Imperfectionist's advice column

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Q: The other night I had a dream that I was sat with my boyfriends parents talking to them. The next day, I saw my boyfriends auntie and she came over to me telling me she had a dream about me and it was the exact same dream as I had too! Me and her aren't close at all, we normally just say hi. Can this be a sign of the future? We come from different backgrounds/religion and it's still early months yet, so we haven't told our parents or far family and we're too young for marriage. Has anyone ever experienced this and it actually happened in the future? I just find it really weird and I'm really interested in to know what this means.

I don't believe in psychic stuff and fortune telling but I don't not believe if you know what I mean. In other words, it's possible maybe this is some sort of premonition. But dreams are kind of weird. They are mostly based on you, your thoughts, your emotions, and etc. It sounds like you both subconsciously realize you're not very close and would like to change that in some way.

Q: When me and my girlfriend met we were both very slim and fit. We watched what we ate and were always at the gym. We also used to make fun of the fat people in our group of friends.

We have been living together for years now (since graduation) and the scale has risen and so have our thighs. I have got a big potbelly now, and her buttocks have gotten huge. I guess it's just overindulgence in the sweets (cakes and pies on dates, donuts with our feet up watching TV).

Bottom line, though, our friends from college (we all graduated 2 years ago and have been quite busy) invited us to wing night to reunite again (and it does sound fun). But, the last time they saw us we were wearing tight jeans, nice shoes on me, heels on her. Now, I wear sweatpants with socks and sandles, and my girlfriend wears stretch pants with slippers.

On top of that, they have all been dieting and spending time in the gym, so they all lost the weight.

So my question is: should we go to wing night, a night that involves eating messy food with your hands, when we both got fat? (even worse, we used to be the skinny couple that made fun of the fatties in the group), now I can barely button my pants, she complains that she can't see her slippers when she looks down, and we both are out of breath, grabbing our knees after we go up a few stairs.

I just dont want the people who know us as the "fitness elitists" to see us walk in slowly, breathing heavily. Not to mention, the sight of us sitting with a pile of wings, with sauce all over ourselves, eating with our hands.

I also feel bad for my girlfriend because one of our friends whose weight my girlfriend joked about a lot, will be there, and she too has lost it all. It doesn't seem fair that she should be able to watch her pig out on a sloppy meal.

So, should we go?

Actually I think you guys should go. You guys gaining weight, it's called Karma or getting a taste of your own medicine. It's the universe's payback for all those times you guys thought you had the right to not only judge people but ridicule them. You both need to think about how the way you act and think effect other people.
But you should go. If those people are your friends they won't care, they won't judge you but if your friends are anything like yourselves can't say they won't.
And that shows what kind of people YOU two are.
Pick better friends. Make better decisions. Open up your mind.

Q: Whenever I give my boyfriend a hickey it fades super quick or doesn't even leave a mark. Any tips?

I'm sorry, totally laughed. I see you like marking your territory on your boyfriend (totally get it). You might have to do it either a little harder or longer. Like say you are sucking on his neck, you might have to suck in your lips a little bit more or hold your suction in for a longer amount of time. BUT also did you ever ask your bf if he gets rid of them?

Q: I am confused on how to make myself orgasm

Every women is different really. Some can have orgasms without physical contact and some have never orgasmed. I would honestly just look it up on a search engine such as google. There are so many sexual howtos and techniques you can find that I wouldn't even know which one to send you. And you can always try them out. Don't be disappointed when one doesn't work because another might. And there also is a small percentage of people who can't make themselves orgasm, it has to be through another.

Q: What are polatees?

I am not familiar with Polatees. When I googled it I got some sort of fb page >.< I think you might have meant "pilates" and like the other user said it's a form of exercising.

Q: Yes, you can get these dresses here, (link removed) of all kinds.

(Despite this being asked by a spammer, it got really good answers, so it stays for the sake of those answers.)

Not sure if this is spam or an actual questions but the answer is no. They don't have to be the same, every detail is up to the people getting married or organizing the wedding.

Q: So, there are two people at this point in life I would call my best friends. There's a guy, my age(19), who for all intents and purposes will be referred to as Bob, and a girl a year younger than us, who I'll call, oh, I don't know, Jasmine I guess.

We've all graduated high school and work in the area, and Bob and I hang out close to every day. Jasmine on the other hand doesn't get to hang out with us very often because we usually work opposite shifts. On the occasion that I do see Jasmine, it's usually in public and she always makes a very sneaky, yet high-energy and flirty entrance.

She'll always sneak up from behind and hug me tightly, or tickle just under my ribs, or something along those lines. She's always so happy to see me, sticks close and always has some kind of contact, and always has a smile on her face. Now, I understand this is how a lot of girls are with their friends, but she isn't. She - and I, too, actually - hate physical contact with practically everyone. She has literally - on several occasions - noticed me or my car somewhere and stopped in to surprise me.

This is how I know her to act when she's flirting. It's how she's acted with boyfriends in the past, and with her current boyfriend, only even more so with me. And I don't mind, except the fact that we're both in serious relationships.

If she wasn't living with a boyfriend and I hadn't been in the same relationship for 3 and a half years, I would love it. She's very attractive, completely adorable, and I've always felt a connection with her. Our personalities

But, because we've both been in relationships, I've done my best to remain sort of ambiguous about my interactions with her. I don't want to encourage anything, but I don't want to falsely act as though I'm not at all attracted to her.

So, what should I make of this and how should I handle it? Should I ignore it for now, or talk to her about it? Sorry for the long question.

Thanks in advance for any opinions!

As you said, you both are in relationships so before you even go down that path of talking to her do you feel talking about this could change your friendship is what you need to ask yourself? And what will you do if you find out she does have feelings or maybe even doesn't? These are things you do need to think about before even talking to her. Because if you know it's going to change your friendship and you don't want to be with her (because you're happy with who you're with) it's better to avoid the convo. Especially when she is with someone too. Because this is a complex situation I can't really give you advice only kind of guide you too. So think about the effects of talking to her about it and how you feel about her. Hopefully the decisions you make work out for you.

Q: Hii ... 15F!*
So I'm crazy inlove with this guy. But he had a gf. They broke up and we held movie night and I invited him. Whe stated cuddeling and he kissed me on "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ hand and head and whe kissed and french kissed. Whe held hands. There was another guy just sitting loanly so I asked him to come sit by me and "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ crush said he can. But before we took them home the guy(who sat next to me) wantes to give me a hug. And then "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ crush said no. Does this mean he likes me??

That story was a little bit all over the place but since he just broke up with his gf, I can only say maybe. It seems he may have an interest in you and maybe it will develop into a crush. But just make sure everything between him and his ex are completely over because you don't want to be just a rebound or a way to get back his ex.

Q: Do the female in the porn videos get orgasms or they just fake it

Most of them fake it, but i'm sure there are some videos where they really are orgasming. Like squirting, i'm pretty sure that would be hard to fake.

Q: I LOVE ANIME!!! [Japanese cartoons]........ but I dont know anyone who I can really talk about it too.....it's starting to bother me.....got an idea?

Anime and mangas are amazing. They have lots of forums, my favorites happen to be on crunchyroll and they use to have a chat little thingy on the side of justdubs i have no clue if they still do. But yeah i totally get you on the anime thing. my wrist tattoos and a lot of my tattoos that i have already drawn out and planned are from several different anime/manga. My most recent is my wrist which says "Kuroi Namida" which is a song title performed by the band Black Stones on the anime NANA. It means "black tears" and the lyrics translated from the kanjis are ... amazing. One thing I do recommend about anime is definitely read the manga (the book versions) too because in the anime they tend to leave out story lines or extra bonus stuff or sometimes even characters all together. and sometimes they end the anime at a spot that isn't even halfway through the manga series. I have no clue why. Sucks major dookie.

Q: Any man want to have s fun with me?

Sorry, but this is an advice column. I recommend matchmaker, eharmony, meet me, tagged... anywhere but here. Have a good day.

Q: 7years I have liked this guy, we met up, and spoke for those entire 7 years. everything was going great until 2 weeks ago. My sister slept with him in my bed! whilst my cousin was asleep in there!!. I am heartbroken and so confused. It started when I txt him, he was feeling down so I thought what the hell me, my sister and my mates were going for drinks so he could join us for a cheer up. So my sister knew how I felt I mean all I have done for those 7years is talked to him. She slept with him that night, and today they have gone out on a date behind my back instead of telling me the truth. Tears prick in my eyes every time I mention it. when I confronted her about that night she laughed and smirked at me as tears ran down my face. I have to live with her which makes it worse! I just need to know what to do?? because it is taking every ounce of me not to hit her. and what is confusing me is that I am not mad at him but I should be right?? help me please...

You shouldn't just be mad at her, be mad at him. I hate when girls do that, blaming only the girl. You can't just blame and be mad at the sister, because you two were talking and he slept with her?! the heck?! Now about your sister, she probably for other reasons because the fact she smirked and laughed in your face, there is another issue there. In fact she probably doesn't like the guy she just knows you do. Now, i'm not saying you should hate your sister, or pretend she doesn't exist but I am saying there is nothing wrong with not being so close to family, especially if they screwed you over... probably on purpose. But yeah, forget the guy. He can go fall off a cliff, cares about nobody else. and your sister she has problems. so just do you. but keep your sister from a distance until the day you can talk about things and she realizes she was wrong for that.

Q: I'm at a lost for words.. I met a beautiful girl when I came back home from my deployment she was perfect for me when been together for 2 years till she wanted a break, it hurted me but I support her because I just want her to be happy hopefully I was the one for her. I got a ring and was ready because she wasn't over me, she came to my place and we made love all night told her I loved her she said it too. The next day she told me she was talking to someone eles. She moved in with him and already engaged with him. Our relationship was so perfect now I don't know if I'll find love again.

I'm going to be brutally honest, eff that girl ... okay? She doesn't deserve you. And the fact she can say she loves you and then go back to that guy... she doesn't love you or at least she doesn't know what love is. She probably wanted a break because she was seeing that guy and she picked him over you, there is no doubt with that statement. and she choose him not once but twice by opening her damn legs for you and giving you all that pillow talk yet she is with him now? You can do better. You will do better. And she will learn karma is a b-word.

Q: I always read about girls getting crushes on their male teachers but I wonder if the same thing happened with boys and female teachers

Yes, of course.

Q: i used to love the classic Disney Cartoons as a kid they did great in the 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s 70s 80s 90s and early 20000s back when i really loved disney i used enjoy toon disney becuase it had wonderful cartoons but whats popular with Disney now is shows that i really cant stand such as Ant Farm Austin and Ally Shake it Up Good Luck Charlie and i regret the days when Hannah Montana Wizards of Waverly Place and Jonas were popular im real sick of it why did that all happen

Because television networks try to adjust themselves on the intended viewers. They try to give the viewers what they think they want. And even though you may not like the programs, the generation growing up now actually does... Lord knows why because the shows they make now adays are terrible but it's all about supplying the customer's demands, man. and making theee mula

Q: Hi everyone,

I'm a young teen, and I have been a Christian for most of my life. But I don't always feel like I'm meant to be a Christian.

I would like to mention that I'm lesbian, and I have known this for a long time. My church teaches that this is a sin and that being gay is a choice. But I certainly didn't choose to be this way.

They often say that people need to do what Jesus tells them to do, and they say that if you believe in Jesus, you will like the opposite sex. But I do believe in Jesus. . . .

People from my church sometimes talk about that verse from the Bible that condemns homosexuality. Yeah, I know. I read that several times when I was trying to become straight.
They also say that God hates gays. But I love God deeply and don't want to think that He hates me.

I don't think God hates anyone, not even people like me. He is all-forgiving and merciful. It doesn't make sense that he would hate.

I know it seems like I'm just saying my opinion. But I really want to find the truth. Does God really hate me? And is being gay really a sin?

Thank you for any advice! Please don't judge me.

Well, this I guess is just my opinion too but I do not believe God hates gays. He doesn't hate any of his creations. He loves us and he made us the way we are. Everybody says being gay is a sin but when God made you he knew what you'd be because God knows everything things that have happened already and things that will. At least this is what I have seen. If he hated gays or didn't want them he never would have created them. I can't really say if being gay is a sin or not because in my opinion despite the bible I don't think it really is and if it is it doesn't matter a damn bit. We are all SINNERS. There isn't one person on this planet who has not sinned.

Q: So I use to date this guy we'll call him L but then he got too needy and clingy so I broke up with him and started dating this other guy named K. Now K was equally needy and clingy in his own way but for some reason I didn't mind I could take it and when he talks about sweet stuff I get all sorts of butterflies yet when L talked about the same exact stuff I would get annoyed and tell him to just stop. I don't get it why do you think that is?

Welp, because you probably didn't have the type of feelings you have for L that you had for K. You weren't being mean to L on purpose, you just probably didn't have strong feelings enough for him to overlook those little pet peeves because when you care for someone a lot you do tend to overlook those annoying little things.

Q: I've already reported your site to Google and other search engines. I hope they kick your sad sorry butts off the net, or that Obama does something about sites like this, where any idiot can answer a question like "What's the fastest way to commit suicide?" I'm a reporter doing an expose, and believe me I will expose your site and others who are allowing this type of thing to occur! God help you if a parent finds the site up on their child's computer after such a suggestion is made and the teen carries out their suicide attempt in the exact manner as a teenager told them to do.

Isn't the world cruel enough? Where do you people get your values from? Or do you have any at all?

Pull out a bible and try reading it sometime!

A concerned mom

Hey, there concerned mom. I don't know what site you are looking at because as long as I been using Advicenators I have never seen someone on here actually offer a suggestion on how to commit suicide mostly because I'm pretty sure that would be removed immediately and that person wouldn't be allowed to use this site but also because not all of us here would like to read the news one day and see the story of some young persons suicide and recognize it and blame ourselves for i don't know what ETERNITY so next time you come on your little high horse trying to act like you are any better than anyone on here get your facts f**king straight. K? Thanks. And instead of throwing stones in a probably dirty disgusting glass house, how about reaching out to some of those people on here that post questions asking things like that.

Q: Here are some things I do like: Greenday, 311, Sum41, Rise Against, Linkinpark, the Beatles, Nirvana, Zebrahead, Propagandhi.

Um... i'll name some bands they might not all be punk rock but these are some that comes to mind when i read the ones you listed and in case you never listened to them before i'll put a song by each in parentheses that i recommend. blink 182 (miss you or first date), simple plan (perfect world), good charlotte (lifestyles of the rich and the famous), kittie (spit), korn (thoughtless), powerman 5000 (when worlds collide), rob zombie (living dead girl), 30 seconds to mars (the kill), AFI (miss murder), all-american rejects (move along), disturbed (down with the sickness), System of a down (chop suey), evanescence (bring me to life or lithium), flyleaf (all around me), fireflight (unbreakable or liar), Godsmack (voodoo),hoobastank (the reason), incubus (drive), jimmy eat world (the middle), the latency (tonight), theory of a deadman (not meant to be), shinedown (second chance), kidney thieves (crazy), limp bizkit (break stuff)marilyn manson (mobscene or the new shit) our lady peace (somewhere out there), papa roach (scars), puddle of mudd (blurry), saving abel (addicted), silverstein (their version of apologize by one republic is so amazing, slipknot (wait and bleed), three days grace ( hard to pick one there... um never too late or are you ready or i hate everything about you), Trapt (headstrong), tricky (excess), the used (on my own or taste of ink), static x (cold), deftones (change).

Q: 19/f I went through a deep, long episode of depression. I absolutely loathed myself. It escalated to where I was cutting, and I nearly attempted suicide. I had a drink and a bottle of pills ready one night, the only thing that stopped me was the thought of being a buzz-kill for my father's huge 50th birthday event coming up. Before and after that, suicide was almost all I thought about.

I was pretty dang overweight. I wanted to get out of this dark abyss, and not that losing weight would be what would make me worth something, but I didn't want weight to hold me back anymore. It's been about 3 or 4 months since I decided to really start losing weight. I've been extremely loyal to my diet, and have lost quite a bit of weight. Everyone is noticing and complimenting me. It used to be just people I hadn't seen in a while, but now even people I see every day are saying I look great. I'm far from done, but here's the issue.

Instead of loathing myself, at the beginning of the month I realized I'm kind of tolerating who I am now. I'm starting to feel proud of what I look like. Instead of staring into the mirror glaring at the person looking back, I'm noticing how parts of me are shrinking and getting firmer, and it makes me feel pretty awesome. I couldn't see at first, but now I'm noticing and it's a pretty awesome feeling. My journey is far from over, but I've made some good progress.

What I'm worried about is, I don't want to equate my self-worth with how much I weigh. I'm worried that my hatred is going away because I'm starting to look good. I don't want to depend on my looks for my worth. SO, is it normal to feel this way when losing weight? How can I differentiate loving myself for real/ just loving how I look that day? I want to be careful, because I want to like being me for me, not for the compliments and approval I'm getting. I don't know, does anyone know how I feel?

There is nothing unusual about the way you are feeling right now. You felt unhappy with yourself and when you don't feel good bout yourself whether it be appearance or even a personality reason or even someone else making you feel that way, you will be unhappy depressed and other things until something else shifts. For people who are unhappy with their appearance when they alter or change that "flaw" they tend to feel more comfortable with themselves and happy. So yes, it is normal. And Kudos to you for the weight loss.

bio

Hi, thanks for coming to my column.

The name is Diamond but Dia is fine.

20, female, jersey girl at heart. mixed race taurus natured woman.

So...the reason I made this was during the start of my senior year of high school I had reached a point in my life where I didn't want to live anymore. I was tired of fighting and didn't see the reasons to fight. It was a random stranger that made me realize I would be stupid to take my life and to stop fighting.

So if you think I'm going to tell you life gets easier, I'm not. Let's face it, it doesn't get easier. Through pain you get stronger and learn to open your eyes to those things that give you strength to live.

Mine happen to be music, writing, dr. pepper, anime, the color black, the way rain sounds, and an amazing boyfriend. What gives you strength to live?