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long distance boyfriend has new gal friend in his town
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years long distance. Recently he made a new girl "friend" in his hometown and they quickly became buddies and confidants about deep and spiritual topics. When I was in his town he took me to meet her and she acted like she knew him better than me, threw her arms around him, and even called him a pet name! He says she is just dramatic and it is in her nature. After speaking to her a few times i admit I kind of like her myself but it still bothers me to think of them having deep talks and spending time together when I am not around....He assures me he has no interest in her romantically or sexually... and voluntarily has scaled way back from seeing her because he saw it bothered me.
Well ironically...not planned... I have been involved in a deepening friendship of my own here in my town with a guy who shares a lot of my deep interests. It has been entirely platonic and now I am beginning to understand my bf's perspective because he is flipping out about my new guy friend!! My first instinct is to let the new guy friend go... but then we may be setting ourselves up for a small world especially if we must have a life when we are in different towns. My other option is to keep my guy friend and let my bf have his gal friend and learn to be secure and trusting and let go of jealousy. Why is this so difficult?
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i completeyl get where you are coming from girl. i have tried long distance relationships and we try to make things work but sometimes it just doesnt work. i guess it depends on how much time you and your bf see eachother personally. because if you dont ee eachother alot then you guys are probably thiking that with eachother getting the opposite sex frends that they are gonnna replace you because they are lonely. maybe thats it. if its too difficult, move or break up.
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You're finding out first hand the extreme difficulty of long distance relationships. There is a certain intimacy (of conversation, sharing day to day stuff, etc) that you cannot share with your partner simply because of distance. So naturally, at some point, both partners gravitate to other people to fill that void. It doesn't mean its a romantic or sexual thing, it just means that what you are missing in your relationship you seek to fill somewhere else. I would just back off this and let things unfold naturally. Since your bf was very willing to introduce you to the girl as well as scale back on seeing her, it doesn't seem like there is deception involved here, so that's good. You have a point about setting yourselves up for a small world, so follow your bf's lead and make plans to introduce him to your new friend next time he is visiting so he can see for himself what the deal is. But resist the urge to pull back from all friendships with the opposite sex. As you said, that will become very limiting, and in the end you'll end up resenting each other for limiting your friendship options. Good luck.
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I totally understand how you feel because thats how it was when I was with my ex. He had this really close friend and it bothered me a lot when they would hang out but when I thought about it I realized that I'm a girl that has so many guy friends and all of them are like my brothers and I couldn't put myself in a situation where I couldn't hang out with them because I have a boyfriend. So what I did was let him keep his friend and I kept mine and everything was fine. I new that he couldn't find anyone like me and think about it you guys have been together in different towns for three years that has to show you how much you mean to him. Talk about it with him and point out that you guys are in a strong relationship most people couldn't take the long distance thing. Another thing just because you guys keep your friends does not mean you can go crazy and make your friends more important than each other that could be a problem. (By the way me and my bf broke up for a tatally different reason it had nothing to do with girls haha just throwing that out there.)
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