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Would you want to find out who this person is?
If you lost your nineteen son twelve years ago in a terrible car accident and if some mysterious person kept leaving you gift at you house and leaving him flowers at the cemetery, would you want to know who it was?
Imagine living with the fear that someday everyone was going to forget your son. Then years after his death, out of nowhere, you come home the day before his birthday to find on your doorstep a basket full of candy and cookies with a bouquet of roses resting on top. There was a letter in the basket from some sweet young lady who wrote about how much she liked Reid (your son) and about some of the nice things he did for her.
The next year, the same young lady left you a plate of delicious homemade cookies and another letter. She also frequently leaves flowers at Reid's grave on his birthday and the anniversary of his death. She continuously does nice things for you, your family, and Reid on these difficult and painful days.
For some reason, she seems to want to remain anonymous. She won't let you know who she is and she apparently never wants to be seen doing these kind gestures. She left the basket of goodies and the bouquet of roses the day BEFORE Reid's birthday supposedly because his birthday was a Saturday that year and she figured you could be home that day, but knew you wouldn't be home during the day obituary Friday. She did the same thing this year because his birthday was on Saturday again. When she comes in the daytime, it's always when she figures you're not home. I don't know why she wants to do these things anonymously, but she does.
Would you want to know who she was? Would you want to find out so you could let her know how much you appreciate it and how much it means to you? Would you try to find her or respect her wishes to remain anonymous? If you would try to get in touch with her, how would you do so? You thought putting something in the newspaper or on the local radio station asking her to come forward so your family could thank her might be a good idea, but then you'd be advertising it to the whole town and possibly causing the whole town to look for her. You don't want to do that because you don't want to make her feel like you invaded her privacy.
What would you do?
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Sure, I'd be very curious. But I am afraid it must remain a secret as she has her reasons. If however you want to thank her, I guess at this point you'd have to wait until next year the day or two before his birthday, have a Thank you card waiting on your porch or door where it can't be missed. Adress it as such: "To the person who has kindly left gifts in remembrance of Reid every year. Then thank her in the card. If you wish you could let her know it is okay to approach you, that it wouldn't hurt you or such if she was willing but if she has reasons for wanting to remain anonymous, you respect that and wish her well and just wanted to say thanks.
Whether she takes the card and even reads it is up to her. At least you will know you tried to thank her.
I can think of plenty reasons for someone not wanting anyone to know. If in some mistaken way I felt guilty, feeling I was in some remote way parly responsible for what lead up to his death, I might do such things out of guilt. If I knew him in HS and really had a crush on him but never let him know, I might do such a thing as self imposed penence for never having been bold enough to approach him, or if I was now married to a very jealous man, I could not risk him knowing about any one I previously dated or crushed on if that husband overreacts to the mention of any male in my past. Thats just it, you don't know and she may in her own mind believe its best to kept this quiet.
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I understand how you feel and you for whatever her reasons are must understand she does this for whatever her reasons are. She is letting you know that your son meant something to her and made a difference in her life and that he is missed not only by you and your family.
She has her reasons for wanting to remain anonymous and you should allow her to do so. If you want to thank her what I would do knowing when she does this I would leave and envelope on the door step THAT MORNING marked "THAN YOU." In side in a card or letter you could writ how appreciative of her gesture you and your family are and if she ever wants to meet you that you and your family would love to meet her. Then it is up to her to pick up the envelope and respond if she wishes.
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