khadiya's advice column

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Q: Okay well the last time my boyfriend was over he fingered me but my pants were still on and it felt really good so i cant wait to hang out again and yea i guess were suppose to hang out again in a couple days and on the phone he asked if i liked it and if i wanted him to do it again and i said ya but ill be on my period when we hang out soo i know he'll feel the pad..what do i do??

PLEASE dont do the paper towel take a shower crap okay? Just tell him and wait til next time.
I guarentee that if you wait, when the next time comes around it will feel better because your excited, and had time to build up anticipation!!

Q: My boyfriend chews and he's trying to quit but he's having a really hard time..how are some ways that i can help him or maybe like incourage him that he can quit..(even tho i doubt he really will be able to quit) thanks soo much

ok he may not like this cuz it doesnt tast the same but u should get him a tobbaco alternative.

http://www.hoochsnuff.com/?gclid=CLyGr7_HwIkCFQJuGgodVw8COw

Q: Well about a month ago me and my boyfriend of 11 months broke up... and about two weeks later he had hooked up with this girl that he really didn't care too much about because she was a golddigger... she was always rude to him, wouldnt let him hang out with his friends, and whenever she was around her male friends he was shown to them as her friend and not her boyfriend.... anyhow, three nights ago, me and my ex was conversating and all the sudden I found me and him having sex. (Like I said, he didn't really care about this girl and therefore he knew it wasnt going to last... thats the only reason why he cheated on her...but he never cheated on me), anyhow, last night he spent the night and we had sex twice more... but he never did kiss me, he wanted me to perform oral sex the first night we slept together but I said no because we don't date, but last night he asked me again, and I was like are we ever going to go back out? And he was like probably so, cause I was like "Your not using me right...." and he was like no, I'd never do that to you...and I think he is being pretty honest cause he's never done anything to hurt me like that except for the breakup... my feelings are comming back for him but will this mean we'll get back together or what? I know he still cares but I dunno what to do... PLEASE HELP!

I feel like he dumped you for this girl.
Men will tell you anything for sex, and sense your feelings are so strong you are taking it all in. I think you need to try something new like he is. If he didnt like her all that much he would have left her right?
If he is seeing that he can get away with cheating now, how do you know he wont or hasnt cheated on you? You know the saying "once one always one"
My opinion....Dont waste your time, he sure as hell didnt waste his. Its too many good guys out there for you.
And if you DO decide to wait on this guy and get back with this guy, Do me a favor and watch his step and yours.

Q: This is really really iffy. My family obviously thinks that: homosexuals are a disgrace and they're ruining the world and that they should die before they spread their "diseas" to other people and I know that's complete bs. I'm in 9th grade and my friends who I'm going to talk about are in 9th and 10th grade. I'm bi and I have about 10 bi friends and 3 gay friends. I can't tell my family the truth about all my friends because they'll say "You are not to associate with them in any way shape or form..stay away from them" etc and I won't be able to hang out with them anymore. My best friend who is gay and I are really close along with my other gay friend. I can't go over to their houses at all alon ebecause my mom thinks they'll stone me and rape me. And I can't say that they're gay and so either way I can't hang out with my gay guy friends. I like this girl at school and I want to ask her out but that's complicated because I have some friends at school that know and will tell my sister if they found out about my orientation. So I really don't know what to do. I can't talk about it with my family because they'll just get mad at me and yell at me for being a heretic from the family...and I'm just frustrated with this situation because I'm so tied down...what do I do?!?!

I understand your situation, but i dont think you should hide yourself from your family. They are just goin to have to deal with it. Yea they will get mad at first, but if you keep hiding it whats that gonin to solve? Point out that straight people spread disease too.

Q: i met this guy through a chat room. i've talked to him for a little over a year and got attached to him a lot and he's basically my only support. don't lecture me on that. well after he went to culinary school got a job and a gf, he doesnt have time to get on anymore. i sent him a letter previously --once and i still have his address. i talked to him a few days ago and he said something that really hurt me but he doesn't know that he did. but anywhos i really want to stay in touch with him since i wasnt able to talk to him for 6months...i want to send him a letter but idk if he's still at culinary school or home for break but i want to send him a letter just saying hi and just about stuff but i don't want to seem stalkerish or have his mom get it and yell at him for talking to a 14yr old whom he met in a chat room...i dont want him to get in trouble or think i'm stalking him or something but i want to send him a letter...so should i?

No this is not such a great idea.
Young people seem to get attached very easily. You need to stop dependind on this guy and start dating real guys right in front of you. And your right you are kind of you to be talking to a guy in culinary school, and he has probably realized the same thing. So To spare yourself the hurt feelings, let the situation stay at a stanstill.

Q: 15/f.

My friend and I are watching Moulin Rouge and he said he was thinking of Satine and he was like "I wonder if she's thinking of me too," do guys actually think that?

i'd prefer answers from guys guys but I'll appreciate any answer:]

thanks in advance

Yeah they think that....IF THEY ARE STUPID!! LOL!
Guys know that will never ever have a chance with these people, but the like to imagine that they will.

LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU SINCE YOU DONT SEEM TO GET IT K?

YES GUYS THINK THAT! ATLEAST THEY LIKE TO THINK THAT.
THE GUYS KNOW THAT THEY WILL NEVER HAVE A CHANCE WITH ANYONE FAMOUS SO THEY LIKE TO SAY AND THINK THINGS LIKE THIS QUESTION THAT YOU ASKED> GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD? DUMMIES.

Q: there is this guy and he is my boyfriend and sometimes i love him and sometimes i dont like today i dident like him and like yesterday i fell in love with him i like him alot but sometimes i do and i cry over this what should i do

You dont like this person. Your mind is telling you to like this person, but your heart is telling you what you really need to know. Its puppy love. You have a heavy crush.
IDEA: see other people, and see if you still fill the same way for this person when you are seeing some one else. If you love him, then you will kno after dating other people.

Q: How do you know when guys are flirting or jsut being their friendly self with you? Like what things to guys are just being friendly and what actions are flirting to them...usually. Not based on individuals but as the whole gender. I'm a 9th grade girl and these guys taht I like are really confusing me. one in 9th, one in 10th and one in 11th...haha any clue?

Guys that are flirty are more touchy feely around you. They make a lot of eye contact. They show you more attetion than normal....
Guys that are just being themselves are just them. The act like they always do around you.
You might think these guys are flirting because you like them and you want them to be flirting. Here is an idea: Pick one and go after him!!!!

Q: Okay, long story short. This girl Jenny, I hate we have a horrible history of friendship. Well we were pretty clsoe at the end of 7th grade. Before that a girl named Kelly and I were really good friends since 6th grade. At the beginning of the 7th grade I was really bithcy and told her to lets break the friendship and Kelly was really hurt by that and I still regret it. Mainly it was because of our stupidity and my rashg actions. Also Jenny made it hard for me to be friends with Kelly knowing that she always talked bad about her saying she was a poser an annoying and etc. So now we're in 9th grade and Kelly and I are still friends but not good ones. Well Jenny has no one to sit with at lunch and picked KElly to be her "friend" But I know from experience and from knowing others who were her friends that Kelly is just gonna get all the stress and hurt at the end because Jenny's just like that. Every friend she had dislikes her now because of her cruel, selfish, and rude actions and such stuff. Kelly doesn't realize it yet but she will soon and I don't want Kelly to get hurt. I never told Kelly that Jenny talked bad about her like woah for a year and how Jenny urged me every second I saw her to get away from KElly. I know that it was my fault that I broke it off and I was stupid enough to let a person that I wasn't that close with back then to come between a good friendship. I want to tell Kelly that she shouldn't get too close with Jenny and what Jenny said and did about Kelly. But I don't know how without villfying Jenny and seeming like I'm jealous of their friendship and blah blah..

Jenny is the one whose jealous. Thats why she was bad mouthing kelly in the first place. Confront jenny in front of kelly. put jenny on the spot. Ask her why ae you trying to be kelly's friend when you used to talk about her so bad? I thought she was a poser? Dont worry bout them thinkin ur jeaous because you and kelly were friends first and your just doing what you think is the best thing to do.

Q: basically my sister who is 19 tells on EVERYTHING that i do. if she doesnt like it, she'll find a flaw in it, tell my mom and i'll be banned from something i love...like mcr -- my life depends on them and their music is so moving. i just love them. but my sister said that they were morbid and all the bs and now i can't listen to them. which led to a much bigger mess. but she listens to evanescence with me who talks about bleeding, being raped, dying etc. yet since SHE likes evanescence, she won't say anything about it. so it's pretty much my sitster ALWAYS telling on everything i do if she doesn't like it. i wish that she would just get out fo my business and stop telling on me. i'm 14 by the way. well theres this kid named John who is pretty good friends with my sister and let me tell you,,,he is one of a kind of bitchy people and tells everything i do to my sister..he blackmails me saying that he';ll tell my sister if i do this or that. well last year was okay because he was in high school and i was in middle school. now that we're both in high school its a little...effing messed up. i can't do anything or say anything or wear or do anything without him finding a flaw, reporting it to my sister and my sister telling on me to my mom...so at school i have to just be a perfect little girl that my family wants just so he can't find something bad and tell my sister. it's pretty annoying and i don't know how to stop him from telling my sister. and i can't tell him to not tell my sister stuff because he'll tell my sister i said that and my sister will be like "omg what bad thing are you gonna do?" *tell tell* and i hate talking because my sister won't listen to me and tell my mom what i said to her and then my mom will go "omg what have you done that you don't want me to know?" so heh. it's kinda iffy...what should i do. i'm just rawr.

Your sister calls herself lloking out for you. I understand you want to do what you want to, but u are only 14. your not even old enough to support yourself. BUT if you dont like the fact that your sister is being a hippocrit straight out tell your mom that. Tell her was on your mind. Tell her that your sister's friend blackmails you, Tell her everything. Stand up for yourself! Yea thats your mom, and it might cause conflict at frst, but what you say will burn into their heads, and they will eventually get over it.

Q: i have been on the pill for almost 2 years now and i always get my period on the 3rd to last pill in the pack but this time i got it on the 5th to last pill in the pack and that has never happened befor so i dont understand why it is happening now? can you tell me why? and is it bad?

You could be going through changes. More or less stress or anything like that. It really doesnt matter when you get it just as long as you get it. You know your healthy and not pregnant!!

Q: rite wel im 16 i was due to start taking my pill on wednsday and my doctor said that i would have to wait til thursday to get it so i would have to miss it well my bf cme round btw were im on ma period bt we started getin to into fings and it ended up sex stupidly we dint use a condom n he pulled out n im worried that i cud b pregnaunt? ive carried on takin ma pill evryday round the same time so could i plz help me! x

Im pretty sure you are fine. There is a very small possible chance that you could be but i highly doubt it. You should carry condoms from now on. One or two in your purse, jst in case ur bf doesnt have one. You should always be prepared. You carrying the condom iis letting him now that you want to be safe.

Q: So this kid name Tom is always at my house.. but for my brother. their bestfriends. my brother wont let my anywhere near his bestfriends. i never cared until Tom talked to me. after he talked to me i just couldn't stop thinking about him. then i started talking to him on aim. but i dont know now im scard to talk to him. then tonight he was at my house.. waiting to get picked up so i was just about to go outside then, his mom came. but i dont wanna wait for my brother not to be around or talk to him on aim anymore. i wanna hang out with him and stuff. i just dont know what to say to my brother.. or tom. what should i say?

Your brother probbably knos something about tom that you dont. This can go either way, good or bad, but you should jus tell your brother that you like tom. he might not approve but hes not your dad. and hes not a real friend to tom, because if tom likes you too, your brother should stand in the way. Or if you and tom jus want to hang out, you should both confront your brother and ask him why he doesnt want this to happen, and see what he says. If he cant give you a real reason then continue your friendship with tom.

Q: I am the worst shopper! I can spend like 2 hours at 1 store then end up buying like 2-3 items. I just cant prioritize. When we're shopping for pants, I get a few pants, and then get some shirts too. Ughhh, also I went shopping for ripped jeans and army pants... where can I find good ones? Delias has good jeans overall.. the ones at A&E suck and i dunno about the others. also, where are some good (not too expensive. not like american eagle, with their clearances cause the stuff on sale probably isnt that good looking anyway. and the clothes dont really look that great) clothes overall in general for a 13 year old girl? My sense of style is like.. cute, preppy, sporty, sexy, laid-back, trendy i guess, sophisticated, not sluttyish but not like.. boring, and not too weird but not TOO mainstream, etc. Thanks alot!

So basically, can you help me with my shopping problem? I mean, I love to shop and all, but when I do this I end up not getting much because we waste time and my mom doesn't want to buy the stuff I pick out. Because they are expensive and not clearance (the clearance stuff wasnt good!) and like.. full priced. apparently i have expensive taste, but all i really want is something good to wear. at school, at parties, at home, etc. also, do you think wearing victoria's secret pink is too much for my age? i love those pants with "pink" on the butt but i dunno, haha. also, are they expensive, too? and do you still get that cute little pink dog with your purchase? XD also, with suggestions on a good store for me. oh yeah, I live in New Jersey, if that helps.

For more info, the stores I shop at now are Kohls, Walmart (I dislike it, but sometimes we gotta get clothes from there), Mandees, A&E (well I only got a pair of pants), Delias... thats pretty much it, for clothing. Oh, and JC Penny, but we cant go there often cause the store is faraway.

ooh and another thing. I'm african, so I have a big butt. Its hard sometimes to find good jeans because they can fit at the bottom then get a little funky at the top. even with a belt.. I only have like 1 pair of jeans that fit perfectly. also, any good (cheap) shoe stores? other than payless, hah.

1 more thing.. (-talks too much-) my sister has large feet, size 13 to be exact, i feel bad for her. where can she get some good shoes other than ordering them?

thanks thanks again and sorry it was really long but it had to be specific, heh.

i have the waist small ass big problem too!! LOL! And i buy my pants from aeropostale. even if they are on cleareance they are good looking clothes. Its this store called body central or body shop. its a girlie stor. its cute. And o dont know if you have a gadzooks and a rainbows but they have nice girl clothes too. Good looking inexpensive clothes. O and dillards is good. Belks too.

AND YES you are too young to be wearing victoria secret anything!!! unless its not too sexy. Like some see thru stuff! too young to be showin yo goodies! But if its just cologne you should be fine..

Q: Is your yahoo on your advice column your email. If it is..I sent an email to it.

yep. thats my email. ima check it right now. k?

Q: I have a problem with all the jeans i buy! in about 6 months time after i buy them, they start to rip at ususlly the crotch part. I cant keeping buying jeans over and over again. Am i over wearing them? What can i do to get rid of the problem?

-Thanks!

This more money better jeans saying is not true!!
Just because they cost more doesnt mean that are better! It just means that it cost more to make them because of material, or they are imported.
certain place make thier jeans the way they do because if they didnt rip or tear, they wouldnt get any business now would they?

Q: i have naturally wavy hair, and i want my hair to be straight permed. i know that it will eventually grow out and my hair will be wavy again.. but i don't care. i just want to test it out. the thing is, i hear it's really expensive. just how expensive is it? what if i get it done at a cheap chinatown hair salon? thanks

Only thing i can say is if you are going to try to do it yourself as long as you know how to read and follow directions you should be fine!! Its funny how people try to tell you what to do and they probably nevr tried it themselves, just goin by someone else, you know? Salons actually overcharge you for this process cuz they dont actually think you would sit down and take the time to do it yourself. Why are they charging you 200 if you can get the porm for 30 or 40? AND yes it can damage your hair if you do alot of things to your hair like constantly add other chemicals.

Q: My family is far from rich. My mom and dad are both on social security. I only have one pair of jeans and it's emarrasing. I have to wear the same pair of jeans every other school day and everybody notices. I've had these pair of jeans for over a year now and they are so worn out. The insides of them are so holy. And they are so washed out. I have no money to go out to buy any jeans. I don't know what to do. Can anyone help?

What size jeans do you wear? i might be able to help you out. AND if your parents are getting socail security, depending on the circumstances you should be able to get it too. You look the people straight in the face and tell them if they have a problem with you wearing the same jeans buy you some. Talk to your school consouler. everything you say to them is private. Maybe they will point you in some good directions. If you dont wont to do this, then get in touch with me however you can and i will personally buy you some and send them to you. I understand what you are going through.

Q: Well i have this best friend and she has had a 6 month relationship with a guy and he is very violent and we dont really get along. But me and my best friend used to spend alot of time together and tell each other everything, but since she has had her boyfriend everything has changed and i can never get a minute alone with her to talk properly or even just to have a joke. I dont mean to be selfsish but i just want to be like it used to and go shopping together and stuff but now she is always with her boyfriend and i dont really see her much. I dont no what to do because i miss her soo much. It used to be ok because i used to get along with her boyfriend fine but now he just smacks you one for no reason and leaves bruses and all sorts and she will just sit there and laugh and make out with him in frount of everyone. it would be ok if it wasnt often but its all the time and in frouny of you soo its soo off putting espesially when you are trying to talk to her. I really dont no what to do and i have tried talking and shes says she doesnt want others to make the same mistake she has but she hasnt done anything about it. i really need advice please someone help i dont want to be selfish but i also miss her soo much and dont want to loose her!!

Shes always with him cuz shes scared of him. She is trying to be perfect for him so he wont beat her up. He makes out with her in front of you cuz he know it kills you inside. You need to talk to her regardless. Because you would really miss her if he did some real damage.

Q: what is a good way to loosen yourself up because when i do it it always goes bakc to being tight after a couple days

yea. Guys dont like Loose Cats. When ur loose the first thought in their mind is that you are giving it up to every1. When your tight you can grasp it more and it feels better to you and him. but if its hurting you when he enters. use a little lube.

bio

Its A brand new year!! And I havent really been giving advice lately so now IM BACK!! If you have something to ask dont hesitate to ask. DONT BE SHY!! I've been there! Or I know someone who has!

I am a black albino female whose been through alot!!! I have a lot advice to give. Im a very knowledgeable person, and i look at things from many different views. Im very blunt, so if you dont want to hear it straight dont ask me!! any thing else you wanna know get at me!

LET ME REINTRODUCE MYSELF REAL FAST, REAL QUICK!
iM A BLUNT PERSON, IF YOU ASK A GROWN UP QUESTION, IMA GIVE A GROWN UP ANSWER. RECENTLY A GIRL ASKED HOW TO GIVE A BLOWJOB AND I WAS VERY BLUNT AND UPFRONT WITH HER. I GOT SHUNNED FOR MY ACTIONS SO, BASICALLY. IM GOING TO TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING QUESTIONS LIKE THIS. BECAUSE ALL THOUGH THESE KIDS ASKING THESE QUESTIONS ARE YOUNG, THEY OBVIOUSLY BEEN DOING SOMETHING THEY AINT GOT NO BUSINESS DOING BECAUSE THE WOULDNT BE ASKING THOSE TYPES OF QUESTIONS.