I'm a woman in Texas. I'm married and have a school-aged child. I have a medical background. I'm quite liberal, socially. I love helping people with medical, parenting, and social questions. Don't ask me about tech stuff or finances, because I need advice on those things myself!
Gender: Female
Location: Texas
Age: 34
Member Since: December 17, 2006
Answers: 795
Last Update: September 2, 2007
Visitors: 50044
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Xenolan
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long sorry=/ im just so confused.
16/f
I have 3 best friends. They are the main people i hang out with. I have lots of friends but never seem to see them outside of school. But anyway, heres the thing, one of them moved 3 years ago, and the other doesnt go to my school anymore but we see eachother sometimes. And then the last friend, We have been friends for about 2 years. But im wrried i dont wanna be friends anymore. She is always leaving me out of things for other people, one minute she will be fine the next she will be a bitch to me. We get in fights monthly. She is always treating me like crap and other people see it, i dont know how many times a day i get 'how do you deal with her''why are you still friends''shes horrible to you', but the thing is when she isnt like that we have such a good time together. Pluse she is all i have left. Past few years i have chaged alot and been threw alot and she was the ony one there for it. If i lost her noone would be there. What should i do? I cant stand how she treats me but when i dont talk to her i feel so alone, shes all i got and i cant imagine not being friends with her. (link)
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I agree with the other answers - she's not your friend. Friends care about each other's feelings. All of the time. Even when they're mad at each other. You say there'd be no one if you left her? What about all of the people who express concern over the way she's treating you? They sound more like friends to me. Try to join another group of friends or find some people who have none. You don't need to be treated like this. Hang out with people who treat you right and whom you can treat right.
Sabine
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does anyone know how i can convince my mom to let me get my lip pierced. im only 14 but i have wanted this for about a year now. and i dont wanna wait 4 more years until im 18. (link)
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Do your research and make a brilliant argument along the lines of how much safer it is than a tattoo, how reversable it is, etc. Show her examples of successful people with lip piercings and ask for it as a special treat, like a birthday present.
That's the only approach that would make me reconsider a hardline stance against it myself.
Sabine
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okay, so, the thing is..theres this guy and he likes me alot..and he has for a while now right, and last year i went out with this other guy and he was really hurt. but now were just as good friends as ever and i know he still likes me. and the truth is, i LIKE him..ive liked him since i met him. and i dont know why i hurt him so much? like i went out with the other guy and that killed him...and the thing is even though i like him, i still dont want to go out with him. im scared but i dont know of what. and all the other relationships ive been in were ones that i knew werent going to last when i started. also, i met him because he is best friends with my first ex boyfriend. i dont know whats wrong with me, but i know im going to lose him soon. also, theres so much going on with me at home (constant fights...my dads LOSING it) i cant deal with anything. my best friend, who i told everything to more than any one in the whole world moved to the other side of the country. i feel abandoned by everyone, and the thing is, the one guy thats actually there for me, im pushing him away. i think i really need a therapist....thanks in advance .. (link)
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This is a lot of junk! :( You need to find someone you can vent to - a new friend, a relative, or perhaps a school counselor. Being a teenager is so hard (I assume you are because you still live at home) and you go through a lot. Get a support system.
Sabine
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Okay, so I'm confused when to use an ice pack or a heat pad if you:
Sprain something
Pull a muscle
Muscle ache
Cramp
Feet hurting from walking too much
From wearing heels
From uncomfortable shoes
AHH!! I just don't know when to put what..help? (link)
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The general rule is that you should use ice in the first 24-48 hours after an injury, like a sprain, a tendon injury, or a pulled muscle. That will help reduce inflammation. After that, use whatever feels best. If it's not an injury, like it's a cramp, usually heat works best to relax the muscles and sooth the pain. Usually pain from wearing uncomfortable shoes or walking too much is best relieved with a hot water soak.
Hope it helped.
Sabine
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I am 28 now, graduated from high school 10 years ago. I am taking part in planning our high school reunion and I was looking through my old yearbooks, for phone numbers and stuff. I came across a note from a guy I always knew was in love with me, but he was a nerd so I never gave him a chance. I was good friends with him, when no one was looking. I always kinda had a crush on him too, but could never go there. I remember him writing this note, but I guess I never really looked into it.
Here is what he said in 11th grade:
"Well, what a crazy year! It went by too fast. By the way, the reason why I didn't go to the prom was because I didn't know how I could handle seeing you with your date. Oh well, I have to live with that now. I'm sure you kow my feelings about you. But I know you just want to be friends. I can handle that. Until then, see you in my dreams. Your Imzari, Rob"
He never would tell me what Imzari meant, and of course none of my friends knew. And this was before you could just look up anything on the internet :)
Here is what he said senior year:
"I really can't say anything more. I guess I have already said it all. See you in 20 years. Love, Rob"
I spoke with him maybe twice since then. We have both grown up and got married. I am happy, but I do sometimes think of him.
I looked up what Imzadi meant today, it means soulmate, beloved, first. It's roots are in fantasy but it's conception is in the soul. How deep is that?? Oh my god, it made me cry! I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!
My question is, what do I do when I see him? I want to tell him that I was sorry for letting my social status get in the way of how he felt about me and how I secretly felt about him, and I want to tell him that I looked up the word Imzadi and I know what it means. We are both married, and I am happy- I am not looking to leave my husband or anything, I love him. But I am wondering if it is appropriate to say those things, or maybe I should just leave it alone. Maybe I should just give him a hug and say how happy I am to see him. I really do want him to know that I am sorry, and that I looked up that word. I just don't want to cause any problems.
What do you think???
(link)
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I would speak with him, maybe away from others, but letting him know first of all that you don't expect him to leave his wife and you are not going to leave your husband. Then tell him that you regret never having honored his feelings 10 years ago and you wish you had acknowledged how he was feeling. It doesn't change anything now, but it will likely mean a great deal to him to hear how much you have grown. Tell him that you will always cherish your friendship and it means a lot to you to know that he loved you that much. If you can't do this, then write him a note and ask him to open it in private. Then he can forgive you and you can move on, knowing that high schoolers are just like that. You were maybe shallow. He was maybe needlessly torturing himself by pining for you when you didn't return his affection. You can both move on. I was surprised to see how much everyone had changed at my h.s. reunion. Good luck.
Sabine
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okay. it's kind of starting to freak me out ((i'm 18 female)) but i've been having some CRAZY dreams. a couple weeks ago me and my ex where arguing about how i was with this new guy. well that night i had a dream that me and him had sex, it was a detail dream. the thing is i've NEVER had sex with him. well last night i had another dream but it's like i was having sex with someone i didn't even know, it was also in detail. if it helps me and my now boyfriend had sex last night but then i had a dream about some other guy...is this normal? has anyone ever expericed something like this before? does anyone know what it means? (link)
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Most of us have raging hormones and some of us have sex dreams. ENJOY THEM. Maybe they mean something, maybe not. There's no harm in having sex in your dreams. Lucky girl!
Sabine
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Hi,
I've just discovered that two of my friends take mitdol and when i asked one of my friends what it was and what it did she looked at me like i was freaking phsyco and she was like umm..what do you take. And I just kinda sat there..like..um nothing? and she just thought i was crazy. so my question is what is mitdol and why are my friends taking it? should i take it? I mean i hear then complin aobut cramps and all that other crap but i never really get that.
btw were all 15/f (link)
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Google Midol. It's a PMS/menstrual drug with different formulations which contain various pain relievers, diuretics, and caffeine. If you don't have cramps or PMS, no, you shouldn't take it. Some women sail through their cycles with no cramping or bloating. I hate them. ;( JK.
Sabine
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sorry if this is long! i'm kind of confused. i'll start from the beginning. so, i hate my body. period. i find myself gross, even if everyone else say that i'm not. i'm short, and i'm stubby. i hate it, because it's genetic. once in awhile, i'll just look in the mirror, or i'll try on close and i just pretty much break down and start to cry. i'll put on clothes, take them off, put on new ones, take them off, because i feel so fat. yea, so basically i have a bad self-image, haha. alright, so this all started back in april-ish. this isn't always, but sometimes ill eat and i'll feel gross, so i'll purge. i feel good afterwords. i did this like sometimes 1 time a week, stop for 2 weeks, do it 3 times a week, etc. so that occured for like a few months. then i had surgery, and i coudln't really do anything physical (i was used to being able to do sports, running on a regular basis) so i started to do it again. then i stopped for 2 months. now i started to do it again. i just feel better after i get rid of the food. but it's like, one day i'll just eat regular, i'll go out to eat with my family and eat. then i'm like ew, i gotta get rid of this. but if i don't then i don't really care. but sometimes i'll try to do it and i feel like i cant get everything pu and i get so pissed off. then other times i can eat a lot but in my head i'm constantly counting the calories, but i'll eat it anyway and it doesn't bother me too much. i count calories on everything and throughout the day i try to estimate how mcuh i eat, but i don't really care.. i just do it. it's not like i'll kill myself if i have over 500 calories. ohh, and sometimes if i'm really stressed out, or if i get in a fight iwth my mom, etc. i'll purge , and i feel better. i guess it's kind of like cutting in a way. oh and i don't really want to talk to a counselor if it's not really a big deal either ( i don't want to draw attentionfor no reason) so i'm basically confused, do i have a problem? thanks so much.. and again sorry it was so long (link)
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Yes, what you're doing is a problem. You DO need to see a counselor, probably starting with your school counselor or nurse. You probably should talk to your mom. This is a maladaptive way of dealing with stress. It's not healthy and you shoud deal with it right away. People die from purging. Some unlucky ones, like Terri Schiavo, don't die right away. It's very dangerous. Please take care of yourself.
Sabine
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alright, so my ex boyfriend. i'm completely over him. well he has a new girlfriend and they've been going out for like, idk 8, 9 months? but in the hallways, when i walk past the, its like they maul eachother and start kissing and it seems like they're trying to make me jealous. i'm not paranoid either. other people have noticed this too. they'll see me coming and just start making out. it's disgusting and i just look right past them. his girlfriend used to be nice to me, but she's the really jealous type. she's such a bitch now. if she walks past me, she'll just look at my blankly but it's like a death stare, then she'll look away. she always talks to people around me, but compeltely ignores me. i mean, it's not like i want attention, but it's obvious that she hates me. she bascially hates any girl that looks at her boyfriend. but it's extremely annoying. why do they act like this? oh and btw- i have a boyfriend and we've been going out longer than them. so it's ont like i'm single and i'm a threat to her. so wtf? Haha, thanks! (link)
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What's wrong? Why do they act like that? Lack of maturity. Some people act this way because they love the drama of having to "fight for our love." Just don't play the game and you'll be fine. They're making asses of themselves and you're simply above it.
Sabine
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i just woke up this mouring and my left ear is muffled. im scared that im losing my hearing and i have a cold. what is my problem (link)
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I second what younggrandma said, but want to add this: you can try a few things. The first is over the counter guaifenesen (Mucinex). It will help dry up the fluid which is behind your eardrum, causing sound to be muffled. You can also drink warm fluids and massage the area of your neck under your ear to stretch the eustacian tubes and get them to drain. You can apply heat to the outside of your neck just below the ear. Finally, you can encourage your ear to "pop" by yawning or holding your nose, closing your mouth and blowing as if you were blowing your nose. DO THIS GENTLY so as not to burst your eardrum. If it's painful or you have fluid draining from your ear canal, see a doctor to prevent permanent hearing loss from scar tissue on the tympanic membrane (eardrum).
Sabine
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I really want to become a nurse when I grow up. I am very fascinated with the field, and what they do. I know so much about medicine, human anatomy, and other things. But I am doing so horribly in my Chemistry and Biology classes. I don't get a lot of it, and I know I would need to learn it in order to become a nurse.
I know Biology is partly on human anatomy but that's not what I am doing horribly on. Just generally on other stuff. And chemistry, I don't get anything in that class, and it frustrates me.
Does anyone have any tips to excel in these areas so I can better my chance of being a nurse? (link)
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While you got great advice from other responders, I also wanted to say (as a person who has taken these classes and worked in healthcare)that these classes can sometimes be "weed-out" classes. They separate those who are maybe not bright enough or committed enough to make it through. Some tips are: 1)Take it at a community college where you will be competing against, well, less academically-accomplished people than at a large university and transfer it in (Not all CC students are less accomplished, but some are.) 2) Ask your instructor for extra help. Ask the T.A.s attend office hours. Get extra resources, like flash cards for the biology. Employ learning techniques such as nmemonics and acronyms. 3) Find the smartest kids in the class and try to get a study group together. I would have never gotten through Neurobehavioral Psychopharmacology without that one! I didn't know a ribosome from a ligand-gated channel before I went in there.
Good luck, dear. Keep trying!
Sabine
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Alright so i have been going out with this guy for about 3 months, we dated 2 other times. We've known each other for a while && all that. He's sort of the clingy type and lowself esteem. I have a feeling that if him & i did have sex, he would get wayy too attached and clingy. He is attached already, but not that bad. Hes really amazing, but its like he thinks me and him have to hang out everyday.
Any ideas?
Thanks (link)
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Sorry, but there's a reason you two have already broken up twice. You are not compatible until he makes progress with is clingy/needy issues. He needs to understand boundaries and he'll probably learn that by seeing a pattern of when people start to get irritated with him. If he keeps going back to you and you keep taking him back, he's not going to learn what's reasonable and what's not. I think you should back off, not escalate the issue with sex.
Sabine
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How can achieve the curly hair i want? My hair is naturaly wavy but has started becoming dull & straight from past straighteners i used. Geling my hair is completely out of the question (i think it makes hair look oily, messy, and just all around gross)! I tired a variety of mousses and shampoos but nothing seems to work! The only way i can "kind of" get my hair to look curly is if i sleep with braids (but that isn't the look i'm going for). So please help me, is there anyway i can get my hair to look nice, full, thick, and cury/wavy without it getting tangly and knotty! I don't have enough time to sit there and actually curl my hair with a curling iron but it you have a good iron to suggest please tell me or even other shampoos, conditioners, & secret tips! Thank-you so much :] (link)
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Have you thought of a permanent wave? The spiral perms can look really nice.
Sabine
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Last night I was running on the tread mill and it was really weird I had to burp alot? hah is burping while running good, bad, normal. Or just something that was kinda weird. (link)
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I think it's likely that you were swallowing too much air while breathing hard. Look for a pattern in your breathing.
Sabine
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Does sex feel the same for the guy and girl?
or does it have different feelings? (link)
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Since very few of us have ever had sex as both a guy and a girl, I don't think anyone can really answer your question. The nerves stimulated are the same and the endorphins are probably the same, but sexual response varies by individual.
Sabine
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Would masturbating me considered a sin? I guess this question would be for Christians or something, but it doesn't have to be... (link)
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In some religions it's a sin, in some it's a sacrament. It is what it is. What you think is what matters.
My opinion: does it hurt anyone? No. Then it's not wrong.
Sabine
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I am 29 yrs old. I dont have any friends.I have a wonderful boyfriend who is very outgoing and confident.Every now and then he says I need to make some friends. I cant. What do I do, call some girl up and say will you be my friend?? How cheesy. I go out with him where his friends hang out but no one engages conversation with me.They do for a minute then go. I am an attractive person that is not the problem. But how does someone who was abused as a child, not allowed to have friends, phonecalls or sleepovers, and a 10 year marriage where I was not allowed to work or have friends, change and get friendships. It seems so out of reach for me.Help!!! (link)
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You need counseling to help reconcile your years of abuse, first. The counselor can help figure out what's wrong with your social approach that you don't make friends easily.
What you can do on your own is to find a group with interests similar to your own and become friendly with others. One of the biggest things you do to make friends is ask people about themselves. Find things in common. If, for example, a girlfriend of one of your boyfriend's friends says she likes cooking, ask her if she knows of any gourmet shops that sell calamata olives, for example. Ask her if she'd like to meet out sometime to do whatever your common interest is. See? Having friends is about learning about other people, finding common ground, and then sharing pleasant experiences together.
Good luck.
Sabine
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Dear Advisers,
Just call me scaredy, I'm female, age 17, and I'm really troubled... I stopped going to school because of my fears and I'm really scared... Its been 2 years already, almost 3. I really want to go back to school. But something is holding me back. Every time I meet my previous classmates, I feel insecure and I would sometimes run away from them literally. They are already in 2nd year college while I'm still in 12th Grade. I felt bad, now I am locking myself here in our house. I never went out for 4 months already... But I want to go back to school... So badly.... The only solution I can think of is that I move somewhere else... I hate here, I despise this place... But I will surely miss my parents, if I will move out. But if its the only thing that can make me go back to school, then I will... The only problem is.... I haven't told my parents yet... Also if I tell them, they will certainly say no... We are having financial problems recently and me moving could add up to that problem.... What should I do??? People have been telling me to fight my fears... But I can't... No matter what I do, I really can't... I can't.... (link)
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Dear, you have classical symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder. You should see a doctor to be diagnosed or to rule this out and seek treatment or counseling. I don't know whether a school nurse or a counselor could help you. School, a job, friends, and everything else in your life is dependent on your getting your anxiety under control. Nothing else can happen until you do that. Seventeen is NOT too old to be in high school. It is, in fact, average, so no one should be judging you. A change of scenery might do you good, but you may need to tough it out in your small town until you graduate or get your GED so you can move on to a college setting. There, you might be able to escape your past and fit in better. Most of all, though, get help for your anxiety. Good luck.
Sabine
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well,today is the first in a while that i've tried to make conversation.everything is coming off as very strange,and my train of thought is just jumbled up.i'm pretty much just talking nonsense and going on about things without even realizing it.what's up with that? (link)
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Okay. I'm going to state the obvious. Please see a doctor. It could be nothing. It could be something. You should start with your primary care doctor, who can refer you to a neurologist, pyschologist, or psychiatrist as needed. The fact that you aware of it and it upsets you is an indication that you need help.
Sabine
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ok im 13 years old and im home from school now for 2 days. ive been having horrible chest pains when i cough and take deep breaths. also i have a really sore throat. im so congested too and i have a fever. what do you think is wrong with me? (ive felt sick for the past week) (link)
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Yes, you need to see a doctor. The symptoms you describe could be viral or bacterial, but with the pain when you breathe, you should definitely see a doctor. The doctor will listen to your lungs and likely do a chest x-ray to make sure you don't have pneumonia or pleuritis. He or she may want to get a sample of anything you're coughing up to see if it grows any bacteria. It could also be a case of influenza. In any case, you should go see someone.
You can ask a parent for Tylenol or Advil for the pain and fever and guaifenesin (Mucinex)for the congestion. Drink warm fluids (like tea with honey) for the sore throat or eat popsicles if cool feels better. Try to take deep breaths even if it hurts because it will help you "unstick" your lungs and keep the air moving. Hold a pillow against your abdomen when you cough to see if it helps with the pain. Rest. Eat if you are able, even if you're not hungry. Chicken soup really is good for you.
I hope you feel better soon. :( Poor dear.
Sabine
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