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He broke up with me... Again.
23/f, 29/m
Yes, the subject says it all. My boyfriend of two years broke up with me again. This wasn't the first or second time. This is kind of the same reason from before.. He doesn't see a future with me.
Yesterday, I saw him and things were perfectly fine. But I felt that something was off and his reaction to me a few days ago, telling him that we've been together for about two years, was strange. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he's been thinking lately.
He told me that he watched his friend's marriages fail, my parents are getting divorced, his brother's relationship go on and off and it made him realize that he didn't want to waste my time. He said the foundation of our relationship wasn't very strong because of the trust issues that we had, it made things difficult. He said he wanted to have a marriage that had a solid foundation and that the relationship won't end, and he didn't see that with us. He said it wasn't that he wanted to replace me but that he thinks I should replace him so I can find someone I want to marry by the age I wanted. He said that he knows that I had a particular age that I wanted to get married. He said that he didn't see a future with me. He said that he was happy with me and that I'm a wonderful person, but he didn't see a future with me. He said he didn't see our happiness as a long-term thing.
Part of me knew this was going to happen, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't suck to hear it. But then it got conflicting and frustrated because he said that he takes full responsibility about what happened in our relationship (his lies, betrayal, etc). But it got conflicting because he told me that he still loves me.
After thinking for awhile and crying here and there, I told him that I guess that it makes sense. I always told myself that I wanted to be with someone who would put in the effort to be with me and that no matter what happens, he'd still want to be with me. I told him that I noticed that I wasn't really a priority for him. That I was to be with someone who loved his job, but loved me a little more (not in the way he won't go to work, but if I was to commute elsewhere if we were married, if we'd move). And because I wanted that from him, I kept making him a priority and I kept treating him the way I wanted to be treated to finally have him treat me the same way... But it wasn't making things better, it just kept getting worse. That he saw it, but just didn't do anything about it.
And he told me that he did and that I was a priority and that he loved me more than he loves his job, etc. It felt awfully conflicting because his actions said otherwise. He always did this. Every time I bring something up and makes me realize why we weren't the right fit (just agreeing with his point), he makes a counter-argument trying to say that we were the right fit.
Then he said that he'll still go with me to my best friend's wedding if I'd like him to and that we can watch the last season of FRIENDS together if I'd like. It just made me feel really confused.
In the end, I felt really sad, confused, and frustrated. It just seemed like he was saying, "Hey, we are perfect for each other. We want the same things, but we just don't have the right foundation for it. I love you, though. Bye."
What should I do? Do you think he's going to come back and talk with me again? Do you think he's doing this on purpose and trying to see if I still care for him? I don't understand what he's trying to do.
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He's not very brave. He wants to ditch it all with you because he messed up and he'll never be the hero that he wants to be to his wife and children. He wants to be perfect to someone and he's flawed in your eyes. He can't deal with that so he'd rather try again with someone else. A clean slate if you will. Again not very brave. Move on. Find the man who will be your hero and move mountains to be with you.
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Please take this to heart:
When someone shows you who they are..BELIEVE THEM.
I have absolutely no desire to be with someone who doesn't wish to be with me. As for going to a wedding with you and watching tv with you, any friend can do that, i would certainly expect more from a boyfriend.
This guy plays to many games/mind games. High school is over and so should the kid games he plays.
Unless you wish to continue to be a puppet on a string...i would cut the strings and ties with him and move on.
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I think this man is using a lot of excuses to try and get out of the relationship. He keeps saying the reason why he wants to end the relationship because of things you want in the "Future" he is not putting in any effort in the present for the future, when someone loves another they will do whatever they can to be with that person, make that person happy, make that person feel loved, it sounds he doesnt do any of this. I honestly feel the reason why you both are on and off for the past two years because you keep letting him back in, when you guys are off he probably just misses the "sex" or the attention. Dodge this bullet NOW, before its to late and you cant get out of this pattern. Take his advice and find someone better you deserve it.
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