Member Since: September 12, 2011
Answers: 190
Last Update: April 26, 2016
Visitors: 10379
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Do you have any suggestion for a birthday gift that ALL men like? I don't know him that well, but I want to give him something he will really remember. :) (link)
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this is SO tricky and not knowing him that well doesn't help you much!
if you know his likes and dislikes at all, you might know his likes and dislikes. The amount of money you are able to spend on this guy is also an important consideration.
Choosing something he enjoys doing as a hobby might be a good idea;; if he's into sport, a day out watching or even playing his favourite sport; a classical music concert; a day at the horse races; watching a football, rugby or cricket match, the possibilities could be endless! If none of these sound like they'd suit him, you're left with the 'What would you do if you won a million pounds?' and pick something out of his answer.
Hope this helps. Please let me know what happens and how the birthday goes, even if you don't use these suggestions, I'd like to know.
Best wishes x
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i like this guy and he likes me. he asked me out but i am not sure if i should go out with him because im not sure f it is a "date date" or a confession or he is using me. i am scared my parents wont approve him
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You'll never know until you talk to him, your parents may or nay not like him; if he's using you it may become obvious in time or not. You may be suited to each other or not; you might end up as best friends, life-long lovers or acquaintances. It's a game of chance.
(Safety advice - let your parents know where you're going, with whom and what time you intend to come back. If you have any problems, phone them as soon as possible.)
All you can do is take a deep breath, meet him, smile and see how it goes.
Hope this helps, let me know how it goes?
Best wishes x
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I know this may sound like a dumb question but I have dark reddish brown hair and really fair skin (like the skin of most redheads) it has pink undertones and it's freckled. Most brunettes I know even if lighter skinned aren't as light skinned as myself...? (link)
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I think you sound pretty amazing! Your dark hair sets off your fair skin, and the freckles add interest. Add a winning smile and that combination really could make you stand out from the crowd. Make the most of it!
Hope this helps, best wishes x
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I'm a 14 year old girl, I haven't been diagnosed with depression but it's kinda obvious....
Before Christmas 2013 I started cutting because I was upset about my life at home, my dad was a control freak and wouldn't let me go anywhere or even be with one of my best friends just because she said something he didn't like a while ago. I got so frustrated and sad that I didn't know wheat else to do, after about 2months my parents found out.. They did try to help me by asking what I wanted to change but I know it really hurt them that they knew what I was doing to myself and that I was so upset. I stopped for about a month and then it got worse, all because I fell in love with this boy and we didn't work out the way I wanted it to.. Still today I'm always feeling sad and even if I do manage to be happy it doesn't last long! I always find myself listening to depressi music such a 'London grammar' or 'bring me the horizon' I just like that sort of stuff and I go on my iPad every night on we heart it and that really doesn't help but I like reading that stuff...
I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, I don't think I could bring myself to do it but if there were to be a car coming and I was stood in the road I'm not to sure if I would move?
I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to be in love with that boy anymore as he flirts with everyone and he hurt me emotionally.
I want to be happy again, I wouldn't mind going to see someone for help but without my parents knowing! I don't want them to know that I'm still like this, they didn't help me last time and I'm too scared to ask for help this time.
Thanks. (link)
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Don't be too hard on your parents, they may seem to be all-seeing at times, but odds are they really don't know how you're feeling. If you can't talk to your parents, is there someone else you could confide in about this?
Cutting and other self-harm methods are a kind of learned behaviour. Stress and tension build up inside until the easiest way to release it is to hurt yourself. It then becomes a habit which can be very hard to break. Lots of people do it but lots also recover and lead normal lives.
Find someone you trust to talk to, let them know how you feel and why you feel you have to cut yourself. Just talking about the way you feel may release some of that tension and lessen the stress you feel and the need to cut.
You sound like a lovely, normal girl, who is struggling with being a teenager and modern life. Most 14 year-old girls have problems with boys' at your age, relationships can be stormy and short. This is normal and it does get better.
Look for friends who enjoy doing the same things you do, whether that is dancing, music, reading, sport, crafts, whatever you enjoy. If you get interested in doing something enjoyable, you tend to forget to worry about the stressful stuff. This might also reduce your need to cut.
I hope this was of some help, you can always find someonehere to talk to. Best wishes x
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I have been on/off with my current boyfriend for about a year and i always told him i have feelings for him, even when i had a boyfriend at the time, i just wanted him. By the end of that year we got together and he disappeared for a week or so, no calls no texts and picks up after many calls very coldly.
I started seeing someone else and then he started apologizing to me, I said OK but i was never ok, because I have trust and intimacy issues and then i told him im seeing someone else, but he said i had to choose, n i chose him. I met the other guy and we had a stupid quicky, never happened again, i tried to actually be with the other guy but i loved number one too much and i really fell for him.
all this was at the first month and a half of our relationship, and 4months in i told him something and it took us to me telling him about the whole thing.
I am trying now after 4months since i have done my cheating (which i would like to say a stupid mistake) to gain his trust and help him overcome this.
But ii want to know, from all of you, when you have serious and major trust issues, due to a history of abuse for more than 15yrs, does that really make you a cheater, like what i did.
All i was trying to do was to be fair to myself and assertive, as men always get a piece of me for nothing, and i was trying to just protect myself and be safe, i did wrong.
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OK so you have trust and intimacy issues. Lots of people do and with your history, is it any wonder? You don't say how old you and your boyfriend are, but I'd guess you're in your teenage years or just over.
Basically, you are in control of your life. After your cheating, maybe your boyfriend has trust issues too. If you want to be with him in a long-term relationship or just have a laugh and a good time for a month or two, talk about it with him, find out his feelings and go from there. It's your life, do with it what you will. Do everything, anything you can to avoid hurting anyone you care about, talk at length about how you both feel, how you want the future to be for you. You might find yourselves incompatible or still together after 30 years! Talk, talk, talk and then talk again until you find out whether or not you can live with each other.
As for the cheating, that's up to you. We all have free will, our lives are what we make them.
If you want to cheat, go into it with your eyes wide open and expect the worst when HE (whoever he may be) finds out. If you get away with it, you'll be lucky but imagine how you'd feel if he cheated on you.
Hope it all goes well and remember, you can always ask for help here. Best wishes x
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*I apologize in advance for the long explanation and thank you for reading it.* Of course I'm a born again Christian, but I feel Like God hates me. Anybody may ask.
I was born into a loving family which only lasted for two years. It quickly turned into a disaster where one parent (a) abused the other (b). B refused to beat a. I always had to take my brother and hide.
At nine my grandparent died and the day before Christmas my uncle died. At ten my parents got a divorce and my sibling (c) went crazy, but I'd learned at this age to keep my feelings bottled in. At twelve, c got taken away and do I got another one (d) at thirteen.
I turned to friends online at fourteen but parent b didn't like it. By this point I've learned their bipolar. I thought I lost the doll my grandparent gave me (I kept it even though I got it at 4 because it was all I had to remember them by) but parent b threw it away when I was asleep because it was torn up and was on it's last legs.
At fifteen parent b got married and we moved in with my stepparent. Kids picked on me and called me ugly. I did things I'm not proud of to parent b, but I repented and apologize 100 times from the bottom of my heart, but they keep bringing it up even though they pulled my hair, called me ugly, and said I would never be able to keep a guy. I went into a group home to get away from them. At sixteen I came back.
I met boyfriend #3. Parent be kept saying he wouldn't last. It's the last thing you want a parent to say. Turns out he had a bf still and I was like his mistress.
At seventeen I moved in with my aunt because I couldn't take bipolar parent anymore. It only lasted two months. At eighteen. I moved in with parent a. That stepparent hated me too. Lied on me in many ways. I moved out.
Boyfriend #4 took my virginity without permission (we were foreplaying. Please don't call me stupid. I didn't know. Really.)
Etc.
I'm hoping even though parent b still hates me and parent a wants nothing wants nothing to do with me with all the bad past and all that boyfriend #5 will be a turn around for me, but because of my bad past and low self esteem (thanks parent b), etc., that this is my time to shine, but every time I think about it I believe God hates me. Please give me a reason why or why not he may hate me. Thanks. Sorry for the long explanation. (link)
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I can understand why you feel God is against you, with your past and family life being so disorganised and broken. The main thing for you to get hold of is that your life is yours, to do with as you wish. If you want to train to be a nurse, stay in bed all day, argue with your parents, sleep on the streets, go to college and study for a degree, help out in a charity shop or play football is up to you. Your parents and step-parents sound as if they are in a bad place and suffering from it. You can try to make peace with them but it might not work. That's the most you can do, just leave the door open in case they change their minds and move on. You're young and have the rest of your life to plan for. Find a small realistic goal and go for it;today is the first day of the rest of your life. Change starts now. Leave the bad stuff behind, look after yourself and those you love who love you back.
All this sounds very easy and (hopefully) the right things to say but only you can do it. I hope it works. If you need any further advice you can always contact me or someone similar on this site for help. Best wishes x
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Hi. I've answered many questions myself on the subjects of dreams, and of astrology. Now it's beyond argument that cosmic bodies influence the EARTH. The moon demonstrably affects tides, sun-spot activity and solar mass-ejections are shown to influence our atmosphere & weather, solar flares disrupt satelite communications and I believe one of the distant planets conveniently deflects (potentially world-ending if they hit us) asteroids out of our path. (Not sure which planet, and there's certainly loads more examples-but I'm not into cosmology/astro-physics). But I've never been even slightly convinced that us HUMANS are in any way influenced by the rhythms and cycles of the universe. My replies of course, reflect this. Getting to the point, an extensive project, by a number of well-respected psychologists was published recently. It has some very strong evidence that during periods of the full moon dream activity tends to increase, and the content of the dreams seems more random and bizarre. Also sleep patterns tend to become disrupted (generally, more difficult to 'get to sleep' and awaking earlier). A report by psychologists does not of course suggest reasons WHY. It's the usual probing into human nature and behavioural patterns. I'd love to hear what the panel of intelligent and free-thinkg columnists make of this. It's a bit of a mind-bomb for me. I have no idea how this known-to-be-lifeless, inert (though I admit very beautiful) lump of rock can possibly influence our dreams? Possibly electro-magnetic/electro-motive forces, my only vague idea? But does simple magnetism (in effect) make us dream more vividly? I wouldn't have thought so?? Thanks in advance for any thoughts, theories or ponderings any might share with me. CJB (link)
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My answer may be slightly off the point of the question but every little bit helps I suppose.
I work in an old people's home and people who work there have often said that some residents who have dementia become more agitated than normal when there's a full moon.
this usually starts around teatime, 5pm say, and lasts until past bedtime. They appear to be unable to sleep eeasily and readily get 'worked up.'
Don't know if anyone's donw any studies on this aspect of the moon's influence.
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We've been married 19 years. Divorce has crossed my mind, but would be difficult due to many reasons.
We both work full time and have an equine business on the side at home. We've raised three children, the kids turned out pretty good in spite.
The last 10 years or so, my husband really gets on my nerves and it is only escalating. I try my best to avoid him, so I pretend to be roommates and we just go our separate ways. There are some things in day to day life we have to discuss, such as chores to be done, work with the animals, but each and every time, with everything I say he disagrees with me to the point that nothing gets accomplished, unless I do it myself, and I can't do it all alone.
It's not that he wants to do things his way, he finds a hundred reasons not to do them at all.
He's very lackluster and apathetic, until he gets mad. Then he belittles me, and throws up every negative situation we've ever faced in my face making it out to be my fault.
He's also very arrogant about anything he has done, such as help pay for my dental work. I've heard it over and over how good he is, and how bad I am because I didn't have all the money myself.
Counseling is out, can't afford it, and he wouldn't go anyway.
I don't want to be in the same room--let alone same car as him. Going somewhere together only makes the tension worse. If we have friends over, which is rare. He makes sure to get jabs in at me, to the point he does make himself look stupid and no one enjoys themselves. Same goes for family events. It's so embarrassing, I'd rather not go.
I don't want a romantic connection anymore, but I do want peace and a working partnership with consideration. Talking will do no good, will instigate an argument.
Any suggestions to open his eyes? (link)
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To you, on the inside, this feels like the world and your husband are against you and your objectives.
Looking at it from the outside, I think you and your husband have lost the romance in your marriege. After 19 years of family life and work, you've both lost your dream and its become a nightmare, the daily drudge with nothing but more of the same to come.
I think you both sound on the edge of depression, you may both need help to get over it. You say you feel the marriage is over - only you and your husband can decide that, but you have to take everything into consideration, your children, the business and what you both want.
You say that talking won't help but I think it's the only path to take. Without talking you don't know what's happening in each other's minds. Some form of communication is essential for you all to decide what happens next. Once you know what everyone thinks, what they want to end up with, you can move on and deal with the problems you have.
I really hope this helps, let me know how you get on? If you feel I can help further contact me via this site.
Keep talking to each other, good luck and best wishes, X.
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I have a friend and she has been copying me lately. Everytime I put something really cool she copy's it. And it sucks cause she acts like she's better then me sometimes and I just want to win sometime so I put something funny on my Facebook or I'll txt her something and then she copys it. It's so annoying. Everytime I'm about to tell her I get mad when she copies me I don't say anything cause I'm scared she might get mad and tht will mess up our friendship or she'll tell her mom and if we become friends again ( like normal ) and I go to her house her mom will give me some stupid lecture and crap. I just want her to be herself. And now she want contacts cause she think she looks nerdy but I think she look perfectly fine with glasses. I just don't want someone who is copying me and the weird thing is, we've been friends for a long time and she is all of a sudden copying me. Idk y she just can't be herself.
Can someone help me cause I don't like being copied and I also don't want a stupid lecture. (link)
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She sounds very self-conscious and lacking in confidence. She's looking for a role model to follow, somebody she sees as successful in most things - clothes, humour, music and she's chosen you!
Although annoying, she's actually flattering you, as she likes your ideas and copies them, 'imitation being the sincerest form of flattery.'
Go shopping with her and maybe other girlfriends, sncourage her to find her own style, in colour, Many teenagers go through this phase so you're not alonetrend or whatever.
Many teenagers go through this phase so you aren't alone. As you get older, you may both change your tastes in many areas, even friends!
SO hard as it seems, 'this too will pass.'
Hope this helps, best wishes X.
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I am 15 years old and a pastors kid. I feel completely worthless and I can't find help. Today I was seriously thinking about killing myself and my boyfriend is the only one who I've told about my suicidal thoughts and he doesn't know what to do to help me. I've been cutting myself for a couple of years now and I'm tired of hurting. I dont want to live anymore! Im mentally and emotionally exhausted! My parents or friends don't seem to notice my pain or my scars.....I feel like nobody cares! Please I need help!!!! Tell me what to do, please! I don't know who to turn to and I need advice! (link)
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Suicide is never the only answer - it might relieve your pain but think of the pain of those you leave behind, not knowing why you did it, if they'd known they could've helped, why didn't you tell them? The questions and the heartache are endless, believe me.
Tell someone, get the information out there somewhere, anywhere! Tell somebody how you feel; the release of all that tension maybe enough to show you a different route out of your pain.
Once you've told one person, the telling gets easier. I'm sure if your pastor parent knew how you felt they'd know pretty much what to say and do to help you. Being a pastor's child, you probably know how to keep under their radar so their alarm bells don't ring. So tell them! They've been through teenage-hood too and know how bad it can get, so give them a chance to help you, please?
Really hope this helps, if you can, let me know how you get on or if I can help further keep in touch via site.
Best wishes X.
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My wife and I have been married for over 14 years and have three sons. For about the past 2-3 years our relationship has been strained at best. We go through a cycle of fighting with each other, make up and then the next week start all over again! I travel for my job, so I am gone quite a bitof the time.
I get frustrated with her because I want to have sex when I come home, and most nights she says she is too tired. She doesn't like me touching her because she says my hands are too hot. Cuddling together is also nonexistant. Her always rejecting me is making me feel very unimportant and unloved by her. I have tried to add dirty talk, and even suggested some role play to spice up things, both of which she doesn't like. We have sex about 1-2 times in a two week period.
I have always been a bit of a health nut and exercise quite a bit. Recently I have tried to get her interested in running with me and my oldest son to train for a 10K. Of course she doesn't want anything to do with that. She is extremely overweight and lives in front of the TV when home. I have threatened to disconnect the cable, and you would have thought I was going to make her go without air to breath. I have grown to loathe television and that all it stands for.
If I try to say anything about her food choices or habitial soda drinking, I am a nagging husband. She has a very high probability of developing colon cancer because of genetic abonormality, which is why I want her to take better care of herself. She has gained about 140lbs since we first met.
Four years ago, I became a vegan and my family is not. This has created conflict in our family as well. My wife still goes out and buys lots of meat, dairy, and lots of sugary foods. If I object, a fight ensues with my wife, who does all the grocery shopping.
When she 7 years old, she was raped and sodemized multiple times over a several year by this sleeze ball next door neighbor, who was 15 at the begining. Her sister decided to go to the police and an investaigation ensued, and a trial, and sentencing, which is still going on. Most of the change in her can be traced back to the begining of the investigation. Needless to say bringing up all these old memories and having to see this guy in person in court has really been a difficult experience to go through even though she hadn't seen him in 25 years. I told her I think that she should go talk with a counselor, but she refuses to go because she feels she can handle it on her own.
Our marriage is really having trouble and I don't know quite what to do about it. We don't seem to have much intimacy in our marriage and don't talk to each other like we used to. If some things don't change in our marriage, I don't know if we are going to make it another 14 years, and I feel like it is my boys who are going to suffer.
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I think you're looking at this situation from the 'wrong' angle; swap sodes and try it from your wife's side for a short while.
You go away a lot to work leaving her with 3 growing boys, who are possibly going through puberty, with all of its emotional possibilities.
The only things she can control in her life are her diet and how she relaxes. Both of these have probably changed massively since you were married.
When you come home, you pick up on her eating habits and her gain in weight and mention it casually, also suggesting she might try running with you and your son.
From her point of view these are not just casual suggestions, they are broadside attacks on her as a person. All this, an emotional roller-coaster ride of a court case and requests for sex too - its a wonder you talk at all!
Go back to your courting days; did you expect sex to be a 'right', because you were there?
Probably not. You hoped it would happen and enjoyed it if it did, but you didn't take it for granted.
You could try arranging for the boys to stay with family, book a nice holiday somewhere she'd like to go and try courting her again. Don't push for sex, it should happen naturally when she's ready. If she suspects that's what you're after, she'll resent you for it. Treat her like a princess, make her laugh, apologise for being so busy that you've lost sight of each other lately, compliment her when she looks lovely, admire the way she does her hair, nails or make-up; in short treat her like a girlfriend you really want to hold onto because you love her and have too many years of love and life behind you to lose her over something so basic.
Really hope this helps, let me know how you get on? Best wishes X.
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I love my mother to death. She is one of the only two people who has loved me unconditionally my entire life, and the other one is not my dad. The problem is that the past few years, she's been so paranoid that I will do things I would never, ever do. When my unmarried cousin got pregnant while she was in college, I couldn't even mention my boyfriend without my mom telling me not to have sex or get pregnant. What was the real son of a b*#"! was that I started getting urinary tract infections a short time later, which my doctor said was because of this and that, but my mom was convinced it was because of sex. Now she's done something that I'm afraid will make things permanently awkward between us. I'm engaged to a wonderful man who my mom should know I love more than life. I've always had crushes on cute boys since my first crush when I was about 8 and there were times in my teens when I could talk incessantly about guys I liked to my mom. I never flat out said that I liked them and tried to keep her from knowing, but she always knew. Then tonight, I told her that one of my friends came out as gay and her parents didn't take it very well and my mom thought I was talking about myself. I don't have anything against gays, but my mom's got a big mouth and I'm afraid of what she might say to my fiancee. If I lose my fiancee, it'll kill me. He's everything to me and my life really sucked before he came along. She thought it was one of those stories where you say it's a friend when it's really you. I tried to convince her otherwise and remind her of my boy crazy personality and she said she believed me, but I don't think she does. She's stressing me out and damaging our relationship by showing that she doesn't know me or trust me at all. What should I tell her? How could I possibly convince her that I've never been gay or had premarital sex? (link)
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I think that if this guy knows you and your mother at all, he'll also kno how apparently obsessive she is about you, your future life and behaviour.
Rather than try to convince your mother that what you were telling her was about someone else, not you, and that she's not to spread the word that you're gay is btter left alone.
I'd go to your guy and convince him that your Mom has the wrong end of the stick and may try to convince him that you're gay. Doing this will forewarn him to expect a 'story' rather than truth, and he might recognise that you're telling him the truth; this could help build trust between you.
As for your Mom, all you can do is reassure her that there are some things you would never do (like suddenly becoming gay, having sex or getting pregnant before you are ready for it.
I really hope this helps, I have mother problems of my own so I understand fehow frustrating they can be. Good luck and best wishes Xx.
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I was really good friends with this girl, and one day my mom almost found out that I smoke weed, so I asked my friend to babysit my bong and bowl for a week or so until my mom's suspicions cooled down. Since then our friendship has turned into mostly bickering and it's been about 4 weeks yet she still hasn't returned my things. I've tried numerous times to set up a day and time for me to swing by and pick them up, no questions asked and just be on my way. But she always has an excuse...she's out, she's busy, her parents are home. But I can tell they're all just excuses. The past few days she has just completely ignored me.
What I want to know is if it would be considered harassment for me to knock on her door and ask for my things? And if her parents answer and she's not there, I tell them she has something for me in her room?
By the way, I'm 19 years old and a sophomore in college so I am old enough to be making my own decisions. If you're even going to criticize my marijuana use, please don't bother responding. Your opinion will not make a difference in my choice. Thank you! (link)
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OK no criticism included.
Reading your question again reminded me that I know nothing about weed or drugs anyway. So why am I answering your question? The tone of your question seems to be that your friend isn't returning your 'bong and bowl' because she watns it for her own use, (I may be wrong, perhaps you don't suspect her motives at all. I apologise if I'm misreading the situation.)
I'd like to suggest another possibility. You say that criticism of your choice is unacceptable and my opinion will make no difference to you. That's fine, why would you respect the opinion of a total stranger who knows nothing about you, who wouldn't worry if you fried your brains for Sunday dinner?
I think your friend is trying to tell you something. Think hard about it.
Best wishes, XX.
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Hi My name is Haley Im 13 and I've ALWAYS had this big dream of being on stage infront of a MILLION people and having fans and people cheering for me but I've also tried to ask my parents if I could be on shows like Americas Got Talent Or American Idol but my parents are not that big on traveling and stuff like that cause we had a little accident that happened to do with traveling but besides the point what could I possibly do to get noticed and to become a pro singer/actress. I can't post videos on Youtube either so thats another screw up there but just PLEASE help me in any way that u can. Thanks for taking your time and reading this.
~Haley W. (link)
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Hi Haley, it's nice to know someone has ambitions, especially in this depressed, austere world.
I think your first task is to find out what you're good at, strong points and not-so-strong ones too. You could try singing, dancing and/acting lessons for a start. It's important to be as versatile as possible, building up your skills. With as broad a range of skills as possible, you'll be more likely to be kept in work and busy. Doing all these lessons will take a lot of money and determination, especially with schoolwork too, both you and your parents will be under a lot of pressure.
Shows like America's GOt Talent etc. are looking for people who have something new to offer; few of them would have been onstage without the fine tuning of voice, movement or emotion found in classes.
This sounds like hard work I know, but it is essential, I think. I've had singing lessons for 12 years but, to me, I still sound bad.
You sound as if you have confidence, which is good.
If you want to do it, go for it. You'll never know unless you try; if you don't try it, you'll always regret it.
Hope this helps. Let me know how you get on?
Best wishes and good luck xxx.
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I'm sorry this is so long. I just got carried away. I just want you to really understand who I am and my situation, and I didn't know how to be concise about it. I greatly appreciate all help, you don't even know how much
How do you get over that shame and insecurity? I still feel like hiding away from everyone in my own bubble, when that isn't productive. There were periods where I even had suicidal thoughts, but they the cons always outweigh the pros. I just don't know how to get out of my funk. I want to actually experience good things in life, I don't want my life to be ended before I do so
I just finished high school and I just feel really ashamed that I didn't live up to my potential at school and outside of school I hardly had friends, I suppose because I didn't try to conform to anything I didn't like, despite me being moderately physically attractive and being nice and nonjudgmental to everyone. I still don't understand why I couldn't have that teenage experience with a first boyfriend, best friend you have sleepovers with and can share your deepest thoughts, or even get invited to a few parties and other gatherings. Every year I thought this could be reached, but I feel like every year just became worse and worse, since 5th grade. Is it just because I allowed it to, or was it out of my control? I feel like it's mainly my fault
I started going to a therapist but I still don't understand what I did wrong, and I hope college will be better but I'm afraid if whatever I'm doing that's repelling people will continue. The therapist said she didn't see anything wrong with the conversations we were having, so I'm so confused. I don't know if my race had anything to do with it, being black and living in towns that were diverse, but with mostly white and asian people. I don't know if race was important to other people because I don't think that way about other people, and had a few "school friends/acquaintences" of various skin tones. I feel like the best friends I had were in elementary school, which is the only part of my childhood I still feel the most fondly of, and my best friends were Italian, Chinese, German, and a few family friends
I don't know if race was a factor some kids had with who they invited to hang out, as people began to get older, or idk. Anyways, so yeah now I just feel like a mess and don't feel like connecting with others and I spend a lot of time on the internet, too. My mom is concerned and tries to now block computer time (which I hate intensely), but I don't drive, so otherwise my home feels pretty much like a prison, since nowhere around me is in walkable distance. I've basically grown up online, since I was 8, and supposedly that's why I have social issues? I don't know. I don't think I'm socially inept; I think I notice social cues. I love meeting new people and I'm friendly.. but I've rarely felt such a deep emotional bond with others, to where I feel I can just share anything with them. It's easiest for me to do that on the internet, or to a therapist, because it's confidential. I'm like afraid that if I tell people my insecurities it will just give them more reason to abandon me, or look at me with a negative light. So pretty much last year I'd act like everything was fine in my life when I was basically allowing things to crash down. But I didn't want to give people who didn't like me something to look down on me for, so in the end, when it crashed and burned people must of thought it came from nowhere. but then again, why should I care what they think when they weren't my friends? well, because I wanted friends, unfortunately. or at least one. i wish i could have just been like a robot and been really efficient but no, I let stupid feelings destroy me in high school
It's like I'm now afraid of getting close to others because I've been friends with many people who over time, seemed to lose interest in me and stop being my friend. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'ts not like I'm a boring person.. I feel like people first are excited to get to know me and then the interest fades. Am I supposed to be inviting them to things first? It's so frustrating. I once invited a girl to something we both wanted to see, and even paid for her ticket, but I never heard from her again except her on a few rare occasions, acting like we were friends at school and saying a comment to me.
So I feel like all these years have been a waste and I can't even stand watching sitcoms about teenage life anymore, when it 100% hasn't been like that for me. Teen shows seem to be in some completely different reality. I don't even understand myself, much less other teens. I don't understand why I've been so cruel to myself by doing things against what will truly make me happy.
But I want to succeed in life. Perfectionism has also contributed to my downfall, because it's caused me to procrastinate a lot by going online (for comfort. since I'm not getting invited to social events, it's how I feel connected to the world) in lieu of schoolwork (which is really hard for me because I take very long to do it "perfectly", and have since a very young age). So I just feel like I've let everyone down; teachers, parents, and myself. And I don't know how to come out of it. I really want to make a difference in this world and people have gone through far worse than me and achieved such great things. What are their secrets? How do I get willpower? Cause I feel like I want to do things but then something stops me, and then I just feel guilty and hate myself for it and not even basically crash and burn than doing my best and getting a result that I feel is "less than my personal best".
I just hate being alone. I'm so relieved high school is finally over, but especially last year, for my senior year, I was achingly lonely and music and the internet were where I went for comfort, but I can't go to a dance with an Animal Collective record. I can't go with an internet friend, who lives hundreds of miles away, to a movie. I need to make real friends and FIX my life so I don't repeat these same mistakes in college (and in middle school I thought I wouldn't make these mistakes in high school.. I thought I'd take the smart approach to high school, ugh) and I want to just do things that actually make me happy and will very much HELP my future instead of just screwing over my high goals through my self destructive attidude, just because I didn't have "the teenage experience" (link)
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This is one very long question, mostly heartache because you feel your friend problems are all your fault. Believe me. if you could get your school class to talk honestly about how they feel about their friends, most of them would say much the same as you have. There are many kinds of teenage experiences and yours is common, from what I see and hear in real life. It can be difficult finding friends, wherever you are, however you grew up. I know that probably won't help you much but I think it's true, whatever people say. So if we accept that your life has been s*** up to now, does it have to stay like that for the rest of your life? ONE person can change it - YOU! What do you like to do? What music, reading material, hobbies do you have? Make a list and then look up online if there are any groups in your area that match your list. Talking to people who have similar interests to you is a good way of finding friends. Are you interested in charity wprk? The current economic crisis may mean many people are looking for friendship. If you like sports, look for a sports club where you can join in swimming, playing badminton, netball, football or whatever. If you feel awkward talking to new people, remember - so do they! Make an effort to ask questions about them, be interested in what they say. You'll make them feel more relaxed and hopefully, you'll forget about your anxious feelings. I really hope this helps, let me know how you get on? Best wishes X.
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Hello,
Does the person I am now or the person I use to be define me?
What about the person I want to be?
Does how others view me have any effect in who I am as a person?
Can I be the person I want to be?
Am I bounded by my limitations?
Can I only grow so much?
Does my family define me?
Does my friends define me?
Everybody has their own perception, should I cut those out of my life that have a view of me that I find repulsive - I don't particularly like those people even though few are family.
Sometimes I feel that I wouldn't like a person if they liked me - at least whoever I was at that time. I end up despising those people.
Is it worth putting my life on hold until I come to be the person I want to be? (link)
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I think you, like everybody else in the world, are a work in progress.
We often strive to be the person we'd like to be but sometimes stumble and fall by the wayside. We just have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start all over again in the words of a song.
Those people you feel see you in a particular way that you don't like, although family, are not your best friends. Fine. Be polite and tolerate them. You may need them one day.
You don't say your age but I'd guess that you're a teenager as such feelings and thoughts are often part of growing up. This kind of confusion shouldn't last too long. You'll learn to trust your own judgement and that of other people you like and trust.
I hope this helps a bit, let me know if you think I can help further?
Best wishes XX.
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What does it mean when I get the coil taken out I get a period then have sex a cople of times then it goes away ?? (link)
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I think it depends on how long the coil was in for, how long since it came out and how long since your last period.
If the coil was inside you for a long while, it may have sisrupted your period cycle.
If it was a couple of months between taking the coil out, you had a period, then had sex and your periods stopped after that, it's possible you're pregnant.
The best thing to do would be to ask your doctor to do a pregnancy test and explain your symptoms, or buy a reliable over-the-counter kit for an idea of what's going on.
Hope this helps a bit, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes XX.
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Whats the most quick and painless way to commit suicide (link)
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There is no quick painless way to kill yourself or someone else. Every way I know of committing suicide is hard, painful and carries with it the possibility of surviving with problems caused in the attempt to commit suicide.
These problems, including scars, infections, mental health disturbances, liver problems could last for the rest of your life.
It might be easier to try and sort out your life than commit suicide.
Think about what you want to achieve.
Where do you want to be in 5 years time?
How are you going to get there?
Make a plan - start with small steps and aim high but also realistic, you can always use something lower down the scale to build up work experience and money behind you.
Only you can do it!
Let me know how you get on?
Best wishes, XX.
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I'm 13 and I loove Emo style or their music(BVB)
1st question is...I don't cut myself. Do I have to do it if I wanna be a real emo? And also I'm a cheerful person so, am I not Emo for that? I have nothing to be sad about in my life. (link)
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Being of a certain age, I didn't know what an emo was, so I've asked my son. He used to date a Goth which apparently isn't far removed from an emo.
Emos are stereotyped as being very emotional, which most people understand as being depressed, dramatic and suicidal. BUT the word emotion covers ALL emotions so you can be a happy, cheerful, life-affirming, inspiring emo!
Please do, because if everyone who wants to be emo think they have to be suicidal and depressed when they really aren't, it's going to be a very unhappy world. Even if emos were all expected to be depressed and miserable all the time, I'd puch for you to be happy - what's life for if not to be enjoyed? Have a happy life!
Hope this helps, let me know how you get on?
Best wishes, XX.
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Yeah that got your attention! haha, anyway I been watching a few dinosaur documentaries and I know its all computer animated but when a carnivore dies hunting for dinner, no other creature from that species seems to think "hey food."
So, moving to more modern times, I was wondering if, for example, A lion is walking around and getting hungry and see's a dead lion, is it going to eat it or will it continue on its path and get some zebra? lol
Just one of those thoughts that will bother me as it seems logical but I've never seen/heard of it being done! (link)
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I've heard of cannibalism in wild animals but I think its usually for their own reasons.
Male lions will kill the offspring of another male lion, in an attempt to get the female (the mother of the offspring) to mate with him, so HIS genes continue.
I believe some wild cats will eat their young (at a very young age) if they feel threatened in some way.
Possibly, if a carnivore was that hungry, it would eat whatever it found not to die of starvation.
Hope this helps, best wishes X.
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