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The Father who is always right"
Im 21 years old and this is my story...
It all started 6 years ago,my father started having problems with his company and he would always throw his tantrums on my family,i have 2 elder sisters.he would get upset over the most ridiculous things such as,why isnt the rice cooked nicely,or y is the music so loud,he never lets us go out with our friends or whatsoever.he hits us all the time if we were to do something wrong.my father is a good man,i know,he provides alot for us,i feel he just do not know how to handel his emotions.one day he caught me talking on the phone when everyone was a sleep,he redail the number i found out i was talking to a boy,he started hitting me so hard,he punched me,he dragged me up the stairs,he threw a weight scale on me,he did all sorts that at the end of the day i was so bruised up,i had no space left for another bruise.my mom didnt let me go to school for a week so my scar would heal,so that no one would question me,my teacher saw it tho,she wanted to report my father but i didnt allow it.and when i finally was allowed to go to school,i ran away..i manage to run away for 3 days only till my mom found me,things were horrible in the house,both my sister left the house after awhile cuz no one could take it anymore frm my father,i was the last one left until finally i was old enough to survive on my own,i stayed away for 2 years on my own,my father fell sick between that 2 years and i went to see him in the hospital,but i was not allowed 2 becasue the docs didnt wanna cause him more stress.after 2 years my 2nd sister decided to go home,and my father gave in,and then i decided to come home after awhile,and i talked to my dad,and according to him,it was all my fault the family was apart.now im currently working with him,but he is not paying me and he does not allow me to work anywhere else.i wanted to study too but he didnt allow that,both my sisters had the advvantage of studying and going overseas.but all this problem started when it was my turn to study.now,he still does not allow me to study and im worried that,if anything were to happen to himmm i will have nothing to fall back on to,he still treats me and my sister like kids,we are not allowed to come home afetr 11pm,we cant do anything that we want 2,boys are not allowed,things like that,i decided to give in,but even thou,he still treats us like crap despite his terms and conditions im still here trying to make things better,but when something upsets him,he does not talk to us n make us feel real dumb.there is no way of talking to him at all,he is always right,no one can tell him otherwise,even my mom is giving up.i need a solid future,but im not getting it..im really worried to what i should do.i know there are far worst problems thats others may have,but please..i really need advice!
ps:my eldest sister has not returned home till now and i have not seen her for 3-4 years already,and there are many things i left out but i didnt want my post to be extreamly long sorry!
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Not only is your father abusive; but somehow he really does have a strangle hold over your entire family. I mean for you and your sisters to be adults and still comprimising your education and not working other places b/c he won't let you is really wild. In addition to the incredible physical damage he must have done to all of you; the mental number he did on you guys is incredible.
It may be that up until your dad fell on financial hard times; he never abused you; so you guys are holding onto that good image of him or something. But, I find it hard to believe though that someone this abusive never showed any signs before the financial hardship. Unless he got some sort of brain tumor; this type of abuse shows itself or at least escalates from some previous mental abuse on his part or something. Maybe I'm wrong.
It sounds like maybe you believe the things he's saying about you and that you don't have any worth like he'll have you believe.
It sounds like in your post; you know what you need to be doing in your life. You know you must go to school and start working a job that pays you. For some reason though; you seem to find yourself unable to take the next step to do this.
I too have had many problems with my family; but there was no more than a few physical things and some mental cruelty. But, I would chalk it up more to mistakes then abuse. But, one thing I had to realize that might help you is that seperating from your family to do what's best for yourself; doesn't mean that you will be putting them out of your life completely. They may complain and he will definitely criticize and demean you for it; but just know in your heart that you still love them and will be spending time with them etc. that you will always be there for them.
I also think that you should get some counseling to help seperate your ideas about yourself from the ideas he's put in your head and to help heal yourself and your family. You may not be able to convince them to enter counseling; but you can at least help yourself.
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Hun you are 21 years old. Stand up for youself. My mom used to let her boyfriend hit me and still denys he ever laid a hand on me. if you have a friends or family members house you can stay at than stay there. get a job where you are making money get on you own feet and get out there. it will be hard since you haven't been given the slightest bit of chance. You can have a social worker look into it because all you siblings are old enough to be out on there own correct? if not than you can do something that way. you need to learn to take care of your self even if it is disobeying his rules.
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14/f
i agree with the other lady who commented your question..but even though i am 14..i was thinking..have you tried to contact your sisters? maybe you can secretly get a job and save up money to live with one of them?? would they help you get on your feet and get your life started??
i have issues with my father too...but im leaving him. my parents are divorced and i am taking him to court so i dont have to see him again..but try to live with a friend or your sisters..or even an aunt...im already done with the drama and chaos of my father. its time for you to leave too. get out while you still can. maybe your mom can help you out..maybe she can help you go somewhere..away.
-M.
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First off, it is NOT your fault that bad things have happened in your family. That is him refusing to place blame where it belongs, which is on himself.
Now, what you need to do is try to find a means to GET OUT. You're 21 years old! You should be living your own life, meeting people, getting that education you want and deserve. He is your father, not your warden.
But since you live under his roof, he will continue to be your warden because he can. Yes, he can lock you out if you aren't home by 11. Yes, he can refuse to allow you to have friends over. His home, his rules.
You're very right in your worries of not having anything to fall back on if something were to happen to him.
Why did you go back? Out of guilt because he fell sick? Not to sound heartless, but I believe in what comes around goes around. He beat and abused you, then falls ill. Karma.
Go out into the world. Find who YOU are. You won't find that young woman until you have the freedom to do so. You should be a young woman coming up in the world right now. Instead you're living the life of a 14 year old girl.
He doesn't want to help you come up in the world, so you have to do it the hard way- on your own.
Go out on your own and make something of your life now before that day comes along when you start to tell yourself it's too late. Because by that point, most folks start to believe that.
ygs-30/f
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