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My parents' dont control me.
I guess this isnt really a question, more of an opinion and/or your relation or differences to this topic. Its about my parents control over me..they dont care what I do. Ever. 15/F. Chicago. I have no curfew..weekday or weekend, no 'chores', they don't care who i'm hanging around with, my mom knows i smoke marijuana. I can, and do, leave the house for days without them calling my cell phone and asking what i'm doing and where I am. I've left the town and state for days numerous times. I get good grades in my private school though and only got in trouble with the police once. I think i'm a pretty good kid. I am going to ozzfest this year and they dont care. I'm always in bad neighborhoods and whatnot. So, basically, whats your opinions on my parents? I dont think theyre being very resposible.
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Okay, time for the truth:
You may still be a minor, but you're 15 years old. You seem intelligent, and you know better than to act like a tearaway. Yes, your parents are responsible for setting guidelines and boundaries, but you are also responsible for your own actions as well.
Your parents may be being liberal with you because they fear being too strict, as their parents may have been with them. I am liberal with my son. Children just need to be taught to respect this freedom and act in a sensible and rational manner.
You seem like you are doing fairly well despite your rebellious attitude. I'd advise you to take several steps:
- Stop smoking marijuana. It fucks you up. It doesn't matter how good your grades are now, if you continue using marijuana regularly they will become less so. It is damaging to your health when used regularly. Occasional recreational use is fine, provided you keep it as that.
- Stop trying to blame your parents for your shortcomings. Once you hit puberty, you have more say over your actions than they do. Don't act like an ass.
- Have respect for the law. Getting into trouble with the police may seem cool. But believe me, it will seem less so when you are kicked out of school or locked up in jail.
- Offer to do chores. I know it's against human nature to do extra work, but maybe it will encourage your parents to have a good opinion of you and interact with you better.
If all else fails, express concerns to your parents.
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I agree with you. I think that what they are doing is a form of abuse. They may not know it, they think they are giving you what they want and not telling you no, and that this is a good thing. It's like when parents will give cookies and toys to little kids constantly. It damages the child. It's good that you realize they're not living up to their jobs as parents. And I sympathize. I really do. I don't know what you can do about it, short of laying on a train track and shouting, "LOOK. This is what I do when you're not watching!" (Don't do that, by the way.) I think that you're doing all these dangerous things to get their attention. I think you basically want them to tell you that you can't do something, and they don't, so you go to a higher extreme. That's really not healthy. I'm not saying you're a "bad" kid. I don't believe in stuff like that. But I really don't think anything will wake them up. Your parents are irresponsible. But you're fifteen. You are old enough to be responsible for yourself. You know all these things are bad, so don't do them. I know you want their attention and I'm not trying to say that they don't love you or that you don't love them, but they're not worth it. The way you're going, you could get yourself killed. NOBODY is worth your life, not even your parents. Actually, I've rethought that. Your child is worth your life. But you either don't have a child, or if you do, he or she is not the issue. Your parents are the issue, and they're not worth dying for. I'm sure if they thought about it, your parents would agree with this statement. I know mine would. They would rather die to protect me than see me hurt. I'm sure that this is how your parents feel. It's not that they don't love you, it's just that they don't know how to show their love. They might think that it will hurt you if they say no.
Have you tried talking to them about any of this? I think if you have a counselor at your school, you could also tell them. If you want, you can try to get someone to intervene. But for now, I think, if you want a curfew, nothing is stopping you from setting one yourself.
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Dear Parents Don't Care,
I'm so sorry to hear that your parents aren't showing you the love & concern you need. I'm sure it leaves you feeling unloved & maybe a little invisable, which is a hard way to live!
Often times, there's a temptation to do things (cutting, drugs, alcohol, permissive sex) to try and get them to pay attention; I hope you won't hurt yourself (in any way) for this reason!
The other side of this is that you really need to tell them how you're feeling! They maybe be so caught up in their lives that they've completely ignored that fact that you still need them. It might just help them wake up.
I'm convinced that speaking with someone about this would be in your best interest. How about a teacher or school counselor you know? I know there are also anonymous 24 hr "teen hotlines," sometimes called "crisis hotlines," and you could google the topic, or call the local "information & referral" agency in your area. These I&R's keep directories (lists) of various programs, services, groups etc. that people need help finding.
Listen, sometimes we have to make "family" with those who come into our lives. When I was growing up, I felt more understood and cared for by others than by my own parents. With an alcoholic father and my mother going crazy taking care of 8 children, neither of them gave me much individual attention. Just know that it's okay to reach out for support with this, and without a doubt, you're worth caring about!
Please give your parents a chance to make things right with you. It's important to let them know how you are feeling!
I wish you well, dear one, and I hope your parents wake up to the valuable gift they're missing out on...YOU!
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Perhaps they go by the rule of "live and learn"? My parents are the same way. I've always enjoyed my life like this. Should I ever screw up, I have no one else to blame but myself. I actually think it teaches us a lesson in responsibilty. While it may not always be pretty, perhaps the best way to learn is the hard way.
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