Kaye2918's advice column

askKaye2918

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: This might be a bit long. Sorry :)

Well, i like my friend ( we've both liked eachother before- complicated). But i dont know if he likes me and i kinda think my other friend likes him- but im not sure, just the way she acts when hes around or when his name gets menetioned. And last year, his friend told me he liked her too but he kept denying it and promised me he didnt. So i want to find out who he liked without outright asking him or him knowing i like him.

Thanks :) (not as long as i thought)

I know because i to have liked my friend and we both did like each other at one point. My other friend liked him as well and i knew it. So i think he dosent want to tell you the truth because as you say your friends and he may not want to hurt you or may not want to ruin the friendship you two have. I say ask him straight out truthfull and honestly.

Q: okay so I have been dating this guy for the past three months and I recently found out he was cheating on me! He told the girl he made out with that he was single and that I was just his friend! I found this out cause i incidentally talked to the girl.I really got angry when I found out he had been lying to me all this while and I immediately broke up with him. when i confronted him about the whole thing he had to accept it but then for the first five hours after confrontation he was all like "i cant believe i could lie so well.." but after that he said sorry and kept on texting and calling me up! he wanted me back and told me he was very sorry and all and he actually spoke to some of his friends (who i know too) about the whole thing and how he really feels sorry about everything. he told some of our mutual friends to call me up too ..should i trust him again and go back to him or not????

First you need to make sure that hes only cheated once. Then you got to make sure he really does like you a lot like he says he does. I dont think you should get back with him because he cheated after three months and thats a little bit of time you guys were togather and he cheated. That means he sill wants other girls, he could could still like you but its not going to pervent him from doing it again. If your feelings are stronger than your mind then i say you decide.

Q: So I'm in high school and there's this guy in the class that I t.a. for. I know for a fact that we have things in common but he's terribly shy. He hardly ever talks to people unless he is close to them. When I first noticed him i immediately thought he was attractive and have since discovered our similar interests. I have been sneaking peaks at him and smiling and he has been smiling back...sometimes i see him in the hall and we smile. The class switched seats and he sits right next to me now! I tried to talk to him and got some positive response but it ended in an awkward silence...But he is really fidgety and he often looks over at me and laughs when something funny happens. He also smiles at me all the time when our eyes meet. I want to get closer to him and actually hold a conversation but I just don't want him to feel awkward. I'm generally open and friendly but sometimes these situations make me nervous. How do I casually get to know him better without making awkward converstaion and weird situations? I was thinking of just saying hi to him everyday and maybe seeing if it results in any conversation. Suggestions?? Thanks!

Haha I've had one of those um if he plays sports ask him about it. um yeah say hi to him when you see him in the hall. If you have things in common you could comment on it and try to make it funny. If hes shy just be like "thats cute" haha it hepls me all the time when I want to get someone attention.

Q: So i downloadeed the free trial but the application where i click it and open up isnt there and i think i found it but it was kind of faded and said you cannot open this because it wasn't supporeted by the architecture....Anyone hellp??

Omg I think you have a virus. You need to check your computer and clean it quick

Q: i have this friend that i just met about a year and a half ago. we met when we joined the sam swim team. i am 3 years older than him but i really like hanging out with him and he does like hanging out with me. i am the type of person that will say i love you and dont think it is gay. i am not gay and neigther is he. but like i have been thru alot and he has been sheltered . i dont think he likes being my friend....i dont think he is putting enough into this friendship as i am what do i do ? he wont talk to me unless we text about it ....please help, i am17y/o male and he is 15y/o but looks my age

Well if he started acting like that after you said I love you it could be a possibility that he wants to show that its just strictly friendship...but another possibility could be that hes just not as good as a friend as you are. Not to be mean but I'm the type of friend that will go all out for someone I love you know and it seems that you are a good friend what you can do is hangout more and maybe you guys would have more to talk about. That is something that happens a lot...sometimes people don't know what to say. Hopefully I helped clear things up a bit...oh yeah dont forget that he is 15 and think abouyt how you were when you were that age.+)

Q: I have the best boyfriend in the world. We have an excellent friendship, partnership, our personalities are very alike. We have been together over 2 years. I think like most couples we started out having the greatest sex life imaginable. Things have really slowed down. He says he is still attracted to me, still loves me. He has no concrete reason as to why things have changed. I am hurt and feel really sad. I feel like he has lost interest in me although he assures me this is not the case. He is 46 and works full-time. I don't know what to do. I have tried to initiate things and that doesn't work. He seems fine in every other way. What do I do?

Sometimes that could happen because that happened with me and my boyfriend of two years. If you say that he works full time he might tired when he comes home. Um what I did when that happened to me was I asked my boyfriend to take a day off work and just spend it with me. I didn't expect to have sex but we were having so much fun one thing lead to another and we had the best sex we had in a long time.

Q: Me: 15/F/soph. Him: 17/M/junior. My ex boyfriend and I have had such a horrible past. And it's made up of three parts: a very destructive/dysfunctional relationship, messy break up, and a very confusing "friendship" that has followed. Starting with the relationship part. He and I have a VERY strong physical attraction. We started off like a perfect couple. Got along, were cute and what not. When we started getting physical things changed. He got mean and hurtful and I became whipped and miserable. We were both miserable bbut he told me he loved me and at that point we had been dating for 6 months. We would fight constantly cause I'd get jealous and clingy and he'd flirt with every girl he saw. But when we hooked up, holy shit you couldn't separate us with a crow bar. He would always pressure me to go farther ehich I wouldn't want to do but with his persuasion (words and ahem... Body) I gave him a hjs and eventually a bj and be fingers me. Keep in mind I was 14 at the time and he was 16. Bad idea to go that far. It only mare our weird relationship weirder. Second part: When we finally broke up he did it in a text, I said "fuck you" he said je only liked me for my body which I guess I kinda knew but I was actually in love with him ... It hurt like hell. That was in may. And through the entire summer I'd say I cried myself to sleep 90% of the time. Somewhere in our dysfunctional relationship I lost myself in him. I didnt know who I was anymore. And he was still a dick!! One day he'd say he couldn't stand me and the next he'd say he regret what he did. It didnt make sense. One day towards the end of summer he tried to apologize.for everything. But I was so hurt... I couldn't accept it. Good thing too. Cause school started an we ignored eachother till about justrecently. He's in my study hall and things are so complicated. He brought up the night he called to apologize. He told me he was playing a video game the whole time and just did it (apologize) to get me to "shut up" even though we hadn't been talking for like a month? He saidsome big things in that conversation. Like that he never wanted to hurt me, didn't like me just cause of the hooking up, that'd he'd handled things wrong and he was sorry. It for some reason kills me that he bullshitted the whole thing. He was treating it like a joke too! He was laughing like it was hilarious that I was crying on one end of phone and he was playing what? Call of duty on the other? HES A DOUCHEBAG right? Well guess what. I still like the asshole. He'll make a lot of jokes now about our relationship like, dirty jokes, bringing up the stuff we did back then. And I don't think he knows that I'm not over him. That I broke up with my last bf cause I couldn't stop thinking about him. That I still love him after all this. And it hurts! Cause he's moved on... He's benn dating this girl (but all his friends say it's gonna fizzle fast. Even her friends say it. He's just confusing me. I want to talk to him about all of this, or at least just the part about how I don't like the jokes but I fe uncomfortable doing that when he's dating someone... I'm SOOOOO lost. Please help! I need to know what I'm feeling what to do and what the he'll is going on in my head!!!!!

Oh my god this guy is a total crack head. What!!!!! He is disrespecting you and your letting him If I were my old self I would have made him look bad on facebook or something. Yes talk to him about what hes doing don't tell him you still love him. Tell him how it makes you feel when he talks about your intimate life you had with him you know what yeah I let myself go for a guy once and he totally trashed me so bad I had to move schools for a time but you know what think about it hes stupid and don't think about the girl hes dating I feel sorry for her but no you put things right, dont care about his feelings what the hell. Put things straight and if he still is acting dumb then ignore what he says and I know that would be hard but cut him off. Don't talk to him girl that is a big NO NO!!!!!! He needs a wake up call and a chill pill...he is a jerk don't talk to him at all!!!!!! That is hurting you and you know it. I can help you further but i would have to give you my number or my facebook my name is Kenia Prieto look for me If you want more help from me. good luck with that guy

Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years long distance. Recently he made a new girl "friend" in his hometown and they quickly became buddies and confidants about deep and spiritual topics. When I was in his town he took me to meet her and she acted like she knew him better than me, threw her arms around him, and even called him a pet name! He says she is just dramatic and it is in her nature. After speaking to her a few times i admit I kind of like her myself but it still bothers me to think of them having deep talks and spending time together when I am not around....He assures me he has no interest in her romantically or sexually... and voluntarily has scaled way back from seeing her because he saw it bothered me.
Well ironically...not planned... I have been involved in a deepening friendship of my own here in my town with a guy who shares a lot of my deep interests. It has been entirely platonic and now I am beginning to understand my bf's perspective because he is flipping out about my new guy friend!! My first instinct is to let the new guy friend go... but then we may be setting ourselves up for a small world especially if we must have a life when we are in different towns. My other option is to keep my guy friend and let my bf have his gal friend and learn to be secure and trusting and let go of jealousy. Why is this so difficult?

I totally understand how you feel because thats how it was when I was with my ex. He had this really close friend and it bothered me a lot when they would hang out but when I thought about it I realized that I'm a girl that has so many guy friends and all of them are like my brothers and I couldn't put myself in a situation where I couldn't hang out with them because I have a boyfriend. So what I did was let him keep his friend and I kept mine and everything was fine. I new that he couldn't find anyone like me and think about it you guys have been together in different towns for three years that has to show you how much you mean to him. Talk about it with him and point out that you guys are in a strong relationship most people couldn't take the long distance thing. Another thing just because you guys keep your friends does not mean you can go crazy and make your friends more important than each other that could be a problem. (By the way me and my bf broke up for a tatally different reason it had nothing to do with girls haha just throwing that out there.)

Q: Hi I'm a teenager. I liked this guy or a long time and now he is starting to like me. The thing is I don't like him anymore. He texts me and facebook chats me but I don't want to reply because I don't want to talk to him. The reason I don't like him anymore is because I got to know him and I like a funny out going guy. I feel bad for leading him on but I'm really not interested. What do I do?

That happens a lot so many times have I liked a guy and once I get to know him he is not the one I thought I wanted its okay to feel this way. The best thing you can do for him is tell him that you don't see him that way no need to get into drama over it just tell him that you thought you liked him but things are different now. Let him know that you want to be friends and it would be awesome to be friends because that way you have each other forever being in a relationship can loose you someone quick. Don't ignore him because that makes him think like he did something wrong and you know he didn't but does he know...yeah talk to him put things straight don't beat around the bush. Hope I helped a little

Q: Around October, I met my best friend, which happens to be a guy. I've never had a guy best friend before, so I was excited to try something different. In time, we became so close, it was hard to pull us away from each other when we were talking or laughing. Around the middle of December, I changed. Every time he talked to someone, I would get insanely jealous, and my heart would ache. Anytime he wasn't talking to me, my heart would drop through my stomach. Everytime he hugged me, I felt like I was safe and he should never let go. And ever since then, I can't stop thinking about him, and I think I may even love him.

Since he is my best friend, he tells me everything you see? Now everyday, he will talk about how much this one girl doesn't like him, and he is constantly talking about her, and I can't help but to have my heart break.

I've tried to tell him multiple times, but I always backed out making an excuse such as 'I love you...like a brother.' I have a feeling that he won't like me, because I'm not the thinnest girl in the world, or the prettiest. I'm not the smartest, and I definetly cannot compare to the girl he likes. I'm confused, can you please help me? (I've tried my best to explain it, it is rather hard to explain in more ways than one)

Well it's clear that you really love this guy. Just because your not skinny or really smart does not mean that a guy can't take interest in you. Look I had a guy bestfriend to and I loved him as well and I'm not the prettiest girl in the world trust when I telll you this and guess what he's my boyfriend and yeah before I didn't want to tell him cause I was scared of the out come but once we talked about it and I explained the situation and put things clear we made a decision so talk to him telly him how you feel.

Q: Myself, 16/f. Him, 14/m.

So I've been talking to this kid, he's my sister's age, and I love talking to him and I don't usually get bored talking with him like I do with most people. We share common interests and opinions on some things, but we only talk online despite going to the same school. He's very nice and gives me advice too. Problem is, I don't know if I LIKE him like that or not because I've never actually LIKED a guy. Well, like, I mean, celebrities don't count. I mean, I feel my face grow hot whenever I see him at school and my heart jumps when I see him online, but I can't tell if I'm getting overexcited or if I like him. I know it's dumb, but I'm just a slow and easily confused person D: He seems to enjoy talking to me a lot too, so does that mean he likes me too?
Confused and in need of help :(

Liking can mean so many things. He seems like he makes you really happy and to tell you the truth yes you do have a little crush on him. I good because that means you like the way he makes you feel. Um I couldn't really tell you if he feel the same for you but yeah you yourself are crushing on this guy haha(:

Q: I have two really good friends. I'll call one Jen and one Lydia.

Jen is nice sometimes but other times (I hate to call her this) she's a real b****. Lydia is nice all the time, for the most part.

Well because of Jen (usually) they fight a lot. Recently they have been arguing because on V-Day Jen said to us 'I love you, no homo.' I understand that she doesn't want to seem lesbian. Lydia doesn't. She says that we know we're straight and it's ok without the no homo.

I don't want to take sides. I agree with Lydia that we're close enough to just say it, but I also think it's ok to clarify the no homo. Also, Lydia has a gay brother. (we all accept this.)

I hate when they fight and I want to help them resolve their conflict. Currently they are ignoring each other. What should I do? Thank you

Also we're all girls, Jen and I are in 9th grade and Lydia is in 10th.

Haha well It's simple if you don't your friend to be fighting anymore all you have to do is agree to disagree. What I mean is everyone is allowed their own opinion so just tell them it's okay to have their own opinion.

Q: So I've known this guy lets call him Matt ever since 6th grade. We weren't friends but we grew up together in the beginning. So we ended up being friends. And we actually started becoming friends when we were seniors in high school. It's kind of sad I know. Now that we graduated we have become closer friends and we go to the same college as well. But ever since that, when I got a boyfriend and he's just been acting like a smart ass. I didn't want to tell him because he has a big mouth and I only tell my girlfriends. He's not my best friend. And I don't talk about my personal life to him or at all about guys I like because me and Matt are just really good friends but we never talk about love. He's had a crush on me in high school. He even wanted to ask me out because he told me. But I get a lot of guys so he eventually gave up. I only like him as a friend though and nothing else. He has feelings for me but I don't have feelings for him. He's never really dated anyone he's been single for many years. I've actually been in a lot of relationships. But one time when it was me and my boyfriend's anniversary. My car battery died. And my boyfriend didn't know how to fix it. So I called Matt over to help since he's really good with cars. And nothing went wrong after that. I didn't notice anything wrong. But he sent a really rude comment on facebook when I got home about my boyfriend. It really pissed me off and I said STOP IT. And he didn't so I deleted him on facebook and I was really really mad. Because that was just really immature and rude to say. Then he talked to one of my girlfriends about it. And he's like I don't know if I want to be friends with her anymore. I thought Matt was joking because he's needy and he talks to me all the time I didn't know how he could live without me and we've known each other for so long.

Then it finally happens he doesn't talk to me for 4 months!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why???? I was really shocked. And I really missed him as a friend. I was just really mad too. I missed having him in my life because he would always annoy me through texting and talk to me a lot I wasn't used to him not talking to me everyday. Then today he sends me a message on facebook after 4 months and says like "I dont know if I'll give you a third chance in being your friend but this is it...and whats up." He said it in a weird way.

Can someone help? I really only like him as a friend. But I don't know why he ignored me for 4 months!!!! And then embarassed me on facebook? And then talked to my girlfriend about me. And he still talked to my girlfriend and not me. What's going on?

It's obvious that this guy likes you a lot but you got to think about it he has been giving you hints as to how he feels for a long time and it doesn't
seem like you talked to him about it. If you say that he is that important to you then talk to him ask him why he didn't talk to you for that long. My best bet is because he was hurt and needed time to stay away from you for a little while...don't take it personal it's not your fault things like that need to happen sometimes. So yeah he stopped talking to you for 4 months and you say you missed talking to him...well all you have to do is talk to him and have him explain himself to you and you do the same for him. Take his feelings into consideration and tell him that he is a really good friend of yours and it would suck if one day you guys would really stop talking. By the way I went through something like that and I lost are really good friend of mine and I see him around school and we don't talk at all we don't even say Hi to each other. Trust this talk can help strangthen your friendship a little more. Hope I helped you with you with your question.o_-

Q: Okay, so my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me a few days ago...I was devastated of course...I broke down crying in front of him. He told me I'm beautiful, sexy, smart, funny, all those wonderful things, but he says he went into this blindly, and just isn't ready to have a relationship with me...or anyone, because he has issues he needs to work out and to concentrate on raising his daughter. He also said that he never really felt any "love" for me, but just a strong friendship. He kept telling me how sorry he is and says he still cares about me and wants me in his life...I haven't spoken to him much, but one of the few times I did, he told me to call him whenever I was ready to hang out with him again...I want to, very very much, but I'm still very much in love with him...I also happen to work with him. When I saw him at work the other day, I just broke down crying and couldn't even look at him. I think that has pretty much ruined any chances I have of getting back together with him romantically, since guys seem to like 'strong' women, right? I don't know quite how to go about this. Has anyone else ever experienced this? What came out of it? Is there still a chance for us in your opinion?

I have been both in his place and your place so I know what I'm telling you that its not easy for him to see you like that. It's natural for you to feel bad and still want to be with him. He tells you he still wants you in his life and thats fine it shows that he's not a complete butt head and cares about you. Another thing you have to look at is if he tells you that he isn't ready to be with anyone at the moment its fine he's trying to avoide hurting you a lot more than your hurting right now. think about it. Well judging by expierence I'd say that maybe some day there could be a chance for you guys if hes ever willing to try it again but you most not put your hopes up and hold your breathe because there could be a chance of you guys just staying friends well only if you let it. See he wants to be friends and I understand that your not ready to see him that way talk to him tell him that you need time give yourself time and when your ready try the freindship thing you might find it a good thing because that way you have him in your life still. Hope this helps you make a choice your comfortable with.=)

Q: I'm a junior in highschool (17 years old) and I have an acquaintance who's a guy who I enjoy talking to every once in awhile during school. He's not exactly my guy friend persay, but we like to talk to each other during school. I've sort of developed a crush on him and I'm wondering if it would be possible to take it further by asking him out or something. Any ideas?

I would go for it because you never know taking a risk is sometimes a really good thing. I'm someone that makes choices and doesn't regret them. Another thing if your still a little uneasy about asking him out check out the way he is...what I mean is guys sometimes show signs of interest in someone. He just might feel the same way you do. When you feel like you got enough information then go for it and ask him out whats the worse that could happen? Hope my advice works for you...it works most of the time for me.+)

Q: he's about as weird as they get. i'm absolutely in love with him though. this guy is in a class of mine at school. he's not nerdy, he just doesn't go out, and doesn't really do anything about his social life, so we never cross paths outside of school aside from the internet where we talk. we've become good friends though and he clicks well with mine. i think he likes me by the way he smiles at me and talks to me differently than with other girls. he flirts with me like crazy and turns red every time we talk. he doesn't talk to many girls though. i try to make it obvious that i like him but boys can be stupid and i don't think he's getting the picture since he's never had a girlfriend or much experience, and i really want him to ask me to hang out. what do i do?

Oh you did get yourself a little looser but it doesnt mean that it isnt cute. By all means i personally think guys like that are very interesting. Well judging by what you say, it seems like its going to take him a while to even think about asking you out so the next best thing that works and I know because I did it is asking him out yourself. Guys can be dumb because sometimes they dont see whats in front of them so we as girl have to sometimes step up to the plate so ask him out. You dont have be serious but have fun get to know each other you might learn something. Hope I was some help i`d like to here what came out of my advice =D.

Q: Hey I was just wonder if there are any way to tell if a guy likes u? even if they don't flirt or stare alot how else can you tell? I really need help thanks(: How do u make a guy like you without looking like your trying?
Thanks(:

If a guy likes you he can give you hints like noticing the little things you do. Another way you can tell if he likes you is him smiling a lot when you guys talk. He doesn't have to stare at you all the time but if you take notice and glance...if he's smiling non-stop that means he is enjoying his time with you hence he likes you. However if you want him to start liking you all you have to do is be yourself and if he thinks all the goofy things you do is cute you know that your attempt is working out. Haha just be yourself give him compliments and the cats in the bag. o_-

Q: Ok, so here's the situation.

I've thought a girl that i know was really attractive for a very long time, but only over the last couple of months, have i felt any real attractions and emotions toward her. I've been hanging out with her a lot recently, and my feelings are only developing more for her.

I have a really good friend thats a girl (we'll call her sandra), also one of her best friends - she at first told me that this girl, (we'll call her Jess), liked another boy, and he also liked her.
At first i was very disheartened and wanted to give up on her.
I chose to keep on getting close to her, and see what happened, and recently a month ago my other good friend (sandra) sent me a message saying "good work with Jess, keep it up!"

I'm really hoping that this means that 'Jess' is developing feelings for me - and she seems to be really keen to hang out with me a lot.

what can i do to win her over more?
Girls: what do you like most in a guy that i can portray in myself?

If it seems that she has taken a little more interest in you it would help if you just play it cool and do over kill. It's good to be yourself and let things come naturally. Don't expect to much and let her know that your there if she needs you. Both of you will know when the time comes to take the next step, but don't rush into things. Hope I helped a little and good luck!=)

bio

My name is Kaye and I have questions myself about my life but then again I have expirenced many obsticles with relationships I've had in the past so I know if there is someone out there with questions or concerns about partner problems I can help. Helping people is my thing so please anyone can seek my help and I will do my best to answer anything that is asked of me. I know how it feels to be stuck and not know where to go.