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Severe depression, cannot work, what do I do?
23/f
I've suffered from clinical depression since I was 15, officially diagnosed when I was 18 after my first suicide attempt.
I feel as though- w/o the depression, my life would be great. I see and deeply appreciate all the blessings in my life... However, my depression is ever-worsening. It feels almost completely chemical and out of control, and my therapist and my physician both agree to this after seeing my symptoms firsthand. I've been on meds, off meds, tried diet, exercise, talk therapy, essential oils, religion, and many more methods to cure or even dull my depression, but I feel like I might have to accept the fact that for a small portion of the population, their depression is for life... myself included.
I'm to a point where it's getting hard to function. I can't do basic self-care like showering, brushing my hair, etc. More importantly, I find it increasingly difficult to work. I worked at a high stress, high paying job and had major panic attacks every day and had to resign to prevent getting fired. Now I work as a simple cashier and am VERY happy with the job. But I make little above minimum wage and can only handle working 25-30 hrs a week. But even that is starting to become VERY difficult. Were it not for my awesome boyfriend who works at a high-paying foundry, we'd still be living in his parents' basement.
I need help. My boyfriend and I have been together 4+ years and we love each other. However it must be a huge stress/burden on him to have to work so much and support me, almost as a caretaker, all by himself. I'm wondering what I can do, what steps I can take, since it feels like I wont be able to keep working for much longer, putting ALL financial responsibilities on him. Any advice would be appreciated.
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Kudos to the boyfriend for not having been scared away by the issues you have and yet still being loving and supportive. I do understand not wanting to be a financial burdon on him. You might at least want to discuss it with him rather than surprising him with 'I quit my job today'. Let him know what you are thinking, how you are feeling and see what he thinks.
As to steps you can take, please understand you know your situation totally as to what has been done and what hasn't, than I would know. So I would have to ask specific questions to see if there are any possible steps to give you. Yes, I agree that there are some people who truly have clinical depression and the only cure is medication. I have learned in experiences with others in my life who had depression that there was another way to try to help depression without automatically giving them meds first. So I need to know if you are familiar with CBT, known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You mentioned talk therapy and there is talking done with CBT but it is more on the part of the Dr instructing you.
I grew up with extreme anxieties and it wasn't until I turned 18 (a time when no Dr. treated anxieties yet, it was unheard of) and I wanted to get over it and be cured. I heard from God a list of what to do to get over the anxietys I had. Imagine my surprise upon reading an author from a borrowed library book who used to be a Psychologist, turned author, (whose book had the exact same things to do to be cured that I followed from what I heard God say) to teach not only other Drs but people that there is a better way.
He went on to discover that some people are still quite difficult to help due to their resisting the therapys and came up with a second important drill to use when coming up against this in a person. He called it for short T.E.A.M. The author is Dr. David D. Burns. He has a website you can go visit if curious. Since he isn't practicing as a Dr any longer, he will provide the name of a psychologist you can contact if you wish who can give you referrals to Dr. in your area, or as close as possible who use both CBT and TEAM to help patients.
Heres the link to the website: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Since nothing else has helped, if you know you definitely haven't tried the methods I mentioned, and want to check every possibility to find a way to get a little better if not totally cured, then it may be the thing to try. I can tell you one thing, the first time I read through the website years ago, I came across a list of people who wrote in to thank him. I remember a woman who had suffered severe life crippling depression for her entire life and was in her 50s before she finally came across this therapy. SHe said she is now totally cured and leads a normal life. Thats great but also said it took so long for her to come across a cure for her. What I have learned is that ALL humans get distorted thoughts from time to time. Its that inner voice saying things you feel are true but in reality are just distorted thinking. Lots of us catch ourselves doing this and just choose to stop focusing on giving so much brain power to unproven, distorted ideas and probabilities in our minds. SO as far as having distorted thoughts, that is common issue underlying both anxieties and depression. Having had anxieties, I know how great the therapy works and so much want to see you try it if you haven't.
I know life in general can be stressful too which you may feel will always lead to depression but there are ways to learn how to handle stress or when feasible, remove yourself from stressful situations. I have left jobs that were stressful, I left a marriage due to an ex that mistreated me and that was so stressful it affected my health while I was with him. I no longer have any of those stress related issues since leaving and divorcing him. So you did a good move to go for a job you were happier with. You just need to find what helps with the depression. I wish you the best dear. Other than what I have shared, if CBT and drugs haven't worked for you, I don't beleive there is anything else to try for getting better, at which point you simply learn to come up with a routine that you know you can handle. This might include seeing if you can qualify for disability if is possible since you could be unable to work, and avoiding things that stress you out. I know its no good way to live but if you truly have already been treated with the non medicinal choices of CBT and TEAM and not been helped, then there is nothing else. These therapies have been around for around 40 years so its not anything new but the schools that churn out new psychologists do not tend to teach this method or if they do, stress it only works for some but that medication is the better choice for all. What student becoming a new Dr. isn't going to want to do what works best for ALL patients as they've been taught and told. The actuality is that what they believe is actually backwards, remember medication is proven to only help a very small percent of people and the majority are cured by the methods I mentioned. Good luck Hon and I wish you a bright future you can be content and happy with.
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