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Confusion about sexual orientation
I was not sure which catagory to put this in so forgive me if I chose the wrong one.
Hi,
I am a Canadian female who is confused about her sexual orientation. I am 21 years old and I have only been in romantic relationships with men, but for years I have had thoughts about me wanting to date women, what it would be like etc. I have repressed these feelings for years because I am afraid that I may be bi-sexual or even lesbian. My family is very religious and does not believe in same sex rights and redicules them. I am also afraid that it may be simple curiousity and if that is the case I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't believe in sex buddies I think it's wrong.
I am also in an intimate relationship with a man who loves me and wants to marry me and I love him, but these thoughts still happen even though I am dating him and that makes me feel bad because I don't want to hurt him. I wouldn't dare confess these feelings to him.
Despite these fears it feels like there is this part of me that is being hidden that I so desperately want to keep hidden, but I am afraid it may come out and in a way want to release them. I want to try it, but I don't if that makes any sense.
advice please??
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If these thoughts are continually coming up, chances are they will not go away. If anything, they may intensify or occur more frequently as time goes on.
I appreciate that your family isn't supportive of gay rights - but ultimately, your life is about you. Your choices and actions need to reflect your own personality, beliefs, and passions. This is the only way to be truly happy in the longrun.
What does this mean to you? It means you could be bisexual or lesbian - and regardless of what your parents may say, this is okay. Sexuality is a fluid and expansive thing, and it's healthy to be attracted to whoever it is you fancy - male or female.
What complicates things is that you are currently in a relationship - this makes it harder to explore your options or date other people, particularly if your partner is feeling he would like to marry you. You need to take some time to think honestly and openly about how this makes you feel.
Are you ready for marriage? Can you commit to him forever, putting aside your desire for other females? Would this make you happy? Does it feel right?
If you've got any hesitation, you might want to explore if that makes you want to create some more time and space for yourself, or if you will push on past these doubts.
You don't need to have a 'sex buddy' to explore yourself. You just need an open mind and heart, and the opportunity to meet someone that makes you feel special, safe, loved, and sexy. Valued. Then you pursue a relationship with that person.
If you feel uncomfortable discussing this with your boyfriend, is it possible to take some time from the relationship for 'another' reason?
Ultimately, the fairest thing for yourself AND your boyfriend is if you take time to figure out who you really are.
I wish you the best.
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