I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173021
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Alison Marie- it's Triple G. Please don't delete this, since you did that with a good amount of my stories. i can understand, those were pointless. But I'm always reluctant to ask people for favors. I feel that I'm using them. But I like to help others. I also feel bad about using other people's things, especially if the object is new. Is this normal? I decided, and I really put some thought into it, that I'll rate a 4.5
!@#$%Thanks!@#$% (link)
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If you ask someone for a favour and they agree to it, then they've made the choice to do something nice for you. They have every right to say 'no' if they feel uncomfortable or like they are being used.
Essentially, you aren't responsible for their choices. So if you feel guilty about people doing things for you, it might help to realize they are doing it because they WANT to and have agreed to. After all, you like helping people - why assume others might not be the same way?
If you feel really uncomfortable about borrowing things, especially new ones, then perhaps you can just decide not to borrow them. Either that, or stretch yourself and ask to borrow it - and then enjoy it!
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When I was about 11, my mom and dad told me about female circumcision
I didn't really know what I was getting into and agreed to it.
We got it done in our house by a nurse practitioner.
It hurt like hell to say the least and I couldn't move for about a few days and when I did I wasn't able to bend.
The whole experience is just this eerie blur of events.
I have a healthy interest in sex but I can't/won't masturbate.
I know this is a stupid question, but ever since that day, I can't clean my self after peeing because it hurts.
I'm currently in a relationship and we've been thinking about having sex (protected 'course ^^).
I haven't told my boyfriend about what has happened to me because I don't want him to think badly of my mom and to pity me for being a victim of mutilation.
I willingly agreed to undergo the procedure and I don't resent my mom for doing it and I understand where she is coming from.
But now, what am I to do?
I'm a virgin and I'm afraid of having sex because of the pain I've experienced.
I know this is pretty long, but help?
(link)
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As a child, you were not in a position to truly consent to an operation of this magnitude. Parents ultimately have control over their children, and a child will agree to things for many reaons - to please their parents, because they assume their parents are right, and because the child is not clearly informed about things and the longterm effects. I am not condemning your parents, but merely pointing out that if you do feel any lingering resentment, you have a valid reason to feel that way.
The pain is something to be concerned about, as it could be a direct result of the circumcision - or something else. It's important to see a doctor to check things out; a doctor may also be able to give you tips on how to clean yourself in a pain-free way. He or she may also be able to recommend a support group or therpist where you can discuss your situation with other supportive people in the same position.
Once a doctor has said you're medically okay, you will want to think about your boyfriend. If you are planning on having sex, it's important to do so in an open and honest way - which includes discussing your fears. Being a virgin means that you may have pain during sex for the first few times - and depending on whether you were stitched tightly during your operation, that might intensify the pain.
If your boyfriend is aware of the situation, he will be more gentle and take his time. It's important for you to work out what you need from him, and then let him know. Circumcised or not, this is the way to find sexual fulfillment.
At the end of the day, you're you. You underwent a procedure when you were small, and it's had an effect on your life. It's probably influenced your personality and behaviours, and letting someone know about the situation - if you feel safe and supported - will only offer you more support and a solid base of love to work from.
I wish you the best.
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I was not sure which catagory to put this in so forgive me if I chose the wrong one.
Hi,
I am a Canadian female who is confused about her sexual orientation. I am 21 years old and I have only been in romantic relationships with men, but for years I have had thoughts about me wanting to date women, what it would be like etc. I have repressed these feelings for years because I am afraid that I may be bi-sexual or even lesbian. My family is very religious and does not believe in same sex rights and redicules them. I am also afraid that it may be simple curiousity and if that is the case I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't believe in sex buddies I think it's wrong.
I am also in an intimate relationship with a man who loves me and wants to marry me and I love him, but these thoughts still happen even though I am dating him and that makes me feel bad because I don't want to hurt him. I wouldn't dare confess these feelings to him.
Despite these fears it feels like there is this part of me that is being hidden that I so desperately want to keep hidden, but I am afraid it may come out and in a way want to release them. I want to try it, but I don't if that makes any sense.
advice please?? (link)
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If these thoughts are continually coming up, chances are they will not go away. If anything, they may intensify or occur more frequently as time goes on.
I appreciate that your family isn't supportive of gay rights - but ultimately, your life is about you. Your choices and actions need to reflect your own personality, beliefs, and passions. This is the only way to be truly happy in the longrun.
What does this mean to you? It means you could be bisexual or lesbian - and regardless of what your parents may say, this is okay. Sexuality is a fluid and expansive thing, and it's healthy to be attracted to whoever it is you fancy - male or female.
What complicates things is that you are currently in a relationship - this makes it harder to explore your options or date other people, particularly if your partner is feeling he would like to marry you. You need to take some time to think honestly and openly about how this makes you feel.
Are you ready for marriage? Can you commit to him forever, putting aside your desire for other females? Would this make you happy? Does it feel right?
If you've got any hesitation, you might want to explore if that makes you want to create some more time and space for yourself, or if you will push on past these doubts.
You don't need to have a 'sex buddy' to explore yourself. You just need an open mind and heart, and the opportunity to meet someone that makes you feel special, safe, loved, and sexy. Valued. Then you pursue a relationship with that person.
If you feel uncomfortable discussing this with your boyfriend, is it possible to take some time from the relationship for 'another' reason?
Ultimately, the fairest thing for yourself AND your boyfriend is if you take time to figure out who you really are.
I wish you the best.
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Where exactly is the clitorus, and how can I easily find it? Also, any suggestions for arousal? (link)
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The clitoris - if you place a finger at the top of your vaginal lips and slowly pull your finger downwards, you'll find it in about an inch. Chances are if you aren't aroused it will be underneath a small hood. It may feel like a small bump, and chances are when your finger touches it you'll be able to tell because it's full of nerve endings.
Arousal and orgasm are tricky things. If you feel aroused before you touch yourself, you'll be able to orgasm much more easily. If you masturbate just because you're bored or feel like some unexciting exploration, your body might not react in a sexual way - after all, the brain is what makes or breaks most sexual encounters.
If you feel aroused and have found your clitoris, try different things and just see what feels good. Some females like direct clitoral stiumulation, and some like more indirect touching - like through the hood or just above the clitoris. It's a totally individual thing.
Best of luck.
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i just lost my virgenty and when i pee it hruts so dam badly sorry but thats the onley way i can descbribe it i lost it on 5/10/06 it hurts so bad please help (link)
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What's probably happened is that you got some tiny tears in your vagina (Sorry, I'm assuming you're a female...if you aren't, let me know!).
The pee would then sting these tiny holes because urine actually has a high amonia content. It's not doing any damage - or at least not if you're continuing to pee regularly. Holding your urine for long periods of time won't help.
Time will probably fix this. If you're still in severe pain about three days after losing your virginity, you'll want to go see a doctor.
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does masturbation make u get pimples? (link)
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No, maturbation doesn't give you pimples.
There are lots of myths around about masturbation - some of the older ones include that it will give you pimples, give you hairy palms, make you blind, or make you crazy.
These myths exist because older people may have been trying to prevent younger ones from masturbating, as it might not have been understood as a natural and healthy thing when they were younger. Also, jokes are everywhere and tend to keep these myths going.
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Hi me and my girlfriend had sex and well i am 19 and she is only 15 and i am scared that my precum contained sperm but i am certain i did not cum so i gave her Yadmir (the pill) about 20 hours after it happened becasue i was scared so please tell me if her cycle does not change that is come right after she finishes the course what does that mean exactly? (link)
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There are a few things to be concerned about here. First of all, your precum definitely contained sperm. Precum holds thousands and thousands of sperm, which is why pulling out isn't a safe method if you're trying to avoid pregnancy.
It's also important to note that you might want to consider the transference of infections if either of you could have one.
Next, where did you get the pill from? It's not a good idea to unofficially hand medication to someone - only a doctor can access if a particular hormone is safe and healthy for her body. It's also important to note that the regular birth control pill will not necessarily cause an abortion if an egg has already been fertilized.
The morning after pill, also called emergency contraception, would be the appropriate pill. This is effective if taken within three days after the unprotected sex - it's most effective within 24 hours, and the effectiveness lowers over that three day period. It usually consists of two pills that are taken at the same time.
The pill could also really mess up your girlfriend's cycle, since she would need to start it at a specific point. The hormones are made to match the levels she would need at different parts of her cycle, so starting the pill randomly will probably mess her cycle up quite badly.
Please note that the pill is not considered an effective form of birth control until after a full cycle has been completed, and a second form of birth control such as a condom should be used.
Finally, the decisions you both make about sex should be made by BOTH of you. If you offered the pill to your girlfriend because you were scared, that may be understandable, but she needed to play an active part in that decision. Due to the risk of messing up her cycle, her body not being suited to the pill, and getting medication that is not prescribed, she might very well have decided not to take the pill.
It's also important to point out that due to your ages, a sexual relationship is probably not legal, and you'll want to take that into consideration in future. Your girlfriend can still get access to birth control, however, and you should also use condoms.
The next steps now are to see if her period comes, keeping in mind that the pill will mess things up a bit - and stress can also have a big impact on the period. This could mean that her cycle is much longer or shorter than possible. You can assume things are fine if she has two periods (and you have no more unprotected sex).
Home pregnancy tests are also highly accurate, and this can be taken at varying points - some can be taken on the first day of a missed period and be correct. However, bear in mind her cycle will not be regular this month.
Finally, she needs to take medical advice about whether or not she wants to continue with the pill. It will not stop a pregnancy from happening at this point, and the extra hormones could have an uncertain affect on any possible fetus.
Best of luck.
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is it ok for a guy to wear a bra to help him masterbate. (link)
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Sure. Different people like different things, and as long as you're not harming anyone, you're really able to experiement with things to find out what you like the best.
Men wearing parts of 'female' clothing happens quite a lot, and it's important to note that it doesn't make any comment on your sexuality. These men could be straight, bi, or gay - it't just that they enjoy wearing part of women's clothing for excitement.
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Triple G-
what are the symptoms of depression? Just wondering! (link)
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Depression is a murky area, because many symptoms of normal sadness or PMS can be misdiagnosed.
The simplest way to define depression is that it's an extended period of extreme 'feeling low.' This can result in a change in appetite, sleeping habits, a feeling of hopelessness, or a lack of motivation.
Depression usually means that a person feels this way for a certain period of time, and that it affects their day-to-day life. Only a psychologist or other medical professional can correctly diagnose depression.
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Triple G, do blood tests hurt? I'm getting my first one soon, and I'm scared. i trust my doctor, because whenever she gives me a shot, i'm thinking in my head 'this is what i was afraid about?' But sometimes, her assistant does a shot, and it hurts like HE double hockey sticks. I no i can just ask for my doctor to do it, but I've seen blood tests. It's scary, especially if the wrong person is doing it. My sister went to one when she was three, and the lady, not my doctor, was so good. She talked to my sister, let her watch disney channel, and did it while she was watching. And no crying! But do blood test feel like a normal shot? If so, I would let my doctor do it. If not, I'll go to the one my ssiter went to. But why a blood test? Can't they give a urin test? (link)
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Blood tests can test for many medical things that urine tests can't. They do feel much as a shot does - after all, it's still a needle entering your skin.
Rather than using the needle to insert something into you, they use the needle to gently draw blood out.
If you feel confident with your doctor, definitely request the doctor to do the test if possible. It's quick, and you can always look away or carry on a conversation with the doctor while it's happening.
Best of luck.
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Triple G- what are crabs? I rate 5 (link)
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Crabs are what they sound like - small 'bugs' that live in the pubic hair. They are itchy, but easy to get rid of with treatments you can get at your local pharmacy.
They are passed by sexual contact with someone who has crabs, or just having your genitals in contact with a material that has been in recent contact with someone with crabs - sheets, panties, etc.
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Hey Alison Marie, Triple G here. yeah, not gonna talk for long, don't have a lot of hw, but mommy promises that if my sister and I finish our homework ( sister will, she finishes in an hour) we can go to the Free Swim tomorrow. But yesterday, my period came. It's a week late. But then again, it's irregular so.... Well I have two questions. My underwear got messed up and I tried the advice you gave to a girl about old fashioned cold tap water. You sure it works. Tried it, but soap and Tide works better for me. The blood was wet and everything too. Question 2: When you swim while having your period, will the blood go in the water at a noticeable rate? I don't think so, because when I take a shower, or fill the tub, no blood comes. But I just wanna make sure. I hope you're online today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Triple G (link)
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Letting your underwear sit for awhile in cold water if the blood is still wet will definitely help, but for a more immediate fix soap is great.
It's not a good idea to swim in a public place without a tampon. Blood comes out very slowly and would disperse into the water, thus meaning no one would probably see it.
However, there's the whole hygiene issue - would you want to swim in a pool that had traces of someone else's blood in it?
Either wear a tampon or wait to go swimming until your period is over.
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Hi,
I am a female from Canada seeking advice on a very embarrassing topic for me. My bf and I have started having sex but the time that we did it did not go very well because I cannot find the spot in my vagina where he can put his penis into. I have also masterbated several times, but have difficulty locating it with my finger as well, so I have stuck with clitoral stimulation. I can't use a mirror to locate it because I am visually impaired and touch is the best way for me to be able to find it, but no luck. I am not even sure exactly where it is. I am also unsure of who to go to for help on this?
Help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you. (link)
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If you want to try to find it again yourself, then arm yourself with some lubrication and a locked door. The quickest way to find your vagina - though not the most sanitary, so perhaps just imagine this in your head - is to find your anus...and then slide your finger back along towards your vagina. It's the next hole along.
Of course, you don't want to get any poop-type stuff into or near your vagina, so perhaps you can start just below your anus.
Your other option is to just feel around. You should feel your two outer lips. If you gently spread these, you may feel another slightly smaller pair of fleshy lips. The vagina is in this area. It does NOT feel like a gaping hole. You may only feel a puckered indent, but this is the place.
If you are not sexually excited, it might be difficult to insert your finger. Basically, the hole starts at your vagina and is at an angle that points at your lower back. This can also make penetration tricky, as it's not an up-and-down hole.
If your partner is not visually impaired, perhaps you can allow him to look for the entrance to the vagina. As far as comfort goes, it's much better if he finds it first and perhaps practices the angle and stimulation with a finger or two. This will make you both more comfortable with the location of your vagina, as well as making sex more physically comfortable.
If you are still having problems, a gyno would be able to help you. You will need to start seeing a gyno yearly once you start having sex, so it can't hurt to go to her first. This will also help you learn about the different forms of birth control.
Best of luck. While it can be tricky at first, once you realize where the vagina is it's like riding a bicycle - you won't forget.
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heya!! i havnt had my period and i would like to know do you need your period to get fingered? (link)
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You don't need anything to be fingered, aside from the genuine belief that you're ready for this.
Fingering can be painful if you are not used to things in your vagina, tampons, etc. It's also a big step for a body that isn't sexually mature. If you haven't gotten your period, then your body isn't producing the level of hormones that would make this really pleasureable for you.
Still, there's no physical danger in fingering, as long as your partner's hands are clean and the nails are short. Emotionally, you might find that it brings up loads of issues - who you do it with, if you're pleased with the situation or not, whether you will do it again.
Best of luck.
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I'm very interested in Buddhism and I was wondering if anyone knew of any modern sites or books I could look into to learn more? Thanks! (link)
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Buddhism is brilliant - the only problem for newcomers is that there are literally dozens of different Buddihst traditions, and some are very different from each other.
Some focus on individual enlightenment, while others focus on working towards the betterment of the global community as a whole. Some chant, some meditate.
Any search on Google will give you tons of Buddhist sites to check out. It's a good idea to spend some time exploring different areas of Buddhism so you can figure out which most appeal to you.
Some ideas include the beliefnet internet site - it offers info about all the major traditions. Wikipedia will also offer info and links to relevant websites.
Best of luck!
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20/F.
So I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year now. We have a great relationship and we usually tell each other everything. However, two weeks ago I found out that he has been hiding something from me throughout our entire relationship (that’s not the problem though...).
I was at home when it happened. My boyfriend’s college suite mate called me and asked me to come over right away. He seemed worried, but wouldn’t tell me anything over the phone. I drove to their dorm room, and just as I was about to go up the stairs, I heard someone mumbling. I looked underneath the stairwell, and there was my boyfriend. He was sitting on the floor, with his head in his hands, crying, and freaking out.
It took me almost an hour to get him to calm down. Once he finally did, I asked him what had just happened. He told me that he suffers from mild depression and anxiety. He had been having a massive panic attack. He takes medication for both conditions, but he told me that recently his anxiety had been getting worse.
I’ve never seen him, or even anyone, have a panic attack before and I don’t know anyone else who suffers from anxiety. Nonetheless, I tried to be as supportive as I could. He told me that he had been having trouble sleeping because of the anxiety but that talking to me usually helps him calm down. I ended up spending the night in his dorm, and I haven’t left here since.
He’s been to the doctor, and all they’ve done for him is increase his medication.
He has told many times over the past two weeks that my staying with him, in his dorm, makes him feel more at ease. That when we’re together, he’s able to function like a normal person. However, he still has anxiety when he’s about to go to bed, and sometimes we stay up and talk for hours before he’ll finally fall asleep.
I feel immensely guilty for saying this, but I’ve never been so exhausted, emotionally and physically, in my life. I work full time as well as go to school and this whole situation has really taken it’s toll on me. All of my attention has been focussed on him and I’m constantly worrying about him when we’re apart, but five hours of sleep a night (sometimes less) cannot be healthy.
I’ve tried to tell him that eventually I’ll have to go home, but then he starts to get anxious about the thought of me leaving him alone.
I love my boyfriend and I want to be there for him when he needs me, but I would like to have somewhat of a life of my own. Ugh. I feel selfish saying that...
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Any input would greatly appreciated. (link)
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You're not selfish, you're human. While it's great that you're being so supportive, you ultimately can't be responsible for your boyfriend's emotional state.
If he feels the only thing that helps him is you, then he really needs to take some action - as that's not healthy for either of you. I understand he's already on medication, but perhaps he's not on the right dose.
And on a deeper level than that, perhaps some counselling would help. Counselling doesn't focus on the label (ie 'anxiety' or 'depression') but on the person. It might give him a chance to talk about his attachment to you, his anxiety problems - and more importantly, any underlying issues that might be contributing to his current mental/emotional state.
You can't do everything, and it's time you let your boyfriend know that despite the fact that you love and support him, you need time for YOU. Reassure him this is not a rejection of him, but more about making time for you. Share your concerns and possibly offer counselling as a helpful suggestion.
While I understand it can be hard to watch someone you love hurting, you still need to worry about yourself - your jobs, your grades, and your mental health. There is nothing wrong with making time for yourself - just as your boyfriend needs to learn he is responsible for his choices, you deserve to be responsible for yourself as well.
Best of luck.
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Triple G- for today, I'm not gonna write anymore after this, beause I have a lot of homework to do. But this is not about me, it's about my little sister. No, it's not about me having problems that she's sick in the head at times, it's about her and school. She's very smart, thenks to moi. The kids in her class have a problem with this. Ex: She did a science project, only her and 2 people did it in her class. Hers got the best grade. Her cousin, who is the same class pushed her right in front of my mom in the morning, and walked to school with another girl, hand in hand. Little jealous b**** she is! Now, some dumb ass boy thinks that because my sister is more attentive than he is, he can kick her in her face! He did that today. My dad was enraged, and he's DEFINITELY gonna get her out of the that school, and put her into the one I went to. It's like a peaceful bunny place, I would no, MLE's brother goes there. my siter also has no friends. I think that's in our genes. Now all of those mini bitches and asses in her class hate her, and could kill her. Just say anything you want about this situation. I rate high. (link)
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As cruel as this is, this is normal kid behaviour. Kids, like people of any age, might feel jealous of someone who is outshining them.
Unfortunately, kids don't have the same level of social skills as older people - this means if they feel anger, they are likely to respond immediately with a physical action.
Your sister needs to recognize why people might be upset, and then ultimately know that it's not her fault. She's got a talent and deserves to use that talent without getting harassed for it.
Perhaps you might want to talk to her about how to keep herself safe - not bragging to the wrong people, not being alone with people she feels unsafe with, etc.
Best of luck to you both.
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I am from the caribbean and I am 18yrs old....I lost my vaginity 4 days after my period...could I be pregnant?(We did not go all the way...there was not an orgasm)Secondly,it is about two(2) weeks now since I had sex.....I am now having a yellowish-non-scented vaginal discharge...it does not hurt though...I am really scared...could I have contracted an S.T.D? I have already told my mom I lost my vaginity....but I am afraid to tell her about the discharge.....should I be deeply concerned? (link)
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If the first day of your period is Day 1, and your period lasts for around 6 days, then four days after your period is Day 10. It is indeed possible to get pregnant on this day (as any day of your cycle). Sperm can live in the body for up to 7 days, and the average women is most fertile on Days 13-15.
Not having an orgasm does not mean you will not get pregnant.
In regards to this, wait and see if your next period comes. If it does, then you'll want to see a doctor - maybe if you feel nervous your mother can take you? If she knows you lost your virginity, she is probably concerned about your health. Birth control is a great thing - it helps protect your lifestyle, and your partner's. It's best if you get onto a form of birth control AND use condoms, and birth control alone will not prevent STDs.
I'm not sure what your discharge means. If it is not a colour you usually get, then you'll need to head over to a doctor's. Discharge can vary widely, but generally if you start getting unusual colours something is going on.
While you're in a scary position, there could be absolutely nothing wrong. It's best to take some deep breaths and get medical advice - and also figure out how to prevent yourself from possible pregnancy/STD worries in future.
Best of luck.
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What does it mean when you poop blood? Like seriously the whole toliet was filled with blood. (link)
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Blood could be a tear in the lining of your anus (if your stool was too hard due to lack of fibre), a polyp, or any number of things.
Any blood, let alone a substantial amount, means that you need to see a doctor as soon as possible. This will give you expert medical advice about what the problem is and how to solve it.
Because this could be a minor problem or quite a massive one, it's important to get medical advice fairly soon.
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I have a couple questions but they pretty much are the same subject.
What is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.?
Im 17 female and i work with this guy around the age 24. Well im crazy about him. Many people say that if this guy can brighten your day, make you smile when you see him, hes all you think about. You pretty much love him. Is it true? This guy doesnt know i am crazy about him. When i work with him i get really happy, i cant stop smiling when im around him, And like just knowing he is in the store with me i feel save. If that makes any sense.
I have been in love one time before i met him. When i was with this other guy i felt like i could never love anyone else.
The guy i work with i want to be with him because im crazya bout him but at the same time i feel like these feelings i have shouldnt be there and they arnt right to have because he is so much older then me. But seriously when i have a thing for a guy i cant just stop it doesnt happen like that.
Sorry its soo long But i really would appreciate alot of help. (link)
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The difference between loving someone and being in love? It's pretty much up to individual definition. One possible definition would be the difference between loving a member of your family or a close friend, and loving someone in a romantic way.
Genuinely loving someone means much more than just feeling happy around them - what you've described definitely sounds as if you are attracted to this guy and like him a lot, but it's not love. After all, love isn't just the shiny and happy moments - it's sticking by someone through all the tough spots, as well.
If you don't know this person extraordinarily well, it would also be hard to genuinely love him. Of course, you can remedy that - but you're right to wonder about the age difference.
While seven years might not be a huge difference if people are both at the same stage of life, the two of you are actually in different places. Presumably you're still in high school, while he's finished that, possibly finished college, and started working. This can have a big affect on a relationship, and it's worth having a serious think about whether you want to merely enjoy this crush or act on it.
Best of luck to you!
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