LAUGHINGMYASSOFF's advice column

Today we had to watch an "educational movie" in English and it was about drinking and driving. Well, the cop made a guy take the breathing test thing and on the machine it said, "please blow". My friend and I found that amusing so I decided to write "please blow" on his leg and draw an arrow pointing up (immature yeah, what high school kid isn't?). My teacher then came over and asked us what we were doing. I told him nothing and that I was just writing on my friends leg. He read what was written and wrote both of us up as a level 2 offence. That gives us a Saturday detention. We thought it was so unfair because I mean seriously, how does that deserve a Saturday D-hall? Should we try to fight back with our AP and tell him what we think or should we just take the punishment and go?

just take it

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For Halloween I want to be a person from like the 1800's and I know what I'm going to wear but I want to know make-up to wear. Should I wear like nuetral, brown eyeliner, peach eyeshadow, pink blush? Thanks.

uhmmm... people didnt wear makeup in the 18000s?

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Do females find guys with ape like hairy chests sexy?

depend on how hairy... i definatly dont like bare chests but if its COVERED its not good... but hair on your chest is definatly sexy ( especially the pleasure trail as my boyfriend calls it) which is th hair leading from your belly button to you dick... but youll find someone who loves your hairy chest... some girls hate it... but i do think its sexy

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my friend says that when you finger someone, the person being fingered can being wearing pants but i dont think that is true ...is it true or no ..if its not true how can i tell her?

theres no rules... but usually id think that you wouldnt wear underwear

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me and my boyfriend want to kiss...he has already kissed someone and he knows how to kiss..but its my first kiss and i dont know how to kiss at all...will i know when he goes to kiss me? is there any ways to practice kissing?

well it should just be natural and happen when it happens, its suppose to be comfortable and fun... not something thats going to be nercous... dont worry it might be scary at first but once you get practive itll be easy and great

heres some must haves for kissing:

*be sure to have a mint
*have some chapstick on... chapped lips are gross!
*relax... dont tense uhm lets your hand lay at your sides or put them over his shoulders or anywhere else... just have fun with it
*dont keep your eyes wide open... if he opens his eyes and sees your eyes bugging out itll prolly freak him out... just keep it cool
*once you get practice try tounge and then you have even go to second and then go from there!
have fun!

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So ok i had sex um like two weeks ago....Down there is kinda like all red and it looks like someone like burnt the first layer of my skin off. See after i had sex it got real ichy(i thought maybe he cut me with his finger nails down there does that make you ichy?) But today after my shower i seen that there was like a lump but its like a pimp but its not one its just a blister looking type thing. I herd from people he had STD's and he does fuck and isnt safe...Are thease signs of a STD?

yes... they are

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I just met this girl in pottery and she is really cool.( we are both Freshman) We were just talking and she said she used to cut herself and do drugs but not anymore.She said in the summer of 2009 (when we graduate) her and her friends from a different school are going to burn down there old school and then stand across from each other and shoot themselves because they all want to die at the same time.I dont know if I should tell anybody.She sounds really serious about it and I dont kno what I should do.I dont think I can tell a consouler because they will confront her and she will know it was me because i was the only person she told.Ill rate high

it doesnt matter if shes kidding around or not, any person who is serious OR is kidding has some serious issues, you gotta tell someone like now

good luck and you have my best wishes

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I would like to find a hair straightener.Not those cheap ones,that don't even work,but those that leave the hair shiny and healthy.And can yall tell me the name of the store that i would find it in? Oh, and please tell the truth don't just invent. THANXSS!

well i think conair is pretty good, but u need to get a cyramic one ( sp)... its like made of this stuff that straightens your hair without burning it and it works while your hair is wet too ( and dries it) and locks in the moisture from the water in your hair... im pretty sure you can get it pretty much anywhere but if you want a good selection go to ULTA

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is jessica simpson a real blonde??

as far as i know

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Ok sometimes i dream things that actually happend. Like onetime i dreamt that iwas in a yard talkin to 2 grls and there were ducks.... then on the 4th of July we went to my Aunts house and we went to the neighbors house to talk and they had ducks and there was 2 girls and it exactly like my dream. I always dream stuff like that nothin important just things that happen. Does this happen to a lot of ppl or just me? And if its just me does that mean im phsycic or something? PLz help i rate high!

heh yeah ive done the same thing... its weird because people say physics are fakes and liars but then sometimes it just ironically happens that you think about someting before it happens... i have no clue how it works but your not the only one... hey maybe everyones physcic

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well this guy that i like says he wouldnt go out with me because i was prude but im not soo he said if i wasnt prude then i have to have sex with him to prove him but now i think about it i dont want to cause i just isnt right at my age (15) and i dont what to say to him that i dont want to have sex with him just to show him im not prude!! everytime i talk to him he always says are u ready to have sex but i always say yes because if u dont then he might spread rumors about me which he is really good at!!! soo i dont know what to do at this point!!! HELP!!!!

if that guys if a fag like that fuck him...just tell him you know im not prude and your trying to minipulate me into to doing shit with you and your desperate. why do you have to prove yourself to some horny guy? dont let the boys get to you theyre always up to no good

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Yesterday I was trying to crack a glow stick and it exploded in my mouth. Only a little bit of liquid came out and I spit it all out and rinsed out my mouth. It burned my tounge..Does that mean it was toxic? Would I know if I was poisined by now? Please reply quick so I will know how to treat this!

haha your funny

trust me youll be fine.... ive done the same thing before dont worry about it

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What is 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th base? I've been told a lot but I can never remember! I know 4th is all the way though. A guy I know told me he wanted to go to 3rd base with me and I dont know what it is. And I'm wondering what the other bases are too. Help!

1rst- hooking up ( frenching)
2nd- feeling up boobs , or dick over clothes
3rd- oral sex or fingering
4th-home

heres a saying to help u remember it :-)!!
french, feel, finger, fuck
have fun

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I found a pipe and a lighter in my brother's draw. I was furious because I'm am strongly against smoking. He's in college...I understand he's old enough to make his own descisions, but he has a lot going for him and I don't want him to screw up his future....What are the possibilities of what he was smoking? Like weed..tobacco?And, is there a site that has the bad effects of it, or if you guys can list some that will convince him to stop, I would appreciate it!

ill be honest:hes in college he doesnt give a shit what you say

theres not much u can do cept get him arrested :-)

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my friend is having a dance party and she is turning 14. Does anyone know of great dance songs..preferably rap, but little or no cussing. Also, a theme and maybe even some games to keep us busy, or contests.Thank you!

sweet heart... there is very little rap without cursing, except will smith, whos pretty korny
try some other stuff

try elevator music, its a great conversation starter =)

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I need a new word to substitute for "amazing" because I use that wayyy too much. Any ideas?

try 'thats orgasmic'

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my sister cut my bangs...to MY UPPER LIP!!![[not a good thing..]] i wanted them to be to the middle of my lip and chin...and they dont look good because i have a oval face!! [[kinda like jo jo's face]] im wondering any cute hair styles that would go w/ my look!! my hair is medium length..or just to my chest/boobs.i have layers...it stops a ways under my chin,then i have my bangs to my upper lip. some lengths in the back to..and im very small. [[4"11..i know im small for a 13 year old =(!!]] But my question is please picture that hairstyle...and please help me find a good casual one!!

shave it off!!!!
http://www.crewcut.com/barberkent/assets/images/HowMik_01.jpg

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i don't understand how people could be anti-gay!! they are born like that..they can't help it! some people think that they choose that, but why the heck would anybody choose to be gay when they are all so discriminated against! in fact, why shouldn't they be allowed to make that choice! the constitution says that it's a free country, oh no but not for gays! and that goes the same for racists, sexists, etc... why can't we just let gays marry! they love each other, and you are keeping them away! just because they are different and might freak you out doesn't mean they have no feelings!! i'm not gay but i just can't believe this!! my friend was recently killed by an anti-gay group because she was lesbian!! oh my god can somebody PLEASE tell me why people are like this!!!???

theyre jealous of the gays

im sorry about your friend

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Hey everyone! Okay so I am going out with this one guy named David. So anyway, things have been going great but recently he has be talling about these weird "scenerios" that he wants to do. He keeps telling me that he wants to hold me down and tickle me under my arms and on my feet (my most ticklish spots) until I cry and beg, which scares me because I am majorly ticklish and I hate it. He also has been talking about different sexual things and its kinda creeping me out. I dont wanna break up with him, but he is acting so weird. I think it might be just a stage or something. Should I break up with him or give him another chance? Thanx 4 ur help!

stay with him... being a love slave is fun :-)

right..... no break up with him, hes a fucking physco... spread rumors about that weird things hes saying too so no one else has to deal with him

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