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January 23, 2007Answers:
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My name is Elly and I am 18 years old. I live in Michigan and I graduated High School in '07. I'm currently attending a great college, but I'm home for the summer. It's too nice outside to sit on the computer all day, so I might not be as active on here as I would like.I guess a good way to describe me is experienced. I've discovered a lot about life and I can't wait to discover more... while having fun at the same time of course! ...BUT, like everyone, I have experienced things in life that I rather wish I hadn't. And I also feel that those bad experiences qualify me to help others with this column.
I have been in a serious relationship for over two and a half years now. I personally know that love is a difficult thing to nurture. It takes a lot of work. Life is NOT a fairytale where two people can simply love each other and everything will just fall into place. It doesn't work like that in the real world.
People on Advicenators are starting to disappoint me. Everyone says "ooh I want to help! I've experienced EVERYTHING!" Yet, I can't tell you how many questions I see with answers like "you could have googled that" or "we're not going to do your homework" or "I'm so sick of 'wow does he like me?!' questions." I used to sort of be like that, but now I realize how hypocritical that is. If I know the answer to a question, I will answer to the best of my ability without making you feel stupid for asking it in the first place. Advicenators is going to turn into a pretty nasty place if people just keep brushing off questions like that.
Rate or don't rate. I really don't care. But don't give me a 1 just because I tell you something you don't want to hear. Go to your mom for advice if you want sugarcoated answers.
I can give excellent advice on:
relationships/sex
friendship
family issues
anything about animals (i worked at a vet for several years)
college
advice
I'm 23 and T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D of going to the gynecologist. I've never been, and I know that's pretty bad. I know I need to go, but I'm so scared. I'm afraid of it hurting and stuff. What can I do to help myself?
Just relax. I promise it's not that bad. The worst thing you can do is go in all tense and worried. That will just make things worse. It only takes 2-3 minutes for the examination. It may help you to relax if you bring an MP3 player to listen to. It really depends on what makes you comfortable. When you go in your appointment, let the doctor know you're kind of nervous. If it would make you feel better, have her go through the procedure with you before she actually does it. As the procedure is going on, feel free to ask questions about what's going on down there.
The more relaxed you are, the less it will hurt. All gynos use different sized clamps and lube that will fit comfortably to your vagina. I know the term "clamp" sounds scary, but it's not as horrible as it sounds. All you will feel is slight pressure. Like I said, it only lasts a couple minutes.
I know on my first gyno visit, the doctor pulled out the tool and my mouth just dropped open. I thought "How the heck does that thing fit in there?!" But after lying down and relaxing my muscles, I could barely feel a thing.
alrightt. i really like this guy and i think he likes me to but he likes to move fast. and im get nervous about a lot of things. i made out with him the first night i met him and knowing thats the way he is everytime he wants to come over i get a weird feeling cause i only have known him for about a week and i feel like if he comes over we are going to have sex. and i dont want to be put in that akward situation. id rather wait get to know him. and take it slow. no regrets. i need to know how i can tell him i want to take it slow and not rush things. and it would be akward if i call him and say i do want to fuck youu right now. lmao !
pleasee [&&] thankks ! [;
The best way to avoid getting physical with this guy is to avoid putting yourself in the situation to do so. Don't be alone with him if you can help him. When the two of you hang out, make sure it's in a public place, Movie theater, not so much, but a bowling alley or mall would be a good place to hang out. Golfing is fun too. And you can't go wrong with going to get food. Guys love food.
If he makes a move on you, and you feel uncomfortable, tell him the truth. Say you think he's really great, but you'd like to get to know him better before going any further. If he's a cool guy, he'll understand and you can take things from there.
Once you start hanging out more and having fun together without the pressures of getting physical, I'm sure you'll feel much better about the situation.
:)
is that stuff actually good for you? compared with regular water?
It isn't nearly as good for you as water and vitamins alone would be. Vitamin water has lots of carbs and sugar. I wouldn't recommend drinking too much of it. I'm sure one every now and then wouldn't hurt, but, as the columnist below suggested, regular water and real vitamins would probably be best for you. Not to mention regular water is free. :)
14/f
okay, so far... i hate advanced English, lol. i have the most hardest teacher, it's really hard for me to keep up with the work. right now, we're on winter break, but ill be ending next Monday. and I'm supposed to be done reading "A Tale of Two Cities" By Charles Dickens. there's about 390 pages in that book, and right now, i'm on page.. 97. Everybody that's in my class is ahead of me.. right now they're on "Book Three" and I'm on "Book Two" it's really hard for me to concentrate on the book... i mean i have no idea what's going on in it.. i hear about this one character.. and then the next chapter is about a different character. so i get confused, so I'm like "wait, what? who's the main character? who's this & that?" and not just that... i also tend to almost fall asleep on the book. have you ever had that feeling when you're reading something and all the sudden you can't concentrate, and music is playing in your head..? that happens to me alot.. and i try soooo hard to focus on the book. I also have a project due next Wednesday on the book. and i have to choreograph a dance with my friend for my exam also.
i'm not very good on schedules it's hard for me to keep up with them.. is there a way where i can be able to focus on the book, and finish it on time? also to help me stay awake while reading it?
Here's something that helped me get through tough books:
Read a small section of the book. Stop and think about what you just read. Who were the characters? What was the problem? What were they trying to achieve? Could this foreshadow something? If this ironic in any way? Why did the characters act the way they did? Why could this part of the book be important?
Once you try to answer those questions, go back and reread the section again.
As for remaining focused, just take the book on a little at a time. If you feel yourself getting tired as you read, take a break and go for a quick walk. Instead of reading somewhere comfortable, like a couch or bed, sit up straight at a table and read. Tackle the book in small amounts two or three times a day and you should get through it all in time.
It might also help to go get cliffnotes on the book to help you understand. You should still read the book, though, and don't only rely on the cliffnotes. Sparknotes are good too. They have them online or in bookstores.
Ok well me and my girlfriend went to a casino for new years with her mom and her mom's boyfriend. We were alone the whole time and decided we wanted to have sex. So we found a family restroom there and went in it and locked the door. Well we started making out, the usual, got undressed. Then a little after that someone was banging on the door yelling open the door and shit so we panicked and put our clothes on then waited a minute and got out of there. Well we didnt see anyone waiting to get in so we went back in there. And tried again, we decided to keep most of our clothes on in case someone tried to get in again. Well a little after we got in the bathroom again and i was hard i put the condom on but i couldnt keep the erection for long. so i took the condom off and she sucked me to get me hard again but it didnt last long after that stopped and our only condom was wasted. a little later someone else banged on the door sayin open up and we got scared again, got our clothes on and left. Well i was basically wondering as to why it was hard for me too keep my erection. I dont know if this has anything to do with it but before we went in i really had to go pee. So was it just the nerves of me neing afraid of getting caught and in trouble or did having a full bladder might have to do with it also? idk please help me i dont want my girlfriend to think it was her fault. by the way i'm 17 and she is 16. PLEASE HELPPP
I'm thinking it was just nerves. Have you had problems keeping an erection before? If not, then I wouldn't worry about it.
i want to know , does having sex mess up your period cycle ? Like does it make it later ?
Sex should not mess up your cycle at all unless you are pregnant. If you are having cycle mishaps, I wouldn't blame sex. If you're under 18, know that your body is still developing and it is normal to have off periods every now and then. If you're really concerned, talk to a doctor.
I broke up with my 7 month boyfriend because my very best friend, who I trusted with my life, told me he was cheating on me. About three weeks ago I found out she was 'just kidding around' and I started sinking into depression because her and I are no longer friends and I lost my first love over a cruel joke.
I want him back, I'm still very much in love with him. Were still friends, we flirt but he flirts with anything and always has. I want so badly to just kiss him again, to be with him. I don't know what to do or how to tell him without scaring him off.
You need to talk to him. That is the only way things are ever going to be fixed. Next time you run into him, pull him aside for a minute and tell him the two of you really need to talk. Invite him out to dinner so the two of you can chat in a relaxed environment. Don't go over his house or invite him to yours because that would just be kind of awkward. Then just explain everything. Tell him you made a mistake and you are sorry. If he is a good guy, he will understand and the two of you can try to make things work again. Just be calm and rational about it. There's no reason why the two of you can't work out this misunderstanding.
As for you friend, I think the two of you need to talk as well. I don't know if you're no longer friends because of this incident or what, but if it's bothering you this much, you need to get her back in your life. Next time you see her, ask how she's doing and tell her you miss having her in your life. Ask to hang out sometime to catch up and get close again.
Patience, talking things out, and time can definitly fix all this. I know you can do it.
Ok well, our house is FIVE houses down our school, safe area, and before I was born, my parents have been living there for liek probably 5 or 10 years longer!
And then one day my mom and us went to my grandma's house and when we went home, the second door was open (there's two doors in te front, a white one, and a see through one in front of it) and the lights are on.
We weren't even sure of what to do because this never happened to us or the neighborhood and frankly the visits from the police at our school to talk about us about these things didn't stick into our heads.
So..we decided to go inside.
We opened the door and there was this HUGE stick on the side of the house so we BOLTED right out of there and ran to the neighbor's house and rang the doorbell.
We aren't really close with our neighbors but still say Hi and stuff and he was nice enough to go into our house and look into every room to see if it was safe.
And there was noone there so after some re-assuring we all got the courage to stay inside.
And it was so hard for my siblings and I to go inside because we watch so many horror movies, we love them and want to see more, and while I'm in highschool they're only under grade 7 so our imaginations went wild and it was just terrible, we were on the verge of tears!
My mom called our aunts first and then I called then police.
There was a mess EVERYWHERE because everything was moved around but nothing was taken that I could see. There was even a HUGE box of coins and they didn't even take it and I'm like "wtf..maybe they're nice burglers and realized what they've done so they left it like this and left?"
The police eventually came but my aunt told us to shut our mouth until our dad comes home, cuz we'd never know what he keeps. He's the boss of the family so he must have big secret locations of his things.
The police looked around everywhere but the basement (my dad lives down there, everything is his) and when he finished my dad finally came home, and we have so much jewelery that we didn't notice but my dad did that they took all the REAL jewelery!
My mom wanted to go to her home country because our grandpa is sick. Her papers and stuff that she went through the trouble to get and fill (because her english and words aren't so Good) were taken.
We thought they didn't take anything but actaully, they took all the big stuff and MY DAD noticed!
From the basement, we have his huge desk with bills and papaers, etc. I could never find anything important there at all but those guys/that guy did! They took $5500 that secretly he's been keeping for my mom to go home and took $6000 of hsi own money. His WHOLE wallet was tooken which included all our family cards, health cards, etc and my brother's wallet with $200 and our extra money of $200 and my sister's money $100.
all my lcothes were around because they checked the pockets just in case too!
there was a big shoe print on the door because they must have kicked it (we noticed before the police came) and we found other clues too that might help them find the person and we didn't touch the door knob at all (all this we got form tv so that it would help)
Oh, when our neighbor went into our house for us, he found the back door totally open so he had to close it. So when the second police came, he couldn't check for fingerprints, which could have helped a lot, the foot prints in the snow of the back yard they said wasn't very clear or good enough so they couldn't check that and the shoe print on the door wasn't very visable so they couldn't check that either.
We found out the the 'long rod stick' we found was actually from the side of our door.
It was absolutely terrible...
All our valubles were taken and we reported to the police a lot of things and the missing items took TWO PAGES! of hsi notebook. We didn't report all the real jewelery though, theere must have been 50 but we only reported 6 to make it easier for them (which was really hard for me, other people worked hard at their job to buy it for us or our parents themselves and I won't let the robber get away with even ONE thing!)
So...what do we do now? I mean I'm so betriffied. They even took our key form our dad's desk which I dont know how they found and didn't even take my brother's key when it was visible!
Has anyone had something similar to them? Was the problem solved? What are the chances something good will happen to us?
Any chance they will show or bring the theif to us so I can punch them in the face? I'm weaker then a kindergarden but atleast one light punch on his/her/their face would do. Maybe I can bring my strong friends.
And there's noone we can think that would do it either.
What's creepy is that they broke in while we're gone and planned everything good, which to me sounds liek they've been stalking us and found out that we go to our grandma's house for certain areas every sunday.
We're so scared. My dad canceled all his cards which means now I guess we're poor. We weren't rich but had a lot of money and I just feel so..low being poor. Our school has this thing once a year where we help the community by donating money and on christmas, our Chaplin will go to the..unaffordable families' home (some can't even afford heat) and give them money. we donated A LOT! Now I feel so pathetic..I feel like i should be asking for the money back...
And I didn't tell my dad that I used up all my lunch money this week so I guess I'm starving for the whole week.
First of all, you need to look at the bright side of things. The most important thing is that your family is SAFE. The things that were taken can be replaced. Everything that was broken can be fixed. The money that was lost can be earned back. The police will do everything they can to catch whoever did that to your family.
In the meantime, all you can do is be thankful that they took tangible things and not your family's lives. As long as you have each other, things will work out.
If the thief ever returns, and you are home, it would be EXTREMELY unwise to deal with them yourself (aka "punching him in the face" will get yourself killed!). Just call the police and let them handle it. Don't jeopardize your safety just because you want to get even. Nothing good will come from trying to get revenge on your own.
Your family should consider getting better security for your home, such as deadbolts, and make sure to tell your neighbors to keep an eye on your house while your family is gone for long periods of time.
People can do really low things and unfortunately your family had to deal with one of those low things. Just stay positive and confident that your family can bounce back. Yes, some small sacrifices may have to be made, but all the damage can be fixed with time and patience.
17. F.
Hey! Christmas is coming up soon, so I was wondering what I should get my boyfriend. Of course he replied with the standard “Nothing; all I want is you” response when I asked him, but I know better that that! Last month for his birthday I painted him a picture and he really appreciated it, but I know I can’t just do the same thing again. He’s a really tech-savvy guy—is basically in love with The Apple Store—but I don’t know the first thing about technology. Nor do I have the money for that! He’s also extremely well read, so I’m afraid that any book I get him he would have already read before. (The same goes for movies!) I have, though, thought about getting him a nice shirt or something, but I’m afraid that’d be boring. So…I am stumped! If anyone has any ideas that’d be great! Thank you so much!
What about a hoodie (or whatever style shirt he likes best) and his favorite type of cologne? You could possibly make a nice scrapbook with pictures of you two in it. One year, I made my boyfriend a hollow book and put cute notes inside and now he always hides his little things in there. Here's a web site on how to make it:
http://how2dostuff.blogspot.com/2006/02/how-to-make-secret-hollow-book.html
Guys love cool stuff like that! Good luck!
Christmas is coming up and I hjave no idea what I want. I was wondering how much ipods cost and much wiis cost. Thanks.
Wii's cost about $250 not including accessories. Ipods can range from $100-$500. It depends on what kind you want. Here are some web sites that may help you out:
http://wii.nintendo.com/
http://www.apple.com/itunes/
ok im 15 yrs old and i have a boyfriend, and i know that at some point im going to have to get birth control pills but i dont know how to go about doing it. i highly doubt that im going to be sexually active any time in the near future but id still like to have them just in case we make that decision. i should probably add that ive never been to the gynos before so a little insight on that would be helpful too.
I think it would be a good idea to talk to your mom about this one. She will help you with anything you needed. If you feel too uncomfortable going to your mom, give your local doctor a call and explain that you would like to make an appointment with a gyno so you can be prescribed birth control. Explain that your mom does not know about it and you'd like some options on how to pay for it. They will help you work out a plan that is affordable. OR you can try and find a planned parenthood in your area for free birth control without an appointment.
When you do go to the gyno for the first time, she probably won't give you a pap smear since you are still a virgin. Explain to her your reasons for wanting birth control and she will help decide what prescription would be best for you.
For the future, when you do have to get a pap smear, don't be worried. Depending on how small you are, you might feel some discomfort, but it only lasts a couple minutes. The doctor will leave the room and have you change into a hospital gown. She will then insert a type of clamp in your vagina and use a Q-tip to take a sample from the walls of your vagina. She will then use her fingers to feel your ovaries and make sure they are healthy. Once that is finished she will examine your breasts for signs of cancer.
All women have to do it and I promise it's not that bad. You'll only end up having to get one once a year. If you are really nervous, there is nothing wrong with taking a friend along to hold your hand.
If I left something out or if you have any other questions, just give me a shout.
Since its the winter, there getting really chapped and sore and the bleed* and everytime i put chapstick on it never heals and i don't really like lip care on my lips but i'll live so what should i do?
Are you using medicated chap stick? It would probably work much better if you used that. Make sure to apply it at least once a day (whether they are hurting or not) to prevent your lips from getting too bad. If they are really sore and bleeding, apply the medicated chap stick every couple hours.
I would also recommend drinking lots of fluids. Sometimes chapped lips can be a cry for help from your body wanting a drink of water. Also, try to avoid licking your lips a lot.
this girl told me and my friend her dad gets drunk and beats her. we arent friends with the girl but we know her. then she said she was lying and her dad was really nice and was getting help but im not sure. she came in with bandades and said she was in a car crash. i dont know what to think. she said she wanted attenion. her parents seem nice and i know people who know them well
I say it's better to be safe than sorry. I would alert a school counselor immediately about what she told you and let them take it from there. They will make sure your friend is not in any danger. If she was making it all up, the confrontation from the school counselor will teach her not to joke about such horrible things. If she wasn't making it up, she and her family will be able to get the help she needs.
Don't take a chance on this one. You could save a life.
How to forgive and forget people that hurts you so much? I've tried turning back on people who hurt me, and it seemed to work a lil but I need more than that. Because it seems like I'm just ignoring my problems. I've tried faking my own happiness so people wont see that i'm hurt, but I don't wanna be plastic either. So what's one way you can just forgive and forget?
The best thing to do is to forgive, but try not to forget. You need to sort out all the people in your life and decide if they are worth keeping there and if they will be true to you. Surround yourself with the people that really care about you. You don't have to be friends with the people that hurt you, but it's really important to forgive them, whether you tell them openly or just assure yourself on the inside. If you don't forgive them, you'll continue to have a grudge towards them, and it will continue to bother you for a long time.
Instead of spending your time worrying about those horrible things people did to you, focus on the things that make you happy. Try not to be alone too much and spend time with your family and friends. Take up a sport or hobby. You don't need to fake happiness. As long as you look for it, you'll find it.
i am sick of hearing the word gay being tossed around so carelessly. "that song is so gay!" how does that make ANY sense? does that song like other songs of the same gender? am i missing something here..?
i want people to know that i am gay and i find it very offensive to hear people use gay instead of stupid. i am gay. does that make me stupid?
if you are jewish and someone said "that movie is so jewish", you would get offended because jewish does not mean stupid. this is the same exact scenario: a minority being discriminated.
so why do people do this, and how do i get them to stop? =(
You're right: it is just a slang term for stupid. People use it so often that they don't even realize that they could offend people with it. Next time that happens, just tell them politely that you find it offensive. The more you make people aware of how rude they sound, the more they will try to change (hopefully).
While some people use "gay" to discriminate the homosexual group, you should try to understand that the term has become so widely used in that fashion that people don't even think about what they are saying.
Try telling people how you feel and encourage your friends to do the same. Be polite at first and ask that they please stop. If they don't, try discriminating against them like they did against you (like the "jewish" example you described).
f/13
last week my friend had to go to the doctor and she said that the doctor told her to take her pants of (underwear too)..........well any way i have to go next week also nd wat if he tells me to take my pnts of also...i noe hes a doctor but i still wouldn't feel comfortable doing that so if he tells me to what shouuld i do?
should i say no?
help!!!!!
Just try and relax. If he asks you, and you feel uncomfortable, there is nothing wrong with asking him why he needs you to do that. Ask him politely if he could explain the procedure. If you wanted, maybe ask that your mom be in the room with you so you'd feel more comfortable. All professional doctors are there to help and will answer any and all questions you have if you have concerns or questions.
Depending on why you're going to go see the doctor, he may or may not ask you to do that. Unless you are getting a pap smear or getting a leg injury checked out, I can't see why else he would ask you to do so. Like I said, just feel free to ask questions or have a family member present to make you feel better.
well today i've been really dizzy and shakey. my eyes will barely focus and i have such a bad head ache. my mom wants to take me to the doctor, and i'm okay with that. it's just saturday i took a SMALL hit of weed.
do i have anything to be worried about? will the doctor be able to tell?
Here's what I think you should do. Have your mom take you to the doctor, but ask to speak with the doctor alone. Tell him your symptoms and see what he says. If he cannot come up with a solution, which is highly unlikely that he won't, only then tell him that you did a small amount of weed. He is required to keep that confidential. I really think you should be fine. You illness is probably from something else. However, if the doctor seriously can't figure something out, it's important that you be honest with him about what you did so you can get better. Like I said, he will not be allowed to tell your mother.
If the doctor ran drug tests on you, yes, he WOULD know that you did drugs. Apparently, the weed stays in your hair for up to two years after you use it. I know this is true because one of my friends got busted for doing weed, even though he had stopped doing it two months before he got tested. The doctor ran a test on a strand of hair and detected the drug. This is just something you might want to keep in mind. Since you did such a small amount, this may not be the case for you, but you never know.
ok srry if its kinda long.....so i have this guy friend that i like alot and were really good friends he tells me personal things that he doesnt tell his best friend and we play around at school alot like we have this game going where when 1 of us sees the other we gently push them so that they lose their balance and almost fall over but he started it and we flirt alot but playfully i guess and i really really like him but i dont want to mess up our friend ship either and idk if he likes me either but i really really
dont no wat to do!!
thanx ahead of time
I think you should go for it or else you're going to go through the rest of your life wondering what would have happened. You seem young, so keep in mind that you have the rest of your life to meet other guys if this situation ends badly. Next time you have him alone, say "Listen, I just wanna throw this out there, but I feel like I'm starting to have feelings for you. If you don't feel the same way, I'll pretend none of this happened and we can just stay friends. I just need to know if you feel the same way."
He obviously likes you a lot as a friend. Maybe if he knows that you like him, he'll see you in a different light and like you too.
Just give it a shot. I'm sure he's worth it.
ok i need help! ok so like ive been noticing my hair has been falling out alot lately. like i will brush it and sometimes it seems like just lots of pieces will come out, way more then usual. why is that? could it be because i straighten my hair? or like am i not eating right or something? please help me because im getting kind of sick of this! and kinda worried...
thanks!
I wouldn't worry too much. The average person loses at least 90 hairs a day!
Yes, straightening your hair can be a factor due to the damage that it causes. Try putting a protective straightening serum (like Bed Head products) on your hair every time you do straighten to prevent too much damage. It would also be good to use shampoos and conditioners with lots of protein in them (like Mane and Tail).
what time is sunrise and what time is sunset?? like 6 am and 6 pm?
These times vary every single day. If you go to weatherbug.com they have the times for sunrise and sunset listed each day as they change.