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I need advice: My mum and dad had me at a young age
Hi my name is Elena, i'm from England. My mum and dad had me at a young age, they were going to get married but my dad said he was not ready for a family. So he left us. Because he has a disorder called bipolar which my mother didn't know. Now that i'm 14 years old my dad is married and has 2 beautiful girls, and my mum has a partner and a son from him. He lives with us and he respects us and i love him like a second father. But these last days i don't know what has happend to me, I really want my father and mother back togheter and i know that's difficult to happen but i am really hoping. what should i do? should i stop hoping? I know that's a little selfish of me but it's literally all i want.
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I am sure there is something you aren't aware of that triggered your thinking this way of your parents being together. It sounds like both of them have moved on and are happy with their lives.
Happiness is a key word here. Let me tell you my story first. I left my husband after 30 years due to discovering the main problem that had him mistreating me all our marriage, he was mentally ill. I didn't leave because of that but because he refused to get on medication and stopped seeing his counselor. I had one girl left in HS but she refused to leave with me. The other two were out on their own. So I left to stay with friends first and then 6 months with a sister out of state. I came back a year later when the oldest was about to have a baby. All my girls noted that after a year away, I had undergone a great change. They could actually see that I was happy for the first time in their lives and it showed. You did not grow up with your Dad as my kids did. But you can still miss him anyway. Now I said my kids were happy that I was happy and said it mattered more to them that I was, rather than us all being together as a family. Of course they all were older than you, including my youngest at 18. I married young too. Often, when people marry young, they are just following the feelings of their heart but there is no logic involved as to whether both are well matched. I won't go until the details of what I mean regarding how some people are not good matches for each other unless you write from my column and ask me from there. I cant answer in the comment box, its not set up that way.
It may not be just the fact your Dad is bipolar but other things that don't make them a good match.
This may be a stretch but your at that age when hormones are flowing, going through puberty and beginning to notice boys and thinking of dating and relationships yourself. And like many young girls, dreaming of a happy ever after with the man of their dreams. SInce you are of an age to be more aware of relationships, its possible that got you thinking of this past relationship of your Mum and Dad. Unfortunately, there really is no going back since your Dad is married and has 2 girls. If I were you, I would be wondering about all he does for his two girls and feel that maybe I was left out. I don't know if you get to see him and them at all, but it may be more of a longing of feeling like part of his family. After all, those 2 girls are your sisters, half sisters through your Dad, different Mum, but sisters all the same. I know that I would want to be included on special events and outings they do as a family, especially if I had half sisters to do that with. Maybe have a talk with Mom and pass the idea on. See if she'd be willling to work something out with Dad and his wife. Perhaps your sisters can come to your house for sleep overs sometime or other events, and the same with you going to join them over there. I beleive this may go a long way to filling that need to feel a part of family. After all, if I understand correctly, you are Mums only child and her partner has a son but that son may not feel like a brother to you. He doesn't share blood with you and that matters lots for some people. If you already see your Dad and sisters occasionally, perhaps it is not enough and needs to become more a part of your life as that is what you need. If you agree and can explain the need you have to be around blood family, then I am sure Mum will understand. If your feelings of Mum and Dad back together don't go away with spending the recommended family time, then understanding should set in as you grow older and that desire will quietly dissappear as you enjoy times with ALL your family. I wish you the best dear.
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