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How to not be akward and talk to someone again
There is this guy I like and recently we both found out that we used to like eachother. But here's the thing I just told him that I used to like him because I didn't want to be rejected. I told him over text and he told me he used to like me but doesn't feel ready for a relation ship. Now I'll be soon approaching my junior year in high school and me and this guy used to talk all the time. But ever since winter break ended I just sort of stopped talking/texting him. so around the middle of April 2017 is when I told him I "used" to like him. After he told me that he used to like me I started freaking out, like 'what if he liked me and I just turned him down' or 'what if he finds it awkward now' or 'what if he thinks I'm a bother?'. I'm a girl who over thinks things way too much and that's why I stopped ignoring him. So how would I work my way to talking to him again without being awkward? I just want to have that friendly conception with him back at least. So if someone out there can give some advice that would be very helpful!
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Your mind and more specifically, your thoughts are your worst enemy. Yes, you are overthinking this and assuming too much. I'll go thru this all based on your choice of words:
"I just told him that I used to like him because I didn't want to be rejected." (Logically, what you felt in the past does not define what you currently feel. Same as who you were in the past shouldn't be used to define who you are today by other people. Anyone who assumes by this confession that you feel the same now is immature and inexperienced. It is NOT a given, that how you felt back then is how you feel now. There is no way he could even begin to guess what thoughts are spinning around in that hamster wheel in your mind. BTW, guys are just as afraid of being rejected and owning up to the current truth if they like someone. so if both people are afraid to be honest, how do you suppose people ever become couples?)
Second assumption: " he told me he used to like me but doesn't feel ready for a relation ship." Used to like is just a confirmation of the past. It does not mean he likes you that way now, and by 'that way' I mean as bf/gf. This does not mean that he doesn't like you as just a friend right now. All he said was he is not ready for a relationship right now. This does not mean he isn't open to interacting with you as a friend. If you choose to do so, do not make any overtures that feel like you are behaving toward him or treating him like a bf. No demands on his time, no expectations, just enjoy the time he has to give as a friend if he's open to that.)
Possible 3rd assumption if I read it right:
"Now I'll be soon approaching my junior year in high school" I don't see how what year you are in bears any significance to your story unless you are assuming you are running out of time to snag a guy as a boyfriend in HS? Most surely you will find someone, at some point after HS. So i will mention what I told my daughters when they entered HS. YOu will see lots of girls with bfs. But are half those bfs just out for sex and don't really care about those girls. One can't count it as having a bf if he sleeps around with anyone he can convince and there is no commitment, even short term. If you really watched and took notes of who was dating whom and for how long, you'd notice that most relationships don't last long and the girls grades start to suffer if they are depressed after being dumped which happens alot during teen years for a reason. We are still immature and inexperienced in relationships and other than our parents, or TV shows, we have no real true good examples or even classes to leaern the basics of how to get into and behave in a relationship. This is an area you'll have to self teach in and there is a lot of advice on the net. Try you tube videos of dos and don't of dating or relationships for girls/females. Watch plenty as there will be the odd ones that are just stupid and no value at all. You may feel so desperate because the lack of knowledge about how to do relationships scares you. Trying to force yourself into a relationship now without any self taught learning ahead of time, is like going to war without any weapons, you're totally unprepared. And that means all you will become is another teen statistic of too scared to talk and never practicing getting into a relationship let alone how to behave or getting together with a guy and just winging it which means you learn by the school of hard knocks and the more hard knocks there are, the more chance a teen relationship will not survive long.)
"But ever since winter break ended I just sort of stopped talking/texting him." (You never did explain what caused you to stop talking to him. I have no idea what thoughts were prominent in your mind causing you to do that so I can explain away for you.)Same goes for what prompted you to admit you used to like him in April.
"I started freaking out, like 'what if he liked me and I just turned him down" ( Uh, hello? How can a person turn down someone who is not ready for a relationship. A turn down is if he asked you to be his girlfriend and you said no. That is a turn down. This is an assumption again in your mind.
"or 'what if he finds it awkward now" I can assure you that he does not feel awkward now. How can I be so certain? Easy, he is not ready for a relationship. That statement covered him from having to explain anything further. So he never did say whether 1. He still likes you but is not ready right now for a relationship or 2. He used to like you that way but doesn't anymore now keeps that to his self to not hurt your feelings and so he basically let you know that when he is ready to date, he will but there's no way to know if it will be you.)
or 'what if he thinks I'm a bother?' Teens and adults alike will often during life find some person trying to attach themselves to your life, as a friend or more, always in your face, always calling, when you have nothing in common, can't stand them and wish they'd go away. Hubby and I have that going on right now. There is a guy who came up and talked to us 2 years ago and is still hanging around. We do the same anyone does in this situation, we do not encourage the person by calling them or inviting them to something, we do our best to distance ourselves to show disinterest and this guy is one who never got the message. So until we move into another area where this guy doesn't live, he will be a 'bother'. If this guy you speak of feels bothered, he will not admit it. Well, some teens don't understand using tact or with holding info that could hurt another person. Some teens will be hurtful on purpose just to be mean. If he's not like that, he won't say a thing. So you would have to be your own judge. What is a person doing if they are a bother to you? He probably feels the same. Teen angst is alive and well and thinking back to my teen years, its always been this way. Very few teens have a good solid self confidence and self esteem. Of those who seem to have it, a handful do but the rest are all faking it really well. So what you do is look for him trying to distance himself as a friend, not calling you, not responding to your calls or texts, not finding time to invite you to just hang out. This is what teens also do to get rid of a dating partner. They show little interest, hoping the person will get the message and go away.)
"I'm a girl who over thinks things way too much" (this is the first statement of yours I can agree with wholeheartedly. And this is not a good thing by the way, being an overthinker)
that's why I stopped ignoring him ( The definition of the word ignoring is: refuse to take notice of or acknowledge; disregard intentionally. Now you doing that can have very different results depending on who you did it too and how that person feels about you if anything at all. A close friend would be hurt and wondering if they did something to hurt you and come asking why you are ignoring them and if they hurt you. A person who is just an acquaintance, is someone you see often in your daily life, like other students but it doesnt mean they feel any friendship to you at all or at least not yet if friendship is possible and you have enough in common. So you did not say what he was doing over the months that you ignored him. If he tried making contact with you often but you ignored him, then you likely hurt his feelings or at the very most confused him. When a girl is not straightforward, logical and overthinking things, it is too easy to actually unintentionally push a guy away by your actions. If I were him, I would be wondering why you're all over the place emotionally, something guys don' like, this is drama. YOu don't want to be a Drama Queen, they never get the guy. If a guy does check her out, he'll be gone as soon as he has discovered and is tired of the drama. Being indecisive and over thinking and lack of self confidence are the biggest things preventing you from having success in your entire adult life, not to mention in relationships as well. So I would think that is a lot for a teen to work on in improving themselves. Lots of that will come with age and growing up, you will mature. )
So how would I work my way to talking to him again without being awkward? ( I have no idea why you are asking this because you've already done this. Let me take you back to when you stopped talking to him after winter break and didn't speak to him until mid April. Don't you think that was awkward? Hell yes it is awkward, especially if you never explained why you stopped talking to him all that time. So what did you do to start talking again after 2 or more months of ignoring him. What ever it was, do it again and you'll be on talking terms again.)
I just want to have that friendly conception with him back at least.(Friendly connection I assume you meant. There was nothing friendly about your previous treatment or currently not talking cus you are afraid of what he thinks. Is that how your friends treat you? Cus in my books, that is not the behavior of a friend. I understand a friend making a mistake, but a friend would admit their mistake. From my childhood, I had a best friend who lived just up the alley from me. She was a very moody person to begin with. She often got over it quickly but one time a week or more went by with my trying to talk to her and her ignoring me so I figured she needed more time to snap out of her mood. I didn't have many friends but a gal I was on friendly basis with noticed and asked what was up. I didnt know but was lonely so I began to hang out with her. That made my BBF jealous and she started talking to me. NOw that she was talking, I asked if I had done anything wrong. I had not. She admitted that she had been moody and nasty towards me but wanted me back for a friend. I told her she had not lost me, that I had just been waiting for her to come back. That sort of thing never happened again. This was 6th grade. If a 6th grader can admit their wrong doing or faults, then surely you as a HS student can. It is not awkward but is scary thing to do. So how do you get past any fears, just realize that fear will keep taunting you to prevent you from doing what you want. I used to be very socially anxious so I understand the fear to do anything. What I discovered is that once you face your fears and all those what ifs, that fear will just disappear. It means having to take the first step while still scared, and walking up to him and start talking. The best thing you could do is let him know what is going on in your mind. The only people you don't show your weaknesses to is the enemy. He's not your enemy. So let him know you have trouble with overthinking things. Let him know how and why this affected you into deciding not to talk to him for a couple months. The thing you need is to get used to talking easily with males and being understood by them. Males like to help females. So if as your friend you ask for his help, I am sure he can help by being a listening ear, reassuring and supporting you in what you do and all you would have to do is ask if he would help you in overcoming your overthinking. The way this works is every time a thought hits your mind that causes you anxiety or worry or something that is not positive, you need to verbalize the thought to him letting him know this is one of your hamster wheel things going on again. I am married and neither my husband or I keep much of our thoughts to ourselves. Anything that has happened recently or what we remember from the past, we share verbally. Its been a wonderful way to have him let me know that when I was worried about something I said or did giving him the wrong impression, that it indeed did not. When I felt perhaps I lacked a skill, he could tell me that the skills I do have far outweigh the ones I don't. When an idea hits me, like lets go out for Chinese food tonight, I speak out the moment it hits. Last time, he and I both were thinking and saying the same phrase at the same time. ONe of us actually picked up the thought from the other, liked it and shared it. So we went for CHinese. Boys have a different way of looking at things. MOre stable emotionally and logical. Teen girls still are suffering the emotional affects of the hormonal changes where boys are not affected that way. So any guy if not him that you can be close friends with, would be a good choice if he's willing to help you. You need to stop dwelling on each thought and coming up with multi scenerio endings for each and wondering until you are anxious and scared and can find no rest. This is not the normal way to live but you are not alone. A lot of people live this way and its a miserable way to live ones life. Good luck!
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I advise you and the guy finish high school together, go to the to the library as friends and study together. During the week socialize with other people, and at the library, on the weekends report any desire you both have developed for each other in the days the two of you have not been in contact. I really hop this works out as i believe it will. If you two can see other people and not miss each other, than y'all are not meant to be together. But if the opposite happens, and y'all miss each other than..I think you have just found your boyfriend, girl!And if that is the case, Y'all have to go to prom together, decide which college y'all will go to together, and take it from there.
Kerrington2016
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