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Should I stay?
I'm a 34 year old woman who's kinda seeing a guy.. He refers to me as his special friend... By the way he's 53 years old... We met about six weeks ago at a grocery store, He called me the same day we met and we pretty much hit it off from there... We talked on the phone for hours we shared a strong connection... He made me happy, after nine years of being single, And just seriously thinking of getting back into the dating world, I thought I hit the jackpot...
Ok so, the first thing he did was lie to me... He initially told me he was 50 years old, and later he told me that he was actually 53 and he didn't want to tell me at first because he thought it would scare me away, I was a little annoyed because I never dated anyone that much older and I started to get use to him being 16 years older than me instead of 19 years older... I got over it, I didn't feel that it was a deal breaker... he told me also that he was dating other women, He was still friends with his exes, I didn't make a big deal about that either because it was the beginning stages..
When I come over his house, his phone rings constantly, he sometimes keeps his phone hidden, after sis weeks of talking he's never took me out on a date... We never did anything for me, all I do is go over his house watch movies, and get freaky pretty much...
He tells me all the time that he could see himself marry me, and blah blah blah... He trys to get me to change up my hair, he feels like I should buy a newer car... He's very into cars and materialistic and I'm not..
Some days he calls me all day and somedays he calls but he's still distant...
Everytime were on the phone he always claims to get a call from his mother and jump off the phone with me... And recently this past monday, he dropped a bombshell on me, he told me that he was in a relationship the whole time he's been knowing me... And he claimed he broke up with her to be with me... Yet he still call me his friend, he have not made any effort whatsoever to even pursue a relationship with me... Now he's telling me that he needs time before he jump into another relationshio because he just broke up with his girlfriend MONDAY
.. It's obvious I know... But, I have feelings for him and it's hard for me to just walk away... I know we only known each other for six weeks... I don't know if I should stay or move on with my life.. Please help
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'm another one for telling you to get away from him as fast as you can.
While I understand being up front and letting a person know in the beginning that you are still meeting others until you find the one you want to devote time to getting to know enough to decide if its the person to spend rest of life with, (I did this too after a divorce) in the case of this man, he lied. Yeah, everyone has secrets they hold or tell white lies to protect another's feelings but in his case, he was/is in another relationship.
He has no idea that just because you are so much younger than you are not inexperienced. You used a phrase that jumps out at me, 'Deal breaker'.
I use the word deal breaker when I first made a list, whether it was my angels or god who told me to do so... it was a list to help me find and actually recognize the traits I wanted in a guy. Its about making a list of needs (a must have) and wants ( not a deal breaker if missing) like for me, a guy who likes to dance and my husband does not and i can live with that.
I met my current husband through a dating service. I didn't know of match.com at the time but would suggest it as you have to pay for it. this seriously eliminates the guys who are only on a dating site to cheat on their lady, those who are hiding something, the players, etc because why on earth would they pay money to be allowed to continue down that road? I am not saying you can't find a good guy on regular sites, but it takes a heck of a lot of time to weed through and know what red flags to look for. So I would recommend a dating site you have to pay for if you decide not to check out the one already mentioned.
As for the feelings you have, they won't last forever with as intelligent as you are if you aren't being treated right and you aren't. A person must put deposits of loving gestures and truths and everything good into the savings acoount of your heart. He can't expect to keep taking withdrawals when he wants to see you when he is never putting anything in. And when it seems like he is putting something in, in his case with the other women in his life, if he hasn't decided on one yet, its like him trying to make a deposit with fake money.
As for your feelings, you know he doesnt deserve nor has he earned them. But their very existence has you confused and wondering. I think I can set things straight here. When a woman gets romantically involved with a man, the make up of a female is such that they tend to fall for a person very easily, even if they know the guy is not a good guy. I think it has something to do with females being more likely to be nurturing and loving and caring. Not that men can't to a degree, but its a trait more common to women in all areas of their life. So that when you see someone selling kittens or puppies in front of the grocery and stop to hold one, all of a sudden those feelings pop in and you have feelings already to the little critter and want to take them home. this is why females tend to post more things about cute babies and animals on facebook, we are just drawn to that because of how it makes us feel and respond.
I will post one thing right now that should help you realize how much if any this man is really into you and loves you if you are not quite sure yet.
Beyond that, if interested, write to me asking about how to find Mr. Right and I will post the document that explains list making to find the right guy. Hey I got this from my higher power so its not something I made up and it worked for me. But request it by writing from my column not in the spot for comments in rating. I cant respond there. Heres the list of how to know how much he loves you.
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wanted and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women translate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
4. A woman can't change a man because she loves him, a man changes himself because he loves her
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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Run as fast as you can from this guy. He is a player and he will continue to be one which is most likely why he is divorced.
There are better men out there and you deserve a better man. I would suggest you consider using a dating service like Match.com. This allows you to custom order so to speak a man you are looking for. My son, who is a firefighter, found he wife using a dating service. He needed to find a women who would live with the dangers fire fighter face. It takes a unique person to kiss there spouse good-bye in the morning and not know if they will be coming home at end of shift.
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