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Friend zoned
24/f
Met a guy on tinder who just recently moved to the area. We met in about August. We both broke up with our spouses in about June/July so it was newly single to the both of us. First time we hung out i went to his apartment we told each other we werent going to cross boundaries but we did and had sex and it was great. I stayed over his house. The second time we hung out probably a week after we had sex again and i stayed over hung out and it was great. Texted all the time, pretty much lead me on and i started getting attached. About 3 days after we had sex i broke out with herpes. (we used a condom both times) i told him and he was in denial and said that he doesnt have it and if he did his ex would have it and she does not. So im still stuck between if it was my ex or him. Anyway, i still really like this guy but hes busy with work and going back and forth from his hometown to visit family and friends which is about 5 hours away...he moved here for work. Its been about 6 months and i personally feel like hes avoiding hanging out with me but he claims he is just busy with work. I put myself down telling myself he doesnt want to be with me because of the H. We finally hung out last night and it was strictly friendzoned because thats what he wants. I know he cares deeply about me as a friend it just hurts im not sure on what to do i love him as my friend but i wonder if he felt the connection i did too last night. It kind of hurt he never tried to make a move on me which i respect but i genually like this person and he obviously doesnt feel the same way. From the time in August until now we go on and off about flirting ive sent him naked pictures of myself sometimes to "brighten his day" and he obv likes the pictures and what not but we are just friends? I just feel like my heart/head is being all messed up and im not sure how i should feel. I went home that night he walked me to my car gave me one of those side hugs and kissed my head and i texted him being like good job on not crossing boundaries lol and he responded with thats why i didnt let you sleep over. I answered with nothing would have happened anyway lol. I asked him today if he doesnt want to hook up with me because of the H. And he says that it has nothing to do with that he is busy with work and starting a life out here and he told me many months ago when we first hung out hes not looking for a hook up/ realtionship with anyone and i told him i respected that 100% i just wanted to make sure it wasnt because of the H. What is everyones thoughts
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First thing and really the most important thing is STOP SENDING HIM NAKED PICTURES. Not only does it make you look desperate. You do not know him well enough to know what he might do with them. You two are not in a relationship and can both go your separate ways at any time. Those naked photos are now his to do as he pleases and could end up on any of a hundred different websites.
Condoms stop the transmission of many different STDS but not all. It is also possible he had a cold sore and you had oral sex with him when he did. Cold sores are a different type of Herpes virus but can be transmitted by contact just like the other type. The fact that you broke out on or around your vagina makes it an STD regardless of which simplex the Herpes virus is. You need to know which type you have Type I or Type II.
If it is Type I then you most likely got it from oral sex. Cold sores are something the majority of the population must deal with as the Herpes virus that causes cold sores lives in moist of us. The Type II virus can usually only be gotten from intercourse though it is possible for someone to have it in their mouth and transfer it through oral sex as well.
If you do have the type II virus you would most likely be contacted by your State or County Health Department as they would want to contact you recent sex partners to test them as well as their recent sex partners to stop the transmission of this strain and treat those infected.
As for your guy and his sudden cooling off with you. As much as he may deny it I would have to say the herpes has to play some part in it. What he should do is be tested to make sure he is not a carrier which is possible too. A person can be a carrier and transmit the disease without showing signs themselves.
Then once he knows for sure if you and he have any feeling for each other it may be possible to continue to have a sexual relationship provided you take proper precautions and not during an outbreak. You of course will be on medication most likely for life if the type you have is TYPE II. You and your partners will have to know what to look for and when to reframe from sex.
Having Herpes is not the end of the world neither is it the end of your sex life. There are a number of dating sights, too numerous to list here, explicitly for people with herpes. Just type in to a search engine; "Dating site for people with herpes."
A number of returns will be listed. Review them and find one you might like to join. It is very possible you will find someone to have a relationship with that could lead to finding a new husband.
The first thing to do though is find out from your doctor just which type of Herpes you have. Then if you want look at the different dating sites and see if you find someone that might be compatible and contact them. Also list yourself and see who might contact you. You have nothing to lose and nothing to fear from having Herpes.
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You know the most important thing here:
He doesn't want to be with you. Not sexually, not a relationship.
Maybe it is about the herpes. You will never know 100%. Ever.
For the love of God stop sending him naked photos of yourself! Seriously. That's insane and desperate. I mean, it's not terribly wise to send ANYONE naked pictures of yourself, but you barely know this person, he's not in any sort of relationship with you, and he has very clearly told you, for months, that he isn't interested. I don't have words to express what a dumb thing it is to be sending him nudes.
Protect yourself and respect yourself. When a guy says "No." don't go on exposing yourself, emotionally or literally.
When someone doesn't want to be with you, you don't always get to know for sure what the reasons are. If it's the herpes, or something else, it doesn't matter. His mind is made up and you need to respect that no matter what his reasons are, or whether he'll tell you his reasons or not.
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