I am a female who has been through many things in life. I've made a few foolish choices; but have also made a few okay ones. I feel like hopefully the mistakes I've made or the experiences I've been through can help others avoid pain and/or heartache; so that's why I joined. I wished in life someone had shared their true experiences with me if they were similar and could help.
Most people telling me not to do something; had no idea what I was going through. It was like those y?, non-smoking commercials all over tv and you can tell the people behind them never picked up a cigarette or understand why you did. I've managed to quit; but the commercials still infuriate me.
So that's me. And, I'll try to help if I can.
Member Since: November 23, 2008
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17/f
I have gone through a lot lately. Everytime when I tell my parents of something bad that has happened they try to force me to go to counseling. I find that extremely insulting. If there's one thing I know how to do, it's how to think. If I have a problem that I need another perspective on I have my friends, advicenators, and used to have my parents. Except now I feel like I have to close myself off to them because I'm sick of hearing how I 'need help.' Has anyone else experienced a similar situation? Was it ever resolved? (link)
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It almost sounds like they don't want to be responsible for your parenting. It's weird. Are they becoming more self involved lately with hobbies or friends or something? It's like they're giving up or something. This is not cool. But, maybe you should see a counselor about them.
They may also feel like whatever you're going through they are not equipped to help you with; but if that were the case; most parents would make you the appointment and take you to the counselor themselves and attend counseling with you if necessary.
What you're saying almost sounds like just laziness or indifference. They may also just be thinking since you're so close to 18 that their job is done. They may be trying to teach you independence and not to rely on them as much--sort of nudge you out of the nest. Though I don't know if they realize they might be teaching you in a somewhat hurtful way and should communicate their intentions more so you know what's going on.
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This mite be long.
Ok well im 18 an I have a 16yo sister. She is a hoe my other sisters think it nd so do i. She has ranaway like 3 times and has been kawt having sex n her room by my mom. Wen she got kawt my mom did NOTHING at all. Then jus recently my mom saw hickeys all over her neck nd once again did NOTHING. Now yesterday my mom kawt her ditching school walkn wit sum 19yo so my mom made her get n the car then my sis jumped out to be wit the boy nd my mom jus lef her there for a day. The next day she calls my mom to get her and everysince then my mom has been kissn her ass. Why does my mom act like this if it was me I wud have alredy been kicked out. Nd I have a younger sister who is 14 jus started thee same HS won't she be a bad influence on her. Thanks (link)
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Not sure, but. Is it possible that your sister was sexually abused and your mom knows about it?
Or maybe did your mom have you guys when she was really young? Maybe she was promiscuous when she was younger. And sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It just doesn't fall to all the children.
In any event, sitting your mom down and telling her how this makes you feel is good advice and asking her about family counseling. Then telling your sister directly how this makes you feel and then asking her to go see a counselor with you and your mom and sister.
As a family; you and your younger sister need an explanation for this out of bounds behavior from your sister and you guys need to move past it in a healthy way if possible. If not them; just try to find out the source of the behavior in your sister's words at least so you can have some peace. And maybe then go see a counselor for yourself.
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Im 21 years old and this is my story...
It all started 6 years ago,my father started having problems with his company and he would always throw his tantrums on my family,i have 2 elder sisters.he would get upset over the most ridiculous things such as,why isnt the rice cooked nicely,or y is the music so loud,he never lets us go out with our friends or whatsoever.he hits us all the time if we were to do something wrong.my father is a good man,i know,he provides alot for us,i feel he just do not know how to handel his emotions.one day he caught me talking on the phone when everyone was a sleep,he redail the number i found out i was talking to a boy,he started hitting me so hard,he punched me,he dragged me up the stairs,he threw a weight scale on me,he did all sorts that at the end of the day i was so bruised up,i had no space left for another bruise.my mom didnt let me go to school for a week so my scar would heal,so that no one would question me,my teacher saw it tho,she wanted to report my father but i didnt allow it.and when i finally was allowed to go to school,i ran away..i manage to run away for 3 days only till my mom found me,things were horrible in the house,both my sister left the house after awhile cuz no one could take it anymore frm my father,i was the last one left until finally i was old enough to survive on my own,i stayed away for 2 years on my own,my father fell sick between that 2 years and i went to see him in the hospital,but i was not allowed 2 becasue the docs didnt wanna cause him more stress.after 2 years my 2nd sister decided to go home,and my father gave in,and then i decided to come home after awhile,and i talked to my dad,and according to him,it was all my fault the family was apart.now im currently working with him,but he is not paying me and he does not allow me to work anywhere else.i wanted to study too but he didnt allow that,both my sisters had the advvantage of studying and going overseas.but all this problem started when it was my turn to study.now,he still does not allow me to study and im worried that,if anything were to happen to himmm i will have nothing to fall back on to,he still treats me and my sister like kids,we are not allowed to come home afetr 11pm,we cant do anything that we want 2,boys are not allowed,things like that,i decided to give in,but even thou,he still treats us like crap despite his terms and conditions im still here trying to make things better,but when something upsets him,he does not talk to us n make us feel real dumb.there is no way of talking to him at all,he is always right,no one can tell him otherwise,even my mom is giving up.i need a solid future,but im not getting it..im really worried to what i should do.i know there are far worst problems thats others may have,but please..i really need advice!
ps:my eldest sister has not returned home till now and i have not seen her for 3-4 years already,and there are many things i left out but i didnt want my post to be extreamly long sorry!
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Not only is your father abusive; but somehow he really does have a strangle hold over your entire family. I mean for you and your sisters to be adults and still comprimising your education and not working other places b/c he won't let you is really wild. In addition to the incredible physical damage he must have done to all of you; the mental number he did on you guys is incredible.
It may be that up until your dad fell on financial hard times; he never abused you; so you guys are holding onto that good image of him or something. But, I find it hard to believe though that someone this abusive never showed any signs before the financial hardship. Unless he got some sort of brain tumor; this type of abuse shows itself or at least escalates from some previous mental abuse on his part or something. Maybe I'm wrong.
It sounds like maybe you believe the things he's saying about you and that you don't have any worth like he'll have you believe.
It sounds like in your post; you know what you need to be doing in your life. You know you must go to school and start working a job that pays you. For some reason though; you seem to find yourself unable to take the next step to do this.
I too have had many problems with my family; but there was no more than a few physical things and some mental cruelty. But, I would chalk it up more to mistakes then abuse. But, one thing I had to realize that might help you is that seperating from your family to do what's best for yourself; doesn't mean that you will be putting them out of your life completely. They may complain and he will definitely criticize and demean you for it; but just know in your heart that you still love them and will be spending time with them etc. that you will always be there for them.
I also think that you should get some counseling to help seperate your ideas about yourself from the ideas he's put in your head and to help heal yourself and your family. You may not be able to convince them to enter counseling; but you can at least help yourself.
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Okay I'm 15 and a girl,I'm a freshman and for the last 2 years my dad's been acting all bitchy and just an asshole at me! >O
What the fuck?!
He says things to me that emply that I'm fucking around with guys! Which I'm not I haven't even had a real boyfriend yet!D:
So where's he getting this from?
He's been bitchin at me lately about having to buy me clothes,I barely have any.:[
Yet he gives my oldest sister money to fix her shitty car every time it breaks down;and he's like don't worry about paying me back.
What the hell?
So tonight my dad and I got in a nother spat about me going to the movies...All I asked for was ten dollars,ten fucking dollars ad he spazzes out at me!D<
He's like,"I don't have money for you to waste,I just want to go see Twilight with my bestfriend god is that to much to ask?
Shit and I'm not even going to eat,since they raised the price for the movie tickets..>->
So after he yells at me for like a good 12 minutes he finally gives me ten dollars,I say thank you and shit.As he's leaving my room he say,"I don't want any unexpected bellys in this house!
D:<
fgjhgkdj;
>x[
So at this point I've had enough,and scream like a maniac;yeah I know bad...U-U
But I couldn't take t,all I say is "What the fuck?!!! Why do you always say that shit,why the fuck do you always act as if I'm some whore?!"
He's like,"Don't talk to me like that,why the fuck do you always act like this when I give you advice for your own good!!!"
Okay one,he doesn't say it nicely he completly breaks me down and god I swear.So then he's like,"Answer me!" I'm crying and trying not to say anything so I just tell him to leave me alone.He slams my door and I run to lock it,meanwhile he's yelling at me still;"I don't want any assholes calling me! Fuck you pieces of shit!"
Then he says the final thing that completly breaks me inside and out,he says he dissowns me,and to never bother him again,that I never had a father so just to forget him....So since I have no "father" I just don't care anymore,I been thinking about getting snake bites,my friend's uncle is a professional piercer,he has his own shop and he'll do it for me.My socalled dad said I couldn't get my lip pierced,but this is someyhing I want,and since "I have no father," I'm thinking I will!:)
I'm just scarred that if I do and he sees iy he'll like...I guess hurt me or rip it out...He;s said it before and I just don't know what to do...=_=' (link)
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Well it sounds like to me one of two things. Your Dad could have a mental problem like bipolar mania or something. Or he could just be one of those people good at seeing patterns in people that can lead to a negative situation for that person. Whatever his reasons are; the abuse is unacceptable and I would video tape these tirades and report him to child protective services if it were me. But anyhoo.
He also is showing obviously preferential treatment towards your sister. This is also unacceptable.
Now sometimes older people can be like Judge Judy. If you ever watch her show; sometimes she'll just rail on someone for what seems like no reason. I worked in senior citizen care for about a year and old people can spot things that we can't. Like what your father may be saying is that he can see patterns in your behavior that he feels if you're not reminded constantly about his stance on it; then you will be susceptible to certain things and problematic situations.
He obviously seems to feel also that your sister is not susceptible to these same issues. REGARDLESS of whether this is the reason or not.
His behavior is exceedingly damaging and detrimental parenting. As for you, alot of times; a lack of trust from a loved one can lead us to do a lot worst things then we would've done if not accused. I don't think you should get the piercing. The only thing you'll be doing with that is hurting yourself.
The best thing to do is to try and find a life away from your father's abuse and cruelty. Find a group of people that are doing positive things. Success is always the best revenge. Believe me I've tried the other form.
I don't know your religion; but there are often a lot of really fun teenage groups at those really large churches. But if Christianity is not your thing; then, find out what you enjoy doing sports, shopping, art, performing, martial arts whatever; then emmerse yourself in that when you're not involved in school. Not only will you be super successful in something. You may have a new talent or skill that makes you more attractive to prospective colleges and may even win you a scholarship. Then also start to focus on the future; college and what you want to do in life.
The failure your Dad is harping on you about is simple to overcome. You're obviously a smart girl or you wouldn't have asked for help before you made a rash decision. Your father is obviously wrong about you.
Just remember, when it comes to failure; the age old saying is "most people don't plan to fail they just fail to plan." It's really that simple. Just be successful and leave him in the dust.
Now he may come around later and be your best friend or something may work out. But, sometimes parents just don't like their children. It's not always talked about; but it's true. Some kids; just like some adults rub their parents the wrong way. But, this usually only happens with parents that are intolerant; judgemental people all around.
I myself am a black sheep and may not ever get back into my family's good graces completely b/c of mistakes and past differences. And most people don't realize how important parental approval can be if not given; even for adults. But, once you realize you need it and you probably won't get it from these particular people. YOU CAN MOVE ON AND HAVE A BETTER LIFE.
One thing I got from working in elder care was 5 extra sets of grandparents that encouraged me and told me how talented I was in ways my parents never would. That experience for me helped mend my spirit in many ways and allowed me to begin to move on from the pain of my family's constant judgements and rejections.
My parents and family are still an important part of my life since I came from them. But, I am happy within myself and no longer am hurt by them and their controlling craziness. I also am building my life the best and healthiest way for me. That does mean making decisions that they would tell me to make sometimes or it can mean making completely different ones. But, the most important thing is to make sure you're not hurting yourself to avenge someone else who's most likely not even going to be affected by your actions.
Also, it sounds like you're the type of person that self destructs when things go wrong. Your dad may be the type of person that rails on the weaker people around him. That may be his motivation. I really can't tell. All I know is that he sounds incredibly abusive and something should be done about that. But, that action is up to you. And also you should just let God bring you a new father figure and sense of self worth through positive healthy outlets.
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my friend is going with a guy she doesnt like.so why is she going with him?? the day they went out they took a couples picture for the yearbook. she says she doesnt want to break up with him because of the piture they took. she said that all the other couples that took the picture had been going out for like a year.i think she just doesnt want to look back at the pict and think o yeah thats the boy i went with for only a month or so cuz i guess most of her relationships have been pretty long. i told her you shouldnt go with somebody that you dont like. but she still doesnt know what she should do. what would you tell her if you where in my position? (link)
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I just think some people care about appearances. These people will always care about appearances, teen or adult. Now it could be true that she may be afraid of hurting him. That could be it. But, she may also just want to say that's my boyfriend so and so that I was with for so long. You just have to feel out your friend and her motivations. If all she cares about are appearances then the best thing to be concerned about is the person's feelings that she's with. If that person's emotions are getting destroyed in her game; then tell her to stop or tell that person what she's doing. But, your friend just sounds like either she cares about appearances or just doesn't want to hurt the person. You know best.
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i need to choreograph my own PROP dance for my dance class at school. actually its a project and everyone has to do it. my problm is i dont know what song or prop to use (im dancing alone while the others have their own groups so MINE HAS TO BE GOOOOD!!!!! and catchy)
any songs in mind?
any props?
whats a good catchy song to dance to?
whats a prop i could use to be creative to while dancing with it?
thanks a lot i would like a lot of recommendations and suggestions for these! THANKS !! (link)
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There's a bunch of awesome songs by this band called Archers of Loaf. There are many times I've been on the bus listening to the music and daydreamed about choreographed dances I would do to the songs.
A couple of good songs are "Phantom 309," and "Fashion Bleeds."
For "Phantom 309," I don't know the prop you would use, but there are many creative ideas based on the song; but for "Fashion Bleeds," you could use whatever clothing item is popular now in your area and make it look really bloody.
But whether you use the music or not AOL is an awesome band to listen to. So maybe you'll just like the music.
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My friend has been taking E(xtacy) quit a bit in the past week. Four out of seven days she took it.
So I am curious about how long you have to take it until you get withdrawal symptoms? what are the withdrawal symptoms? (link)
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Ecstasy is a really strong drug. If your friend is taking it on a daily basis; your friend will receive withdrawal symptoms very soon. In fact; every time you take ecstasy you have a come down the next day. I can't imagine how strong it will be after 4 or 5 pills.
If your friend is taking this much ecstasy then, he/she seems to really like it and it's just a really strong drug so if this behavior continues over the next 2 or 3 weeks then; your friend has decided to make it a problem. I don't know if there's anything you can do about it. Withdrawal symptoms are inevitable when the drug leaves your system. Your friend sounds like he/she hasn't come down yet. Hopefully they will. If not; there's nothing much you can do except encourage them to quit or get help to leave it alone if necessary.
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i have this friend. She is so competitive. and she claims to be my best friend. So when i get something new, she has to get it, but in a better brand or more expensive to make me feel bad. example would be like; i just got a phone. a week later, she finally got a phone, but more expensive. then when i got a computer, she got one after, but in a better brand. I don't know why she does it but it is getting on my last nerve. Then when I come up with ideas, she steals them and make them into her own. for example. Our whole group of friends hasn't hung out in a while, and i was saying how it would be tight to have everyone get together at a sleep over and just chil. She went off and told all of them as if it were her idea. And it is so frustrating. She also tried to steal my boyfriend. I ended up having to brake up with him because of whole lotta drama. I have slowly separated myself from her. She asked me if we were still best friends, and I said no. And she was begging for best friend status. But I said no. And I have stopped telling her everything, and calling her. I just listen, because I will always be there for her, i have never betrayed her. I helped her lose weight, and told her when people were talking ish about her. But with all that, she repaid me with all that. I want to separate myself from her to the fullest. Do you guys have eny ideas? what do you think about the whole situation? (link)
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Yeah. The key in sentence in that whole thing is that; you helped her loose weight. A lot of times when people do cruel things to others is because they think that the person can take it for whatever crazy reason. They think that you're stronger or more whatever that you can deal with pain normal people can't. She also seems to think that you understand this need that she probably can't put into words b/c you were there throughout her metamorphasis. The best thing to do is cut her off. You can listen when she calls you on the phone. But, move on. She's only going to hurt you really bad. Any female friend that would try to steal your boyfriend past, present or future is not a friend. If you have to cut her off completely so be it.
She may also be trying to get you back for something you didn't realize that you did when she was heavier. All in all; her behavior sounds crazy and dangerous for your mental health.
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okay. so i'm 16. just started highschool. I'm sure tht i'm not ugly, because all the guys used to stare and stuff at the beginning of the year. and everything. And i used to talk to so many of them. and then i started getting back to my shy self after settling in. Now its so hard for me to talk to guys. I don't know what to say to them or anything. so I just don't say anything practically. I think i mite be socially retarded. But anyway. The guys that used to look at me and smile at each other don't even do that anymore. And this kid called me an ogre. then yesterday, this other kid made fun of me. I don't know what to do. what do you guys think about this? (link)
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Sometimes kids make fun of other kids that are shy and stand-offish. It sounds like in the beginning they were interested in getting to know you; but then when you turned out to be shy; they decided to make fun of you instead. It really means nothing. In school kids make fun of shy kids and boost the popular kids that are more outgoing. Though it means nothing; it can definitely be hurtful. Even into adulthood; people make fun of shy and awkward people. It's just something that people do. I am that way a lot; so I know.
The best thing for you to do is just start to develop pride in yourself and make friends with people that make efforts to befriend you. Find true friends. Many people that are shy and awkward eventually grow up to make the most talented and most sought after artists, musicians and actors. The most important thing is to keep your pride about you. Many people make fun of what they don't understand. It's up to you to get over it. And you will find your different behavior and take on life to be very valuable in the end. I promise.
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18, female.... please read this i will be so thankful. i will return the favor.
lets me start off by saying i do have some trust issues because of the past. right now i am going through some hard times, i know that but last night it made it so much worse. my best guy friend of about 4 years completely screwed me over and i feel like he doesn't even care. i love this kid to death, i mean i am in love with him. the past couple months we've been having problems. he's been with his girlfriend for a very long time, and she changed him. me and him aren't like we use to be. we use to hang out all the time. now i'm lucky if i get to see him at least once a month. well he's been trying to get me to have sex with him. i'm a virgin and i didn't want to lose it to someone who had a girlfriend obviously. it's like when you have an angel on one side and the devil on the other. part of my heart was knowing it was completely wrong and the other part really wanted me to do it with him. i wan't him to be happy, and i love the kid alot. he knows that and so they went on a break about three weeks ago. he then tried to tell me it was okay to do something with him and he kissed me but we didn't do anything else. i thought he lied to me about them being on a break and we had a big fight and i scared him, i know he didn't want to lose me but we talked it out and i was like just remember if you ever do lie to me and i find out it will take me a very very long time to get that trust back and he was like i know, but it won't ever happen. i knew it was time to try and get over him, i've told myself so many times but it's taking the biggest toll on me. well last night he decided to text me and asked what i was doing. and i was with my friends and he was like oh haha i'm not doing anything and i was like i know you're not sitting at home and he was like yeah i'm waiting to fuck you. and i was like um no, fuck your girlfriend... and he was like no you. and i was like well i heard you guys aren't on a break anymore and he was like well whoever said that, they're wrong because we still are. and i was like i don't know about that and he was like she even wrote me this long note saying that she doesn't want it to be like this and that she wants to be back with me but since i wan't to be on a break, she said it will have to be that way. and i was like i still can't do that and you know why. and he was like no why and i said because i know that if i do something with him they're going to get back together and i can't be in that situation and he was like what situation? and i was like just dealing with that whole thing and he was like what do you mean? and i straight up said, i'm not having sex with you, if you're going out with her, or even if you're on a break with her. and then i think that made him mad and he didn't say anything back. and so i texted him back and was like when am i going to see you again..and he was like i dont know? and i was like fine, and he didn't say anything back and a little bit later i was like come see me later and he didn't say anything back and i was hurt and confused. well my friend's neighbors with him and we had to be home at 10:30 for some reason and then i ended up leaving at like 12:30 and his "girlfriends" car was at his house. i was devastated. i knew what he was doing. he knew i was at her house and he probably wanted to make me mad. he knew i wasn't going to give anything to him so they probably got back together. well i was debating on whether or not to text him and of course i did and i said "you had your chance and you fucked up big time, i think it's kind of funny this time though because you know what i said about trusting you, i hope this is what you really wanted" and he didn't say anything back. i don't know what to do. i can't live without this kid but i'm sure as hell not texting or calling him again. maybe i did make a mistake by texting him, i feel like a psycho or something now. i feel like i'm always the one trying to fix everything with everyone and all i get in return is a broken heart. i don't want him out of my life but i don't see how he just doesn't say anything back. my friends don't understand. he is the only guy in my life right now, he IS my best guy friend. but his girlfriend messed everything up and now i feel like i have nothing. did i lose him forever? am i in the wrong? the past couple months i feel like he did just want to get with me but for three years we've been friends it never was like that. my friends think i can just drop him like nothing but they don't understand we have something special. when i'm fighting with him i can't sleep,i can't concentrate in school. what if he doesn't ever talk to me again though because he has his girlfriend. i know you probably think, he's not worth it. but it's not like me to just give up and move on. i hang out with my friends and everything but it doesn't keep my mind off him no matter what i try. it's like trying to forget your're first love, it's impossible. i can't let myself like any other guy because i'm scared of getting hurt like my best friend hurt me and they're nothing compared to him. i loved when he was on a break with his girlfriend, he always wanted to see me and now if they're back together i won't hear from him or see him. how can i get him back. please don't say he's a jerk, that i deserve better. he is what i want, even if i am just friends with him. but i feel like it's on him now... (link)
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Hey You:
First off. You're in love with this guy. When you don't want anyone else; that's how you know. But, unfortunately; he seems to be playing a game that a lot of high school guys play. 'Who's going to give me sex.' I read your whole post; and from everything you've said; unfortunately that seems to be his priority. There are quite a few high school guys that want love and companionship; but for many; their hormones take over and sex is all they want.
Now it seems that he could either feel one of 2 ways. He could prefer you over his girlfriend and want to be with you; or he could just realize that you love him and he could hook up with you if he and she were on a break and just get back with you. I honestly think it's the second b/c if he were really in love with you; he would've said me and her are over; I only want you. A break insinuates that they could get back together at any time and that there's still love there.
Now secondly, some guys interpret female behavior in a way that's a little off. Like for many guys; they express love through the physical. So they think if a girl is hanging out a lot and makes a lot of eye contact with them that they can sleep with her. This is often true, but they don't realize that the female will become emotionally attached. Many men express their emotions through sex and that's all, there need be nothing more.
They are not that emotionally attached to the sex in the way women are. Now as females; many of us have sex and we're ready to be committed for life. Some guys (and it sounds like your friend) can say; sex is just sex. He may also be realizing that he's not the monogamous type of guy. It sounds like; he's just playing right now. He knows that if he keeps her on a break; they can always hook up and if he says they're on a break he can possibly hook up with you and always manipulate you and make you jealous. He may also be trying to see if the relationship is better with you before he cuts her off completely.
He also sounds like a pretty boy. And if so he has a lot of options. And in high school is where he's going to realize this. The best thing to do is figure out what you want from a relationship with him. If it's love and monogamy then realize; if you sleep with him; he might not be able to provide that. He may be interested in that; but, you have to prepare for the worst case scenario. He honestly doesn't sound like the faithful type right now. The best way to find this out is to listen to him if you can. Just try to strike up your friendship again, no strings attached. Just say 'look. I know you like me. I like you too. I just want to hang out with you for a month before we do anything physical.' And one thing about people is that they always tell you who they are. 1 month is good. 3-6 months is best. A lot of times when people tell us who they are, we say things like 'oh you don't really believe that!' or 'you didn't do that!'
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO IS LISTEN! DON'T QUESTION OR DISAGREE!
The reason I'm saying this to you and not 'dump him he's a jerk.' Is because I know you love him. I know what you're feeling. And I want to help you be together and in love with him forever; or just be able to move on. I know how what you're going through feels.
I don't know if astrologically you're a cancer female; but you definitely sound like you could be and if so, I am as well I have been down many emotional love roads and can help you even further out of this one. Just let me know.
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