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"best friend" breaks her own promise
i dont know where to start. im so frail and i trust and forgive people too easily, especially my so called best friend.
ok so i dont mind if we hangout with our other friends, but she said that if we hangout with other people, we have to tell each other beforehand, and i was ok with it bc it didnt rlly bother me. to some this might sound controlling but at the time i thought she really is my best friend and will keep her promise but turns out she cant keep a promise that she made me follow. so then these past weeks ive hung out with other people which is not her and ive told her every single time, and everytime her replies are along the lines of these "wowowow im ditched again" (when shes not even close with them), ".....k", "wtf ok im not ur best friend anymore" just disapproving and trying to convince me how bad a person they are, trying to convince me to not hang with them, and i have to reassure her that no one will replace her spot as my best friend. this is not the first time and it has happened in the past. its not like she doesnt have friends, she actually do have a lot, more than i do, but i dont mind because i thought as long as we are still close its ok. but then she hung out with other people without telling me. im not mad that she didnt tell me, im just confused about why she would do something that she made ME promise her not to and a promise that she started herself. and everytime i found out by going on social media and im just generally confused, and a little disappointed, i guess sad as well to why she would break her own promise. and the thing is that we will like chat, act like nothing happened and the next hour i will discover that we broke her promise again, but i wont confront her, because im scared that it will ruin our friendship. i know this is probably a bad thing, but i just still wants our friendship to be here and ive allowed her to run all over me these past years and just simply dont know how to stand up for myself. thats why im asking who ever is reading this, what should i do?
i might not have phrased it well, but i hope who ever read this mess will be able to tell me what i should do, thanks
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Dear "best friend" breaks her own promise,
I remember when I was in high school and I had a friend who was a lot like this. She would get really jealous when I would hang out with other people, even though she would hang out with a lot of people I did not know. It is easy for somebody on the outside looking in to tell you how to handle this situation. It is not their feelings, emotions, or friendships that will be affected by the actions you choose to take to handle this situation. With that being said, I think you should just have a long conversation with yourself. You need to figure out what you want and need out of this friendship. You can not change someone else. All you can do is change how you react to them. So if you are unhappy with how you are being treated stop allowing it to happen. If she is a friend worth fighting for, than she would care about your feelings and give you the space you need. You should also use this situation as a personal life lesson to teach yourself how to put boundaries in your future relationships. Boundaries on what your friends or future partners can or cannot control in your life.
Best of luck, Rose xx
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I agree that she is not controlling.It takes a lot more to be controlling. If I am correct by past questions posed, you are college age, whether you went abroad or not to study. I understand in HS everyone has their anxieties and insecurities but after HS, it's time for a person to mature and learn to grow up more and become more self confident.
I believe she feels insecure, very insecure to ask you to let her know when you are meeting another friend. I am in my late 50s and never ever in my life has anyone done that to me. I am close to my sisters and talk about everything. They have never had anyone ask the same of them either. It just is not normal hon. You can not be her therapist. Caving in and doing this for her is not going to help her. She is trying to avoid a situation that makes her feel insignificant, unimportant, unloved, unpopular, etc etc....
Treat her the same as you do other people. You do not call through your entire list of friends, lets say 9 people to let them all know when you are planning to meet up with person number 10. Its non of their business to begin with, whether they know each other or not. So stop doing this. Next time she asks, you let her know that you did this for her for a while to give her some time to adjust for whatever was causing her to feel the need to ask you this. But you are no longer going to do this because no one is ever asked to do this. Tell her you still care about her as a friend but she's not the only person in your life. The only scheduling she is going to hear about is the ones when you ask her out to lunch or go see a movie or whatever, only that which pertains to you and her getting together. If she doesn't like this, then she will have to walk away from the friendship.
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