lalathepinkbunny's

advice column

about

advice

Ok, well, let me start off by saying i'm a 7th grade girl. Today at lunch this kid named derek passed me a note and said it was from my friend brian. I took one of my girl freinds, tara, to the bathrooom and read the note. It was really orny and soft....it read, "Roses are read, Violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you......will you go out with me?". My friend tara started cracking up while i was numb and shocked from the note. I threw it in the trash and ignored brian the whole day. Now, me being quite popular (not rele popular, but popular as in knoing everyone in our grade and tlk to them and hang) and brian being shy and non-social. It's really weird and almost gross that he asked me out.....i rele don't know how to tell him that i don't want to go out with him at all so that he on't get embarrased and i won't get embarrased. Pleask tell me what i can write to him so he on't get hurt.
Thank-you so much for the help

I would not write him a note. Anyone could see it. Try calling him and telling him that you don't know him well enough to go out with him and that you just want to be friends so ya'll can get to know each other better. Hope im of help!!:)

[view]

hi again, thank you all so much, your answers and advice all helps but im still hurt. I cant believe i made such a fool of myself in moving too fast. i guess there is still a feeling for him, but its more hurt now thats filling my mind up more.

update on the whole issue. well, i contacted him after i wrote this question

see we were to go to dinner tonight, being friday night, so i was going to call to cancel, cos i wasnt up to it

i called and he answered

arrr. i mean just to here his voice sent shivers down and up my spine. it made me so nervous. anyway, i called and asked him if he was ok to talk to right now. and he said not really he is going out with his room-mate because she is leaving earlier that monday, so i am off to say goodbye.

i said, so where do i stand now, and he paused for so long, and i said what

he said nothing and then said, i dont know

so when can i see you, to talk. to try to clean slate my speediness in moving to fast with you,

and he said

well, hmmmm, well um, we can talk on monday. im off work.

so i was like, is this another one of his tricks, because when i go over there, again, i will have to try and contain my emotions, and feeling, and it may be hard. but im still confused on the whole issue. can i paste what he wrote to me yesterday night before i poored my heart out with hurt and sadness. i dont know why i did so, but unfortunatly i did, and i feel like a complete idiot. anyway, on monday night, this coming. i was invited to see TINA ARENA in concert. its 2nd row seats, and he will be there with his friend. well i went to visit his friend today, and i told him that i feel this way for him, and i feel like shit now and he wont return my calls.

well you have to give it time, he is just freaked by how fast you moved.

i was like, but he sent me those mixed messages

and his friend said, yes but you did move faster than normal people would do, i mean, if you want me to be honest, how do you know he is the guy for you, and i was like well, i dont, but i feel a feeling for him, and i just acted on it. may be the wrong way, but i cant change the way i do things or who i am.

his friend said to me 'do you want me to try and hint you toward him a little more, and see where it takes you, and i was speechless. i dont know i said. but he also said that i should take a few days off, dont call him. and just wait to hear from him.

i am seriously well, still have feelings for this guy, i dont know why, cos im hurt but i still cant help not knowing where i honestly stand with him.

by the way, my emotional outburst the night before was only caused by this comment

i messaged him on the dating website and said hi. this is what he wrote back.

Ummm yeah interesting profile....... I know that ive sent this profile a message before and never received anything back.
Anyway this isnt going to happen, friends is cool, but im 21 and still interested in enjoying myself, and no thats not saying i want to fuck around its saying that i am happy with how i am at the moment, and mabey you need someone who is also inexperienced, kinda hard to explain........

well can you understand why i poored my heart out so fast to him now, because i then retreat back and try to make sense of what happened when he put his head on my lap and stroked my legs.

i was so emotional i again scared him off.

so back to todays call, trying to cancel the dinner. i called him, he answers and said he was off to say goodbye to friends. i was like on, he said come over monday and we can chat, i was like on will you message me, and he was like silent.

i really dont know whats left to do. his friend contacted be just before i started writing this response. he said that its ok to come to tina arena. i asked him, and he said fine as long as i dont destroy the concert for him, he is fine....

i feel like i dont want to go now, based on that comment. i may have dissed his clothes and watch earlier, but he is far more hurtful that i was ever.

i guess i want to see the concert but i dont want to destroy it for myself becoming so silent because of him next to me, when all i want to do is hold his hand and say sorry for the past week.

i wanna tell him i love him, but i know that will destroy it, but im sure its love cos i cant stop thinking of him, i cant even keep my brain on work. its so hard. im so hurt.

what do i do....

should i go on monday morning, cos i want to, but im afraid to

he said that he is just after friends. thats it, but i still feel kind of violated, and hurt.

like my heart has been ripped out, and keeps being placed back in just to get re-torn out.

if i say goodbye, this town is only so small, and im sure ill run into him, and feel like a complete shit again.

so, i dont know

basically i feel like i should go, tell him one last time that he has hurt me, and if he says nothing or tells me it will never happen i will again feel like it was a waste of time.

i want to grab him and kiss him one last time, to see if there is anything still there, but again, like his friend has said, i would be moving too fast.

oh boy oh boy, im so bad at this whole thing.

i mean ive done the casual scene, but im now 25 and feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually ready for a relationship, it was the first time i have connected like that with a guy. it was so different to the others.

see this is what i want, i want to invite him over and cook for him, i want to light a candle, and sit and talk over wine, i want to kiss him and see if i can pass on this intensity that i have inside me. but i fear it will never happen,

yeah i know im moving too fast, but i cant help these feelings.

sometimes i wish i didnt meet him last weekend. cos i know i would have still a working heart, without hurt.

by the way, i am lonely, and i guess what i saw in him was trust and warmth, but it went cold for some reason.

i dont know anymore, i will give it one last try, and speak to him, and share my feelings, but should i speak love or chemistry.

i am deeply emotional, but i feel from my heart, not my body. if you all reading this i wish you could feel this feeling for one brief moment, the intensity, the completity, the heart exploding, um its a nightmare right?

thank you again. until the next update.

Well I never read your update from before, but I think I kinda get what is happening. I think that you should try talking to him about it. If he gets scared away by the fact that you love him, then he eithr doesn't know what his true feelings are for you, or he just doesn't really like you. Also, try apologizing first for what has happened. Tell him exactly why you moved too fast. Maybe he will learn to forgive you for it. But, if he gets scared off by you loving him, then he just isn't worth it. You need to move on. But ask him to be friends with you. Because then yall will be able to get closer as just friends and learn to trust each other, and maybe it will turn into love someday if its meant to be. In the meantime, try to find yourself someone around your age who might be ready for a realtionship too. I know it sounds hard to move on, but you can get through it, especially with the help of your friends. Love you, hope I helped!

[view]

the problem is my parents want us to break up because of things he's said aboutt hem on his xanga, and they think he's a bad influnce(spelling) on me. ack, but im not going to break up with him because we love eahc other so much, and he's hot, lol.

Honey, you so should not break up with him just because he talks about your parents. That will happen with every single boyfriend you have. Just talk to him about it before you make a final decision, its not fair to him if you don't.

[view]

OK, there are 2 parts to this. There is this guy at my school that I really like and I know he likes me back!! But I don't know how to tell him!! I had a crush on him since last year and people say I should ask him out. But you see, I have NEVER been on a date and I'm 13 years old!! Everytime I think about him I feel like I want to kiss him so badly. He just got a haircut and now he looks even cuter, that it's driving me crazy!! OK, the 2nd part is that ever since these 2 girls found out that we liked each other they have been teasing like "So, how's your boyfriend?" He has been acting weird like we used to flirt a lot and he would always smile at me and do nice things to me now he doesn't do that anymore!! Do you think he dosn't like me no more!!?? PLEASE TELL ME!! Sorry it's so long!!

He probably does like, but doesn't know that you do. Tell him how you feel and see if he feels the same way. If not, then just ask if yall can be friends. I know it sounds hard, but I lived through it. luv ya!!!!:)

[view]

theres a girl that i like but she has a boyfriend, is there anything i can do or do i just have to wait?

My advice to youis just to wait it out. If you really like her you will be able to wait for her until shes ready. However, don't spring the question on her right after the relationship if it does, give her a week or so. LAso try talking to her about it now, tell her how you feel, she might like you to. Hope I helped!
luv ya!!

[view]

ok so here's the thing...There is this boy that had a crush on me last year and I didn't like him that way. But this year we are flirting w/ each other like crazy and I don't know if he likes me. How do I know!! I mean guys flirt w/ me but most of them just do it for fun, and I think I may really like this by now! HELP! I rate 5 for the effort!

If you are to scared to ask him yourself, have one of your friends ask him for you, or you could ask one of his friends if he has any trustworhty friends. If not, then just keep flirting, or make the first move...

[view]

ok my I dumped my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and now i really like him but he acts weird he flirts with me one minuite then round his friends he doesn't wanna know me but I think he still likes me but he keeps saying he's got his other girlfriend pregnant and I'm sick of hearng iit because I think he's lying what should I do I'm really confused please help me

if he has another girlfriend and is flirting with you, then he is a true playa. I would just try my best to forget about him, and try to move on. As for the whole pregnancy thing, I would just talk him about it but only when hes alone. or you can talk to his girlfirend about it. Hope I helped.

[view]

What are somethings you can add to coffee to make it taste better. I hate coffee with nothing in it, and I need ideas on what to add.

**I Rate High**

Add cream(or milk), sugar, whipped cream, cinnamon, honey, chocolate, ice cream. Pretty much anything that is sweet you can add.

[view]

theres this guy i like, his name is collin. hes really good friends with my friend jessica. i think collin likes me but thinks he doesnt have a chance with me. i've asked him to come to dances and stuff with us but he always doesnt come. i know he likes me alot and i like him but he just doesnt know i like him. i guess what im asking is how do i get him to notice i like him without seeming too obvious?? thanx alot

Start flirting with him, just not too much. And if he can't take your hint, then ask him out or something. If you really like him as much as it sounds, then just take a chance. If it soesn't work out, then yall werent meant to be.

[view]

Sorry this is long, i rate high though! :)

The guy i used to date over the summer on and off started REALLY hitting on me last night. He practically offered for me to have sex with him (dont worry, i wouldnt have sex, but i could tell he wanted to do something with me) Then he told off this person for me that was pissing me off. And he said i owed him one. And I asked what he wanted from me. And he said he wanted to make out with me. (Keep in mind this was online so we couldnt have made out right then and there) So i said ok, because i still have feelings for him. Then a little later i asked if he liked me, or just wanted to make out with me. And he said "I dunno, never thought about it..." What do you think about all of this? Should i go for it?

If he doesn't know about wehter he just wants some from you or if he likes you then he is probably just tryin to get ur goodies. I wouldn't go for it. He just obviously doesn't really care about you very much. All he wants is what you got.

[view]

I'm 13/f, and I've been really sad lately. I'm in 8th grade, and for a while I had a lot of excitement in my life; I had my bat mitzvah during the summer, and I've been feeling that my life has been dull. I had been sad about my friends and guys, sad in general, especially at night. One night, I got so sad I cut myself...
I'm feeling depressed and I don't know what to do:(
-what do i do?-
*depressed

My friend recently had her bat mitzvah too. Sad in general isn't very specific, it would have helped more if you had said why. i mean boy trouble, friend trouble they are so different. I have had plenty of problems involving both. I fyou are so dpressed that you are cutting yourself you need to talk to a groen up you trust. i was thinking about commiting suicide, i talked to a school counselor about it and things are getting better slowly. Sometimes it just helps to get your problems off your chest.

[view]

My best friend and I were both dumped by this one guy, and we both still like him. Just about everyone says that he still likes me, but I don't want to hurt her feelings and I also don't want to take a risk and ask him out again, because he's the kind of nice guy that will say "yes" just to advoid hurting your feelings. That and he seems to be just cycling through girls right now, one of my other friends says that it's just his hormones kicking in, but I just can't believe that even though it's possible. However both his best friend and his little brother say that he really likes me, so what if he asks me out? I *really* like him, but again I don't want to lose a friend over it, but because he and I are pretty close friends, it seems that that's gonna happen, no matter what. What should I do? Is there a way to adviod losing a friend?
(If it helps any, all 3 of us are 14)

I'm in the same situation kinda. I think you should talk to your friend about it first. There will be jealous feelings if you so go out with him, but a true friend would learn to move on.

[view]

Well i've been into this guy for a few months. When i met him, he unfortunately had a gf. and i had some of his friends jst come to me & tell me that he liked me.. and that didnt love his gf. that got me confused.
anyway now he doesnt have a gf because he broke up with her. and he told me playing around that he got pissed at her andt thats why he ended it. but then he told me that they took a "break" because they went off track(vacation) for 2 months.
well the thing is .. we have this obvious attraction between us. and 1 of his bestfriends always tells me that HES INTO ME alot. and wlel i try to ask him .. well i do. i ask him alot of questions having to do with his feelings towards me .. and hes always answering "i dont know". and the other day he said "you ask questions that are unexplainable". i dont know what to do!!
how can i get him to tell me straight out how he feels??? (by the way .. the most weve done is just HUG.. even if weve had opportunities to do more., so i know he wouldnt just act like he likes me, because hes "GETTING" anything. YOU KNOW?) PLEASE HELP!!!

..[14yr-female-tenth grade]

(PS: I really appreciated the 2 people that gave me advice the last time .. but i need the point of views of more hcicks that can help me!! TAHNKS ALOT YOU GUYS!!)

You should just come right out and telll him how you feel first, and if that doesn't spark anything, then he probably doesn;t like and his friends are lying. He seems really confusing and if he doesn't come out with his emotions soon, I would just forget him, or ask him and tell hime you're not leaving until you get a straight answer.
( P.S. Talk to him when noone else is around.)

[view]

SO yeah .. there's this guy. I'm not sure what grade he's in. But everytime I am near him ..walking past him or just standing there.. he always turns to look at me. Just stares at me.. dead in the eye..sometimes even smiles.
the thing is .. i know who this guy is. well i know who most of his friends are.
i told one of my friends about him .. "hey theres that 'creepy' guy that always stares at me.. thats him".. and shes like "ohh thats him? I know him!".. and she told me his name..."oh he thinks youre pertty!" and i said "really? how.. why what has he said?" and she said "um, we were in the bus and we saw you walking outside and he asked me 'hey do you think that girl is pretty?'..and I was like yeah." And she said that most likely he didnt just ask if he thought i was pretty because he didnt think i was! u know? Well thing is.. i always see him right.. and I WISH i had the courage to talk to him.
its so cute too.. this past thursday i was going to my 2nd period and there he was coming my direction..with his hair covering his face as he looked at me between the spaces of his hair.. and i moved to the side and i noticed he got nervous because he stopped to let me pass by. I smiled as i kept walking because i thought it was funny.
i would like to get to nkow him.. just talk to him.. man.. i need help...

thing is.. most of hsi friends KNOW ME (i dont know all theirnames).but they know who I am... and most of their CHICK friends dont like me because of this girl that started rumors about me because the guy that she liked.. liked me instead.(which i never went out with .. yet)..
i cant explain myself.. PLEASE HELP

[14 yr female gr10]

You should just gather up your courage, you shouldn't care about what other people think of you. If he is influenced by what others think of you, then he really isn't worth it all. if you can't gather up your courage, then have your friend, from the story, talk to him for you and find out more about him.

[view]

I am 15 (almost 16) and I'm a female. There are some guys at school that like me. I know this because they have said it to me or to my best friend. One is a year older than me, and he kinda scares me. He doesn't know what flirting is. He kinda acts as though we are going out right now, but we're not and probably never will. He's always touching me and tries to get me away alone. What should i do about him?
Then there is this other guy. Lets say his name is Joe. Joe is really sweet and he respects me and my boundaries. I've liked him since last year and he just told me that he likes me as well. But, there are a few problems with that. First, I'm not allowed to date til I'm 16 (January), and then there is the guy that I described above. Its like he is trying to get Joe and I farther apart. The first guy is really starting to disturb and scare me. Joe and I like each other a TON, but then there is the other dude. What is your advice for this situation? What would you do to tell the other dude that you're just not interested in him like that? And what should Joe and I do? Thanks in advance.

Signed,
Confused and Weirded Out

Start off by telling the guy to start respecting your boundaries and if he doesn't back off then tell him off but try to do it politely if you can. After that, I would just tell Joe you'll go out with him and wait till your sixteen to actually go on dates. If you have a boyfriend, this other guy might start to back off and realize you are taken and there's nothing he can do about it.

[view]

dear advicenators i have a friend who cuts herself i havent known her for a long time bcz i just moved here but she does it and she cant stop !!! i would like some advice on how to help her stop ...

thanx

My sdvice is to tell someone. A school counselor, a teacher, somone's parents, just anyone. You can't help her in any way. trust me I've been through it before. you need to tell and adult who can get her help fast.

[view]

my boyfriend has been a real jerk lately. we planned to go see the grudge last friday and he backed out because he had no money. i found out why he had no money for the movies was because he bought weed with the money he had. he told me he stopped smoking weed 2 weeks ago. also, we went to the mall and he just sat with his friends n whispered n laffed n ignored me. i was like "call me tonight" wen we left and he wasl ike okay i will i promise. and he didnt. he didnt call all day saturday either. and today hes surpose to come over to go trick or treatin with all of our friends. but i still havent heard a word from him. should i call him n see if hes still coming? or just forget bout it and go out with my gurls?

I would just go out with my girls. There's relly nothing you can do if he isn't doing what he said he was going to do except for break up with him. And as for the whol weed thing, I would report that to someone because he needs serious help, that could kill him. And if you really care about him, you would help him even though he will probably hate you for it. It's a risk you'll have to take, and maybe intime he'll realize you did it for him. Well, I hope things get better you. God bless you.
Lauren

[view]