Let experience be your guide.....my experience! If you want serious advice from an adult go ahead....ASK away! With extraordinary interpersonal skills, I will respond to your questions respectfully, and give practical solutions and reasonable answers.
Gender: Female
Location: Texas
Occupation: teacher
Member Since: June 9, 2004
Answers: 86
Last Update: May 20, 2006
Visitors: 6862
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I work with an elderly lady who can't seem to mind her own business. I'm the office manager and so she blames me for all her failings, like not getting raises, not being allowed to check voicemail, etc. She won't be honest with me about the way she feels yet she has no problem running her mouth about me and everyone else to anyone willing to listen. We have a very small office, there is only 5 of us here. So of course everyone knows what she says b/c that's how gossip is. Anyway, she's making my work difficult and making up lies to the boss and I want it stopped. How can I do this without stooping to her level? (link)
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A direct approach is the best. Tell your boss the types of problems that you are experiencing with this person. Assure them that you are seeking advice from them on how THEY want you to handle it, rather than "tattling". This way, you will be handling it the way they suggest and you are seeking their professional advice. If this direct approach with the boss isn't possible, then try an indirect approach:
Tell your boss that you have some ideas to help keep the office running efficiently (or to make it run more efficiently) and ask if you can call a 15 to 20 minute meeting to communicate with staff as a whole. Your boss may want you to run these ideas by him/her first. If so, use "I" statements when speaking to your boss to avoid placing blame on someone directly (the elderly lady). This can direct attention to the problem that you are havng with her by letting the boss draw their own conclusions about whom you may be speaking. If this person complains to everyone in a small office, I'm sure that your boss is already aware in some way. For example, you can say to your supervisor, "I want to communicate with the employees that I am open to hear their ideas/constructive criticisms and want to get some feedback from them in improving the management of the workplace."
Once you get the okay (or have called a meeting), address the whole group (avoiding any direct body language or lingering eye contact with the complainer) and say, "I'd like to take this opportunity to have your input on some ways to make the office run more efficiently" or "I'd like to hear your ideas on what would make our office a(n)___________________ (encouraging, positive, less stressful, etc.) place to work." You can listen to their ideas and/or suggestions. After everyone has had a chance to contribute THEN you make a statement to this affect, "I appreciate your ideas, suggestions and time. I want to maintain an open and PROFESSIONAL line of communication and avoid any conversations that are more in the line of office gossip. Let's all help one another by communicating in this professional way and redirect anyone who is having difficulties to go to the source of the problem, rather than burdening others with discussions that seem more like complaints or gossip." This will deliver your message both to the complainer and to the people who have to listen to her. It states your position in front of everyone, without placing blame on any one person. See if this helps curb future problems. Remember, people will continue with bad habits and unprofessional conduct if they think they can get away with it.
It may take more than once to get her to stop "running her mouth". If she continues, you can send an email or memo with a copy to your supervisor, in which you remind her of the meeting in how to communicate professionally. In your email, try to use her exact phrasing or her original words used to colleagues and this will highlight the problems to your supervisor. For example, you could write/say, "I am sorry to hear that you feel I am impeding your chances for a raise and would like to help you ease the stress you are feeling. How can I be of assistance to you as your office manager?" That will show that you are approaching her whining and gossip with professionalism and are willing to listen to her. It also shows your boss what kind of sour worker she is versus what kind of professional manager you are in the workplace. Always document in writing when you have contact with her in emails, in person and on the phone (complete with dates). This comes in handy when dealing with her. For example, "So-and-so, I hear that you are still having trouble with your voice mails. We spoke about this on October 25th and I suggested _________________________. Is that not working out for you?" Your supervisor will appreciate how professional you are and see that you are earnestly trying to curb her wayward tongue without losing your cool. Good luck and let me know how it turns out.
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What should I do if my best friend has a new best friend? She sometimes even ignores me because she's with her other friend. It's not like I just think she was my best friend, we declaired it together. What should I do? (link)
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You say she is ignoring you, but I'm not sure if it is when she is with the two of you at the same time or she is not having contact with you because she is with the other friend instead. Either way, it is still painful and hurts your feelings. She has a new buddy right now and she is taking it for granted that you will always be around. She probably has a lot to talk about with this other girl, because everything is new with the two of them (conversations, experiences, opinions, ideas, etc.). This doesn't make it any easier for you.
As you go through life, "best" friends can change. I had a best friend in middle school, that changed when I went to high school, that changed when I was dating (my husband), that changed when I began going to college, that changed when I began teaching. Actually, as I became an adult, I added several "best" friends. Two of them live in other cities and some of them have never met each other.
Since you are, I assume either in middle or high school, this is harder for you because you probably go to the same school and possibly even live near each other. Try calling her and setting aside some times to get together with just her (at your house, after class, etc.) to keep the friendship going. BUT....you'll need to start making some other friends that you can gradually become closer to as you get to know and like them. You'll be in different classes and have a different lunch time than your buddy and other interests & after school activities can develop for both of you. Since you can't always be together when school starts, keep in touch through calls, notes (we wrote a TON of these when I was in school!) and emails. In the meantime, if she is hurting your feelings, you can either tell her gently (don't argue) or start developing other friendships, in addition to this one. She may not realize that she is being insensitive to your feelings, because she is caught up in getting to know this other person. Good luck and take heart, because even when you grow apart from someone, the memories & good times are there forever to look back on.
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This guy and I just started going out. We go to the same school so I get to see him every day, but on weekends he's always with his friends. The thing is, I don't really want to hang out with them. I've only met a couple of them and I didn't like them very much...plus I've heard from him that they like getting high(not necessarily him) and I'm really not into that. How am I going to tell him that I don't want to go places when it's him *and* his friends? I mean I could give it a try but if I don't feel comfortable I won't know how to tell him that, since, you know, he likes them a lot(duh). I don't want to sound selfish as though I'm like "yeah, you can see your friends as much as you want but I won't be coming, just tell me when you want to do something with only the two of us." Any advice? Thanks! (link)
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The most important thing about the situation is that you MUST be honest with him about how the drug issue makes you feel. DO NOT be embarrassed to say, "I don't feel comfortable hanging around with (and especially DRIVING around with) people who get high. I hope you understand, because I don't like harming my reputation and especially my life with unnecessary risks."
You need to stand firm on this one, because drugs are serious business, I don't care if it is "only smoking pot". Pot impairs your reaction time when driving, clouds your memory and influences you do to stupid things you wouldn't normally do. If you are with people who are high or carrying dope, you can get busted, too. Police don't listen to sob stories when they pull over a car load of high teens.If this boy likes you at all and cares for you, he will respect your openness. This way you are letting him know that you are not going to let drugs enter your life, through him or his friends. If he is hanging with kids who like to get high, he is either already doing it or it won't be long before peer pressure gets to him and he joins them. Put your self FIRST, don't depend on the judgment of others.
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Ok i have a huge problem. See tomorrow i start school and my parents told me that i have to take this other person to school w/ me. Well He is just so happens to be my moms boss's little brother. Unfortunatly he is my age. i really dont want to take because i know my mom and his brother will try to hook us up. what should i do? (link)
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I don't know if you have even met him or not, but give the guy a ride. Before you do, tell your mom that you are NOT interested in him as a prospective boyfriend and you are doing this as a favor to HER {she'll love that part!}. It is possible that the guy feels uncomfortable like you do. However, if HE indicates that he is interested in you as a girlfriend at any time, {and you don't want to reciprocate}, use these approaches...
...a) Talk about other guys you are interested in and hope that he gets the hint.
...b) Tell him that you need to concentrate on school right now and you aren't looking for a relationship/commitment.
...c) Tell him that you would be glad to give him a ride, but you have a REALLY busy schedule for dating/getting together/whatever.
He may end up being a fun person to share a ride with occasionally and saying "hi" to when at school. You never know. You are in charge of what happens, so if he bugs you......tell your mom you tried helping out, but he'll need to make other arrangements for future transportation.
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alrite..i`m gonna be gettin my braces off soon, and i really don't want yellowish teeth with white spots, so im gonna use whitening stuff. But i dont kno what works the best, does anybody use some that works really good? (link)
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Whitening solutions like Crest White Strips, Rembrandt and other commercial whiteners are a good place to start, but they can make teeth feel sensitive to hot & cold foods/beverages. I use a sonicare type, toothbrush {Braun brand actually}. If you use it at least twice a day for the recommended amount of time and use the small (head) brush attachments for the places between teeth, it works great! I am a coffee drinker and it keeps the stains away.
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What is the best cd made from:
Black Sabbath?
KISS?
ACDC?
Jimi Hendrix? (link)
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"Are You Experienced?" is the name of a GREAT JIMI Hendrix CD...it includes the more well known songs: 'FIRE', "PURPLE HAZE', 'HEY, JOE', and 'FOXY LADY'.
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ive been using antibiotics for acne and it only helps moderately. has anybody used anything like accutane or differin, and if so, did it completely clear things up? (link)
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I just heard advertised, on the radio, an over the counter pill (no prescription needed) that you can take for acne. I cannot recall the name, but I do know the commercial said that TARGET stores carry this product. Let me know if you find out the name of it, or if you try it and it works.
I did use Accutane when I was in my early 20's and it worked to dry up excess oil in the skin glands internally. I did have VERY dry skin to combat (even my lips!) and was used to treat cystic acne, (lumpy, larger under the skin types of blemishes along the jaw line). I've heard that this drug is not considered as safe as it was once thought to be. I do know that it is VERY HARMFUL to a developing fetus, so pregnancy is to be avoided while taking Accutane. Call your family Dr. and get the name of a recommended dermatologist who can answer your specific questions and offer treatment. It can change your life, if you have problems with acne!
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im soooo bored, do you know any sites i can go to to keep me occupied? not BORED.COM cause ive already been there. thanks alot (link)
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Here is a website of a bizarre, harmless, and funny cartoon character and all his buddies. TONS of stuff to look through. Just search: Homestar Runner. Enjoy!
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my mom and 2 brothers and 1 moved in with my grandma and aunt. they treat us like crap! my mom is so depressed i try to stop the fight i do but then 4 sec. laster my grandma will open her mouth again and its non stop fighting and i stick up 4 my mom and shes is always upset and it bothers me .. my life my mom and my 2 brothers life r not right here and were tryin our best to move but we cant yet cuz we dont have enough money.. but my mom is soo upset here.. im tried of all the fighting but i cant stop it my grandma thinks she does nothin worng and its all my mom and that also makes my mom upset.. what should i do to help? what should my mom do? and what can we do to stop the fighting? p/s we tell them to leave our stuff alone but they dont and thet ruein our clothes in the laundry cu the ammonia and we say were gonna wash our clothes but they wash ours neway... what can i do??
Ashley
13
female (link)
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I am not choosing sides when I say that there is a lot of stress when a family of 4 moves in with 2 other people. Everyone has their own way of doing things and that many people can get on each other's nerves. Talk to your mom and find out (basically) what would help put your grandmother at ease. If your grandmother gets edgy and begins to argue with your mom......urge your mom to get out of the house for a while. She, or the two of you, could go for a walk, drive to the mall and walk around and have a Coke (you don't have to spend money). Offer to help your grandma around the house and encourage your brothers to do the same. When your grandmother & aunt see that everyone is making an effort to work together, she might ease up. This situation is temporary, so being polite and laying low could help get you through a hard time.
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ok . heres my deal , im going into high school on aug. 23 , and i really want to get a boyfriend for the first time cuz ive never dated b4 . im getting braces to which might turn a guy off . how can i get a boyfriend evn tho braces r a total turn off (link)
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You are getting braces to improve the looks and condition of your teeth for the future....and THIS is terrific. So many people have braces in high school, that you won't be the only one. If you are still bothered by the thought of braces, discuss the different types that are offered with your parents. They do have clear braces, but they are more expensive. One more important detail, when you do get braces, be thorough about cleaning your teeth after eating. Carry a toothbrush in your purse and clean up after eating lunch (especially at school). NOT having anything caught in your braces and having fresh breathe will make you feel more confident.
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Hey! does anybody have any good activites to do with kids..ages..4 and 6??? im babysitting n lil n i want to do something fun!!!XOXO (link)
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Entertainment can be simple. I babysat from age 14 all the way through college and I know these things are a hit:
1. Gather some small objects that are the same size & shape (they don't have to be the same color): blocks, checkers, little plastic figures, pieces to a game, etc. Then hide them in a room in easy places at first, and have the kids search for them, (like an Easter egg hunt). As the kids get better at finding the objects, make it a little more difficult to find them. This game kept 2 active little boys I used to sit with, busy for hours! If they get stuck and can't find the objects, add an element of "hot" and "cold". When they are near an object say "hot" to clue them that they are getting closer and "cold" if they are too far away. Kids love finding things in a treasure hunt!
2. Ask the parents for a large, clean plastic container to put water in, (like a Rubbermaid type tub for washing dishes in the sink). Put the tub or container, filled with water, on the back porch outside or in the yard in the shade. Add some small cups, bath toys, or plastic items for the kids to have water play with. For a twist, add food coloring (just a few drops) to the water. They will play for a long time like this and you can pull up a chair and supervise them.
3. Use blocks and simple toys to build a "city" on the floor. They can decorate empty boxes for buildings or even pieces of paper to make sidewalks and simple picture signs. Get other objects (toys) to create a park, fountain, etc. Then gather a few small people and vehicles. Play with them for a while and show them how to pretend driving to the store, walking the dog, go shopping, etc. Kids will play independently if you model what to do first.
4. Bring a plain deck of cards and pull out a few pair of cards: 2's, 3's, 4's, 5's, etc. Shuffle, turn cards face down and play "Concentration" by taking turns. Turn over two cards at a time & try to find a matching pair. When you don't match on your turn, go the the next person and so on. When the kids get really good at it, add several more pairs. Then introduce face cards. It keeps the game interesting and is easy and educational (matching numbers & memory recall).
These are all simple, require no money and most families have these things at their house already. Don't be shy about bringing a 'bag of tricks' with you when you babysit: (a kids book, that might be new to them, to read at story time, a flashlight to make shapes & shadows on the wall of a dark room, or read a story with the flashlight, and a sheet or blanket to put over the kitchen or dining table to make a tent). Have fun!
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--i have a friend who i seriously think is in love with her best friend! hez really sweet and treats her like gold! the only reason nothing hasnt went down between them yet is the fact that he is *20* and she is *15* i know that is a big age difference! but i was just thinkin if maybe they should try something in the future of course!? (link)
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Does this guy value his freedom? If he does......he needs to remain friends ONLY with an underage girl. Anything else would be illegal and he could risk statutory rape charges, even if she consents to physical contact. The law is the deciding factor....... case closed. If she is serious about him, they'll both have to put it on hold until she is 17 or 18 (each state has specific laws about age limits for physical relationships).
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im 13 years old and i REALLY want a job. ive always wanted a part time job at a nursery home w/ the elderly to pay for college(even though its a long way off) but i think i have to be 14. I also would like a part time job at a camera store, but i dont think they even hire 14 year olds! can any1 give me suggestions for jobs or if they know if nursery hames would let 13 year olds work there???
i usually rate a 5!!! :) (link)
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I am not sure if you are a freshman in high school or what grade you are in currently, but most schools offer some kind of class where you work at a part time job after school and receive class credit for it, too. For example, I took a Home Economic Cooperative Education class and then worked at a sales job at a dept. store in the mall. This may not be available to you until you are 15 or 16, but it is a future job opportunity. Check with the guidance counselor at your school.
In the meantime, put out flyers and babysit or a job where you feed someone's pets & water plants while they are out of town. Also, I worked at a concession stand at a local ballpark in the neighborhood (like for Little League) when I was only 13. Babysitting if you are responsible, can earn up to $5.00 an hour and when people find out your are trustworthy, you'll be booked ALL of the time! Be firm about your price in the beginning and don't take less than what you quote before the job begins. Show that you know what you are doing and be firm. Adults will admire your ability to stand up for yourself in business. Also, if someone does not want to pay $5.00 an hour....hold out until someone does.Good sitters are hard to find and parents know they are worth their weight in gold!
Nursing homes have strict state guidelines & regulations and do not HIRE people under the age of 18, but it is a nice thought. Good luck.
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What would you do if things in your life were always downhill and uphill like big time. I have delt with it all...family in jail family getting divorced rape drugs sex everything in the book ive been through it, and im 14! Ok so I have always had trouble getting through anything and I always feel that i need an adult to talk to..but theres no way i could talk to my mom. So i have 3 people who have helped me in the past. One was my moms friend, one was a teacher and currentley one is my cousin and godmother. Yeah well it seems that everything just got better. Good right? No wrong becuase now shes moving away to south carolina and i live in michigan. I am afraid that everything is going to go back downhill. I have recentley decided to keep my life up and look at the good side of things and take control of what i can. But now i fear i will slip back and go into a deep depression once again. I dont kno what to do im confused..someone please help me. (link)
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People don't like to hear this, but finding a church with an active youth group and a good youth minister provides unconditional love (in most cases) and support for problems in your life. A church group will listen to you and give you guidance. Just because people (teens) attend church, doesn't mean they are perfect....far from it! A church is full of sinners! The idea is to find a group of people that can understand you need help in life and accept you for trying to do what is right and recover from some terrible experiences.
Not sure where to find a church? Start by looking for one that is near your home within walking distance. Of course it is a good idea to start with one that is a denomination you are comfortable with (Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, etc.) If you are unsure, do a search on the computer for churches in your area. Often, if you call a local church and tell them your age, that you are interested in attending but don't know anyone, they'll talk to you & answer your questions over the phone. They may even pick you up for services and group activities. You have nothing to lose by calling. Good luck, sweetie!!!
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Okay, I was wondering how to make your boobs bigger?
ºAnd please dont just tell me to wait a little bit longer, or that I should be happy with them.
So PLEASE HELP ME!
Thanks a bunch!! (link)
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This answer is a repeat that I gave someone when they were wishing for an endowed bustline. Here goes: There isn't any way to make them grow. They are basically made up of fat. Advertisers have offered all kinds of things that promise to increase bust size: creams, lotions, massagers, pumps, and exercises. Alas, none of these have worked! To look good, keep upper arms in shape and a trim figure...it helps emphasize what you DO have. Fitted (not skin tight) clothing on a trim body can make your figure look fuller. Avoid halter tops, as they can draw attention to the problem. Clothing that is baggy makes a bust seem even smaller. Instead of a padded bra, there are bras that enhance with push up features..the Wonder Bra (a brand) does really help! I had rather small breasts as a young teen, but they eventually filled out by the time I was 20.
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i really have gas problems and im not trying to be funni or anything i kno its gross! but it's knda serious! please if you have any info please rite back... im to embaressed to go to the doctor! (link)
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Aside from being lactose intolerant, as another columnist suggested, it could be your diet. Do you drink many sodas or eat a lot of sugar? Carbonated drinks and too much sugar cause excess gas. Also, processed foods and fast foods that are greasier than healthier food choices, can make you bloated & gassy,(especially Taco Bueno & Taco Bell)! Alter your diet to include fresh foods like veggies, fruits, lean meats and the like. Call a health food store and ask what natural supplement they reccommend to relieve your gas.
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what r some good products to remove makeup? say how much urs cost n where u got it plz! ill rate u!! also, how do u use ur products to actually get the make up off?? i need help to get my eyeliner off (both top and BOTTOM LASHES!!) i dont want my mom to think i look slutty, cuz she says ppl do when they were eyeliner, and sumtimes when i try to get the eyeliner/mascara off, itll take out sum of my eyelashes! i hate it cuz theyre my best feature n i dont want that happenning!! so plz help! (link)
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The best product that I have found for removing eyemakeup and it conditions the eyelashes at the same time.... baby oil GEL with aloe vera. I use the Wal Greens brand that costs about $2.00 for 6.5 ounces, It lasts for a loooooooong time. Here are some tips to remove eyemakeup. First wet face, eyes (closed) & gently massage eyelids with fingertips using warm water to loosen makeup. Then on a flat cotton pad (which I prefer) or cotton ball remove mascara and liner with baby oil gel. Then wash face with cleanser, I like Neutrogena gel or bar soap. It helps control oil. Follow up with a wet, warm washcloth to wipe away any oil residue from eye area. It is best to remove makeup at bedtime, so oil gel works to condition lashes overnight. Also, it is easier to apply makeup the next day, instead of immediately after removing old eyemakeup.
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I have a very bad head ache right now. It hurts all behind my left eye. I've taken two extra strength Tylenols, but they don't seem to be helping. Is it safe to take more then 2 within 4 hours even though the bottle does not recommend you to? Are there any other solutions out there to save my brain from splitting in half? (link)
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A headache behind the eye is a symptom linked to eyestrain. If you get these headaches after reading, TV, computer etc, then you need to have your eyes checked. You could have a need for glasses. Ibuprofen works well for headaches and general aches & pains (Advil or Excedrin). Don't let this go unchecked for too long. Make an appointment today.
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Hello, I would like some advice.
I have a very young child. I am a single mother. and I am really happy with my life so far. However there is one serious problem. My childs Father is in Jail.
He went to Jail about 2 and half years ago.
I still love him a great deal.Before he got arrested we were very much in love and lived together we were planning a wedding and so on..
But now he is jail and I am really very lonely. I meet some nice men, but not the kind that I would want to spend my time with.
Some people say that I should have "fun" low maintanence relationships while he is in jail yet then be honest with the men I spend time with, let them know that I plan to wait for my childs Father.
My child father's wants me to be faithful to him. We were planning on getting back together after he got out, which will be in about 1 year and a half. But, seriously this is tough for me. I know that once he is out of prison I will be faithful to him, like I was before for 3 and half years.
I miss him, and I know that he is the only man for me, however I met a man recently named John.
I tried for a long time to avoid him (john) and to stay faithful to my hubby.
There is no doubt about it, I still love my childs father(hubby)and I can't stop thinking about him, however it is not enough for me living out here without him. It's not about having a MAN, this I know to be true.
John is really sweet. HE is fun, and I like him.
I am not as attracted to him, but that does not matter to me.He is sexy a FANTASTIC lover, Yes, we've "gone there" already! I am ashamed, although We spend some fun times together.I have not had sex in a long time. I have had relations before, but I never loved anyone, or thought of loving anyone so those little flings ended pretty abruptly.
Anyway,John is not as romantic smart or sensitive as my hubby my husband is special, and I really believe to be my soul mate. But he really does like me alot. John and I have very little in common, but we have some really great things in common. When I've been with other men, I basically felt pretty detached. I feel a little closer to John though. And he is a respectful well mannered man.
So now it's down to this,John wants to take it one step further, he wants me to be his "lady"
I really think John is sexy and kind, and despite the few flaws he has, I really enjoy myself with him. And I can't help but spend time with him. I guess I CAN help it, But It's not easy.
Do you think I am hurting myself, by being alone, and dead inside?
I don't have the male companionship I need in my life.
I am not sure I want to be John's lady. Because my feelings and emotions are so wrapped up in my past and in my future with my childs father.
I can't shake my hubby. It's not easy. We just fit so right, but he is not here, and I am tired.
I don't know if anyone can relate. I am ashammed, But I am not sure what to do?
Should I keep John in my life? and just play it by ear? Or am I wrong to cheat?
I will never ever NEVER!!! tell my hubby.
But I DO feel very guilty. Truth is ,I have needs. I love being a MOM, but I am left with all the responsibilities,I am stressed, it's so tough being a full time Mother.
My child is so young now, she does not know all that goes on. But I am very respectful to her, and I don't present a bad example. I just need some me time.
I went out this weekend with him. The first nice self indulgent weekend in about 2 years. I am so refreshed and loving, and it's easier to face my routines and my problems.
I feel so good, But I feel so bad at the same time.
What should I do?
(link)
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You have repeatedly said that you want to marry your child's father when he gets out of prison and that he is your soul mate. I am not sure why he went to prison or if he will turn his life around once he gets out. This will be VERY important as a child is at stake here. However, this is what you must base your decision on: Am I willing to wait for this man and continue a lifelong relationship with him once he is out of jail?
If you are definitely leaning toward marrying your child's father, then you cannot continue to deceive him by going out with other men. I understand that you are lonely, stressed and have needs. If he is in prison waiting for you and is counting on marrying you and forming a family, then you must make a decision now, to break off all other relationships.
If you are uncertain about being with this man (your child's father) as his wife, then tell him that. He must know that there is a chance that you may not be waiting for him when he gets out. It would be cruel for him to be counting on you 100%. It is better to have him informed now than to be ambushed with a surprise when he gets out.
HE was the one who ruined his life and your chance to be married when he broke the law. Are you are willing to forgive him and believe that he is a changed man? Will he work hard and be a good father and husband? If you have doubts, then focus on your DAUGHTER. She is the most important one involved.
In the mean time, going out with other men and having various "flings" as your friends put it, is irresponsible and selfish. What about pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, the influence on your daughter? She may not appear to know what is going on now because she is young, but she will one day. Do you want her to know that you didn't have any self control? How can you expect her to do the right thing with her life, if you can't do right yourself?
This man John is wanting to move forward in a relationship. I'm not sure what he means by wanting you to 'be his lady'. Does this mean living with you, having an exclusive sexual relationship with you, or supporting you? Now there are several people involved (Your daughter & her father, John and you). You cannot be undecided and wavering back and forth about what to do.
Is John willing to play second fiddle to this other man because he is available to you now and not in jail like the other guy or does he even know how you feel about your daughter's father?
Whatever your decision, you must not decide on your own needs for male companionship, but what is best for your child.....PERIOD. Make a decision and inform all involved with you, so that everyone knows what to expect. Good luck.
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Iwas under the wrong impression that a guy that I am friends with at the gym liked me. I asked him out for coffee and he didn't tell me right then and there that he has a girlfriend. He phoned me and told me after a week and a half. The reason why he didn't say anything sooner was because he felt it was too personal a subject to discuss at work, and that he could get into trouble for getting involved with someone in the gym (he is a gymnist). When he told me he had a girlfriend and things where quite serious,it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I'm realy embarassed to even face him at the gym. He says we will always be friends but I've lost face. In my own eyes it looks like I'm the desperate girl that asks for dates and then gets rejected. I should never have asked him out at all. How am I going to face him like nothing happened? I feel realy bad and uncomfortable. Tell me what I should do in facing him. Maybe I should ignore and avoid any contact with him. I'm embarassed. Barbie. (26yr female) (link)
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I can understand that you feel embarrassed about the mixup. However, the positive side is twofold:
a) This guy feels flattered that you asked him out and no harm is done.
and
b) Now you know that when you do ask a guy out for coffee (which is a GREAT idea!), you can preface it with, "Would you like to go have coffee, that is if it won't make your girlfriend jealous". Then he will come back with either, "I don't have a girlfriend" or "I'd like to, but I am seeing someone." This way, he will either accept or he can gracefully decline and no hard feelings.
You can still smile and say a friendly "hello" to this guy without feeling embarrassed, because he was a gentleman to call back and be honest with you. He will realize that you know he isn't available, so when you have contact with him, treat him like you would anyone else.
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