd had a girlfriend for a long time. about 2 years i think. but they break up alot and fight alot. i really like him and i dont know what to do. should i tell him i like him? he is the most popular kid in school. everybody knows him even the freshman. i talk to him online but we only hung out once and thats when he invited me to come see him at his work. we have alot in common like the music and movies and the stuff we like. i dont know how serious he is with his gf. he always tells other girls their hott. plus they fight alot. how can i hint to him that i like him without actually telling him straight out? or should i tell him straight out? should i even tell him at all?

Hey really the best thing for you to do is tell him. I think though the best way to do it is not to you know make it embarrassing for you and be like ya I like you so what I would do is ask go up to his work and be like I need to talk to you then just be like I have liked you for a while and I like you a lot but if you dont feel the same way that is ok so let him know you like him but dont make it seem like you need him make him see you have other things to think about besides him also. If him and his girl get into a lot of fights and he tells other girls they are hott then he probably doesnt have many feelings for her so I think if he knew how you felt he would so go for you and not her.

Well good luck,
I hope I helped

Q: im 13 and i have a body of a 16 year old, i weigh 120 and im 5'3 or 5'4 i know thats not really fat but you have to understand when i was 9 i always dreamed of going to jr high and high school being popular and skinny with alot of frinds, when i moved to a different part of new hartford i was only 10 and in 5th grade and i threw up not onpupose everyday b/c i was nervous, i lost a lot of weight and felt great and then i broke my arm i couldnt play outside and it rained during the summer so i had to stay inside it sucked and as you know when there is nothing to do you eat and i ate i got really fat and everyone knew it then i excersided and i lost a lil bit of weight and then i did cross country and i lost alot of weight i felt a lil good but not enough scence its been over i have been doing things excersise to help and i have fat not much but enough to make me go crazy!! my lil sister she has no fat there its like love handles only i have a lil i would love to loose weight to get to 100 or even better 90 and i looked at starving myslef or throwing up like i did when i was 10 and i did onece but then i couldnt sleep at night and i was uncomfortable so i stopped that now im back to wear i started im doing track soon so that willl help but i want to loose it now i know its bad but how would you feel waking up and looking at ur sisrer who is 12 and skinner than u were ever were you know you can look like that and trust me i asked her how she stays that way and she doesnt remember how she did it so now im screewed i know crunches work ive been doing that i want to get rid of it tell me how to stay on something that will work quick like throwing up i have a hard time doing it but i feel like i have no other choice i bawled about this onece and my mom said that if i ever had a problem like that she would send me somewhere and i dont anyone to know about it just so you know i have 8 people in my house so i have to keep it quiet and i have a big family and i dont want my b/f to know either so how do i keep it quiet and knowone knowing and how do i loose it fast?? i have been crying over for this for months and years pleez help me!

Weight is always a problem for people expecially girls and I understand what you mean about wanting to be skinny. Really starving yourself and throwing up isn't the way because for one it is unheathly and it really doesn't help because when you don't eat when your body is hungry the longer you wait then the next time you eat the calories (because you are so hungry) could almost double and make you gain weight faster. The best way to do it in a heathy way is get outside as much as you can and be really active. I know it may sound hard because you want to lose it fast but a good way to do that is do what I do get cheap and easy exercise taps like Tae Boe is good it is 45 minutes a day and believe me it is a real work out and they are really cheap and easy to find another is Yoga with all the streches and things you do you lose it fast. But the only other suggestion I have for you is something you probably don't wanna do and that is ask a doctor they can give good diet plans that are fast and easy and you can still eat good food. I also want to let you know that 120 is a beautiful weight and I don't think you should hurt your body so please take my advice and do it a more heathly way.

Hope I helped,
Good Luck

Q: ok i am about to have a mental breakdown with scott..i don't know how much more i can take of all this crap...everyday its problem after problem...so he told me that he was going out to eat with his ex and her family...ok fine..then the next day its him vita (his ex), his friend sam and his girlfriend...i was like so your going on a double date and he goes in a way and i was PISSED!! he was like its not a date for me and vita its for sam and his girlfrined...and this is the girl who was buying his presents..i was crying and he goes why are u crying? why the hell do you think! he was like nothing is going to happen and then i said if you cheat on me with her dont even call me...so then yesterday we got into another fight b/c i was supposed to go and see him but my ride bailed and he was pissed and then he told me that he was haning out with vita friday and saturday and i got so mad i was like well i hope you have fun and i hung up then he called me back and left a message saying if you thought i was pissed befor you can't imagine how pissed i am now i dont even want to talk to you today so dont call me.. so thats how things are right now...i dont know what to do anymore..i'm going to have a mental breakdown...help me please

Wow that is a big mix up boyfriend and his ex. I know it may seem hard but you have to think deep down and think do you trust him or do you think he is cheating. Either way you are gonna have to talk to him and try not to get upset that may be hard yes but you need to find out why he wants to hang out with his ex so bad I mean it should be over between them. Then you should really find out where both of you are in the relationship trust wise because if he really wants to be with you then he should be willing to give a girl he has already given up. Just talk and try to make him see you really don't like it when he is with her and tell him why. Then to make him really see switch it up on him and tell him well how would you feel if I was making plans with my ex and hanging with him and then see what he says. All you really need to do is you 2 get together and talk it out and fix it just explain to him how you feel I bet he will understand.

Hope I helped,
Good Luck

Q: hey iam sally iam 15 yrs old 1st i met a guy on the net each day i get to love him more and more well so did he.u can say i loved him like hell we had the same felling. i cant let a day go past without talking to him he was my life my soul and everything after that i got rapped by a guy i dont know i told my bf everything he got so mad and worried anyway after that my sister called him and told him she is lying to u and i never thought that even i lie to him in 1 word so when he heard that he stopped talking to me and sending me emails....i miss him alot and i cant spend my life without him and i dont know what to do i need advice

Really if you know that you love him that much call him talk to him and explain to him everything. If he loves you also then there is no way he wouldn't listen. I had gone through a similar thing. So just try to talk it out I know he will listen and work it out with you.

Well I hope this helps,
Good Luck

Q: I have a friend who is a very nice person. I almost feel bad for writing this, but it's been an ongoing issue.
The problem is that she calls me WAY too much. She phones me on average about 6 or 7 times a day. She also is one of those people that phones and wants to talk for an hour even though she has absolutely nothing to talk about. If I wasnt the one to always end the conversation she would probably talk all day. I do have other friends and interests and I really feel she is monopolizing my time.
She doesnt have a job or go to school and I know is always bored. But I DO have a job. Other times I'll be expecting an important call, and she will phone me twice within the hour. A lot of times I'll tell her that I'll phone her later because my favorite soap is on, and she will phone me 20 minutes later even though she knows the show is still on. She phones me early in the morning, and late at night. She'll phone as late as 11 pm. Sometimes I don't answer the phone at all. Then when I finally answer it she says she had been trying me all day.
How can I tell her nicely that she needs to stop phoning me so ofter without hurting her feelings? I would prefer if she just called my once a day.

I know exactly what you mean when you say this I have a friend exactly like that. The only thing I can really tell you to do is to in the nicest way possible tell her you have other things you need to be doing and if that doesn't work then the best thing to do is to sit her down and tell her the truth I mean if she really is your good friend she needs to know the truth and she won't get mad at you but she deserves to know the truth if anything so just get what you want to say to her together and just sit her down and tell her

Hope it helps,
goodluck

bio

I am cooky crazy and I love to party and have fun. I have brown hair, blue eyes, and I am kinda short. When I get older I hope to become a therapist so I can give everyone advice because that is what I love to do. I am in the 10th grade. Sometimes I can be real jealous about dumb things. I give great advice. And I even can say dumb things that make no sense. But over all I am a great person, advice giver, and friend. If you don't like me then good for you but I love me