I guess this isnt really a question, more of an opinion and/or your relation or differences to this topic. Its about my parents control over me..they dont care what I do. Ever. 15/F. Chicago. I have no curfew..weekday or weekend, no 'chores', they don't care who i'm hanging around with, my mom knows i smoke marijuana. I can, and do, leave the house for days without them calling my cell phone and asking what i'm doing and where I am. I've left the town and state for days numerous times. I get good grades in my private school though and only got in trouble with the police once. I think i'm a pretty good kid. I am going to ozzfest this year and they dont care. I'm always in bad neighborhoods and whatnot. So, basically, whats your opinions on my parents? I dont think theyre being very resposible.
Dear Parents Don't Care,
I'm so sorry to hear that your parents aren't showing you the love & concern you need. I'm sure it leaves you feeling unloved & maybe a little invisable, which is a hard way to live!
Often times, there's a temptation to do things (cutting, drugs, alcohol, permissive sex) to try and get them to pay attention; I hope you won't hurt yourself (in any way) for this reason!
The other side of this is that you really need to tell them how you're feeling! They maybe be so caught up in their lives that they've completely ignored that fact that you still need them. It might just help them wake up.
I'm convinced that speaking with someone about this would be in your best interest. How about a teacher or school counselor you know? I know there are also anonymous 24 hr "teen hotlines," sometimes called "crisis hotlines," and you could google the topic, or call the local "information & referral" agency in your area. These I&R's keep directories (lists) of various programs, services, groups etc. that people need help finding.
Listen, sometimes we have to make "family" with those who come into our lives. When I was growing up, I felt more understood and cared for by others than by my own parents. With an alcoholic father and my mother going crazy taking care of 8 children, neither of them gave me much individual attention. Just know that it's okay to reach out for support with this, and without a doubt, you're worth caring about!
Please give your parents a chance to make things right with you. It's important to let them know how you are feeling!
I wish you well, dear one, and I hope your parents wake up to the valuable gift they're missing out on...YOU!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Can anyone on here tell me they know the feeling of absolute despair? That's what I've been going through for the past several months. The past week has been really bad. I haven't been able to think, to focus, to sleep, even to talk is hard because I can't seem to put words behind it. Even my schoolwork is suffering. In my English class for an in-class essay, I couldn't write it. I just couldn't get past the prompt "Choose a novel or play in which a character experiences a point of no return in his life, where his life will never be the same again, and explain its impact on the character." I just couldn't write about that because it so closely paralelled what I'm going through right now.
Please don't think I'm just some 13 year old girl who needs to rebell. I'm 17 and I'm graduating at the end of this year, and everything in my life has been coming to a head. My schoolwork is suffering because I can't seem to find the passion that I used to have for seeking out knowledge, my home life is hell because my mom is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, and she's trying to block my entrance into college in the fall. I just feel like everything's falling apart and I can't get through this time.
I feel an intense desire to just quit life, to seek out the absolution of death, just to escape the hell I'm living right now. But I'm too afraid to do it. I can't just draw a razor across my wrist. I've already talked to people about this, my high school principal, the director of social services, and a really big source of support has been my boyfriend. But I can't do this anymore, I can't drag anyone else into it, I can't talk one more time and force myself to think about my pitiful excuse for a life and how badly I've screwed things up.
If you've stuck with my ramblings this far thank you. I would really, really appreciate any advice.
Thank you.
Dear Desparing,
Hey, I know the feeling of "everything falling apart." I, too, have had a number of enexpected upheavals in my life lately; for one, I got laid-off! It's something that we all go through, so it seems.
I do try and remind myself that real "hell" would be surviving hurricane Katrina only to become homeless and left with nothing! Or, like the son of Christopher & Dana Reeves, have both parents die within 18 months of each other! Yes, I guess there are many levels of "hell," right?
Nonetheless, it sounds like maybe you need to try something out of the ordinary (something you'd not normally do). What if you spent some time (1 or 2 x's a week) doing something (anything) for someone else? Yes, this would take the focus off you for a while, and hey, who knows it might help! At a minimum, you would not have to think about your situation at all duing this time.
For example, there is an 85 year old woman I know who lives (alone) near me, and although she has a large family, they don't look in on her very often. One day I took her some chili I'd made, and I noticed that her front room was a disaster! After asking her, I straightened and vacuumed her livingroom. It didn't take long at all, and boy oh boy did it put a smile on her face!
Yes, I'm still unemployed, but for a while I got to think about how someone else was feeling. Call me crazy, but it just might help!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I met a guy last year, and we started going out. Everything was going okay until I missed my period. I told him, and he seemed cool about it, said that if I were pregnant, he would be there for me and everything. A few months passed by before I found out I really was pregnant.
By that time, he had started talking to another girl, and had almost completely left me alone, knowing that I could be having his child. He never called anymore, and he had started talking to a boy I'll call Wayne. After seeing me try to tell my boyfriend about the situation, Wayne convinced him that I wasn't pregnant, and I was lying. When I started to show and people started asking my boyfriend about it, he would tell them the baby wasn't his.
So I gave up and decided to go through the whole thing on my own. I felt so alone, and became depressed. I needed him but I figured if he didn't care it wouldnt help to have him around. Then, when I was 5 months pregnant, I had a baby boy. He died not long after being born. I told myself I wouldn't tell my boyfriend this either. We had broken up about 2 months ago.
I only went deeper into depression because I had lost something so precious, and I was starting to look forward to having my baby.
When I would see my boyfriend, it would eat at my conscience(sp?) that he should know because it was his child. So I told him. I expected him to help me through this, but I don't think he even believed me. And even if he did, he doesn't seem to care about how I feel. While I'm always home suffering and depressed, he's being so happy with his new girlfriend and everything. And this is the worst pain I've ever felt. I'm so depressed, my grades are falling, and things are obviously just going downhill for me.
I wish I could just make him care. I'm going through this alone and it's really hard. Is there anything I can do to help myself get out of this depression? Anything I can say or do that will show him I'm not lying and I really need him right now? What is your honest opinion on this situation?
Thank you so much in advance.
Dear Baby & Exbf,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please understand that you are grieving, and the depression you feel is part of that process.
Looking to your bf to help you through this is a waste of time and not where you need to focus your energy. You need to speak with a counselor or therapist about what you've been through.
Neither you or your bf were ready to become parents, and so, bringing a baby into this situation would have been complicated, messy, and not fair to the child.
In the meantime, put your attention & energy into getting help to deal with this loss. If you can't speak with your parents, perhaps you can call Planned Parenthood (via 411) and tell them you need to see someone. You can also call 411 and ask for the local "Information & Referral" agency in your area; these places keep directories of various programs, agencies, services that people can't easily find.
The help is out there, but you'll have to do your part. This experience has happened for a reason, and there are things you need to learn about yourself before becoming a parent.
Do your part to grow & develop into an adult and learn about what healthy relationships are about. When the time comes, you'll find yourself ready & able to parent with a committed partner who'll be there for you.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I think I might have depression, I have been depressed for a while. I have been cutting myself and feeling completely lost and hopeless. Everything is being affected by this and I have been having suicidal thoughts. I am scared and I think that I need to see a therapist to work through some issues, but I don't know how to bring it up with my parents. Does anyone know how I can bring it up with them? I know that I need help and my friends who know about my cutting think I need it as well. How can I bring it up? Thanks.
Dear Depressed,
You are correct; if you are hurting yourself, you are depressed. I commend your honesty and the fact that you are not running away from this. That, in itself, takes courage and is a very positive sign that you are open to being helped.
If you are coming from your heart, how you tell your parents is not nearly as important as just telling them. Be honest with them; tell them how hard it is for you to come to them about this. You will feel better once the secret it out in the open. Hey, it's a start!
While you are waiting to see a therapist, don't forget that there are 24 hr "teen hotlines," sometimes called "crisis hotlines" that you can reach if you use google, or 411. These hotlines are anonoymous and they might also be able to give you other resources, like numbers to programs, groups, and counseling centers that work with young people going through the same difficulties.
Keep reaching out, dear one, and you will receive the help you are looking for. Remember, asking for help is a sign of real strength, not weakness!
It's NO accident that you are here, and some day you will understand how going through this difficult period made you the strong, insightful person that you are.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I have a workmate that has a problem. She is an extremely nice person and has plenty of friends and I quite like her as a friend too, the only problem is that she constantly tells lies. I have found that when she starts talking now I just switch off because I can't believe anything that she says. The other people that we work with feel the same way and we feel that even though she is a nice person we have just lost all respect for her. I have tried to catch her out on her lies to let her know that she can't keep getting away with it but she just lies her way out of it. I have even confronted her about this but she just denies it.One of her most recent lies was that her father has cancer which I know is not true because I have spoken to other family members. Not all of her lies are big like this one in fact some are just so insignificant that you would wonder WHY BOTHER?
What makes some people do this (feeling inadequate?) and how can I help her to overcome it.
Dear Concerned Friend,
I think you are correct in your observation that "feeling inadequate" is probably underneath your coworker's deceptive behavior.
As you know, unless a person can admit that they have a problem, they are next to impossible to help. If she is invested in this behavior, she may not want to change and it matters not that it makes no sense to anyone else.
At the most, you can continue to be upfront with her about the toll her dishonesty takes on your relationship. Be specific about this with her, and remember to state how it makes you feel when she is not honest with you.
Other than this, you can't do a lot to help her overcome her decision to be dishonest with herself and others in her life.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Lately I've had a lot of stuff going on in my life with family, school, and other stresses. I've never felt so low in all my life. And still I have a wonderful boyfriend who's been supporting me through all of it. I used to have some pretty bad depression and I would get suicidal thoughts, sometimes come close to attempting it. Then, for years, it's gone away. But now, I don't know. I've never felt so strongly like I don't want to live. I don't want to commit suicide and I'm not going to, but I just don't want to go through life anymore. I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend this on top of everything else that he's supporting me with. I don't want to worry him, and I don't want him to freak out or get anyone else involved without my knowledge. (Like school counselors -- maybe regular counselors, but I can't stand the school ones.) Does anyone have any advice on whether I should tell him or not? Thanks in advance.
Dear Depressed,
Feeling sad, blue, or a little down is something we all go through from time to time. Really, it's normal.
What you've described, however is a little more serious than that; not only should you tell your bf, but you should also seek help understanding what's going on with you.
You may not know, but depression is related to a chemical imbalance in the brain. (No, you're not crazy!)This chemical imbalance can be addressed, but you'll have to reach out for help.
I know there are places where you can get this kind of help, but you might have to do a little homework. Perhaps, googling for "teen hotlines," or "crisis hotlines" would be a start. These hotlines are there so that people needing to speak with someone can do so anonymously. These hotlines would also be able to give you the names & numbers of programs dedicated to helping young people with similiar issues. The point being, my friend, you are important and worth the time and energy it would take to find the answer! The help you need is out there, but you'll have to do your part and seek it out.
If you are too depressed to even do this much, please tell someone in addition to your bf. Maybe a favorite teacher, a parent of one of your good friends; hey, maybe even your mother or father, but you need to tell someone to get the ball rolling.
You could also call 411 and ask for the local "Information & Referral" agency in your area for suggestions of where to look. These I&R agencies complie directories of people, places, programs, etc. that provide all kinds of assistance, depending on what you are looking for.
I know there is someone in your area that could be of assistance to you as you sort out what is happening to you. You're worth it; giving up is NOT the solution! Check out your other options, they're out there.
You have yet to discover why it is that you're needed here; don't walk away from this challenge. Someday you'll understand why you had to go through this experience in order to come full circle. Decide to do this, you'll find the courage. Remember, it is NO mistake that you are here.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I'm 17 years old and i dropped out of school and i dont have a job and i reallly want one i aplied every where and no one has CALLED ME!! All i do is sit here al day getting yelled at by my mom because i dont have a job!! But im trying!! im so depressed im just here all day and we need money so bad were almost evicted ive gained so much weight since ive been home ive been in the hospital before for trying to kill myself and i have cut marks all over my body im about to jump over the EDGE!! and i have a physicall comming up and if my doctor see's those marks im right back at the psych ward:( how do i cover those marks??
I really need some advice thanx
Dear Soooo Stressed,
Right now, the last thing you need to focus on is finding a job. Due to the fact that you are gaining weight and cutting yourself says that you are in need of help.
Yes, I understand that your mom's financial situation is not good either, but turth be told this is not your responsibility! It sounds like your mother may also needs help with things going on in her life too.
At any rate, when you see your doctor don't hide your cut marks. Instead, tell him/her how stressed you are. Let's face it, if you don't find out why you are hurting yourself, you won't be able to move forward in your life. Holding down a job, going to school, and having a social life are all things that will only add more stress if you don't start being honest with yourself about what is happening to you right now.
The answers are inside of you, but you'll have to be open to getting help to better understand this. You mentioned a "psych ward," and as much as you might hate that environment, ask yourself if you really took to heart what they were teaching you, would your life be better? How will you know unless you try another way?
Help is out there, but nothing will ever be any different unless you are willing to do your part. Can you change the way you look at your life, and take responsibility for your part? Sometimes to do this we all need a little help, and this doesn't mean that you are sick, or a bad person, or crazy. It means you are human.
You've come into this life for a reason. It is no mistake that you are here. Reach out and ask for help. If you make the decision to go for broke and seek help, life will provide you with the necessary people to guide you to a new way of being.
Find your truth, it's deep inside. Your life is NOT a mistake. We are blessed to have you with us. Go forward, and do your part dear one.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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OK me and my bf were going great when we first started going out, and i mean it was like perfect, then he started acting like really different and its starting to bother me becasue he is acting like hes not interested in me or that i like dont matter anymore, i like need to know if i should break up with him, ask him wuts going on(i already did and i got a shitty asnwer)or like just live with it. i mean i really like him i just dont know wut to do.
Dear Don't Know What To Do,
It's great that you really like your bf, but if you don't like yourself too, it's all for naught! For whatever reason he's now acting differently toward you, might this be something you should pay attention to? Perhaps he needs some distance, or feels that things have moved along too quickly; whatever the reason, you won't know unless you ask him what's going on. As for his "shitty answers," this may be his way of telling you he's not ready for anything serious. Do you really want to be with someone who can't (or won't) discuss something you're concerned about?
As for things being "perfect" in the begining, well that's called the "honeymoon period." For most new romances, the beginning (6 to 18 months) is usually pretty problem free, and only after the relationship gets past this begining stage will you get to the nitty gritty of your relationship.
*Listen, all issues and problems are real opportunities for you and your bf to learn something about your selves and each other...yes, even if that means that one or the other is not ready for a serious relationship! So, how you go forward is important. If you start to cling or feel desperate, it's a sign that you have some issues you need to work on before you get too serious with anyone.
It's unfortunate that most people don't understand that until you really understand yourself, you won't be ready to venture forward into a serious relationship. TV, movies, videos, etc. all make it seem so simple and care free, but relationships are work too. MOSTLY, relationships are about discovering who you are, which most people don't understand.
I wish you well. Don't settle for less than you deserve. No bf, no matter how cute, great, or whatever is worth selling yourself short.
Best Wishes,
Earth Mother
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kay well i've asked questions on here before
*previous* http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=418941
* and this is kinda long but plesae and thank you for your time*
well im only 14 and like i've heard people say b4 there is no way you are depressed! well i am! at school i hide it! i smile i laugh i do whatever not to make myself upset!!* my friends have no idea what i go through and have gone through* most of them think im some happy teen whos life is pretty good** anywayssss
the teacher i talk to about this(call him coach)well i no he cares but you know how when you talk to someone about something and you know that there probably gettin annoyed by it! well thats how i feel sometimes when i talk to him! he says he doesnt and that he wants to help! okay well my main question or w.e well just recently i've been thinkin about suiced..I DONT THINK I EVER WOULD but im always upset when im not around people and i used to cut myself! i wanna tell coach but i dont want him thinking im a freak or a loser or i have some serious MENTEL ISSUES! i promise that i would never go as far as killin myself but i think about it alot! i might cut myself again but i dono sooo should i tell him or should i just keep it to myself or what??
Dear 14 Year Old,
Feeling sad, blue, or depressed is not "mental illness;" in fact, we all feel this way now and again, and it does NOT mean that you are a "freak" or a "loser." I commend your honesty and courage by deciding to tell someone how you are feeling.
From what you've said, coach may not really know what to say to you about how you are feeling. As you know, some folks are better able to deal with these kinds of situations than others. It's no put down to coach, but maybe he's not the best one to go to about this.
At any rate, you are on target with wanting to speak to someone about how you are feeling. I know there are 24-hour "anonymous hotlines" where people who are having a hard time with some issue can call and speak to someone who can help. I'll bet if you googled for "teen hotlines" or something like that, you'd find something. You could also call 411 for the local "Information & Referral" service in your area. These folks keep lists of information, services, etc. for people looking for certain kinds of assistance.
Being a teen-ager, these days, takes courage and strength; from what I can tell you've got plenty. Don't give up your search. The answer is out there, and I don't mean hurting yourself either. Continue on your path, as you were put here for a reason. It is NO accident that you are alive, and your life matters!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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