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Daughter and 4 year stepfather not getting along
My husband has been living with me and my family for four years. We had a child two years ago also, and now my 12 year old who calls him dad is being resentful about his stepfather authority he doesn't. Call himself her stepfather and treats her like our child and my son. But as we make thanksgiving plans she is having an attitude about his parents visiting. Also her father left when she was born and she doesn't know him any help with how to reduce her attitude for the holidays would be great
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I'm sorry you did not care for my advice though I hope you will heed my advice as far as getting your daughter someone to talk to. I do believe that this is the center of the problem and she needs a professional to help her work through it.
Her reaction, as you have written, is not unusual when a parent and a step-parent have a child of there own for the child of one to react as she is. The psychologist will talk with you about the problem then work with her to find out why she is reacting this way and help her see a better way.
I see two possible problems here. One is sibling rivalry made worse by the fact that the baby is both yours and your husbands where she is only his stepchild. The other is far more common and usually referred to as the terrible teenage years were rebellion is quite common.
I tend to lean towards sibling rivalry more because it is your husband's family that is coming for dinner rather than your family. Here it is that the baby's family that is coming for dinner, not hers.
Now I'm not a psychologist and this is just a knee jerk reaction though to me it seems logical. Until the baby arrives she was the center of both of your attentions. Now the baby is here who is jointly yours and she is not.
My only suggestion for you is to find her a good child psychologist to talk to for she is not going to open up to you. She needs to talk to someone and that someone needs to assure her that what she says to them stays with them. The psychologist will never tell you what she said but will offer you ways to help her overcome whatever her problem is.
You and your husband should check with your insurance or benefits counselors at work to see if you have and EAP program. IF you do one of you should contact the program coordinator and ask for help in finding a child psychologist. The reason for going this route is that most programs will pay for a certain amount of visits in full then your health insurance takes over.
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