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why do i let people take advantage of me
18, female.... please read this i will be so thankful. i will return the favor.
lets me start off by saying i do have some trust issues because of the past. right now i am going through some hard times, i know that but last night it made it so much worse. my best guy friend of about 4 years completely screwed me over and i feel like he doesn't even care. i love this kid to death, i mean i am in love with him. the past couple months we've been having problems. he's been with his girlfriend for a very long time, and she changed him. me and him aren't like we use to be. we use to hang out all the time. now i'm lucky if i get to see him at least once a month. well he's been trying to get me to have sex with him. i'm a virgin and i didn't want to lose it to someone who had a girlfriend obviously. it's like when you have an angel on one side and the devil on the other. part of my heart was knowing it was completely wrong and the other part really wanted me to do it with him. i wan't him to be happy, and i love the kid alot. he knows that and so they went on a break about three weeks ago. he then tried to tell me it was okay to do something with him and he kissed me but we didn't do anything else. i thought he lied to me about them being on a break and we had a big fight and i scared him, i know he didn't want to lose me but we talked it out and i was like just remember if you ever do lie to me and i find out it will take me a very very long time to get that trust back and he was like i know, but it won't ever happen. i knew it was time to try and get over him, i've told myself so many times but it's taking the biggest toll on me. well last night he decided to text me and asked what i was doing. and i was with my friends and he was like oh haha i'm not doing anything and i was like i know you're not sitting at home and he was like yeah i'm waiting to fuck you. and i was like um no, fuck your girlfriend... and he was like no you. and i was like well i heard you guys aren't on a break anymore and he was like well whoever said that, they're wrong because we still are. and i was like i don't know about that and he was like she even wrote me this long note saying that she doesn't want it to be like this and that she wants to be back with me but since i wan't to be on a break, she said it will have to be that way. and i was like i still can't do that and you know why. and he was like no why and i said because i know that if i do something with him they're going to get back together and i can't be in that situation and he was like what situation? and i was like just dealing with that whole thing and he was like what do you mean? and i straight up said, i'm not having sex with you, if you're going out with her, or even if you're on a break with her. and then i think that made him mad and he didn't say anything back. and so i texted him back and was like when am i going to see you again..and he was like i dont know? and i was like fine, and he didn't say anything back and a little bit later i was like come see me later and he didn't say anything back and i was hurt and confused. well my friend's neighbors with him and we had to be home at 10:30 for some reason and then i ended up leaving at like 12:30 and his "girlfriends" car was at his house. i was devastated. i knew what he was doing. he knew i was at her house and he probably wanted to make me mad. he knew i wasn't going to give anything to him so they probably got back together. well i was debating on whether or not to text him and of course i did and i said "you had your chance and you fucked up big time, i think it's kind of funny this time though because you know what i said about trusting you, i hope this is what you really wanted" and he didn't say anything back. i don't know what to do. i can't live without this kid but i'm sure as hell not texting or calling him again. maybe i did make a mistake by texting him, i feel like a psycho or something now. i feel like i'm always the one trying to fix everything with everyone and all i get in return is a broken heart. i don't want him out of my life but i don't see how he just doesn't say anything back. my friends don't understand. he is the only guy in my life right now, he IS my best guy friend. but his girlfriend messed everything up and now i feel like i have nothing. did i lose him forever? am i in the wrong? the past couple months i feel like he did just want to get with me but for three years we've been friends it never was like that. my friends think i can just drop him like nothing but they don't understand we have something special. when i'm fighting with him i can't sleep,i can't concentrate in school. what if he doesn't ever talk to me again though because he has his girlfriend. i know you probably think, he's not worth it. but it's not like me to just give up and move on. i hang out with my friends and everything but it doesn't keep my mind off him no matter what i try. it's like trying to forget your're first love, it's impossible. i can't let myself like any other guy because i'm scared of getting hurt like my best friend hurt me and they're nothing compared to him. i loved when he was on a break with his girlfriend, he always wanted to see me and now if they're back together i won't hear from him or see him. how can i get him back. please don't say he's a jerk, that i deserve better. he is what i want, even if i am just friends with him. but i feel like it's on him now...
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Hey You:
First off. You're in love with this guy. When you don't want anyone else; that's how you know. But, unfortunately; he seems to be playing a game that a lot of high school guys play. 'Who's going to give me sex.' I read your whole post; and from everything you've said; unfortunately that seems to be his priority. There are quite a few high school guys that want love and companionship; but for many; their hormones take over and sex is all they want.
Now it seems that he could either feel one of 2 ways. He could prefer you over his girlfriend and want to be with you; or he could just realize that you love him and he could hook up with you if he and she were on a break and just get back with you. I honestly think it's the second b/c if he were really in love with you; he would've said me and her are over; I only want you. A break insinuates that they could get back together at any time and that there's still love there.
Now secondly, some guys interpret female behavior in a way that's a little off. Like for many guys; they express love through the physical. So they think if a girl is hanging out a lot and makes a lot of eye contact with them that they can sleep with her. This is often true, but they don't realize that the female will become emotionally attached. Many men express their emotions through sex and that's all, there need be nothing more.
They are not that emotionally attached to the sex in the way women are. Now as females; many of us have sex and we're ready to be committed for life. Some guys (and it sounds like your friend) can say; sex is just sex. He may also be realizing that he's not the monogamous type of guy. It sounds like; he's just playing right now. He knows that if he keeps her on a break; they can always hook up and if he says they're on a break he can possibly hook up with you and always manipulate you and make you jealous. He may also be trying to see if the relationship is better with you before he cuts her off completely.
He also sounds like a pretty boy. And if so he has a lot of options. And in high school is where he's going to realize this. The best thing to do is figure out what you want from a relationship with him. If it's love and monogamy then realize; if you sleep with him; he might not be able to provide that. He may be interested in that; but, you have to prepare for the worst case scenario. He honestly doesn't sound like the faithful type right now. The best way to find this out is to listen to him if you can. Just try to strike up your friendship again, no strings attached. Just say 'look. I know you like me. I like you too. I just want to hang out with you for a month before we do anything physical.' And one thing about people is that they always tell you who they are. 1 month is good. 3-6 months is best. A lot of times when people tell us who they are, we say things like 'oh you don't really believe that!' or 'you didn't do that!'
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO IS LISTEN! DON'T QUESTION OR DISAGREE!
The reason I'm saying this to you and not 'dump him he's a jerk.' Is because I know you love him. I know what you're feeling. And I want to help you be together and in love with him forever; or just be able to move on. I know how what you're going through feels.
I don't know if astrologically you're a cancer female; but you definitely sound like you could be and if so, I am as well I have been down many emotional love roads and can help you even further out of this one. Just let me know.
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hey, i understand that you really like this guy but i think you just need to give him time so he can think over what he really wants. he's probably confused between you and his girlfriend and i think you should stop texting/calling him for awhile and let him text/call you. he shouldn't be wanting to do anything with you when he has a girlfriend, on a break or not...thats what he's most likely confused about. if you guys are real friends like you said you were then after awhile of you not texting him he will text you.
hope it goes well.
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