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Hello, I would like some advice.
I have a very young child. I am a single mother. and I am really happy with my life so far. However there is one serious problem. My childs Father is in Jail.
He went to Jail about 2 and half years ago.
I still love him a great deal.Before he got arrested we were very much in love and lived together we were planning a wedding and so on..
But now he is jail and I am really very lonely. I meet some nice men, but not the kind that I would want to spend my time with.
Some people say that I should have "fun" low maintanence relationships while he is in jail yet then be honest with the men I spend time with, let them know that I plan to wait for my childs Father.
My child father's wants me to be faithful to him. We were planning on getting back together after he got out, which will be in about 1 year and a half. But, seriously this is tough for me. I know that once he is out of prison I will be faithful to him, like I was before for 3 and half years.
I miss him, and I know that he is the only man for me, however I met a man recently named John.
I tried for a long time to avoid him (john) and to stay faithful to my hubby.
There is no doubt about it, I still love my childs father(hubby)and I can't stop thinking about him, however it is not enough for me living out here without him. It's not about having a MAN, this I know to be true.
John is really sweet. HE is fun, and I like him.
I am not as attracted to him, but that does not matter to me.He is sexy a FANTASTIC lover, Yes, we've "gone there" already! I am ashamed, although We spend some fun times together.I have not had sex in a long time. I have had relations before, but I never loved anyone, or thought of loving anyone so those little flings ended pretty abruptly.
Anyway,John is not as romantic smart or sensitive as my hubby my husband is special, and I really believe to be my soul mate. But he really does like me alot. John and I have very little in common, but we have some really great things in common. When I've been with other men, I basically felt pretty detached. I feel a little closer to John though. And he is a respectful well mannered man.
So now it's down to this,John wants to take it one step further, he wants me to be his "lady"
I really think John is sexy and kind, and despite the few flaws he has, I really enjoy myself with him. And I can't help but spend time with him. I guess I CAN help it, But It's not easy.
Do you think I am hurting myself, by being alone, and dead inside?
I don't have the male companionship I need in my life.
I am not sure I want to be John's lady. Because my feelings and emotions are so wrapped up in my past and in my future with my childs father.
I can't shake my hubby. It's not easy. We just fit so right, but he is not here, and I am tired.
I don't know if anyone can relate. I am ashammed, But I am not sure what to do?
Should I keep John in my life? and just play it by ear? Or am I wrong to cheat?
I will never ever NEVER!!! tell my hubby.
But I DO feel very guilty. Truth is ,I have needs. I love being a MOM, but I am left with all the responsibilities,I am stressed, it's so tough being a full time Mother.
My child is so young now, she does not know all that goes on. But I am very respectful to her, and I don't present a bad example. I just need some me time.
I went out this weekend with him. The first nice self indulgent weekend in about 2 years. I am so refreshed and loving, and it's easier to face my routines and my problems.
I feel so good, But I feel so bad at the same time.
What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You have repeatedly said that you want to marry your child's father when he gets out of prison and that he is your soul mate. I am not sure why he went to prison or if he will turn his life around once he gets out. This will be VERY important as a child is at stake here. However, this is what you must base your decision on: Am I willing to wait for this man and continue a lifelong relationship with him once he is out of jail?
If you are definitely leaning toward marrying your child's father, then you cannot continue to deceive him by going out with other men. I understand that you are lonely, stressed and have needs. If he is in prison waiting for you and is counting on marrying you and forming a family, then you must make a decision now, to break off all other relationships.
If you are uncertain about being with this man (your child's father) as his wife, then tell him that. He must know that there is a chance that you may not be waiting for him when he gets out. It would be cruel for him to be counting on you 100%. It is better to have him informed now than to be ambushed with a surprise when he gets out.
HE was the one who ruined his life and your chance to be married when he broke the law. Are you are willing to forgive him and believe that he is a changed man? Will he work hard and be a good father and husband? If you have doubts, then focus on your DAUGHTER. She is the most important one involved.
In the mean time, going out with other men and having various "flings" as your friends put it, is irresponsible and selfish. What about pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, the influence on your daughter? She may not appear to know what is going on now because she is young, but she will one day. Do you want her to know that you didn't have any self control? How can you expect her to do the right thing with her life, if you can't do right yourself?
This man John is wanting to move forward in a relationship. I'm not sure what he means by wanting you to 'be his lady'. Does this mean living with you, having an exclusive sexual relationship with you, or supporting you? Now there are several people involved (Your daughter & her father, John and you). You cannot be undecided and wavering back and forth about what to do.
Is John willing to play second fiddle to this other man because he is available to you now and not in jail like the other guy or does he even know how you feel about your daughter's father?
Whatever your decision, you must not decide on your own needs for male companionship, but what is best for your child.....PERIOD. Make a decision and inform all involved with you, so that everyone knows what to expect. Good luck.
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