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Does sex hurt?
I'm almost 15, will be a Sophomore in September. I've heard conflicting views on sex; I heard from these two Seniors it isn't supposed to hurt if a guy warms you up for it, like how when you exercise you warm up first you don't just run a mile. I have a friend, however, and the older kids she knows say the first time around it hurts and you even bleed because you're still tight. I don't really get that because to me that sounds like if you have enough dicks shoved up there your vagina spreads out, but women's vaginas go back to normal size after childbirth. And I put tampons in just fine without any issues-the first time I put one in it felt weird, is it something like that? I don't really understand the concept of a tight vagina. I told that to my friend (whose a virgin) and she just kept going "nooo you bleed bc you're tight." So does sex hurt the first time and do you bleed?
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Will first time sex hurt? That depends on several factors.
1. Is you Hymen still intact?
a. Even though you use Tampons you may not have ruptured your Hymen. In first time sex you are not only stretching your vagina for the first time you are also having a piece of tissue torn from you. There will be some pain, how much depends on the following information and how well you tolerate pain.
2. How much will you be able to relax?
a. Foreplay, warming up will help you relax. Problem is most boys your age up through early twenties do not know what proper foreplay is. He might suck on your nipples, stick his finger in you and if your real lucky maybe a quick minute of oral sex. Most boys do not know from love making. Most boys your age do not know the difference between lust and love
Boys your age are lustful; they want to put their penis in your vagina and get off, preferably without a condom. Never even your first time have sex without a condom until you are in a long term live together type arrangement, if not for pregnancy protection then from many of the STD’s and the HIV/AIDS virus.
3. Where your first sex takes place.
a. Part of relaxing is having sex in a comfortable and safe place. When your grandmother and I were your age many of us lost our virginity in the back seat of our parent car. It wasn’t very comfortable and not safe from intrusion either. Then there was always the worry some cop would find you mid sex act. You need to find a place that is safe, comfortable and secure from discovery or intrusion.
b.
Last but certainly not least you will most likely miss you next period. Not because you’re pregnant and even if you used a condom you will worry about getting pregnant. That worry is very stressful and stress will cause you to miss a period.
My advice is this. At 15 you are too young to be having sex. As I said the boys your age are not in love. They use lines like, “If you love me you will have sex with me.” They lust for you as I said earlier. The chances of you and this boy marrying is slim and almost none. After high school you will all go in separate directions and most likely never see each other again. I know puberty is causing you to feel things you have never felt before and sex is a way of dealing with it.
Stick to masturbation, giving handjobs and letting boys finger you. The longer you wait the easier it will be to have a perfect first time sex when all the conditions are right and you can relax and enjoy it. Masturbation is healthy and not sinful. Just go in your room lock the door and get comfortable. Can’t lock the door to your room, start taking baths in the evening and comfort yourself in the bathtub with the bathroom door locked.
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Hi Dear. I am female and will share my experiences.
I heard the same when young. Some of these things aren't even covered in sex ed classes if there are any around anymore. I was turning 20 when I got married. Hubby and I waited for sex til wedding night. However I had done some reading.
Everything in there stretches but goes back to its relaxed state, which is what you probably heard about women after giving birth. My best example is to have you visualize a rubber band, just laying on a table. If you measure it, thats its relaxed size. Then when you stretch it out slowly as far as it goes, that would be how far it can stretch when it needs to. However, even someone takes a rubberband and yanks it quickly in opposite directions, it snaps, breaking half the time.
This is how it is for women. If a man rams his penis in quickly, he can create a fine rupture of the skin which will pinch or hurt depending on your pain tolerance level but it shouldn't be bad. So yes, there can be some bleeding, but more like a few drops. It heals well on its own left alone.
I never had pain my first time. However I was using my fingers and dildos to stretch the vagina routinely long before my wedding night. So when the time came, it did not hurt as I was already stretched out. Another way is for the male to go slowly and use lots of lube. Think of how hard it is to remove a ring that is snug, over the knuckle of your finger. But once you apply cream or oil to the skin around there, the ring slips off easily when sometimes I thought I would not be able to remove it. So lube is important. But more important is how much time you both take the first time. The best is if both of you are communicating well. Heres a scenerio: He puts his tip at the entrance, and presses slightly and asks if that feels okay. We are talking about only getting the tip in at this point. You answer yes if you don't feel discomfort but answer, wait just a minute there until I tell you to move in just a little deeper. Okay, move just a tad more. So he moves and you all of a sudden feel full and just shy of uncomfortable so you say again, Stop, hold it there for a bit so I can get used to it. I can't say if you need seconds, a minute, maybe two minute but it shouldn't take long, and I never timed how long but its not long. And he keeps up this stop and go for the first time until he's fully buried inside.
The vagina does get longer too but that doesn't happen from going slowly, this is due to the womb needing to move higher up pulling the vagina along with it so its longer. Otherwise, depending on his length, his penis can be ramming into your cervix and that can ache and also bleed, anytime, not just as a virgin. I once had a partner who was extra long so even though aroused in foreplay so vagina was already stretched out, there still wasn't enough room for him so his penis slipped off the cervix to land in a pocket of tissue at either side and when he went fast, it started hitting a nerve which made it feel like a charlie horse cramp and we had to stop and try other positions. He couldn't do missionary style position because of this (man on top of woman).
I was not a virgin but much older and this was an issue. So I am telling you about what kind of things will hurt. Remember I said even if stretched out quickly, not all rubber bands snap or tear. Well, long age before the time of pregnancy tests, paternity testing and birth control, men in those long ago times were really caught up with wanting to know if the woman they married was a virgin. So just because a few woman bled a little, they decided that had to be the standard for a man on his wedding night, check to see if there are blood stains on the sheets. IF so, he felt she was virgin and could not be pregnant with another mans child because if entered once by a man already and believing all women bleed their first time, then if she bleeds, wedding night, shes a virgin, if she doesn't, she is considered pregnant or a whore who slept with countless men before him, even if the poor girl is a virgin. In some backward countries, even today, women fear for their lives if they might not bleed on wedding night and be divorced but worse yet, killed. So I can't tell you if you'd bleed your first time, even as a virgin. All women are different. Will you feel pain your first time? There is no way to know. Some virgins never felt any pain. But logic says a substance, stretchy like a rubber band, if abused, might tear. So it really depends on the male who is your chosen lover. At 15, it is good to know, learn and study about such things, but to engage in sex just to see what its like is just setting you up for a bad experience of pain and not being special and perhaps over too quickly and you never having an orgasm. I once was at a party where all the people took turns answering a question if they liked the first time they had sex or not and how old they were. In a group of adults numbering about 25, only 1 said they liked it, everyone else said it was not a memorable experience or it was bad or painful and certainly unfulfilling.
When a teen boy gets his chance to have sex the first time, he is so eager and so ready that he doesn't stop to think about the girl, he just rams it in. And since some young men can be extra sensitive, and untrained how to hold their orgasm back, just the thought of entering a female is enough to make them come let alone a few strokes and then being done. Women take a lot more time to warm up, its likened to using an iron for the clothes. Women take a long time to get hot enough but once there, stay hot long after the irons unplugged or after the man has finished. Young men tend to not know this and they have all the orgasms whereas the female has none. If the two people are a bit older, like 17,18, its better to wait. However I challenged my daughters to decide whether it was worth it to get into sex with a boy during HS days or wait til after they graduate. I did say if they found someone and they couldn't resist having sex earlier, to come to me and we'd get birth control and condoms for her to have on hand. However, all 3 decided to wait and 1 had sex at 18 with a date who forced her. The other two started around age 19,20.
Hope this has helped.
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