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Two guys like me and I like them; Very confused
17/Female
I'll start from the beginning of this.
A few months ago I started making new friends, and talking to two guys who are both friends with each other already. I started talking to Guy 1 through text, and we hit it off pretty well, talking about our interests and having fun making jokes, talking nonstop, although we are both kinda awkward individuals in person, and has a hard time with other subjects out of that, but after while we started to like each other, slowly telling him about some issues I have within myself, to which he just listens, to which I can appreciate. Now, going back, Guy 2 and me first started talking he was mostly helping me vent and give me advice, and listening to my problems, to which I told him so many things, I don't know why I trusted him so quickly after some brief conversations at school. Our friendship built from that, we pretty much know many things about each other, and contrary to Guy 1, is better with his words, and not awkward all that much. Now, Guy 1 and myself have been sort of flirting and know about each others feelings while Guy 2 has just told me their feelings which I had already guessed he did; I just didn't want things to get complicated, because I had questioned before "Did I go for the wrong guy?" But just thought Guy 2 liking me wasn't possible. Now, I'm confused as both guys are great, and I get along with both of them, just in different ways. Guy 1 I can be happy and laugh a lot by our jokes and interests, and he brightens my mood at the end of our conversations but sometimes they can be one sided or awkward and he doesn't know how to respond out of "okay", " alright", etc. while Guy 2 I can't help but be honest with him, and have conversations that are based on emotions and still have fun improvised comedy, after our conversations I guess I feel relief, and contentment, if not sometimes a little depressing, because of the conversation topics we've all hit across the board, but we never seem to get awkward or just come to just saying "okay", we always have full conversations, if not sometimes I can be a bit spacey.
Anyways, I have no idea what to do here, and things would get complicated if I started going for guy 2, as well, me and guy 1 have been kind of already kind of close in respects to romance, just by simple hugs and flirting but honestly, I'm just rather confused. Any help is appreciated, and thank you for reading this lengthy story/question.
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What you want is to have them both. But will they approve? Can they sympathize? How badly would they object? Do they need you badly enough? Can they be happy? In fairness, can there be advantageous freedoms for each of them as well?
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Hi Hon. I will answer the best I can out of my own experiences in such cases, although realize I dont know these guys other than how you have described them. Guy 1 sounds like he could possibly be a more shy person or at least one of those who is generally more a private person and one of few words if not shy.
Since you seem to be enjoying convo more with guy 2 and it flows rather than becoming awkward, I would venture to guess you are much the same, social, outgoing, talkative, and willing to be an open book with someone who shows they really care to listen and have appropriate responses to make. If that is what you need, then this is your first opportunity to learn to choose a guy for a relationship based on some things, that he is the best one for meeting your needs, you are the best one for meeting his needs in a friend and of course, you both act as best friends towards each other and there is that little bit of attraction and sizzle in the background that promise a romantic relationship if the two of you decided to go that way. Every female should mind these things even the adult ones. I married at 20 before I had learned anything and it was a big mistake and I stayed 30 years but was learning things along the way. Once divorced, I had a better idea of what to look for in a man and am now happily remarried 6 yrs.
I personally wouldn't count on just flirting including hugs and arm around the shoulder, hand holding as a sign of there being the best match for a relationship. Why? After I was divorced, I dated alot and met so many men who flirted and touched me that way and were in no way a good match for me at all. Flirting is important tho but I see it as the vehicle for me that led from becoming the best of friends with my current husband, that led to us becoming sexual together because in the flirting and kisses, there was the sizzle and romance. Its not always evident right at the start with a guy and wasn't present at first with the 2nd husband, but feeling very comfortable with him, feeling like we'd been friends for a lifetime from the first moment we met was just as important. Remember this for your future relationships as well cus HS romance lasting a lifetime is possible but very seldom so its more likely that neither guy will end up being the one you marry and have kids with someday. However, thats no reason to not enjoy and experience a relationship to the fullest right now. Its part of the learning experience. So keep in mind that there isn't always an instant heart flipping reaction with a person to fall in love at first sight or early on. Some relationships start as a small ember hidden under the ashes of frienship and continue to slowly grow until they become as great a blazing fire as the one you felt at first sight.
My personal opinion based only on what you have shared is that guy 2 sounds more like a match for you than number 1. If you have feelings of guilt in making a choice to pick between one and the other, keep in mind and also mention to both of them that hanging out and dating are only periods of time used as discovery periods to learn more about the persons to decide whether to continue on with one or not with the goal of making some kind of commitment to each other even if it is just to be boyfriend and girlfriend.
Since lots of your friendship is through text only, if not ready to decide, see how you do with each when you spend time face to face alone with each hanging out. That's a better way to find out if you have the most in commom with a guy. I say that cus one man was able to talk endlessly online in chat and flirt but when we met first time at a coffee shop, I couldn't get any convo out of him, if I asked him questions, he'd either nod yes, shake head no or shrug his shoulders and spoke not a word. That was worse than awkward, downright painful!! LOL, so get used to at least half the time spent in person to see how you really do together with each before you decide. Hope this helps. If you have any other specific questions that come up along the way, you can always write to me again.
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