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Is it Possible that she sees some of my father in me?


Question Posted Tuesday November 1 2016, 1:56 am

Sometimes I am on eggshells with my relationship with my stepdad(family relationship). Sometimes we get into arguements to the point were we actually yell at each other and sometimes my mother has to call it off. But my question is, when I was young, my mother and biological father didn't have the best of relationships either, so I ask is it possible that she sees some of my father in me and should I talk to her about it?

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Dragonflymagic answered Thursday November 3 2016, 3:58 pm:
Adviceman is right, there is no clear answer to give as we don't know the people in question.
It is a possibility that you do remind Mom of her last husband. Any mature adult of course knows that just cus someone reminds you of someone else, it doesn't mean they are that other person and should be liked for who they are.

And so, it is entirely possible that your Mom's issue is more of not having good relationship skills, perhaps an anger problem, some distorted thinking or even mental illness, and keeps choosing the wrong guys. There can not be a real or argument if only one person is actively working at it. If the other person doesn't respond at all, no fight. I had to take this tact with an ex as the problem was internal with him and had nothing to do with me.

Parents do not like their children interfering and trying to fix their problems so you may have more problems just trying to talk to Mom. Since both parents may be real touchy, you're attempt to engage them in talk may cause more trouble for you.
It also may be that if you are a teen girl that your hormones will be out of whack for a while and therefore all your emotions more touchy, cry easier, get irritated much easier or angry. Then take teen attitude and mix it with parents who haven't much a clue how to have good rewarding relationships and you have the issues at your house.
For people who understand them better and can help guide you, are there siblings of Mom you can talk to? You must have aunts and uncles. See what advice they may have. They may or may not be aware that your Mom has ever had these kinds of issues all this time.

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adviceman49 answered Tuesday November 1 2016, 9:54 am:
This is a difficult question to answer as scientifically there is no answer to the question. We are the sum of the parts which is equal parts of the genes we get from our biological parents. Family members may see certain traits in us that they see in one of our parents but the question is. Is this a trait of a parent or something unique to us.

For example a woman is raped by a serial killer and becomes pregnant. She decides to go through with the pregnancy and raise the child. Because the father is a serial killer will the child be a serial killer? There is no record of this type of killer coming from this type of pregnancy although this type of pregnancy does happen.

On the other hand certain medical conditions do pass from parent to child. These medical conditions do in fact skip generations which is why doctors ask for medical histories as far back as grandparents.

As you can see just by the little bit I have written the answer to your question could be yes or no. For the most part you are a product of your environment. Relationships with stepparents are sometimes tenuous at best for many different reasons.

My best answer to you is. You are a unique individual. You may be quick tempered, you may harbor some ill feelings towards your stepfather which would not be unusual. You can learn to control your temper I did which also came as I matured.

You could sit down with mom, stepdad and talk about your relationship to find away to coexist better. I know from experience with my nieces that their step dad felt at times that they took advantage of him or were just downright ungrateful for what he was able to bring to them. If you can allow yourself to do so let your step dad know that while you may not always show it you are appreciative of what he brings to the family unit and that you try not to disrespect him.

You would be surprised how a little understanding between you two will lower the boiling point. Lowering the boiling point will allow for fewer arguments and better living conditions.

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