Hello. My name is Harley. I have a well-recorded history of not being complete shit at advice, and am particularly good with mental health, most kinds of relationships, and LGBTQ+ issues.
Website: My Personal Blog
Location: Canada
Member Since: September 8, 2012
Answers: 32
Last Update: June 23, 2015
Visitors: 4061
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Me and now ex, were together for 2 years. However, this past month we haven't been right, I wouldn't say we were even together, the amount of times we broke up in the month. A lot of arguing, I felt I was putting too much effort in and getting little back, I was the one chasing him after we broke up, begging to work things out and the way he were with me was clearly because I was putting effort in, so he felt he didn't need to as I put too much in. However, it's been 2 days since we last spoke, we had an argument and I told him I was going on a date and he told me to never text him again. I want to be in no contact as of today I would say, as I've been checking his profile so it doesn't count as no contact. I'm just wondering though, because I said I was going on a date, maybe he won't come back, he won't text/chase me because of that. I want to build my confidence and patience up, so I don't come off as needy anymore. I'm going to do 30 days of contact, but what happens if he never contacts me again? And what step do I take after the 30 days? Do I try with him after the period is over? My thoughts are luring in my head, I'm thinking if he does message me whilst I'm in no contact and I don't reply, he may think "forget her" and move on himself as I won't be replying. Has anyone got any experiences to share? (link)
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I'm gonna be blunt-you need to break it off. Stop looking at his profile, don't check for messages, delete any messages you get. If you aren't getting back as good as you give and he isn't willing to talk to you about it, then you deserve better than that. I know it hurts to lose a relationship like that, but the most important thing right now is to take care of yourself. You don't seem happy with this boy anymore-your relationship has been going on and off for a month now, with a metric s***-ton of arguing and negativity. You don't need that.
Since i'm guessing there's no chance of you having a good friendship with this guy post-breakup, I recommend making a list of everything you dislike about him and being in a relationship with him. Cry, eat too much ice cream, watch 500 Days of Summer and The Breakfast Club and any other movies you want, talk to your friends, and completely wipe him out of your life. That's my advice.
Best of luck to you.
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I've always known my dad had bad anger issues, but I didn't know it would get this bad. Yesterday I said something mildly negative about a commercial on eggs (which was playing on the TV at that time), and he thought I was saying it to him, and threw random stuff at me. I don't think most people could've misinterpreted what I said, and when I explained to him, he kept screaming at me to shut up. When he argued why he thought it was about him, he was being really hypocritical, and not making any sense. Usually he's a great debater (we've debated on different topics for fun before when I was younger).
Today, because my table was slightly messy, he kept saying I was a piece of trash. Which didn't really affect me because I'm used to his behavior, but it's been continuing from this morning to now. He hasn't been saying anything except for "rubbish, trash" and random outbursts of gibberish for the entire day now. I know it's directed to me, because he's always tried to be nice to my mom and sister.
I've always told my mom he has anger management issues and stuff, and needs help, but every time she responds with "shut up". She always tells me he's fine, even though recently he told me he was suicidal. When I bring it up to my mom, she immediately puts up a wall, and calls me a smartass, and sometimes stuff like "we don't need you, wish you were never born" but I've stopped caring about what they say.
My dad isn't an alcoholic, doesn't smoke, and I doubt he does drugs. He does have alot of stress because he's in a very stressful job, but nobody in my family even brings up the fact he needs help. I don't know what I should do, and I don't understand what's happening to him. Please help?
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Your dad seems to have a lot of problems controlling and effectively dealing with his stress and anger. He lashes out at people when they haven't done anything wrong, or at least haven't done anything to warrant being lashed out at. Nothing he does is your fault.
If you think it's safe to do so, I would recommend finding a time when he's relatively calm and talk to him directly about possibly going to a doctor or talking to a therapist, since your mom isn't willing to discuss it.
If you don't feel safe talking to him about this(ie you think he might try to hurt you or himself if you do), you can't find a time when he would be receptive to the idea, or you've tried that already and it didn't work, there isn't anything you can do for him. In this case, the most important thing you can do is take care of yourself. When he's angry/stressed, avoid him. When he seems to be relaxed, be ready to leave if he gets angry. When you get old enough, get as far away as you can go. He may have issues, but that doesn't mean he gets to take it out on you.
I hope this helps you. I wish you and your dad the best of luck.
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Ok well I wanna kill myself but I know Its wrong and today was the 1st time I actually did anything about it*i took a few pills* well now I'm feeling really sick I guess I took at about an hour or 2 ago. Anyway I was sexualy abused by my brother in law when I was 9 turning 10 I am 12 and only this year I've been wanting my life to end. Its all mixed up I know that's in it but its my love life to I cry because of that because the guy I love doesn't knowi exsist(he's 18 his 14 year od brother likes me)and other things I've kept inside 2 lng anyway how can I just stop this feeling of wanting to kill myself,feeling sick,and stop being depressed (link)
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You need to tell someone about what happened to you. Right now, it's stuck inside of you, and it's eating you from the inside out. Until you get it all out, it's going to be there.
Go to your parents or someone else you trust and tell them you took pills and you need to go to the hospital. Afterwards, tell them what your brother-in-law did.
I highly recommend seeing a licensed therapist, as they can help you work through your feelings and help you cope with what happened to you.
Please don't kill yourself. I hope you find happiness.
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Hey guys! I'm 17 Iv been with my boyfriend for 3 months now. I love him, but sometimes he's to lovey dovey I mean I'm like that too, but he always wants to see me. I like to see him it's always fun to hang. It's just I got a lot on my mind like school,friends, and family. I hate to tell him I won't be able to hang out with him. I just feel bad and worry to much. I hate it. I feel confused I don't know if maybe dating is to much for me or maybe because he's my first boyfriend and don't have many experience with dating. Should i Iet him know I need space I mean we get along great he's such a nice guy. I just wanna know how many times should I see my boyfriend I used to see him like everyday but I need space and I don't know do I still love him. I need advice thanks!!!(: (link)
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You definitely need to talk to him about this. Much as you love him, you do need alone time, time with friends, family time, etc. So yeah, talk to him. Make sure he understands that it's not because you don't love him, but it's because you need some time to yourself and you can't be with him all the time. It isn't anything he's doing wrong-it's a personal thing. Maybe set a day, like once a week, where you don't see each other at all, just so that you do get space and you both have time for yourself. Good luck!
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What is something me and my partner can do for a school talent show tat is funny and not to long and boring???
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If you've got a few other people available, I recommend the 'Ugliest person in the World' routine. it's kind of corny, but that adds to the humour.
You bring up the 'Ugliest person in the world'(UPW) onstage. Someone looks under the towel and faints. Someone else looks under the towle and faints. The 'host' looks under the towel, and the UPW faints.
Just look up 'funny skits' if you need anything else.
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i dnt want to live .... i wanna die.. as i always wanted to be what i thought and as per that i put more effort bt still i can't achive d opportunity 4 wat i've been waiting along...... i thnk god has
forgotten to write happiness n success ,in my life.
i was in a chronic depression from couple of weeks.. bt i thnk now its d end.. i wanna die.. i jus wanna leave this place, universe.... i jus wana die.. may b u all think that its a selfish or a coward.... bt i thnk its d best way .... to say gud bye to all ur problems!!!!
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I think you want to live. You just have so much to deal with right now, that you can only see one way out. That's not cowardly. That's desperate.
Just the fact that you are asking this question proves that you don't want to die. Something in you is fighting to live. And there is another way out.
Get help. You are suicidal, and getting therapy will help you learn to deal with everything that's happening in your life, without wanting to end it. You'll find out, over time, that happiness and success only come when you're willing to see them, and when you're feeling like this, it can be difficult to see. Talk to someone who you feel you can trust. They can help.
Good luck, and please don't do anything drastic.
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I have a past that would make anyone ashamed. I have done things that I am not proud of.I have had things done to me that I don't feel comfortable even writing down. My son was taken off me when he was a baby. (He is 2 now). My actions put me in hospital for nearly almost 6 months. I almost died. I wish I had. It would have been so much easier. I have changed though and I don't want to make the same mistakes as before. I want to be a good mum and be part of his life again. My family keep bringing up the past and throwing it in my face. They don't realise that this is starting to tip me over the edge. Is there any way that we can move on from the past and I can get forgivness for the past? I need to be forgiven or I cannot be at peace with myself. How do I show them that I have changed and want to be a better person? X (link)
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Your family sucks. Really, who would do that?
No matter how recent or how long ago this is, you need to talk with them. Tell them you don't want them to keep bringing up things that are painful for you to hear about. If they don't listen...well, screw them.
Your family's forgiveness for your mistakes should not interfere with your peace of mind.
Therapy may help you deal with your past, if you haven't already gotten some. Take life one day at a time. You'll get through.
Judging by your question, you'll make a great mum.
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Im 17 Yrs Old And Im Back At An Old School That Is Inhabited By Drug Users And Ppl Who Do Not Look To Christ For Eternal Life I Notice That I Hang Around Alot Of Guys Who Tend To Only Talk About Sex And Drugs Which I Know Will Corrupt Me If I Stay Around Them But I Jsu Dnt No How To Break Away , Because I Dnt Wanna Always Be Alone And Walk The Halls By Myself But I Know My Heavenly Father Does Not Want Me To Be Around That Influence Because I Will Perish And Will Not Grow Completely Mature In Faith And Spirit What Do I Do???
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Perhaps God is testing you. He has put you in an environment filled with temptation. Stay strong in your faith and what you believe in. You'll pull through. If you find yourself in trouble, then don't hesitate to turn to your faith community for help.
Also, just because someone doesn't believe in God, it doesn't make them a bad person. It means they have different beliefs from you, and that's their choice. God gave us free will. Reserve judgement based on a person's faith. Some of them just may have been sent to help you.
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Photos of me: http://imgur.com/a/UtAqm
Obviously the second one is really bad quality but I took it with my iphone.
Today I went to Bealls and saw one of the girls from my old school (I graduated in June) there.
The whole time I was there I couldn't help but think she was so much prettier than me and I'm sick of just being "cute" or "normal" pretty.
She's the girl on the left: http://imgur.com/Rv1Pe
It's inspired me to make myself become more noticeably pretty. I'm deciding I've had enough with my bad habits like biting my fingernails. I'm stopping that once and for all tonight. I want long beautiful fingernails so I'm applying Sally Hansen's Maximum Growth nail polish.
I have sort of white teeth but they are a little yellowish so I picked up some maximum whitening flouride toothpaste and I plan on brushing them at least twice a day! I don't get acne but my skin without makeup is a little blotchy around my cheeks and the bottom of my chin, I also want gorgeous clear skin so I bought an $8 salycic acid maximum cleansing daily face wash and I'm going to start using it twice a day as well.
I'm about 4ft 10 in and 78 pounds so I am very skinny but I want to get rid of that "womens tummy pouch" thing. I've heard people say every woman has it but I know celebrities don't so tomorrow I think I'm going to start doing situps until it's gone.
I want to get tanner as well but I don't know how. I stay inside most of the time and we don't have a beach in my town and I don't have a yard since I live in an apartment. We have a balcony so maybe if I lay out there I can. I'm not going to use any of that fake chemically crap or go to a tanning booth though.
Other things I want to get rid of are:
Wearing sneakers, I think that's a big no-no because they aren't cute or classy they're just like lazy shoes. I really need to buy a pair of flats. Right now I have two pairs of boots (both high heels),two pairs of sneakers that I normally wear out,one pair of sandals and two pairs of heels (one stilletto) and obviously I'm not going to wear heels 24/7. I don't want back problems so I think my only choice is to get a cute pair of flats.
Pants: I AM SO SICK OF WEARING PANTS! I get so mad at myself every time I look in the mirror and my skinny jeans look faded or just bad. They are really starting to drive me crazy! I want to wear skirts and dresses but obviously I don't have a ton of money so I can't go and buy a whole new wardrobe so this one is going to take a lot of time and money to get right.
Makeup: I think I need to start buying more high priced makeup. I used to like my makeup but I hate how my mascara seems to dry out and flake or look kind of clumpy and how my foundation starts fading and looking powdery about 6 hours in. Or when I have to reapply lipstick every hour. I usually spend $7 on mascara,$7 on foundation and $5 on lipstick but it isn't working so I think I need to start saving up to buy the more expensive stuff like Urban Decay or YSL.
I'm also going to regularly dye my hair a reddish brown so it looks vibrant and not so dull like in the second photo.
Does anybody have any other ideas? I don't usually wear my makeup that bright as it is in the photos so that's not a problem. (link)
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Wow. What you're doing is pretty ambitious. It's great to stop biting fingernails and take better care of you face and skin. New clothes and makeup are also fine. One thing that you haven't mentioned, however, is confidence.
Thing is, you aren't confident in yourself. And I think most of that lack of confidence is caused by comparing yourself to others. More specifically, those you perceive as beautiful.
Being absolutely confident that you are pretty enough is what really makes you look awesome. And that confidence makes you feel pretty damn awesome too.
New clothes and makeup are a pretty good confidence boost. Comparing yourself to photoshopped celebrities whose entire career is to look drop-dead gorgeous? Not so much.
Don't worry about looking like a celebrity. Worry about looking AND feeling awesome.
Cheers!
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My girlfriend and I have problems,, she thinks that she's a lesbian,, I keep telling her that she can't be a lesbian if she hasn't done anything or have feelings for another girl... She wants to break up because of it and I don't know what to say to show her that she's not the lesbian type... I don't want to loose her,, what must I do??? (link)
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You are an asshole.
Being a lesbian isn't about sex. It's about loving who you want to love, and yes, part of that is sex. But just because she isn't attracted to anyone does not mean she can't be gay. But whether you believe it or not, you aren't the issue. It's what she thinks, and it's about what she feels more comfortable with. I repeat: It's not about you.
You're gonna have to let her go. And you should be nice about it. Say, 'I understand that you are gay and I'm sorry I was such a dick about it. I want you to be happy, because I care about you a lot. I'm going to miss you.' Then let her say what she wants, and that's all, folks.
NOTE: Do not say any of that if you don't fucking mean it.
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Hey, female, 18. Just moved into University about 4 days ago. There is a guy from my high school going here, in high school I thought he was so cute and we talked and all but I didn't think there was anything there especially because I was a nerd in the marching band and he was a star on the football team. Well, freshmen year, he was put in the same class as a close friend of mine and they had a nice little chat. She said he was happy that they chatted because she thought he was the biggest douschebag. So, we were texting and I told him that and that she's happy they chatted and he isn't a douschebag. He texted me back and said 'what the hell, i'm not a douschebag!' So, I just told him that he comes off as a little bit of one and he just replied back with "oh..." so I told him I didn't mean to offend him. We argued for a good 15 minutes eventually me getting to "well, most jocks are douschebags so it's okay, haha" just joking around and he said "I'm not the typical jock, (my name)" Like, he was trying so hard to prove to me (when I wasn't even the initial subject to our conversation even starting) that he wasn't a douschebag. He stopped texting me back after I told him that I never said he was mean, I just said he comes off as a little douscher. Now I don't know if he's mad, if I bruised his ego haha or if he does have feelings for me because he tried proving to me that he was a nice kid. I just don't know what to think about anything or even to what to say to him now. Help? (link)
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Um, ok.
You know, you're kind of a jerk. Your friend told you something and you immediately told the person it was most likely to hurt. Then when he was offended by it, you boxed him into a category that probably doesn't completely fit him AND that he may resent(which you may have known had you taken the time to get to know him) and now you're upset because he stopped texting you when you did that? You need to grow the heck up, apologize TO HIS FACE, apologize to your friend for repeating what she says regardless of content, and then you can worry about him liking you. Honestly, though, he probably just wanted to be friends and then started acting like you were still in high school. I've said it once and I'll say it again. GROW UP.
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So i've been in love with my best friend for about a year now, and he has a girlfriend. they've been together for almost 6 months now. he always tells about how he wishes it would've been me he'd made a move on, instead of her but now he has to stay with her because he doesn't want to hurt her (or atleast break up with her for me) at this point he is always with her, and she hates me (jealousy issues) so he can never talk to me when he's with her so we don't get to talk near as much as i'd like. I've been trying to get over him for sometime but it's hard because of how close we've always been. So at this point, I'm not sure if i should stop talking to him for awhile (to give myself some time to get over him-pretty much give up on wanting to be with him) or if i should just leave it alone, and let whatever happens, happen. I really don't want to stop talking to him, i think it'd be really hard for me. and i never want us to stop being friends i just want to know what would be best for now. maybe we can end up together in the future, or something...i'm just sick of hurting because he is with her, and i've wanted him for so long..I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years and i just moved to a new city, and i have no friends and don't know how to make any...so dating another guy isn't an option at the moment.
any advice helps, thank you very much C:
-18 female (link)
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Get away from him. Right now.
You're in love with a guy you can't be with, and being close to him all the time probably isn't helping your feelings. You're hoping for something that isn't going to happen, and if it does, odds are it's not going to work. He's incapable of breaking up with someone and making himself happy because he doesn't want to hurt the person he's with. Because he feels trapped, he resents her, and she resents you because she thinks you're taking him away from her. He'll end up hurting everyone close to him in the long run.
You getting away may actually help things. If you leave, he may resent his girlfriend more. That extra push may force them to either talk it out or break up. Or maybe it won't have any effect, or maybe it'll all just get worse for them.
None of that matters because you need to do this for yourself. You're only hurting yourself by being close to him. Let me repeat that for emphasis. YOU'RE ONLY HURTING YOURSELF BY BEING CLOSE TO HIM.
So, get away. Make friends. Volunteer for something you're interested in. Get a job somewhere. Get out of the house and do something you like to do. Friends will come. Just give it time. And good luck!
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