I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172842
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im 17 years old and 5 weeks pregnant.
my boyfriends family wants me to get an abortion.
my family doesnt want me to get an abortion.
i don't want an abortion.
my boyfriends family are saying if i keep the baby then he has to move out and there disowning him.
i feel guilty.
i dont know what to do.
adoption ISNT an option.
hes scared and doesnt think were ready, i don't either but happened.
he's worried hes going to have to sell everything and not have a life or go to any parties anymore.
How do i convince him that he can still have a life? and how do i convince him that abortion isnt the right option? how can i make him see that there is a life, part of him inside me and we shouldn't kill it just because we made a mistake?
(link)
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At this point, your boyfriend is low on the totem pole. Your needs and your baby's needs are a much higher priority than his. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be cold hearted. I can see why you would feel upset - no one wants someone they care about to go through anything unsettling.
But it's not very sensitive of him to worry about parties and his life when YOU are the one carrying the baby and making a very difficult decision. You sound quite clear that you do not want an abortion, so your first steps should be to see your doctor to make sure you are getting good care and medical advice from early on in your pregnancy.
While your boyfriend and his family have a right to their opinion, ultimately you need to do what you feel is best. It is good that your family are supporting you - having a baby is very, very diffcult and with family support it can be more manageable.
Instead of you worrying about how to help other people out at this point, other people should be worrying about what they can do for YOU!
If your decision is made, you need to be clear with your boyfriend. His family may also backdown a little once they realise your mind is made up - after all, he is their son. If you are not being clear about your wishes, they may feel they still have room to pressure him and yourself.
I know it's not easy, but try to stay as calm as possible. Everything you now do affects a little baby who is completely dependent on you.
Please let me know if you need further info. I wish you all the best.
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what happens if i finger a girl and she urinates blood (link)
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Fingering a girl can sometimes cause spotting (small amounts of blood coming out). This can be because her hymen gets ruptured, or because your nails may have given her a small cut in her vagina.
This is different than 'urinating blood.' If streams of blood are coming out, or any blood is visibly dripping out, she needs to see a doctor. (Unless her period is expected....) She should also see a doctor if she is in pain.
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I think I Might be up the duff, but Im too scared to do a test, I think that if I am, Im only 3-4 weeks, when would be the right time, Im only young. (link)
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Do you know when you would be getting your period? Tests are most effective if you test AFTER the first day you missed your period. If you don't know or your period is irregular, that can make things a bit more tricky.
Testing is scary, but the sooner you know the sooner you can explore your options. Do a bit of research and see if there are free services for young people in your area - then you can get tested and not have to be alone. They might even have a counsellor if you need to talk.
You can get advice and information on ending the pregnancy or carrying on - either way, it's best to see a doctor or nurse as soon as you can.
If you aren't sure when your period is due, you can always test now. If it is negative and your period hasn't arrived in a week, test again. It takes time for the hormones to build up. Tests are also most accurate first thing in the morning.
Good luck, and let me know if you have any more questions.
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josh decided he would choose between me and kelsey but he would need a couple days because he liked us both. i finally talked to him and he said he was sticking with kelsey...so once again he led me on and broke my heart! its so hard to find the right boy, should i just give up on him? (link)
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Yes.
It sounds like he has led you on before. And this time, he has outright said that he wants to stay with the other girl.
While this can be very tough, at the end of the day don't you want a guy who wants YOU? It's not good for your self-esteem to hang around and wait for a guy who has chosen another girl.
In a relationship, you want to feel special and wanted. It doesn't sound like this guy can offer that to you.
If you choose to move on, you are opening yourself up to meeting a guy who really, really likes you!
Best of luck.
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I haven't had sex with very many people at all, and I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. I am 7 months pregnant and my vagina has been sore so I went to the doctor today and he noticed this little white bump on my vagina.
There's only 2 little white bumps on my vagina, but the doctor made it seem like I have herpes! He did the swab/scrap test and I just have to wait now for the results.
I'm just thinking there's not possible way that I have herpes, right? I've been tested for it three times after my ex boyfriend, because he was with a lot of people before me. I also KNOW my current boyfriend has NOT cheated on me at all. I looked up information about herpes and white bumps on vagina and a lot of the sites say it's just not herpes or whatever I think, but my doctor was just SO sure about it sounded really scary.
I'm just asking...should I confront my doctor about this and tell him he was being mean by saying I have herpes? I mean, I just KNOW I don't have herpes and he's going on and on about the white bumps on my vagina having to be herpes and how we need to be "especially cautious" since I am pregnant and plan to have my baby vaginally. He's sooo stupid and I'm so mad that he would say I have herpes! (link)
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Well, your doctor is just doing his job. Hopefully the test will come back negative and things will be fine.
However, herpes is not an STD you can just be tested for. To accurately detect if it is present, swabs need to be taken when there is an outbreak. Even full STD screenings (like blood tests) do not automatically include herpes as the best way to detect it is while the bumps/blisters are present.
However, the body goes through a lot of changes when pregnant. It is common for the pubic area to be sore in late pregnancy due to swelling, possible varicose veins, and pressure from the uterus. Chances are things are fine, but it is always best to be checked out! Herpes can be transmitted to the baby during birth, so your doctor is really just trying to protect both you and your baby.
Herpes can also be dormant in the body for years and only come out when the immune system is run down - and pregnancy does mess with your immune system.
I understand you being upset, angry, and scared with your doctor. Perhaps he didn't handle things as sensitively as he could have. I don't think he was intentionally being 'mean,' though it may have felt that way. However, he should not have said you definitely had it - waiting for test results is the best way to proceed!
Feel free to talk to him about this, as you have the right to feel comfortable with your doctor. You may also help him think about his actions so that he doesn't act this way in future with you or any other patients.
Best of luck for the rest of your pregnancy.
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when your bulemic do you throw up after every thing you eat? or just at the end of the day? thankyou (link)
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Bulimia is different from person to person. I have worked with many people who have this condition. Some people are sick a lot, some just once a day. Some people don't get sick, and use other methods to rid their body of the food.
No matter how often or how rarely someone gets sick, if they believe they might have bulimia it is important that they meet with medical and mental health professionals. Bulimia can cause a lot of physical damage to the body, but the mind also needs to be cared for.
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how do you know if you are in love with someone?
i cant stop thinking about him. and cannot ever stay mad at him even though he is a jerk alot of the time.
and i think that its only one way..im feel more for him than he does for me...ALOT more. (link)
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Love, real love, is a two way street. It requires a lot of depth of knowing the other person, mutual acceptance and support, etc. If someone is being a jerk a lot of the time - however you react to it - it's not really a sign that something longterm and healthy is on the cards.
Love is also best when both people feel the same way. Of course in a long relationship (we're talking years and years here) it is normal for feelings to shift, change, and grow over time.
Relationships where one person cares more for the other, it can open the way to that person being taken advantage of. You will be doing a lot to keep this guy happy because you care for him - but if you aren't getting the same sort of treatment in return, something is wrong.
And if you guys aren't dating yet, but you are thinking about him a lot - take some time to get to know him, to let him get to know you, and to see what happens. Remember to use your head as well as your heart.
I wish you the best.
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after a guy comes in me it comes out when i stand up is it suppose to do that? does that happen to everyone?
also,i was having sex with a guy and i queefed it was really embaressing . do guys think that its disgusting? (link)
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It is perfectly normal for some semen to leak out, particularly if you are standing upright. You can avoid this problem (and others!) by using a condom.
'Queefing' is really just when air is pushed into the vagina during sex, and then it makes the lovely squelching noise. Again, this is normal - and a good opportunity to have a laugh with your partner. A bit of humour can go a long way in any aspect of a relationship!!
I wish you the best.
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So I've decided to take extra good care of my body, which includes eating healthy foods, remembering to take my dietary supplements, deep conditioning my hair, and flossing after lunch and dinner, and excercising. But also this includes taking care of my intimates. This is a subject I've never talked about with my mother, and I recently learned that washing the area with just plain water is not enough, you should use a mild soap on the external area. Well, I have been using a body wash, but I don't think it's meant to be used on the vaginal area. I have heard of Summer's Eve Feminine Wash, and that it is made especially for the area and doesn't irritate or upset the pH. Is this product a douche or a soap (internal or external)? Is it safe to use? What are some other ways I can keep the area clean, healthy and fresh?
Oh, and I do know about the yogurt trick (applying sugar free, fruit free, live culture yogurt internally to your vaginal canal to add more good bacteria to help clean it from the inside out and keep it healthy). I also know about the pineapple trick (eating it will make you taste better). Are there any more tips like this?
Oh and it is probably important to note that I do have a funky smell and sometimes a funky discharge (which doesn't depend on the time of month). However I am very sure I don't have an infection because I've had this ever since I hit puberty and I have never had any discomfort, itching, burning, or oddcolored discharge ever. I do swim, however, and I'm pretty sure that its the chlorine that threw my pH out of balance killing off the good bacteria, which is why I'm starting the yogurt treatment as soon as I buy some. (link)
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Your vagina (barring any infections you may have) is specially made to create and maintain its own ph balance. Putting things into your vagina to clean it, or to 'replenish' good bacteria, can seriously upset the delicate balance and cause infections, odor, and irritation.
The best way to care for your lady bits? Wash once a day with a non-perfumed soap. Simple baby soap works fine. It is important to not wash more than this, as this can again upset your body's natural balances - and actually leave you with more unpleasant smells and, yes, irritation.
Wash along the outside bits, NOT the inside of your actual vagina. Be sure to rinse well.
If you have persistent bad smell that is more than you just worrying you don't smell right, it is best to see a doctor.
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Can you get AIDS or HIV from oral sex? Like if the person who has it does it to you or something? (link)
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HIV is like any other infection - it needs one basic thing. This is, simply, an opportunity to enter your body.
If someone with HIV gives you oral sex (particularly if they have any open sores, cankers, or lesions in or around their mouth/lips), you are at risk of contracting the infection.
Different activities come with different levels of risk, but why take the chance? An infection can enter your skin through a tiny cut - one you may not even realise you have. Cover up.
If you're a guy getting oral sex, wear a condom. If you're a girl, you can use a dental dam (like a big square of latex - comes in lots of flavours) or simply cut a condom down the middle and use that to cover yourself.
Better safe than sorry!
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most of my friends have this problem as well.
But, it's summer now, and i always wear a bathing suite.
on the top of my breast i have red stretch marks, I know they have creams for it, but my mother and I aren't open to things like that 'cause we aren't really close.
But i heard coacoa butter lotion takes stretch marks away.
Is this true? (link)
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Yep. Plain old ordinary cocoa butter lotion (preferably with Vitamin E) does wonders for stretch marks. It won't happen overnight, though.
Apply it twice a day - it will also have the nice side effect of limiting future stretch marks should your breasts have another growth spurt!
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I’m still really young, but I want to have a baby! I’ve been sexually active for about a year and have had unprotected sex at least 3 times. Each time, I always think I’m pregnant, and get overly excited at the idea of being a mother and having a little baby girl or boy to take care of. My mom waited until she was 30 to start having kids, and honestly I think it’s stupid. My mom and I don’t get along at all and have absolutely no level of communication, and my theory is its because she’s so much older than me. I think that if we were a little closer in age, we might be close. But right now I can’t stand her.
I asked a question on here a few months ago about how I wanted to have a baby really badly, and someone told me I had a “baby bug”, which I know isn’t a real virus, but I know I have it again. I just found out yesterday I’m not pregnant and have been severely depressed since then. Every baby commercial I see makes me cry and just now, even watching Sailor Moon and Serena’s “daughter” Reeni upset me deeply and I had to turn it off. My ideal age to have a baby is 15, but I didn’t get pregnant around that time, and now I’m 16 and obviously still not pregnant. I’m getting really annoyed with myself. There are more important things to get upset over than whether or not I’m gonna have a baby at 16, but I’m so worried I’m not able to get pregnant! I just want to have a baby now and get it over with, rather than wait until I’m old and more likely to be not as close to my future daughter or son. I’ve tried talking to my boyfriend about this, but he doesn’t understand. And my two closest friends don’t understand because neither of them want children and think I’m being ridiculous! I don’t know what to do.
16/f (link)
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Babies. Pregnancy.
Lots of people your age want babies - now or sometime in the future. It can be a lovely fantasy, particularly when you believe you will be a better mom than your mom is currently being to you.
But you know what? Most people in the 14-19 range have a very difficult relationship with their parents during this time. It doesn't matter what age the parent was when they had the child - and in fact, parents who wait before having children can offer a lot more life experience to their children's upbringing.
I think wanting a baby is a lovely thing. I've been there myself. I know it must be very hard for you when you aren't getting pregnant. Here's the honest truth from my point of view: you are lucky you have not gotten pregnant.
I am not dissing pregnancy or motherhood here - both great things. But they are great things at the right time - this is when you are financially and emotionally stable. This includes owning a house, car, and having a healthy pot of savings. It also means having a good education and dependable job - if you truly want to be an excellent mother (which it is clear you are motivated to do!!), these are all things you should have set in place before you bring a baby into your life.
Once you make the decision to have a child, a lot of other options are cancelled out. There is no turning back. At your age, you have YEARS of fertility ahead of you - this means that you can experience all the stuff someone in their teens, twenties, etc should experience and STILL have children later on. It's the best of both worlds!
To help with your baby fix, and to help prepare you for motherhood, why not spend some time volunteering after school in a daycare? Or babysit?
The reality of pregnancy and motherhood is that it is very, very difficult. You are doing the best for yourself and your child when you can objectively say you are really ready. Being ready for a child is a lot more than simply wanting one. You have to have quite a lot of money, support from your family (and independence), and be in the best possible place yourself. It is the only responsible way to do things.
Plus, you would probably need to continue living at home once your baby was born - and that will likely make your relationship with your mother far worse. Why not wait until the time is more reasonable?
Whatever you decide, I genuinely wish you the best in life.
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i MIGHT be pregnant. like, if anything, id be about 1 or 2 weeks along. im not sure. but all day today whenever i would move weirdly, id get a sharp pain in my abdominal area. and earlier my boyfriend picked me up and swung me around and my body twisted and the pain went really sharp in my stomach. it hurt really bad, and it has ceased a little, but not stopped completely. could it have hurt the young fetus, or is this something else? like, am i having a miscarriage?
as i said, its too early to take a pregnancy test, but it is possible. ive been having a few symptoms. but this pain has not stopped. if im NOT pregnant, what could this be? the pain also happens when i press down on my stomach. if i barely apply any pressure on my stomach, it hurts badly. can someone answer my questions, please? thank you to anyone who answers. (link)
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This doesn't sound like pregnancy to me. In a typical pregnancy, you would not be experiencing any symptoms very early on (aside from missing your period!).
Any abdominal pain is something that should be checked out. It could be something minor, but could also be pretty serious. There are a lot of things in that area (bowel, appendix, ligaments, muscles, etc) and any of them could be the issue.
No one will be able to tell you for sure what is wrong unless it is a medical professional who is examining you! It could turn out to be nothing, but it's way better to be safe than sorry. For example, if this was appendicitis it is much safer and easier to take care of the problem now, than waiting until it is much worse.
Go see your doctor ASAP!
Best of luck.
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so i've already made my first visit to the gyno .. but since i was too scared to do the pelvic exam (hahah) i only did the breast exam. im going back soon to get a vaccine, so i will probably end up doing the pelvic exam then. but what i am more concerned about is when i go to the gyno for an internal exam. is it better to shave before i go? i feel like if i dont then it will be hard to see cuz my hair is pretty thick. and also .. i noticed that if i spread the lips of my vagina apart, my vagina has A LOT of discharge throughout.. i have extrememly good hygene but i just dont know if this is normal? like id feel embarassed if i did the internal exam and i had all slimy discharge in me and the doctor is like looking through .. i mean i guess they see it all the time but does anyone get what im saying? id just feel weird if she saw my discharge & even if i cleaned it before i feel like it would be back again by the time she examines me.. soo basically is it ok to have my vagina like that when i get examined? and also should i shave? thanks! (link)
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A gyno, by the time they are fully qualified and practicing, will have seen more vaginas than you or I can imagine. Shaved, hairy, somewhere in between - it really doesn't matter.
Your gyno is not spending time looking at the hairy bits of you. He or she will do a very quick internal exam, which means taking a swab from your cervix - deep inside your vagina and nothing to do with the hair!
I can virtually guarantee you can't be 'too' hairy for a gyno. It's really about what makes you feel more comfortable.
Next, discharge is a totally normal and healthy part of being female. It is something your gyno EXPECTS to see - if you were bone dry, it would also make the internal exam more uncomfortable. If your discharge is an unhealthy sort (a funny colour or smell), your gyno needs to see this so she/he can let you know what the problem is and how to fix it!
In short, you can leave your poor vagina alone and it will be perfectly ready for a trip to the gyno. I know these things can be awkward, but hopefully you have a good doctor who can help set your mind at ease. If you feel okay about it, you can always let them know you are a little nervous!
Also be sure to mention it is your first internal exam and ask them to talk you through it - this can distract your nerves, keep you informed, and make it seem more just like any other visit to the doctor.
Best of luck!
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So i am a girl (22), and i have a girlfriend, yes we are lesbians.
So we have been together a really long time and we are trying to think of ways to "spice up" our sex life... we were thinking some sort of games or something, although most out there are made for heterosexual couples. does anyone have any ideas? (link)
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Lesbianism is a great things in terms of sex, because you can have it all! The question is, of course, what you and your girlfriend fancy.
While ready made games often do favour heterosexual couples, specialist stores you can find online may offer lesbian-friendly versions. Alternatively, you can make up your own game...
One good stop is often a women's only sex shop (these tend to be a bit less sleazy and a bit more fun!). Some couples are happy to buy things to help spice things up, and these stores can supply a huge range of things you might never have thought of. Again, there are excellent online suppliers if you don't want to go in person.
Finally, simply changing the location or time of day you have sex can be a simple but easy way to help bring some freshness into your relationship. A nice evening away at a hotel never hurts!
Good luck to you both...sex lives can become very static when you've been with someone a long time - this is normal. But with love and a willingness to keep things going, I'm sure you guys will manage just fine!
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is beung belimic and having blukimia the same (link)
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Yes.
These are just two ways to describe the same thing. If you or someone you know might have bulimia, it's very important to see a doctor. There are plenty of nasty effects this has on the body - including stomach acid eating away at your teeth and ripping your throat lining.
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Okay so there is two questions here
first one is Me and this guy has been having sex since like october but then we took a brake and we started having sex again but then he was like fuck...and i was like and he was like you make me cum to fast. SO like is that a good thing my friends say it is but is it?
2nd one is
When me and him have sex i don't get off is that like a normal thing like when women have sex all the time with a man and don't get off is there somthing wrong or yeah
his the first person i have splet with (link)
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Not sure how old you are, but lots of younger guys have difficulty with something called 'premature ejaculation.' This basically means they cum too fast.
It's nice that he is turned on by you and enjoys the sex, but in reality things could be a lot better if he was able to make it last longer. He shouldn't be blaming you for his problem!!
When a guy cums too quickly, a big side effect is just what you mention - the girl doesn't often have an orgasm. While it can be common for women to have difficulty orgasming though intercourse alone, that doesn't make it okay.
There are plenty of other ways he can help you get off, and if he isn't doing them then I would question the balance in your sex life. You deserve to have an orgasm just as much as the guy does!
I wish you the best.
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I heard that some international calling cards dont really work too well, and when you get over in the country there are actually less minutes on the card that when you bought it in the USA for. I am going to Europe and will be there for about 3 weeks so i will need a rather large calling card or several of them and was wondering what are good ones to get? (link)
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Realistically, you are probably better off buying calling cards once you get to Europe. If you buy for the country you are in, you'll know exactly how much per minute it is to call home. When you buy calling cards from the USA and then travel abroad, things aren't always so clear cut.
You could always buy a couple of cards for emergencies, and then plan to buy calling cards as soon as you arrive in Europe. Any corner store will sell them (at least in the countries I've been to!).
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So I'm 16 years old; my boyfriend of 2 years is 18. We're pretty serious (although we are young). I've never been on birth control and my periods are pretty consistent and normal. On April 12th, I started my period. It ended on April 16th. I had sex April 18th (early morning). So it was whatever then on April 26th it looked as if I was starting my period again, only it was light and stopped after a day. I googled it and it said I could have been spotting. I wouldn't be concerned with this normally but I've never spotted, ever. Also it says that I was ovulating (and was extremely fertile) the following week after I had sex. It's also a fact that sperm can live inside of you for 3 to 5 days. I started ovulating on April 21st or 22nd I believe. April 18th is only 3 or 4 days from that. So I'm a little worried. I haven't missed a period yet because my period isn't due until May 10th. I'm just wondering if this sounds like I could be pregnant or am I just worrying over nothing. Please help. Thanks in advance. xx. (link)
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Spotting can actually be an indication of a fertilised egg implanting - so it's right that you are concerned.
A pregnancy test will not be accurate until you have missed a period - there are a few on the market that claim to be accurate beforehand, but these can be misleading if you test too early. It's best to wait till your period is expected; also keep in mind that stressing about this could cause your period to be late this month.
If your period comes, then that answers that. If not, test - a positive means you're pregnant. If you get a negative but your period doesn't come, wait a couple of days and try again.
Hoping everything is all okay for you. It might be worth getting a book called 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' - it's covers the complex area of ovulation, fertility, and avoiding/trying to get pregnant in really clear language.
If you aren't pregnant, I would suggest you and your boyfriend do some serious talking about birth control. If you aren't ready for a baby, it really is best to protect yourself as much as possible from that situation.
All the best.
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13/f
i haven't gotten my period yet but i have been getting vaginal discharge for about a year now. the thing is sometimes my stomach (down near my bladder) hurts so much it makes me cry. i have tried nurofen, panadol, ibuprofen,and normal paracetamol. these help a bit but the cramps still hurt. i don't want to be stuffing myself with pain killers all the time. are there any herbal teas or food, even massages that i can do myself which would help?
any help would be appreciated
thanks (link)
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If you haven't got your period and these cramps are a regular occurance, it might be worth seeing your GP. There are lots of minor infections (that can strike anyone, anytime) that can cause symptoms similar to what you are describing. With any luck, a course of antibiotics might stop the pain!
If the GP gives you a clean bill of health and says these might be related to your period, then there are a few home remedies that might help. A hot water bottle on your tummy, a warm bath, or a gentle walk have been known to help people. But keep in mind these will NOT help with any infection or medical problem.
It really is best to just get checked out, as many minor things can end up hurting more and lasting longer when they aren't treated.
All the best!
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