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You deserve better?!
Wha does it mean when a boyfriend of months says, “you deserve better than me, as I’m terribly sad that I can’t correspond to you the way you want me to so and you’re a nice girl and deserve better than me.” We’re still together as we love each other but what’s he saying? Is that the way of him saying he wants out? Not sure. Thank you all.
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He's insecure about who he is and that he isn't good enough a person for you to date. That's not good. The only thing you can try is to convince him that these things aren't so and that you chose him for a reason. Ask why he feels this way. Nobody can tell you if he's planning to bail. If he did the issue is with his lack of confidence in self than with anything you did or didn't do.
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Not knowing him it is hard to say exactly what he means. He writes, "I can’t correspond to you the way you want me to." Spins his thought in a direction of a different meaning.
Normally when I guys say to you that you deserve better than him he is testing the water to see if a mutual breakup is there. But he has put a spin on this that says maybe he is reluctant to split up with yo but will do so because he feels you want something he isn't or can;t be at the moments.
My thought is that he really doesn't want to break up with you but is willing to do so because of signals he is getting from you. My advice is ask him what he means by, ""I can’t correspond to you the way you want me to." It might be he is reaing you wrong.
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Boyfriend of the month? I haven't heard that said before. Does this mean you are forever being dumped after a short time dating? Are you sometimes the one who feels the guy isn't right for you and breaks it off? Kinda hard to say anything not knowing which it is. I do understand 'you deserve better than me' as those are words of regret that a person can't be exactly what their partner wants. If taken just at face value there, it could mean that you keep choosing the wrong guys to date. Not wrong as in bad vs good but wrong as in the differences that make up each unique personality. It's not a matter for some people of not knowing better and just choosing to do the right thing in the relationship once you explain whats wrong but in most cases, a couple is simply mismatched in friendship, maybe in sexual matters too, like not having the same libido, want,, desire where one likes it a lot and the other is happy with twice a month. Neither is wrong but both must be the same or there will be trouble and break ups because of severe differences. So you need to decide what is a deal breaker and what is simply a desire. I am focusing on you but hon, the same goes for him too.
Is corresponding the only issue? Without details, I can only let the imagination run and figure that this is an LDR and those relationships are more like a fax or facisimile of the real thing. It isn't real until you bring it into the present and meet and have a face to face relationship. Only then you can do both your best, to work things out and if no compromises can be made, you break up.
The only other correspondance issues I know involving texting. The female may text too often and he doesn't like to answer or be bothered with the cell beeping every hour. Men have priorities in their life and as long as you are one of lets say the top 3, that means he is juggling other things important to him too. Some females don't get this. Some guys hate typing and are bad at it so they simply don't do it so you hear less from them by text. In this case, I recommend going back to the old way its done, talking on the phone, or better yet, in person face to face where you get to see their expressions.
Another issue might be not having the same things in common to talk about. Either both decide to pay the other attention when they need to talk about a subject, even if you aren't personally interested in it or don't even begin to try because you're with the wrong person. My husbands humor is different than mine and so is his taste in music. So we use earbuds and listen to our own favorites. If he sees something on the net that has him laughing hysterically he'll ask me to come see it so I can laugh too. He does get it right sometimes and its my style of humor but most times, I don't even get it. But I will smile and make a comment like "It's so good to hear you laugh that hard, but I am not laughing because it's I don't find it funny. But I can see how others might find it funny." I am supportive but reinforce what does and doesn't appeal to me and his feelings are not hurt and he will continue to share things like that with me. These are my best guesses as to what to say without you giving more detail. I may be totally off dear. So if you want better advice, you'd have to explain
boyfriend of the month, and what you mean by that, maybe dating experiences of the past if they all end up the same with same problems. It could be the guy, or you or both of you. It would help to know the type of relationship, face to face and local, LDR and never met, LDR but you meet face to face when both have free time off. What you mean by 'We're still together' as in you still talk, or still meet, or still live together or still dating or still a couple who made a commitment to each other. I can't read his mind to answer if this is his way of saying he wants out or that he wants to remain with you but is very aware of the things that he isn't and how you want something he isn't so he may be saying he'll just always worry that you might leave him for someone who is more what you really want if you ever meet that guy in the future. Best way to find out if he simply wants out is to ask him and have a discussion, I can't even tell you what to discuss or how to go about it as I dont know what the issues are, of what he sees as you needing 'better'.
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