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I don't want to go places when it's him *and* his friends
This guy and I just started going out. We go to the same school so I get to see him every day, but on weekends he's always with his friends. The thing is, I don't really want to hang out with them. I've only met a couple of them and I didn't like them very much...plus I've heard from him that they like getting high(not necessarily him) and I'm really not into that. How am I going to tell him that I don't want to go places when it's him *and* his friends? I mean I could give it a try but if I don't feel comfortable I won't know how to tell him that, since, you know, he likes them a lot(duh). I don't want to sound selfish as though I'm like "yeah, you can see your friends as much as you want but I won't be coming, just tell me when you want to do something with only the two of us." Any advice? Thanks!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
"Love me, love my friends."
Unfortunately, you really can't put him in a position to choose whether he spends time with his friends OR with you. It's great that you're fine with that, because guys hate being smothered. However, he shouldn't be forced to make that choice.
I don't like some of my fiance's friends. Some of them are losers, some are misogynistic, some I just plain don't like as people. Because I've chosen him, though, I've had to realize that he's friends with these people for a reason. Something about them appeals to him, and he has things in common with them. Getting to know his friends means getting to know him - rejecting his friends would mean rejecting a big chunk of him.
My advice; suck it up. Force a smile, get them to like you. It counts a lot in your favour if your boyfriends' friends like you. You can rant to your friends about it later, but don't let on to him how you feel.
The only exception is if you have children and these guys are exhibiting harmful behaviours around them. That's a no-go.
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I do not know what to say abouthis friends but i just want to warn you that he may be doing drugs too and if you donot want to do them do not let him talk you into it just to be with him.
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The most important thing about the situation is that you MUST be honest with him about how the drug issue makes you feel. DO NOT be embarrassed to say, "I don't feel comfortable hanging around with (and especially DRIVING around with) people who get high. I hope you understand, because I don't like harming my reputation and especially my life with unnecessary risks."
You need to stand firm on this one, because drugs are serious business, I don't care if it is "only smoking pot". Pot impairs your reaction time when driving, clouds your memory and influences you do to stupid things you wouldn't normally do. If you are with people who are high or carrying dope, you can get busted, too. Police don't listen to sob stories when they pull over a car load of high teens.If this boy likes you at all and cares for you, he will respect your openness. This way you are letting him know that you are not going to let drugs enter your life, through him or his friends. If he is hanging with kids who like to get high, he is either already doing it or it won't be long before peer pressure gets to him and he joins them. Put your self FIRST, don't depend on the judgment of others.
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Well this could either be a problem..or no problem at all depending on your boyfriends personality. If he is always wanting to be with you and its really important for you to come hang out with him and his friends, than its going to be harder to tell him how you feel. In most cases with guys though..they dont usually care whether their girl is with them or not. Hed probably enjoy hanging out with just the guys...and having his needed male bonding time. If he really wants you to come hang out with him though, you could always just bring one or two of your girl friends so then you wouldnt feel so uncomfortable. I cant really tell you what you need to say. The only advice i can give there is to be honest with your feelings. It might be uncomfortable now, but you will be a lot better off if you do it, and he will probably respect you for speaking up. If he doesnt..than he isnt worth your time. If it comes down to it you could always turn things around and invite him to go shopping with you and the girls..haha. Sorry if i wasnt much help. Best of luck to ya!
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