sunshine's advice column

asksunshine

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: hii.. im the gurl before that was askin about Nathan and smokin weed. i dumped him, but i got really stoned one night, and fell asleep.. and woke up naked but he wasn't there. I know we had to of had sex, cuz i was REALLLLLLLY sore down there.. and was bleedin but i didnt have my period, now i think im pregnant cuz i havn't got my period this month... i am s0o0o0 scared!! i've been non-stop crying.. like im only 14 years old!!! and i cant believe that happened... he is denyin anything happened but i dont believe him. Please, pretty please give me some advice on what to doo!! please i need help, i ratee!!!

signed,
scared and want help!

The first thing you need to do is go to the doctor and get checked out. Not only to find out whether or not you are pregnant, but also to make sure you don't have any STD's. If he did this to you, then he probably did it to someone else before. Hopefully you are not pregnant, but if you are then he won't be able to deny what happened. Press charges!!! He's a rapist and he should be in jail. You should also contact a rape crisis center. Even though you can't remember what happened, it doesn't change the fact that you were raped, and you need some counseling to help you deal with that. I wish you all the best.

I hope I've helped and feel free to drop any other questions in my inbox.

Q: hi does any1 like no how to get natrual highlights by not acually dying ur hair and stuff...please help me out thx

There are some shampoos that supposedly enhance your natural highlights.

Q: for the past few months the inside of my right cheek has been really sore. I looked at it in the mirror the other day and there's this ~half inch diameter laceration there. I donno what to do, it hurts and it won't go away. any advice?

If your wisdom teeth are coming out, they can sometimes cut the inside of your mouth. Chewing gum helped me. If that's not it and it doesn't get better soon, you should go see your doctor. (Certain STD's can cause mouth sores.)

Q: This girl and I recently became really close, we used to be good friends and then spilt apart. What got us to be so friggen close again is she went through the same thing I went through. All the drama with other girls befriending you talking behind you back and all of that. We are so close now and can trust each other and throughout the whole summer are bascally each others only friends. Well I am going to college now, and shes still in highschool and on the cheerleading team, where all these girls are. Well a whole bunch of stuff went down and apperently she does talk to tthis one girl that I know of which I don't care because I am sorta ok too. But the thing is apperently shes telling her and these other girls stuff about me. Like the things this girl told me to do because I was about to fight them .. they fought out .. not like everyday things but like things about fighting with a key between your fingers and if worst comes to worse use mase. And apperently when I was talking to this one girl she said all that to me, which my good friend told me. Also work got out that I had talked to the cheerleading coach, only my good friend knows and these two other girls I just "reunited with" that I`ve known since I was 3 and been super close with in the past so I know it wasn't them. So now I just don`t know what to do with this good friend of mine, like to know how close we are its crazy. But then I wanna ask her all these things but don't want to be :ignorant: or like blaming her like how did these girls find out when you said this all to me? And why did this girl tell me to watch out who i say stuff too and that shes friends with my "good friend"

thankyou so sorry if its confusing!!

If she really is true friend, then she wouldn't be telling everyone what you told her. Since you are going off to college, this is the perfect opportunity to go your seperate ways.

Q: im asking this question for my friend ... a few months ago she wanted to be homeschooled ... then she found this really nice boarding school that she liked A LOT! so she requested information and things of that sort on teh internet and things like that...well she was sure her mom was going 2 say yes...well her mom said that it was A LOT of money 2 pay especially shes one of four kids...four girls...so it kinda sux for her! i feel really badly for her and she asked me 2 write this...she cant go to the boarding school or homeschooled and she doesn't want to go 2 public/private school because in her area...they judge you at pub. and private school...

PLEASE HELP THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO HER AND ME!!

AND AGAIN PLEASE HELP!!

If she can't afford it, public school may be her only option. If the only reason she wants to go to public school is so she won't be judged, then that won't work. Because people in boarding school judge others too.

If she really wants to go to that school she can check and see if they have any financial aid programs that she might be eligible for. Some schools have payment plans, grants, are work programs.

Q: has anyone heard that lemon juice will help ance? has anyone ever tryed it? does it work

I have heard that lemon juice helps to treat acne. The acid in the lemon juice is supposed to help. I haven't tried it though. I've also heard that a mixture of 1 tsp. of lemon juice and 1 tsp. of cinnamon is even better. That's definitely cheaper than most of the other acne treatments out there so it's worth a shot.

Q: ok..there;s this guy *dan* and he liked me a long time ago and then i started to like him but all he did was break ^ we me n hurt me really bad..recenlty we started tlkin..n we fell inlove..blah blah..well all my friends are yellin at me cuz they think he;ll just hurt me again..i dont tho..i could b wrong but oh well..then there's this guy *james* he asked me out and stuff and i guess i really like him..but like i still luv * dan* and now *james* is all pissd at me and sayin shit ..all i want is to be *james* friend..cuz i luv *dan* but he won;'t..hes bein all possesive & shit..and all my frinds r tellin me to 4get * dan* n giv *james* a try..cuz hes like perfect & hell treat me better--which maybe true..but i need to go out w *dan* its jus sumin i hav to do..even tho i ikno ill prolli get hurt,,idk help =(..i feel bad *james* really likes me..shuld i giv him a chance? or trust *dan* after he hurt me 3 times? sorry so long

You say that you know that Dan will probably hurt you again, so if you know that then why would you want to put yourself through that? It wouldn't be fair to James for you to go out with him, knowing that you still have feelings for Dan. I think the best thing for you to do is take a break from both of them. Get some distance and take some time for yourself, and work out your feelings. You really need to weigh the pros and cons of both relationships, and make the right decision.

I hope I've helped and if you have any other questions just ask.

Q: OK this relates to the other questions ive asked. I'm really shy around girls and its hard for me to not studder when i talk to a girl. I get all sweaty and clammy when i have to talk to a girl i like. My mind goes blank and i cant think what to say. Got any pointers on how to fix this?

First of all, let me say that what you're feeling is perfectly normal. The best thing for you to do is take a deep breath and relax. Starting the conversation is the hardest part. If you're lucky and it works out with the girl, she might find it cute, the way you got so flustered before you talked to her. (I'm going to let you in on a little secret, girls go through the same thing before they talk to guys.)

Q: MY AUNT married this boys DAD so I guess you could say we are cousins? But not full blood? Well its the weirdest thing because I sorta do like him, and it's just a different feeling, and I know or like can tell that he sorta likes me too, but its sorta weird so we haven't said anything to each other, but does that make us cousins? If his dad married my aunt ??/ thanks!!!

Technically ya'll are cousins, but not by blood. So it's okay for you to like him, but since he is family it will probably always feel wierd.

(My friend's mom married her boyfriend's dad, so my friend is now dating her stepbrother!!!)

Q: Well...It started out as:
This guy IMed my friend and she added him to a chat we were having.Well after my friend left we started talking and he gave me his other screen names. We talked/talk everyday. Well, we got really close...and now I think I may be starting to develop feelings for him.

Is it wrong that I might like him as more than a friend if I've never met him face to face? I don't know if I should...because...well,I'm almost positive he is NOT a paedophile...but one can never be to sure. I don't want to get hurt like that, but I just want to know if its wrong to have a little crush on him.

I think it's okay to have a crush on him, but be careful, because like you said you just never know.

Q: Ever since fifth grade ive had a 2 really close friends that were like the only ones i ever hang out with. But one of my friends is also in this group of girls who im friends with but they always look like they have so much fun! I really want to hang out with more people but how do i do that with out acting like a tag along?

Let your friend know that you would like to get to know her other friends better. You might feel a little awkward at first, but once you get to know them a little better, you'll probably fit right in.

Q: my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 2 years now.. this year im going to be a senior in high school, and he's going into his sophomore year of college. he plays basketball, so sometimes during the season it is hard for us to be together. we made it through last year, but i just feel like im not really up to make it through this year. he lives like 20 minutes away down in the dorms. i really love him and dont want to break up, but what else can i do? i need attention haha... i feel selfish, but no.. im really just used to having him around whenever i need him. any tips, thoughts, suggestions?

If you love each other, you should both be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.

When I was in college, my boyfriend (at the time) did something really special for my birthday. He knew that I was too busy studying for mid terms, to go out and celebrate my 19th birthday. So he worked with my roommates to surprise me. While I was studying at the library, he set candles and roses all around the dormroom. He cooked a fantastic dinner, complete with dessert. And even paid for my roommates to go out to dinner and a movie, so we could have the room to ourselves. That was truly the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. But I also remember all the small things he did, like leaving messages on my answering machine, saying "I just wanted to hear your voice and tell you that I love you." And he would slip little notes in my coat pocket or send flowers for no reason...

I hope this story provides inspiration for you and your relationship.

Q: (yes i just asked the q about the x bf..) anyways.. ohh my boyfriend ryan..i love him so much. i know hes ready for sex, and i am too. we tried it once..fully no clothes but he wasnt hard enough at the time so he couldnt put it in me. then tonight, i ended up giving him head..(FOR THE FIRST TIME) and i must have given him head for a minuet..then he pushed me away cuz he cumed! im like..wow? am i that good..? idk! anyways..like i REALLY want to have sex with him, just because i know we're both ready..but it always takes us SO long to get to that point. we're the kind of couple that kisses and makes out ALOT..and we ususally do forever before we do anything. like we'll be in his room and make out on his bed for an hour before we do anything. how do i speed things up ah bit?

*I RATE AWESOME!!*

Why rush? Making out is half the fun. I can't decide for you whether or not you are both ready to take your relationship to the next level, but maybe the reason ya'll are spending so much time working your way up to that point is because ya'll aren't ready to go there yet. If you are absolutely sure that you are ready, then maybe he's the one who's hesitant. Most guy's find it hard to admit that they aren't ready. Just be patient, and in the mean time, enjoy yourself.

Q: recently i went away to sleepaway camp where i fell for this guy. He was cute nice and funny. I had such a blast with him. We went on a boat together and hugged. But then we had a dance and he and i just looked at eachother. But i seriousley thought he liked me! but then when another girl asked him dance he looked at me with a sad face.! The dance was the day b 4 camp ended and i dint get to talk to him again! He gave me his sn and stuff but hes never online!!!! I really wanna talk to him and find out if he likes me to or whatever. But im so confused does he or dusnt he like me and what shud i do?

He probably does like you, but he knew that camp was coming to an end and he didn't know how to say goodbye. Since he gave you his sn, then he obviously wants you to keep in tough. You should try e-mailing him. Long distance relationships can be tough, but if it's for the right person it is definitely worth it.

Q: Hey there. Okay, I've been on birth control (Tri-Cyclen) for a week now ... and about 4 days into it I started getting cramps, and having diarrea. It continued like that for 2 days. I also have to pee like, every 15 minutes. lol. Is this normal, or should I talk to my doctor about it.

As with any medicine, it takes your body some time to adjust to the medication. If the problems don't stop soon or if they get significantly worse, you should go see your doctor.

Q: ok! last night my friend had a sleepover nd' there were guys and we all slept in the tent outside and i we were all like smushed together with not alot of room and this one really cute guy was layin next to me and when i went inside with *c* whos sleepover it was to change...everyone that was outside told that guy i was layin next to to do stuff with me like they even told him step by step n shit. and i didnt know that till later and then all of a suden he was up my shirt and we were layin closer and huggin and stuff. i didnt do nething with/to him tho. I really do like him but im 14 and hes 16 gunna be 17 in 6 months so idk if thats ok and should i be mad at my friends for setting that all up or not?

It definitely wasn't cool for your friends to set you up like that, and you should let them know how you feel. Since this guy went along with it, you should make sure what he's really after, before you think about getting involved with him.

Q: I have really liked this guy for about 1 1/2 years and I really would like to go out with him. I last year spent the whole year working my way into being one of his close aquaintances (I guess that's what you'd call it). We haven't really talked for the whole summer (I haven't seen him since June 24th)and I don't know if we'll still be close like we used to be. When do I ask him out?

I think you should spend some time with him, one on one, to figure out where the relationship is. Then if ya'll are as close as you used to be, you can ask him out. But keep in mind that the transition from friendship to dating is tricky. Keep it casual at first, until you're pretty sure that he shares the same feeling.

I hope I've helped and please feel free to ask me anything else.

Q: I am a relatively young man, and I have a dear friend who means the world to me.
She is the sweetest person I've known.
I made my feelings known to her, and she said she is feeling iffy about our nine year age difference.
She and I became even closer friends after I told her how I felt about her, but I sometimes feel misserable wishing she and I could be making out and even a pair of snuggle bears for the cold winter ahead.
What shall a nice guy like me do? I'm 31, she's 22.

When you're an adult 9 years isn't really a big deal. I think you should be careful not to push to hard to take your relationship to the next level, because you don't want to push her away. Since you said that ya'll have become closer since you revealed your true feelings, I think she shares your feelings, but she's not ready to admit it yet. Just continue to be a good friend to her, and give her time to accept her feelings. It's always risky to take friendship to the next level, because there's always the chance that it won't work out. That's probably what's holding her back. Just be patient, and eventually she'll come around.

I hope I've helped and please feel free to drop any more questions into my inbox.

Q: I was just wondering if there were people on here older then 20?

I was wondering the same thing at first, but I think there are a few, but we are definitely the minority. I'm 24.

Q: We are constantly getting into petty arguments, that escalate until he is angry and I am upset, sometimes to the point of tears. He blames me, saying I go on too much about things, and I blame him because I feel he doesn't listen or respond to anything I say, or he belittles me and my point of view. He says I belittle him too. I don't really know where to begin but to explain what happened today. We were going out to lunch with our 5-year-old daughter and as we were leaving, he suggested a fish and chips restauraunt called "Tugboat". At first, I agreed, but after we got in the car I said "I really don't feel like fish and chips. Can we go somewhere that has other choices?" I don't recall if he even responded. So I suggested three fast-food places that have fish and chips and other choices as well. He said "I don't want to eat fast food, " in this very hostile tone of voice like I was stupid for suggesting it. I went on to explain that there are heathly things he could get there too, like salad, and that the place he wanted to go was fast food and not healthy anyway. He did not acknowlege my valid point and continued to make negative remarks. He said that he didn't want to eat salad. I said ok then, but they have fish and chips, which is what you said you wanted." Then he got more angry and denied that he said he wanted that. I pointed out that the restaurant he wanted to go to only served that and little else. I explained again that I was just trying to be fair and pick a place we would all be happy with. He just told me to shut up and that he wanted to go home. I couldn't figure out what he was so upset about. Maybe I overexplained my point of view, but I was getting no response from him. At one point, he drove to one of the fast-food places I suggested and said in a very nasty tone "Here is the place you wanted to go. Are you happy now?" No, I wasn't, because I didn't like his attitude, and I said "If you don't want to eat here, just tell me where you'd like to go?" He refused to answer, so I angrily got out of the car and started to walk away, telling him he was being a jerk. I ended up getting back in the car and he told me I was a psycho. I said I wouldn't be acting like this if he didn't treat me like my ideas were stupid, and refuse to tell me where he wanted to go. We then went through the drive-thru of another restaurant, three times, and he kept getting out of the line because I was upset and wanted to talk to him about how I felt. Our daughter was really hungry, as was I, and was getting really upset. Finally, we ended up at a nice restaurant and I calmed down enough to go in, and we had a good lunch, but barely talked. I was still upset and angry. All this took about a hour of wasted time driving around. He still never acknowleged that he was wrong to not respond to me when I asked him where he wanted to go. He did apologise for belittling my suggestions, though, and I admitted that I tend to go on about things, but only if I feel that he is not understanding or acknowledging me. I know that I'm partially responsible for these petty arguments. but I don't know how to change this destructive pattern. My husband just wants to "drop it" and it never gets resolved. We argued about this and many other petty things over and over again and I just want it to stop. I love my husband and I know that he loves me, but sometimes it feels like we are enemies at war, and this is not a good example for our daughter. Also, I am 4 months pregnant, and the stress is not good for me or the baby. Help! And please don't suggest divorce. I am determined to do whatever it takes to save our marriage. Please tell me objectively what each of us is doing wrong. Thanks

Your husband may be having some anxiety about the new baby, which is perfectly natural. You should try to open up the lines of communication in a gentle way. Never try to get to the root of the problem in the middle of an argument, because you may come across as judgemental rather than concerned. When you are both having a good day, share with your husband your own anxiety about the baby. If you show him that you are feeling some of the same things that he is feeling, that might help to relieve some of the tension between you. I hope this helps and if you have any other questions, feel free to drop them in my inbox.

bio

I can give advice to anyone of any age, because I'm still young enough to be able to relate to the problems that teens face, but I'm not so young that I haven't had to deal with adult issues. So if you have any questions, just drop them in my inbox, and I'll answer them as soon as I can.