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March 14, 2004Answers:
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What's up? Well, I'm sure like each and every other advice columnist is that, we all enjoy giving advice . I like to keep things real and you'll find out how real when you ask me a question . I absolutely love helping people . Hollah at me sometimes !!! Oh, and yahoo me . Goodness sakes knows that I could do with the mail.
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female/13
There is this guy i like. lets call him k. but like 5 other girls do too. But this might sound like something everyone would say, but i've liked k the longest. one of my friends, lets call her r, who also likes k started liking him after me and when k found out we both liked him, he told my other friend, s, he liked both of us back. now that was a while ago. then r, went out with someone totally different, we'll call him a. but then a broke up with r like 2 weeks later and r started liking k again. now all this time, i've liked k. NOW, my other friend, L, likes k also!!! but i've talked to both of them and my friend r says that even though she likes k, she knows how much i do and that i could have him. i guess. then L told me that she knows how long i've liked k and that she knows how it feels to not get the one that you want and to watch someone else have him. (thats a different story). but then if i get k, i'll feel really bad for all the others who like him, even though i've been waiting forever to have him, even before i knew anyone else liked him. please help. i dont know what to do.
~ E
I was in the very same predicament . I, unlike you, never told this guy that I liked him . And I knew that he liked me b/c it was the look in his eyes whenever he saw me . I didn't risk that hurt for my friends, for my life, and everything else to be with him . I made a major mistake and I hope you won't do the same . Everytime I see him and everytime I think of him, I think of what I could've had and it causes me insecurities . It causes me to be less content . You'll always be in doubt about it . You'll say we could've, we should've, and everything else . You'll always remain curious . If your friends say that it is alright, then you should really go for it . Don't miss out on the opportunity . I'm in despair and at least you really know that he likes you . Try . Try ...and even if he rejects you, at least you can live with yourself knowing that you did try . And basically it's his loss . So live on and learn from my mistake . Try please try and let me know how it goes. Good luck and really let me know how it goes . I'm Courtney by the way and just Courtney . See yah .
One of my friends has tried to comitte suicide twice before and i am afraid she will do it again it terifies me what should i do.
You really should talk to a professional and try to get her problem seriously fixed . She won't understand now, but when she's been helped, she'll love you for it all . So talk to someone who won't screw up the first time . Talk to someone who you can trust .
hi, im 15 f and i really want a bf. but everytime i go near a boy i get all shy, is this normal? please help
confused girl :S
Yeah this is normal and you'll just have to learn how to get over that . I go through this with certain guys that I feel are special . Here are some tips :
a) avoid uncomfortable situations and if you there is a uncomfortable discussion or topic, don't freak out over it . Guys can't stand girls that do that . That's taking things too seriously.
b) Try to joke around and things but don't do jokes that are geeky . That means that you are trying too hard AND YOU NEVER WANT TO APPEAR AS YOU'RE TRYING TOO HARD .
C) If you can, affiliate yourself with sports and other things like wrestling .
D) Don't be girly yet, don't be too tough because they'll either think you're gay or that you're too girly . NEVER SHOW FEAR OF THEM . JUST BE COOL ... AND DON'T TRY TOO HARD . BE LAID BACK AND COMFORTABLE . RELAX . YOU'RE TRYING TOO HARD AND YOU'LL DO FINE . I hope I was some help . Let me know how it all went for you . Have a lovely day .
ok, all of my friends tell me just to make the first move on my boyfriend. but if we're in the movies, how am i supposed to just start making out with him!? HELP!
Have some respect for the privacy which is a issue and wait till you all are in a comfortable and safe environment . Then make the first move . After all, your comfortability is really all that matters when you're doing things such as this .
I need money for this new car.... how should i get it?
You could get a job and a life ,Richard . Waylon through in the get a life thing . You could also draw a loan from the bank or perhaps do yard work , pool work, or allowances and all to get money . aND NEVER TELL ME TO HURRY UP .
... i love my boyfriend and never want to leave him .... its just sometimes ... i dont and i want to kill myself because he never seems happy with me ... he get irritated and even slaps me sometimes. But i dont want to break up! Please help ... I dont know what else to do
~ Hurtin' on the outside
You may not want to leave your boyfriend but if he slaps you at times then that's probably what you need to do . Even if your boyfriend doesn't mean to hit you , you have to leave . Just because your man hit you because he's irritated doesn't exactly give hin the right to knock you around . And as far as the suicide thing , you really need to talk to someone about your problems or perhaps you can write them down . The relationship that you're involved in is just another negative thing and worrisome in your life . If you don't want to leave him then you at least need to talk to him and find out a way to make it work .
I currently attend a small private school and am going to a huge public school for high school. I'm really shy, and worried that I won't make any friends. Does anyone have any specific tips for friend-making without being annoyingly outgoing? Thanks!
1st of all be yourself .
2nd be cool by being you .
3rd don't stamar or stutter .
4th don't hold your head down when you're walking because they see this as a weakness .
5th look a person in the eye when they're talking to you . This shows strength .
6th Don't talk about anyone behind their back ( out of their presence ) because:
a) You will get into some sort of dispute maybe physical .
b) This shows them that you are real and that if you got something to say you say it to their face .
c) it shows that you are honest .
7th don't be too nice because they'll see this as a weakness and they will try to TRY(MESS) with you .
8th Give respect and ask for some . Somebody disrespect you, you put them in their place .
9th Don't be a slut or a whore . Don't be a bitch .
You can either be a stuck-up bitch or you could be just a bitch .
10th if someone tells you something don't tell someone else .
11th Don't let guys get too fresh with you because they can damage your reputation and you don't want a rep na dif you have one, it better be clean . REPUTATION IS ALMOST EVERYTHING . But just be you and be cool like you are .
hi i've been with my boyfriend for quite a few years now, but unfortunately, everyday i start to think to myself that i should leave him. why is because every single time we get into fights, he never is willing to stay and work it out. he either hangs up the phone and ignores my phone calls/messages or says "just drop it" with an attitude. he also calls me names like bitch when he loses his temper, and personally, i've had enough.
but as you can imagine, i have grown emotionally attached to this guy. i fell in love with who he once was, a sweet, considerate, man. but now it's like i don't know who he is anymore and lately it's just the only thing i can think about is how the quality of our relationship is slowly crumbling beneath us.
i personally do want to call it quits, or at least take a break from each other for a little while, but he refuses. he says things like he can't live without me, and if i leave him he'll kill himself. in a sense i feel that i'm forced to stay in this relationship because i don't want to live knowing i made someone commit suicide over me.
it's a really sticky situation, and i don't know what to do anymore. i do love this guy, but i feel as though i'm falling out of love with him for the person he has become.
please help...
You need to tell somone that is grown . Maybe his parents, your parents, the guidance counselor at school because this guy needs help . You need to tell someone how you really feel about him , and that he is trying to kill himself . He needs probably scicological help . But you need to tell someone because this guy just isn't the one you fell in love with and if you want to leave him then that opportunity should always be available to you . Tell...someone because you might just save his life . You know, this might just be a trick to keep you with him . I know that you've thought of this , so I'll lay off that prospect .
If you don't want him to leave and you want him to treat you right, then tell him what he is doing . Try to make him care. If he doesn't then you have to leave him . You have to move on and it's not going to be easy . You'll remember it and you should think of it as another hard lesson learned . Pity him but don't hate him . It's who he is and you can't change that . Even though you may want to believe he can change : maybe he can . But for now, follow your heart .
since like 6th grade I have been getting this discharge in my underwear. It comes every day is that normal? .. I am in 8th grade and stil have not gotten my period what is wrong? What could I do ? How will I get it? WIll I ever ? -- Thanks
Yes, it's normal to get it because you're still growing into a woman after all . Some processes come quicker than others do and some processes are slower than others are . What you have to understand is that you have to be patient . I was anxious like you to get my period too . But once you get your period, you're not going to want it a lot of the time . Don't worry about your period . It'll come on when you're ready . And that means when your body is ready and you can't do anything yet to get your body ready . You just have to wait and be patient because you will get it . There's no question of how you'll get it because when you get it , you'll get it . No girl truly knows exactly when she's going to get it .
my boyfriend and i have been together for a very long time, we've talked about it, and we're ready to have sex. the thing is, we both think its disrespectful to do it at eachother's houses (especially because we always have people home) so where is a nice, romantic, PRIVATE, place to go... where we won't get caught? i honestly cant think of anything. be serious. and thanks.
I can't exactly tell you a place to go to- to have sex, but I can give you tips that will probably make you realize the right place for you to commit the act . Well, you want to choose an environment that you'll feel comfortable . A place comfortable for the both of you . But what you really need to focus on is your being of comfortable because it's you who is giving up the most . You might want to pick a desolate place and something that's peaceful and quiet for you or the both of you .You want to pick a place where the both of you feel relaxed and in control both mentally and physically . And I strongly stress a strong controlled environment .
i have tried all kinds of ways to get my self esteem up. but i just cant figure it out. i like myself a little bit more then i used to but not much. i want to love myself so that people can see the confidence in me because they like that. but i dont know how to raise my self esteem. any ideas, advice, whatever? lol
~♥~ Carrie ~♥~
Well the first thing you need to do is acknowledge that you have a identitiy issue ,when it comes to feeling complacent about who you really are . To be content, you need to recognize problems/issues that will help you come content on your life. This involves the way you live your life as well . You really need to acknowledge the way you live your own life because it's like an organization process. You start with the most important : your life . After acknowledging this, acknowledge the strife which may cause your life to be a bit unbalanced. Once you're done , you need to focus on what makes you insecure. You know what to do with this. Acknowledge these insecurites and you have to find a way of your very own to deal with them . Deal with them comfortably and in your very own way . Try to keep things very organized . Love yourself and Reward yourself with accomplishments . Don't let insults make you feel inferior because let them excite you . Because they want something you have and that's the purpose of insults. So worry not Carrie and I'm sorry for the length.
me and my bf just broke up.. he doesnt wnt to ruin the friendship we had before.. is there anything i can do in the future if ever we do want to get back together that will make him want to stay with me even though it could mess up our friendship?
Try to be there for him as any friend would do for him . Don't try to focus on being with him in the future because you need to worry about the present . And right now you really want to focus all your attentions on being his friends . Try to really and extremely devote yourself to being just friends for right now . AND Just For right now . I hope I was some help and I wish you good luck . Thanx
Yes I am talking about Wicca, u know, witch craft. Are you Wiccan? And also, you told me to start out with simple spells.Could you reccomend or give me a few,please. Please keep in mind that I dont live i the U.S., I live in Italy, sO please give me easy-to-find ingredients. thanks, please reply soon
Really you shouldn't do witch craft. I mean you'll go to hell, but if that's what you want to do: I respect that as I do you. Now, you'll need mandrake roots, roses reds and white,candles red, white ,purple(for certain summoning purposes) .It depends on whatever animal parts that will be potent to your potion brewing, your blood or someone's blood you're doing the spell or potion for .
ok i like this boy in skool, he thinks im too fast for him or something and i dont know what he means cuzall i have ever done is kiss a guy and i get really nervous to talk to him face to face and its hard to just walk up to him and say hi how are u what did u do this weekend and stuff like that so have ny ideas how to give me courage or and easier way to start to talk to him....i dont have his sn
COURAGE: Well to gain courage , you have to find qualities within yourself to conquer . To conquer your fear . You have to face it . You see what you want and you go for the taking/it/lot . Think of all the great qualities his character possess . Now think how nice it'd feel to know that he's with you . You have to get over it and you can't let it get to you . You do , after all, want him . Go for it . Even after the small possibility of being rejected, you'll feel complacent with yourself for trying . And that's all that really matters .
CONVERSATION : You can start off about what you like in him . Or if he's the up tight kind of guy, talk about something like the Superbowl or the North Carolina & Duke game . Sports...etc. Then tell him that you see a lot in him and that you really want to be with him . OH AND FAST MEANS TAWDRY, SLUTY, PHYSICALLY OBSCENE IN A WAY . Tell him that he shouldn't believe what others say of you . Also tell him the truth about what really happened .
? REJECTION : If he's foolish enough to choose the ignorant,tarnish-reputation rumors,then he doesn't deserve you . You don't need him . You'll live .
Do you have to be a certain age to start Wicca? For Wiccans out there, what is a good way to start? Are there any things you need? PLease answer, It's important. thanx
First of all, you don't have to be a certain age to start wicca . Second of all, you can start out with simple spells . You know...The basics . Then as you get that down pack , advance to a higher level . YOU ARE TALKING OF WITCHCRAFT ?
OK. Well I like this one guy i go to school with. (We are both 18.) I have liked him ever since I met him last year at the beginning of the school year. We always talk and he always gives me a hug when I see him. We even joke around saying "F**k you""when, where and how hard" you know. But he has been goin with this one gurl for a while and I dont know what to do. Should I some how tell him that I like him or should I just let it go? PLEASE HELP!!! Thanks tons!! Blessed be!
You should go for it . Don't let opportunities like this pass you by because you'll always question yourself and ask yourself what could've been . So try to talk to him and tell him how you've been feeling for the past year, and if you're rejected you'll live . Life will go on . At least you can live with the fact of knowing that you actually took action .Hope I was some help and have a nice day .
okay so i have this best friend ..well sort of, okay me and him 2 months ago, had a huge fight about how i felt, i stopped feeling as if he loved me like he said he did, and he got extremley mad at me and blocked me online, and got a new sn , pretty much just completley made me get away from him, weve had fights like this before, and hes the type of guy that is always right and can never be wrong...so... i talked to a bunch of my friends, and he really did treat me bad...i was like his dog..and so yeah, i know i deserve better and like my friend says "its not that i miss him, i just miss what we once had* and it was an AMAZING frienship..ive never been so close to soemoen in my life...so yeah, my question is, should i try to call him and say merry christmas? I mean its been 2 months...dont you htink he'd be over it by now...and my sister says he seems as if its totally over, and i shouldnt try,i sent him a x-mas card and didnt hear anything back from him, so :/ I dont know what to do...and this whole thing ended because of one chick that his life revolved around...help me :(
If you're comftorable with him treating you ," bad
like his dog", then certainly try and talk to him again . Maybe you could go over to his house, email him, talk over the phone to him, and appologize over the arguement . Tell him how you feel and that you miss him very much . It's a possibility of him not accepting you back because his pride is so great . But then , that is if he
rejects the reforming of the friendship, maybe your better off not being his friend . Go for it though . Follow your heart .** MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR !**
Well lets c where to start...I met this girl at camp and we became friends kinda talked time to time..she ended up going to the same school as my best friend and she like(d) him.. and he liked her but my best friend alrdy ahs a g/f so he is chaeting anways...he brought her over to my house and shit and Like I have liekd her and my friend likes her...well she stayed the nite and so now he thinks she likes me becuz when she stayed the night we went for 2 walks and she like constantly kissed me and then took me into someone elses yard to make out 3 different times for like 10 minutes...so he starts to get mad cuz she is hangin out with me and me nd her were layin in the same bed and held hands and rubbed on each other and shit while my friend was on the computer in the next room over, well he kinda saw us hold hands and then he whispered to me that he wants to dump his g/f and go out with Taylor so I was like wow as soon as im getting somewhere he wants to go out with her so I told him to go ahead cuz he was kinda going for her 1st and then he went upstairs while we were makin out then he came abck down and told me to help hmi think up of a reason to break up with his g/f..he knows I like her but he told me he wants her over his g/f so he is gunna go for her..any advice?
Well, the question is rather simple .Do you want this girl enough to ruin, perhaps, a friendship ?
Tell him that you understand that he likes Taylor, but you really like her yourself . Tell him that you really want to be with her and that you do understand that he wants to be with her . Who blames him for wanting to do that ? Tell him how you feel, and that there's so much chemistry between you and Taylor . Try to go for her before he does if the talking doesn't work out fine . If your friend doesn't understand this, then he really can't be considered a true friend . The question is again . Do you dare and want this girl so much to , perhaps, ruin a friendship ? Think about it . A lot .
ok so, what do you do if you're stuck in this situation:
your dad had an affair for 3 years .. without telling your mom or you or your brothers
sounds bad enough, right?
well .. he's still with the whore and expects me and my brothers to warm up to her... be nice to her .. accept her into the family and what not. oh right, and to add to that: she has a 2 1/2 year old son who is annoying as hell.
she comes with us on vacations, and i know my dad spends the money ...that he needs to 'save' before we're able to buy a BASKETBALL HOOP? ... on her
thats not right.. and i've tried having those long serious chats with him. he thinks i'm just doing what my mother does ... hating her for no reason. she screwed over my whole life, why shouldn't i hate her? ...what should i do? and don't say i should try to like her .. cause thats not happening .. other than that i'm up for any ideas
helllp me
Tell your father explicitly or verbally how you truly feel about him . Say " this is affecting me and I don't care what you think . You're going to know how I really feel about her ." Don't be nice because you've already taken it that way . Don't have a little chat because this shouldn't be a little chat at all . Tell him how you truly feel about the whole situation . Make him feel ridiculed and be vindictive . Get his attention . Start off calm at first to see how he reacts though . If he dusts it off as nothing then it's time for the show .
i have been best friends with Alex for 4 years. This year, i found out that he likes me. And i like him. He has attempted to ask me out but i am always busy with something else. I feel very bad because he doesnt understand how much i really care about him. He is also known as the school hottie and he flirts with all the girls at out school. I dont want to go out with someone who flirts with everyone right in front of me; what do i do??
Talk to him and tell him how you feel and tell him that you're not quite comftorable with him flirting with other girls in your presence . Tell him how you truly feel about the issues you're having . Tell him the circumstances you've been going through . Maybe you could compromise a bit when it comes to the flirting bit because he can look as long as he doesn't touch . Try not to pass off as jealous . Work on that issue . Talk to him .