rick505's advice column

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Q: i have a feeling my best guy friend is anorexic, he does karate, so he is always trying to stay in shape, but hes always giving away his food, and he never eats and he loos like hes lost lkie 30 pounds over like 2 months,everytime i bring up the topic, he changes it
what do i do

try to confront him on the issue, if he avoids the topic again tell him your concerns and tell him you're going to talk to his family and friends to have them help you confront him. He may hate you for this but if he is truly sick he needs help. if he begs you not to get family and friend involved help him get into therapy.

Q: so there was a job advertised at work which i and another girl applied for, she had her interview a few days after she had applied, 2 weeks on i still hadnt heard anything... so i made an official complaint to my manager about it.

Anyway this girl that applied has only been there 6 months and has a less relevant background than me for it.

I then got told today that i wasnt going to get an interview and i found out this other girl got it. i feel totally robbed and annoyed.

Should I quit? what should i do?

as isis says it is all a game, you can chose to play the game or you can quit. you should totally ask your boss in a nice way for feedback on what the other girl has that got her the position over you. but be prepared for an answer that doesnt satisfy. Unfortunately an employer can base their decision on any number of factors that don't necessarily relate to how much experience you or she has. and if it is a case of maybe she know someone higher up in the corporation who got her the job, they will likely give you the runaround. If you feel that is the case i would look for another job and when you find one then quit.

Q: What amount of current should a starter normally draw (in warm weather conditions) and is it possible to measure it without a too costly an ammeter?
I presume probes would be attached to ground and the starter terminal.
What defect(s) in a starter would cause it to draw too much current?

aerovan or aerostar? the ammount of current a starter draws off of a battery will vary between 200 to 350 amps in ideal weather. the condition of the brushes against the fly wheel is what may cause this number to vary. if the brushes are worn or the flywheel is warped this can cause it too draw more current than is recommended but unless the starter is totally worn too much current should not be an issue.

as far as ammeters are concerned you would have to shop around, i would google it and see.

Q: Iam taking care of a 15 year old girl and she's not mine i just have custody of her she's in ceaderwood becouse she has behavior problems.
Traci is always picking on my son who's autistic and it makes him pitch fits.
Traci never helps with chores and she never listens to me and she also picks on my cousin who comes to stay with me on the weekends and iam tired of having to be her bodyguard all the time.Traci also aggervates everybody and i don't want to have to take her back to live with her mom becouse it's not an appropriate place for a 15 year old girl to grow up in what should i do?

i fostered a 15 year old with problems too. It is not easy. You have to be consistant and you have to make her realize who is the adult. You have to make Traci realize that if she doesn't listen to you she will no longer stay with you but if you and her can work things out that she is more than welcome.

you can empower her by telling her that it is all up to her choice.

if she is supposed to do a chore and doesnt do it there should be a punishment, she should know in advance what the punishment is and then it is her choice of what she wants to do, the chore or the punishment.

if she is abusing your son, you need to sit her down the minute she comes home and say, this will stop or you will have to leave. she is old enough to make this choice also and if she continues you will have to give her to child services and they will foster her somewhere.

it is a sad thing to have to make a choice between this girl and your son but you need to make traci realize you will make that choice if she forces you to.

the idea is to make it her choice, the fact that your giving her the power to choose to live by your rules or leave will settle this matter.

Q: is it supposed to do that? my teacher recommended us having altoids to help us concentrate an such, and i got some like yesterday and finished the pack like a couple mins ago, lol. i was awake till 3 doing homework, and the altoids just kept me going.. it was like caffaine maybe, but idk i just could really concentrate and not feel tired at all except for one of my eyes which kinda hurt.. and had this thick red line on it. now the line is gone tho.. but i should
probably sleep early this night... but is the altoids supposed to do that? its the real pepperminty kind. and i woke up for school at like 7:30, too. also in school, i had a couple altoids and i didnt feel tired either.. i mean, i kinda did, but not like "im so tired i'll just fall asleep" but my eyes kinda feel.. well.. tired. did this happened from me eating too many altoids? also is eating alot like i did like.. bad? theres like 75 in a pack and i ate them all in like 2 days. thank you~

those altoids you took probably have enough caffeine as if you drank pot after pot of coffee all day, yes they kept you up, and helped you get through the day . but altoids or coffee or mountain dew are no substitute for sleep. That they helped you once is good and if you need them again you can try it but if you tried to do it everyday that would not keep you up since your body has to sleep at some point. there have been some studies saying that heavy caffeine use that raises the heart rate can be unhealthy and if you use them daily then quit you may go through some withdrawal symtoms. my recommnendation is to leave them for emergencys.

you should have no ill effects from the whole pack in a day except maybe going to the bathroom alot since caffeine is also a diuretic.

Q: two questions:
how big are vibrators? my bf and i can both only get 1 finger in me, so would a vibrator hurt alot? also where could i get one? i cant get order one and i have no siblings or older friends that could get it, and if my mom ever saw it she'd FREAK.

and also whenever my bf fingers me with his one finger lol it usually feels pretty good like it hurts a little but its like a good feelin pain yanno but when i do it it does nothing for me so ill usually jus rub my clit or whatever. why is this? i do the same thing he does but it seems like it hurts a little more and just doesnt feel good.

by the way im 16.

vibrators come in many sizes from the size of your finger to way bigger than i would reccommend for any woman. most of the penis shaped vibrators are sold in places you have to be at least 18 to enter but since most women receive pleasure more from the clitoris than with penetration your local wal-greens or walmart has vibrating massagers that should provide plenty of stimulation.

as far as penetration is concerned your muscles will expand to accomodate more than just one finger. getting some lubricant (ky jelly at walmart again) should make this happen alot easier.

as far as the pain is concerned , if it hurts tell your bf to knock it off and show him what feels good. there is no reason for there to be pain.

Q: I am 14/f... and I like this guy, we will call him K... He is a real gentleman and is very funny and nice to me. But the thing is everyone hates him, and theres not a day that goes by that people dont ask me, omg why do you like him. eew thats nasty, and personaly, i really dont care what others think of him, my best friend thinks he is a great guy and will treat me with respect. What I am asking is, How do I make them stop.. and how do I just ignore it because honestly i am getting sick and tired of epople telling me not to go out with him or hes a jerk or he stinks... i could care less what he smells like, and i could care less if he is a jerk to htem, he is nice to me and i do not care what he looks like or smells like. ANd people dont understand I am not the kind of girl who judges by looks. Im not saying looks dont mean a thing about a person because if someone thinks they look bad theya re going to have low self exteem and that effects there personality.. but he isnt like that, hes fun, nice, caring, funny, and much more. but otheres dont see that in him... any ideas on anything?

it's pretty simple, if you like him, and he is nice to you and your friend, go out with him and have a good time. Not caring what other people think is the first step to being an adult and this is good practice. On the other hand you need to ask yourself why these people dont like him. You say he smells, well if that's the only issue then those people are being pretty shallow, but if he is a jerk to these other people, becareful because it means he has the ability of jerkiness and he may turn it on you some time in the future. hope this helps, rick

Q: I'm a sophmore in high school, and i'm starting to think about college. How big is a "medium" sized school? And also, can anyone make a suggestion of a good school (i go to a private school, my grades- on average are B/ B+ (with a few A's and 1 C.) Cost doesn't matter. And preferrably on the east cost (i currently live in NY/ and would prefere not to go out to say California...but i havent totally ruled going far away out yet.)

THANKS SOO MUCH!!!

totally depends on what general course of study you want to follow...there are good liberal arts schools for the study of language and history and there are the more tecnical schools for science and engineering..when you say medium size you usually have to pick one or the other since it usually is only the really big schools that can provide both...a medium size school is very hard to quantify since colleges can have anywhere from several hundred to 50,000 - 80,000 students. medium is more about what kind of degrees they can give you. a medium school has alot of say, bachelors programs but only a few doctorate programs.
the college search is a very difficult one and remember that your grades are decent but all some schools are really tough (harvard, yale, princeton) so it would be good to have maybe 3 or 4 schools you might like to go to in case your first choice says no. happy hunting

Q: well, i started birth control a lil while ago and it made me break out horirbly, now im on another birth control and my face has cleared up almost completely, only thing is i have some red marks left from when i used to have acne. Any ways to get rid of it besides coverin it up with makeup?

a dermatologist can be more specific but the red is going to fade to pink then to white over time. depending on your comlexion and natural skin tone this may or may not be very noticeable. so many people have acne scarring that it is does not make you a social outcast or anything if you decide to do nothing about it. just be happy the actuall acne went away.

Q: This is going to sound so weird but i dont know how to kiss. I'm nervous. Really nervous. Please Help!

the only new thing i have to add besides dont worry and follow your instinct is use your hand. if he is pressing in to hard you reach up and lightly touch his face while you pull back if you want it harder slide your hand around to the back of his neck and hold him while pressing your face in tighter.

oh, and breath through your nose.

Q: 16/female.

Let me just start out by saying that I am a STRONG believer of gay marriage, and I have absolutely NO problem with homosexuals in the slightest.

One of my friends is a lesbian, and I love her because she's amazing, she really is. But, lately she's been really touchy feely. She writes me notes saying, "I know you're in denial, I know you're conservative & straight, but you should atleast experiment & give it a try." I AM straight, I was born it, so I can't just change and be a lesbian, that's what I think & feel. I'm not attracted to her at all.

She'll like come up to me in the halls at school, and hug me and kiss my neck and shove me up against a locker, and it seriously is beginning to look like I'm a lesbian.

When she does this, I just say, "Nooo! STOP IT" Like, I don't know if she takes it seriously or not, but when I say stop she does. So, today on AIM, we were talking, and this was our conversation:

Her: I'm going to look hot tomorrow in school.
Me: Ahah, Whyy??
Her: I got new clothes.
Her: Kiss me?
Her: :)
Me: Ahh, that's nice! :)
Me: lol, No thanks.
Her: No thanks, what the fuck?
Her: Why did you say that?
Me: To the whole "kiss me" thing.
Her: Whatever.
Me: HEY! don't!!
Her: Don't what?
Me: Be mean. :(
Her: You did this yourself.
Her: It's your fault.
* BLOCKS ME *

Ahhh, so. I just would like to know if this is any of my fault at all. I'm not LEADING her on, I wouldn't even know how to do that. I'm dating a guy & I'm really attracted to him & she knows that. But she'll always say that I need to experiment with her & stuff, and it's just really weird for me.

Thanks in advance. :]

this is pretty simple. No means NO. now you have to be careful with on line chat since poeple do things there that they dont elsewhere and sarcasm is easily mistaken for meaness. so both of you need to be careful. you totally need to sit down with her in person and set up boundries. I think its possible she has a crush on you, so you should be as nice as you can while still being very firm.. say something like "if i do decide in the future to ever experiment i will find you first but for now i am into boys and my boyfriend in particular."
good luck

Q: my teacher gave me a huge test .. and we only have 2 days to study. So for me with sports and all that gives me only 2 hours.. but then i have to eat and do other homework. Is there any easy way to study.. like saying it a lot or writing in a certain way.

thankss

study every spare moment you can. take your notes/study material to your sports event. if the sport activity is a practice and not a game, tell your coach you want to sit out a little bit off the the side to catch up on studying, explain to him of the big test etc. even if the sport activity is game bring the study material along and use every minute to read and reread your material. unfortunately there is no EASY way to study. it is just a matter of finding the way that your particular brain acccepts...try putting the relevant material on flash cards and have people quiz you.

Q: Does anyone know the cut off date to send a Christmas package to a United States soldier?

I know every year they tell you the deadline on the news. I believe last year's deadline was November 30th. Well, I have been watching the news religiously, and I have yet to hear anything about the cut off date. I figure a package will be better late than never, but does anyone have a clue?

Since I'm asking this, does anyone have any ideas off of the top of their head as to what I should send? I am an 18 year old, white, female. He is a 20 year old, white, male. We dated for about 6 months; I was 13, he was 16, and it came to a mutual ending with friendship ever since.

Any and all input would be fantastic! :)

the military postal services number is 1 800-810-6098 and they can give you the deadline info for letters and packages. i highly recommend pictures of you, your girlfriends, any other women you can get in really skimpy clothes holding signs saying " we love you" "be careful" "thank you" or just making kissy faces to the camera. send a bunch of pics and he'll be real popular with his unit. the lives those guys are leading now sucks and pics of pretty girls are sure to lift any guys spirits.

Q: I had sex with my girlfriend about 2 weeks ago, and I've no idea when, but im guessing on withdrawal, the condom slipped up just under half way. It was still on fairly tight only it had slipped up a few centimeters. Shes due to have her period about this time, shes had stomach cramps and sore breasts (but neither very serious) which are both signs of pre-menstruation and pregnancy. Is it possible that she could be pregnant?

a pregnancy test will tell you the true answer. but for this the answer is yes, she could be pregnant. even if used completely correct a condom is only 99% effective which is pretty good but not perfect. if the codom has a spermicidal lubricant(which most do) it comes even closer (i think 99.6% but dont quote me) but it is still not perfect. the only true birth control is abstinence, i am not adovocating that but if pregnancy worries you that is the only sure fire prevention. That still leaves plenty of oral and manual options for the both of you to enjoy though. best wishes!

Q: my laptop is not really like glass and not shure what my sreen made out of and yet i got like dell and hp, window xp, i use glass cleaner i hope that ok but there something else that works?

circuit city and comp usa sell a screen cleaner made by monster that is desinged to clean screens with no harmful side effects

Q: i'm 16 and my family never listens to me when somthing happens to my younger brother(14) and sister(13) that is an accident. the other day my sister and i accidentally ran into eachother is a small hallway and she started to cry and i got grounded because i 'shoved' her into the wall. my parents never belive me because i lied 1 time about my sister having someone in her class to help her put with something that i had no idea about what her teacher wanted her to do. my brother is always beating me up and calling me fat, a hoe, and a bitch in front of my parents and he never gets in trouble even tough they watch him do it. no one in my family treats me fairly and the other day on our way home from the boling alley my parents were telling my how to fix my bowling but i told them that still had to work on throwing the ball properly and and they made me walk halfway to our house which was about 10 miles from where they kicked me out of the car. is there anyway for me to get my family to treat me better and get them to listen to me. i don't want to get taken away from my faily. i know that i'm the oldest but that doesn't mean that my family has to treat me like this. is there any way to get my family to respect me?

you definately need a third party involvled in this. if they are all against you and wont listen they might respond better if you talk to a guidance counsilor/ or principal and have them sit down with all of you to relate how hurt you are. There is no call for your brother to abuse you and if your parents condone it then they are breaking the law. so go to school and get some help?

Q: Okay well my bf is 17 and I am 14..
We were thinking about having sex but we had 2nd thoughts because of diseases and pregnancy.
I don't know if he doesn't have any diseases and I'm not sure if I do.
But he really wants to do a lot of sexual things.
He wants to have anal with me and I don't really want to because I hear from a lot of my friends that it hurts.
But this may seem weird but we sometimes have phone sex and masturbate to each other while talking on the phone..
When we're together we're always making out and trying new things together but we haven't gotten to sex.
I'm not sure if I should have anal or sex with him.

i would say no to the anal sex. although it is enjoyable for the guy, the woman usually has to have large amounts of lubricant and stretching just to make it possible and it is usually painful and uncomfortable. You especially should not do this if you have doubts, you are at the beginning of your sexual life and there is plenty of time to experiment as you already have discovered with the phone. the phone sex is a great thing since it is safe, no worries about pregnancy or disease and it provides the release that i know you bf needs right now. You need to understand that your bf has what he thinks are irrepressable needs and he is going to keep a constant pressure for you to push your limits. be strong and dont commit to anything you dont for sure want to do and remind your bf of the reasons you are together besides your gratification of his sexual desires.

Q: my name is katie. i am writing for advice because i found a glass pipe with weed in it in my moms purse about 6 months ago. we got into a huge fight about it and she promised me she would get rid of it.; i never saw after that. but the other day i was looking in my moms purse for my library card and it was in there. i am so sick of smelling that smell on her clothes. it makes me really depressed and today i couldnt take the pain anymore and i cut my arm with a pair of scissors. i am so sad. i am lost and confused as to why she lied to me and about something so horrible to lie about. she could get in huge trouble for this. and i dont want to lose her over something like drugs. i am just really depressed and i havent talked since i cut myself. my arm is still bleeding and i did it in the early afternoon. i dont want my special ed teachers or therapist to find out. i am terrified of going back to the hospital because last time i went there i was put in restraints for trying to hurt myself. please help me. i am so scared.

by now your arm has stopped bleeding or your are getting medical attention. you know cutting yourself to escape the emotional pain is not the answer just like your mom knows that smoking pot to escape reality is not the answer. You need to find a time to talk to your mother. you now have something in common and maybe she should come to your therapist with you. You could make a pact that if she stops smoking pot you will stop cutting yourself and then both of you will be on a better path to a healthy lifestyle.

Q: Ok, about my dad coming for thanksgiving, i left this part out on my other advice thing. My cousins are coming and i want to play with them but if my dad is here and i know he will feel awkward, then i have to talk to him and i cant just go off and leave him and my step mom because the only reason they are coming is because me and my brother so i cant just leave them. What if i want to go play with my cousins and then my dad feels awkward? please help.

adults are totally used to akward situations. we just have to suck it up. if it too horrible to deal with he would have found some reason not to show. just be glad you not an adult right now and let you dad take care of himself. Heck, be a weirdo and invite him to come and play. adults never get asked to do this and i am sure he will find it amusing.

Q: How can you tell if a product is not tested on animals? Will it always say it on the bottle (*Not Tested On Animals*)? And if it DOESNT say that on the bottle, does that mean they DO test on animals?

if you are concerned about companies involved with cruelty to animals look into PETAS websites (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) they usually keep an updated list of products and companies to avoid.

bio

i am a work in progress but i pay close attention to everything. I feel it is a good thing to share the knowledge i have acquired in my travels to anyone asking and it brings me pleasure to do so. i have lived in California, Alaska, Idaho, and New Mexico and been married and divorced. I have no children of my own but have fostered several .