|
How do I get over this friendship?
So long story short me and this childhood friend have been friends since kindergarten but tbh the friendship may have ended in the 6th grade but it prolonged until grade 11 of high school because of how long we were friends. I’ll admit I was never a good friend to her at all in elementary school, i wanted to fit in with the cool crowd and since they didn’t like her I wanted to fit in so I’d spread her secrets. So as our friendship prolonged into highechool she stopped sharing secrets with me and started putting me down whenever she had the chance saying stuff like “we never wanted to invite you we just needed an extra person” she always treated me like a third friend in our friend group. So one day her and friend B got into a fight and she got mad at me for choosing friend B over her, when as you can see why would I choose her after how she’s been been treating me? Who I was in elementary school isn’t who I was in high school. So she eventually cut me and friend B off on bad terms. To this day I’m 19 now in my second year of university I don’t see her anymore thank goodness but just that friendship has been haunting me I want it to stop. She recently made a YouTube video about how her and friend Bs friendship had ended and briefly mentioned me in the video saying how I told her something that friend B said about her (she twisted the story but she didn’t say anything bad about me except saying that I liked to stir the pot). Any tips on how I can get this friendship to stop haunting me? I can’t reach out to her on social media, she blocked me on Twitter, she’ll prob block me on Instagram if I tried messaging her there. I also noticed that if I commented on a photo of someone she usually comments on on Instagram, she’ll only like the picture she won’t comment. and she’s pretty rude anyways she’ll probably make a video about how I’m trying to reach out to her. What can I do? I’m not the same person as I was back then, I don’t gossip because what’s the point? I don’t like drama and I watch what I say around others
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I am not sure what exactly you are trying to get over. If you don't want to associate with her anymore, then don't. That is how you get over a friendship.
I must say that your ideas of friendship and mine are two very different things. Apparently, todays kids consider a person their friend if they are mean, say mean things, never apologize and do spiteful things to get back at others, etc...
My opinion is that this the way that people who don't like me or hate me will treat me. So of course I don't consider them friends.
I understand that it is important to not define a person by their past. Its who they are now that counts. So its good to hear you have matured. If you are willing to let this person go and not try to revive the friendship, then there is nothing you have to do. If it is guilt that is eating at you and making you feel you are not getting over that friendship, then maybe it is time for an apology.
I understand she may not be willing to accept one and keep blocking you. However, that does not make an apology invalid. The receiver of an apology has every right to accept or not accept it. The giver of an apology, if they are sorry for what they've done in the past, can benefit from simply feeling remorseful in their heart and that making them resolve to never treat others that way again. In the end, the only one who may keep hurting from hurts of the past is the one who refuses to accept an apology but just your heartfelt thoughts are enough to enable you to move on.
Don't let any rejection from her keep you stuck.
If you do want to rekindle the friendship,then instead of posting it which can come across as not truly meant or a chicken way to deal with it, best is to speak in person or in a phone call where the person can hear your voice. Or write her a note the old fashioned way apologizing. Do not expect an apology back from her. She may feel her ways of acting out and retaliating at you were deserved by you. Neither her nor you were blameless. Just apologize and give the note to a mutual friend or someone you know she currently hangs with, to hand deliver to her. Then you'll have done all you can do and its up to her to accept or reject.
Apparently guilt over our past can last a long time. I attended my 40th HS reunion this summer. One of the gals I spoke with, I didn't know as a friend. I had social anxiety and only a small group of friends. The first thing she said to me is that she feels badly for not reaching out to me as a friend. Then she mentioned she also had social anxiety when she was in school. I told her I understood because the social anxiety makes it hard to reach out and make friends. Who we are as kids or young people don't define who we are today. I told her I'd love to pick up at this point keeping in touch.
I don't know if you'll get a happy ending if wanting to continue the friendship. But you may have another chance if she attends the 10yr reunion at the worst case scenerio.
Good luck.
]
More Questions: |