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CREATING BOUNDARIES BETWEEN PARENTS
My parents call me all the time! They sometimes call me 6-10 times a day and some of those calls last 60mins +. I am 26 yrs old and my parents are in their mid 50's. My dad has a habit of calling me and complaining about how much he hates his job and its the same conversation over and over again.
Everything he tells me is seriously toxic and wears me down. He talks about death, money, and how much his job and life sucks. I told him once to find a therapist and talk it out with them like I do.
I am having a hard time blocking him and distancing myself because I feel guilty. He puts this guilt trip on me that when he passes away I would of wished I answered more etc. things like this. I do not have many friends so I do hang out with my parents a lot more than I should.
My mom also has nothing good to say. How can I create healthy boundaries??
I live with my significant other so thankfully i do not live with them. (they are divorced for 15 yrs+)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I would tell your father to see a therapist it isn’t fair to you that what he says wears you down you shouldn’t have to feel like that especially since you are his daughter that isn’t how a father daughter relationship should be you shouldn’t feel guilty because from the sound of it you do answer your father’s calls and listen to what he has to say more then you should you are doing what a daughter should be don’t let him make you feel guilty you are giving him the attention he is wanting i would really encourage your father to see a therapist and voice how he is feeling to them by you doing that you aren’t blocking him out you are simply guiding him in the direction towards help
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It's tough raising parents. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say enough is enough and I mean just that.
I had to do just that with my father shortly after my mother passed away. My relationship with my father was never great. I was the surprise child so I was blamed for all his short comings. With my mother no longer here to be the buffer between us my father finally crossed the line and I broke of all contact with him never seeing or speaking with him again.
I'm not advocating you break off all contact with your parents. I do suggest you sit down and write letter to both of them. You write a letter because you will never get to say what needs to be said in any conversation with them.
In your letter you start off by saying you love them both dearly but tell them you are 26 years old and have a life of your own. You cannot spend the day on the phone with for hours at a time. They may call you once or twice a week at a time that is convenient to you both. You tell them that you want to have happy conversations not conversations about how bad their lives suck, you know that all to well from past conversations.
Tell them they have their own lives to lead and at their age there is plenty for them to do and to make friends with. At 50 years of age they qualify as seniors and can attend the community senior center to take part in all the activities they offer that they have.
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I am in a very similar prediction. We are the same age and my parents are around the same age and divorced as well, 10 years longer than your parents lol. I hate to be the one to say this, but the odds are not in our favor when it comes to them changing. My situation is slightly worse. I don't live with them, but I live in mom's efficiency. Through the years, I held out hope that once I became an adult, they would change. Once I moved out, they would change. I was living elsewhere for a while. But, this is their "normal." In order to create healthy boundaries, you need to stop answering their calls. Tell your dad and mom that you they get two phone calls a day for now and to use them wisely. They will try to push this, but you need to stick to your boundaries. Don't feel guilty. If you do not set the boundaries it will NEVER get better. I would love to chat as I feel like we have a lot in common and I've never met anyone my age dealing with similar issues!!! My e-mail is: cfern064@gmail.com
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