Imperfectionist's advice column

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Q: Okay well does any-one know of a website that is free forever and has phycoligists that I can talk to 24/7 I was sexualy abused by my brother in-law and I don't know how to talk about it.by the way I'm 12 and he started it when I was 9 turning 10.I really need help urgently please

Dear Victim,

ugh. you know i hate reading questions like this so much because i think it really sucks being so young and not knowing what to do about something like this. Any sexual abuse victim will tell you one of the hardest parts about it is telling someone, admitting you need help for it, and not blaming yourself. now if you haven't told your parents... it's time. you are old to know this is wrong and you need help. and confronting your abuser or at least being able to confront the situation of what happened is part of the process to healing. but if you have just tell them you need counseling. they have counselors that deal with this area specifically.
just remember... sexual abuse is literally one of the worse things to go through because you can never fully get over it, but it will make you stronger. wiser.
good luck. please hit me up if you need anything else.

Sincerely,
A person who allowed herself to once be the "victim"

Q: i am 13 years old and i have seen peoples posts saying 'i dont cum during masturbation' but what does it mean? i masturbate but i dont know what cum means? do u lick it?

uhm well if you want to lick it, you go ahead and do that. but i'm not sure if that's the traditional ending to masturbation or whatever. and cum means well... depending on whether you are a female or male. ejaculation.

Q: Okay so my pussy will open but not very wide.I want to go from my finger to a toy.But I can not get it in.I'm 14 and My mom always comes in the store with me(not that I know what to buy) Help.

hold on. hold on. you are 14 and your mom is helping you buy sex toys? oh my lord. listen, instead of worrying about why your vagina isn't loose enough for a toy. worry about school. and what show you're going to watch with your bowl of cereal on saturdays. stop trying to be an adult, enjoy your god damn childhood do you know how many adults wish they were still your age? MOST OF THEM. I'm only 19 and i'm telling you i still wish i was 14. i still wish i was a kid. and i sure in the hell wasn't worrying about wanting my vagina to be looser at 14.

Q: what do you say when i guy say do you want tongo out with me

uhm if you like that, you say yes. if you don't, you say no. plain and simple.

Q: Hi. So i had a question about this guy that I am in love with. I met him in November and we started getting to know each other. We don't go to the same college but we became very close. and are from the same home town. We then decided that we liked each other and started dating. It went well for the most part but we started fighting over dumb things. One day he was amazing such and amazing loving guy and the next he was a cold heartless guy I didn't know. But in January he was amazing and in a good loving mood and then he went back to school after christmas break. That day he told me he was really busy and couldn't talk as much. This lead to him never talking to me anymore. We would talk (always m texting first) every two weeks but nothing like it was. He then over spring break texted me and things were like they were before, but when he went back to school I got my heart broken again. I've never been so heart broken and in love with someone. He never gave me a reason why he stopped talking to me which really messed me up. I decided to do my best to ignore my feelings for him. It was his birthday Friday and I didn't text him. He texted me at night and we were talking. He kept saying he wished he could see me in a bikini and out of the blue he said he was talking to a girl who never pleasured herself and asked if that was weird. I said not everyones open to talking about it. and he was like yeah no every one loves it like you ;) i joked it off then he kept asking me to talk about it. He would of NEVER brought something like this up before. I told him off once and for all. I said his friendship meant a lot to me and by him going so long in silence and then finally contacting me and bringing this up shows it meant nothing to him so i don't want it anymore. He never answered. Can anyone help me figure out what he was thinking in texting me that? Did i Do the right thing? I miss and love him. what do i do now?

Thanks sooooo much in advance for any advice! :):):)

would it be rude if i simply just came and said: you were getting played. well still are because people like that love to treat you so good that you have trouble forgetting about them. so they can have you whenever they want you. so you're still in his little game. you were right to do what you did and the next time he talks to you ignore it. don't give him any response at all. he isn't even worth it. go find someone who is actually worthy of your time.

Q: I'm evil. BUT LOVELY ;D But yeah, evil and reserved. AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME. yeah.
short nicknames are preferable.

is there a question in this...?

Q: My parents divorced when I was 15 months old. My mother had custody, while my father had visitation. I remember times not seeing my dad, some because he never showed up free he said he would, other times there was just limited visits. After I turned 5 I completely stopped seeing my father an stepmother. Growing up, I was told my father did this or that, whether my brother and I asked or just information thrown at us. Now I am 27, and have slowly begun to form a relationship with my father. I have had about 4 visits with him in the past year and a half. About 4 months ago I've developed a relationship with my stepmother also. Her and I have become close. My stepmother informed me of my fathers side I the story of why my parents split. Evidentially there were marital issues, therefore resulting in a trial separation, when my mother decided to have an "affair" while seperated and going to counseling. Granted my biological mother and I have always had a tense relationship, but this news made me feel very angry with my biological mom. I questioned my brother on why I had been told, and he confirmed that my mother slept with someone else. I never knew til recently, however my mom told my brother quite some time ago. Since I've started taking to my stepmother my mom has been snooping some and trash talking my dad and stepmother, I assume to continue hiding her secret, as she does not know I am aware of her infidelity. So, my question is do I have a right to be angry with my mother? And how should I approach telling her I know when the subject arises again?

you're not a kid anymore. and your mom is being childish. this isn't high school and she needs to grow up. next time your mom trash talks them, just be like "mom, i get it. you hate them. but you never see dad trash talk you even though you cheated on him" it will be cold but it will be what she needed. and you do have a right to be mad at your mom because you are finally trying to make some sort of relationship with your father and she is trying to get in the way. She needs to be reminded that he didn't do that to her. opening someone's eyes isn't always done in a nice way.

Q: I don't know if it is ok to have sex in the shower without a condom is it safe could I catch an STD from the shower water?

your chances of catching an std are just with a condom is just as likely in the shower as it would be not in the shower. but because you are in a form of water, watch for slipping or ripping of that condom.

Q: i am 28 i dated this guy for almost 3 yrs .all this time he didn't give me or this relationship much time n thought. so i suffered immensely.it was me calling up after a fight and me starting a conversation always.so i broke up with him 1month back .now he is calling me up and wants to get back.although he is a nice,sweet,loves me absolutely but i ma not sure if this didn't work out in 3yrs will he be able to do it now.moreover my parents are looking fora groom for me.they want me married by next year.should i give him a second chance?or is it smart and hard to just move on and try something that works naturally.moreover my parents are not too keen on him as my future husband.so advice!

you've been with this guy for three years and he waited till after you dumped him to actually show he cares?! no no. How are you even suppose to know this guy isn't going to just go back to the way he was before that and just wait your time all over again? you don't, that's the problem. But this is a good thing it means he found out what he is missing, so just try casual dating to see if he did change. If you don't see a change within the first month, kick him to the curve and find someone who deserves you.

Q: what does it mean when a guy is hard ?

0_0 he's turned on... he has an erection... he wants sex. pussy. to fuck. maybe even in the ass. hahahaha just joking about the in the butt part.
no seriously though it means he is horny.

Q: My crush told my best friend that he was going to ask me out to be his girlfriend and he got me a ring, he is going to ask me out saturday. What do I say im fourteen and not allowed to date, and we date secretly my parrents might find out i live in small town people know everything quickly. I really like him and i know him well and if I tell him to just be friends i know he is not going to. Im going to be a freshman im a girl by the way and its going to be hard, besides Im still in love with another guy.

do you like this guy? if so, i say go for it. sit down with your parents and talk to them. if they still say no, go for it anyway. if they find out you two have been dating secretly, you can't say you didn't warn them.
but if you really are in love with another guy. who cares. tell this guy that's about to ask you out. of course do it gently. because there is no point leading him on. you will never have a real relationship no matter what as long as you love someone else.

Q: I went on another date with this guy, and its not that my gut says move on, when I'm with him he makes me happy. Makes me feel like whatever happened in my life is pointless, I can move on from it.
The night before our date, I told him the only way I would take his jacket is if we were boyfriend and girlfriend.
During our date at the end of the movie, he tried to give me his jacket, so I said "I don't know what your talking about" but he replied with "Oh, I think you do"

My question, Did i completely miss a chance to finally be his girlfriend?

errr. the first paragraph of this doesn't really make sense if you can evaluate that a bit more for me. but you told him the only way you can take his jacket is if you were dating and he asked you to take it and than even hinted that's why he was doing it... so the question is did you take the jacket. because if not, you rejected the chance, you didn't miss it, YOU REJECTED HIS OFFER,

Q: I really like this guy, he's amazing. But it's been 2 years for us both. I want him to ask me out so bad. We've been on a few dates. And I smile like an idiot after we kissed. How can I get him to ask me out?
Im 18 and female. And litterly clueless.

welp, luckily for you sweetie. now adays a girl asking a guy out isn't really that unusual. but really im confused as to what you mean by asking out because you've said you been on a few dates which for me would have mean he already asked you out.. several times. BUT if you are asking how you can get him to ask you to be his girlfriend... you can't. just be upfront and tell him how you feel and that if he would ever consider making this thing you got official. good luck =)

Q: I'm 16/f and my first time was when i was 13. I still have the same guy and we had sex recently. He used a condom but when he pulled out, we saw that it had broke. Since then, I haven't had my period (4 months). When I had a pregnancy test, it came up as positive. I'm so scared. If he finds out, he'll flip out. My parents will be so angry. Should I get an abortion? How do I get one without anyone knowing?

well for one thing.. you can't hide it. you need to go to doctor about it because for all you know your options might be limited. say if you would want an abortion there is a certain period of time. so it's time to fess up and tell the truth because otherwise things are gonna get worse.

Q: What are your thoughts and opinions when you see someone "sagging" their pants or jeans?

I myself think its a nasty disgusting way to attract attention. I've seen guys walk around holding their pants with their pants hanging down to their knees, I'm not lying. I don't understand why they just don't wear a belt instead of having their pants to their knees and struggling to walk. How does it make you react? What should be the fines and punishment for sagging? Should all states have laws against sagging? Why do you think they do this?

it's a trend, sweetie. and even though it's totally annoying and retarded... we can't change who people are. And as for the belt thing hahaha actually most teens do wear belts and STILL sag their pants. they wear tight jeans and STILL sag their pants. they wear tight jeans with belts and STILL sag their pants. It's a trend.

Q: I was wondering how do you do glue in weave?
Please don't start talking about how it will break my hair off and stuff. How do you put a glue in weave on?

it's sort of complicated to explain but you can have someone else do it, someone who knows how, or there are many tutorials on the internet especially youtube. but if you looking for good weave, your best bet is a sew in.

Q: I met a man through friends and we have been dating for the last ten months , in that time we have gone from being best friends to tolerating each other. I love him but im not sure whether I want to keep it going. We have spilt up a few times and always got back together stronger but this last episode has just crushed me. i had a party on Sunday and a few people told me that my BF was oggling my best friend now shes a big girl and they are on display so i took no notice but then I caught him doing it and then to top it off another member of my family told me if my BF had the chance he would get in with my best friend (Happily Married) when I asked him he didnt say no he just muttered something about maybe not. I told my friend what he had done and she was embarrassed and upset about it. I have to decide do I carry on or do I let it go ??? I am suffering with the menopause at the moment and seriously think I am losing my mind !!!!!! Can someone give me some advice before I do loose my mind

oh hell naw. dump the dumb ass to the curve. you DESERVE better than that. not only was this guy flirting with someone else, but YOUR BEST FRIEND. That's just plain old, disrespectful. A guy that cares about you would never do that. And if he really did say that about your friend, it's time for you to go find someone better. Who respects you, because being hurt like that... that's not what love is.

Q: Alright well my boyfriend or fiance I should say, has dedicated a few songs to me, so I need some for him and I need a good nickname for him too, his nickname for me is "Boo" and he wants me to come up with a nickname for him, but I can't think of a good one that suits him...
we've been together for about 8 months now btw

He's real sweet, he's understanding, he's caring, he's funny, romantic, very athletic, just plain out amazing :3, tall, has brown eyes, brown hair and his eyes sparkle whenever he sees me :) oh and he's 15 almost 16..

well.. as much as anyone on here would like to help you, this has to be from your heart not ours. Listen to some music and the lyrics. whatever makes his face pop up, might just be that song. And the nickname has to be special... but i do have a question for you. are you guys in an arranged marriage because being engaged before 17 isn't very modern so i was wondering about that?

Q: I was dating this one boy. He told me he is in love with his. He said he likes me and loves her. This was a week ago he told me. I didn't talk to him for one week to give him a bit of time. I talked to him today and said he knows nothing about what he is going to do. I get he is confused and needs a bit of time to sort things out but I can't wait for him forever. I really want to be with him but I know if he is saying this I shouldnt be with him. I don't know what I should do. I care for him so much but sometimes I think I shouldn't. I just want him to be happy but he isn't sure who he would be happy with. Advice? I really miss him and care so much for him that I am thinking what I want over what I deserve but I don't seem to care what I desevre I just want him. Help!?

Listen... walk away from this guy. end it while you can. this is NOT the path you want to go down. and i know this... now if you ever seen me on here i might have touched the topic of my first love.. well destroying me. when you are talking about is the path i went down accept you have some advantages i didn't... you know he still loves his ex, and HE even was the one to tell you.
My first love...was the only person i ever trusted everything too. my life. everything that kept me strong... but there was always so much worries of his ex still being in his life because they were that type of high school couple accept it didn't stop there. after being with him for what seemed like ever... and going through shit, i didn't even know i would go through... he broke my heart. no reasons given. just destroyed me. and it was only months later after i FINALLY felt better a little bit that i found out it was because he was cheating with his ex... well pretty much our whole relationship. And i knew he still had some type of feelings, i just denied it.
anyway moral of the story, i already made this mistake and i would hate for you too. it doesn't matter how great you are to the guy, as long as he loves his ex, you'll always be the rebound. nothing more. and if he sticks by you, there is a chance it may not be because he cares but because he feels he owes you for being there. do yourself a favor and ditch the guy and get someone worth it. i wish i did. and at least you'll be saving yourself some pain.

Q: So I have an advertisement on the newspaper and of course my phone number appears on it as I teach English,well a few days ago this strange guy started to call me pretending to need Eng lessons,but then he kept texting me saying horrible things related to sex,like a blowjob and even bareback!!I don't know how to get rid of him,I have a boyfriend and I'm really ashamed,I don't dare to tell him anything,cuz he'd go mad,I need help,thanks!

tell your boyfriend. and tell the guy to beat it. tell him if he doesn't start bothering you, you will get the police involved.

bio

Hi, thanks for coming to my column.

The name is Diamond but Dia is fine.

20, female, jersey girl at heart. mixed race taurus natured woman.

So...the reason I made this was during the start of my senior year of high school I had reached a point in my life where I didn't want to live anymore. I was tired of fighting and didn't see the reasons to fight. It was a random stranger that made me realize I would be stupid to take my life and to stop fighting.

So if you think I'm going to tell you life gets easier, I'm not. Let's face it, it doesn't get easier. Through pain you get stronger and learn to open your eyes to those things that give you strength to live.

Mine happen to be music, writing, dr. pepper, anime, the color black, the way rain sounds, and an amazing boyfriend. What gives you strength to live?