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Not sure what to do at this point.
So i've been in love with my best friend for about a year now, and he has a girlfriend. they've been together for almost 6 months now. he always tells about how he wishes it would've been me he'd made a move on, instead of her but now he has to stay with her because he doesn't want to hurt her (or atleast break up with her for me) at this point he is always with her, and she hates me (jealousy issues) so he can never talk to me when he's with her so we don't get to talk near as much as i'd like. I've been trying to get over him for sometime but it's hard because of how close we've always been. So at this point, I'm not sure if i should stop talking to him for awhile (to give myself some time to get over him-pretty much give up on wanting to be with him) or if i should just leave it alone, and let whatever happens, happen. I really don't want to stop talking to him, i think it'd be really hard for me. and i never want us to stop being friends i just want to know what would be best for now. maybe we can end up together in the future, or something...i'm just sick of hurting because he is with her, and i've wanted him for so long..I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years and i just moved to a new city, and i have no friends and don't know how to make any...so dating another guy isn't an option at the moment.
any advice helps, thank you very much C:
-18 female
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Oh gosh. I know you like him and everything, but he doesn't sound like that great of a person. I really feel like you're looking at him through the fog of your attraction. There's more to him than what you've said, I know. However, you can't be with or trust someone like him. He's staying with someone else when he likes you so that he doesn't hurt her? That makes no sense. He's choosing to hurt you, the one he supposedly likes, instead? He's not that dense. Either that or he's lying to you. Staying with someone so you don't hurt them is not something that a good, or intelligent person would do. It's just not right on any level. If he really, really didn't want to be with her, he wouldn't. He's being very unfair to her by telling you that he'd rather be with you. Who knows if that's even the truth. It's kind of like when a married man has a mistress and continually promises that someday he'll divorce his wife for her, but he really isn't going to. It's not like the two of you are lovers, but believe me, he is getting a lot of satisfaction from knowing that you want to be with him. Even if you haven't told him, he's probably figured it out or he's pompous enough to think that of course you would. If you ever did end up with him, he'd probably be telling someone else that he wishes it was them instead of you. That behavior shouldn't be okay with you, it's so disrespectful. Even if you don't like his current girlfriend, you have to feel a little sorry for her. What he is doing to her is just not right. The longer he stays with her, the more it will hurt when it's over. I know you like him and everything, but he is just not dating material. You can love someone to death, but that doesn't mean that you should be with them. My advice to you would be to stop talking with him. He is being sooo mean and unfair to you. See this for what it is and see him for what he is. He's dishonest and he's untrustworthy. The best thing you can do is cut him off for awhile. You can talk to him again and be friends with him down the road when your feelings for him have dwindled. Cut him off completely for 6 months or so. He may not be a great person to be in a relationship with, but he may be a good friend. In order to be friends with him, though, you have to be able to move on from wanting to be with him. I wish you the best of luck and know that even if you don't have many friends, you're twice the person he is and you're destined for a better future.
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Get away from him. Right now.
You're in love with a guy you can't be with, and being close to him all the time probably isn't helping your feelings. You're hoping for something that isn't going to happen, and if it does, odds are it's not going to work. He's incapable of breaking up with someone and making himself happy because he doesn't want to hurt the person he's with. Because he feels trapped, he resents her, and she resents you because she thinks you're taking him away from her. He'll end up hurting everyone close to him in the long run.
You getting away may actually help things. If you leave, he may resent his girlfriend more. That extra push may force them to either talk it out or break up. Or maybe it won't have any effect, or maybe it'll all just get worse for them.
None of that matters because you need to do this for yourself. You're only hurting yourself by being close to him. Let me repeat that for emphasis. YOU'RE ONLY HURTING YOURSELF BY BEING CLOSE TO HIM.
So, get away. Make friends. Volunteer for something you're interested in. Get a job somewhere. Get out of the house and do something you like to do. Friends will come. Just give it time. And good luck!
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