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Am I third wheel? :(
Hi... First of all thank you soo much you actually helped me a lo last time so i decided to try again. So i have 2 of my "bestfriends" One is K other is C.I thougth im better with K and C then they are with each other and i think that i was wrong now (all my other friends said that also it was obvios)So we had a schooltrip and there K and C were together all the time they would just disssapear or something.And at one time They were 3 m infront of me and i just called them and said to C to give me my things(they were in her bag) and I just left.So then later they asked me if i was mad so they said that i was avoiding them(how was i avoiding you if you were walking 3 m infront of me?)And i said everything is okay..So then we were at one party and we were all dancing first it was just K and c together(because i didnt want to dance) but then later i joined and everytime i triend to say something to C -K would just interrupt us.. And then list goes on and on and on.. SO in the bus on the way back home C said something(i was listening to music so i didnt pay attention) and i saw something is going on so i askd whats wrong C said its nothing its just between me and K you dont need to know(that hurt me so much because C tells me everything(she doesnt tell K anything),and for example her dad moves away 6 months ago and i knew it but K didnt she found out from me because she didnty know what was going on and she is like now ooh are u okay and stuff.) so in that moment i started crying and they saw me and asked i didnt tell anything and that was that.So later home my parents little yelled at me for crying and said taht its to hard to have one best friend in 2 someone lied to me and those word hit me so hard.. And later in school i was a little avoiding them we didnt talk at all.I was so sad that they didnt want even to talk to or to ask me whats going on(but when K got mad at me and C we talekd that same night on skype for 3 hours to solve) SO one one friend asked like and they said we dont know whats going on we only know its not our foult shes just being grumpy or something like that.. So we got back together as friend(because of accident we were learning together geography and then we countinued to talk) and they think its acually all back at the same but i dont feel the same.. My Grandmum said to me that C is on some influes by K maybe.. What do you think? Pls help .. Pls pls pls..?
Im sorry there is probbaly lot of gramar mistakes(English is not my language) and sorry its to long(itriend to shorten it way possible..)
Thanks.. :) :* ♥
-J
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I know the feeling you are dealing with. What you mentioned has happened to a great majority of people at some point in their lives. Humans being made as we are, our first thoughts when that happens it to feel negative emotions or negative thoughts like " I am rejected, unwanted, the 3rd wheel." So I'd say its normal to have that reaction but its not the healthiest perception for you to carry throughout your life. I will share my own thoughts on what a best friend is vs close friends or just acquaintances and you decide if you believe the same. If so, then you need to think different thoughts or correct yourself when the sad or negative ones come which they always do. Its how long you allow them to hang around and make you more miserable that you have the power to change.
Wikipedia says a Bestfriend is: someone with whom one shares the strongest possible kind of friendship.
I am posting a link for you to read the synonyms(varied ways of saying the same thing) for 'close friends'
My own interpretation once I read the list upon which 'best friends' is listed as being the same as close friends is this:
I would venture to guess that all 3 of you are 'close friends' and that what you are witnessing between the 2 of them is what I would call 'best of friends or the best of all close friends."
Really, I don't see much difference between close friends and best friends except for some slight differences.
I want to start with saying that when anyone uses the word "best" that it means anything else, or anyone else just doesn't measure up, are lacking something, are not good enough and what we are doing is 'comparing'. Mankind created their own agreed upon standards for units to measure by like for liquids, lengths,heights, width, temperature, weights.
So we agree to use a set standard to compare things against a standard of measurement. Whether using a yard or meter, when purchasing cloth to sew, we buy by the yard and if the clerk only gave us a half a yard, it wouldn't be enough cloth to sew the garment we want to make. In these cases, standards are helpful. Furniture for example comes in different sizes. Just because one desk is 2 inches wider than another doesnt make it the best one of all...it all depends on what your needs are and the space you have to put it in. The problem is when we use comparisons and try to measure ourself against someone else that we have problems. People can't be measured that way. It truly is all about being different in some ways from another. If we were all carbon copies of each others,the world would be boring and we'd all be programmed robots. When we compare ourselves against others, we will always think that something is wrong with us and feel left out. I believe one can have many close friends, all those you find you enjoy spending time with the most. But there can only be one person at any point in your life (this can change)
who is the closest of the close and that is called the best friend. I like to think that what makes a person a best friend is something you don't have much control over. Yes, the trust is there with others but the trust is even deeper here, sharing only certain things with this one you wouldn't with any other because you know you can trust them to understand, not misunderstand, or think bad of you. Like handing your heart over to someone and asking them to protect it, take good care of it and keep it safe. Growing up as a kid and teen, I had a girl friend like that, a best friend. But I had other close friends. When she moved away and married life changed for both of us. Now, my husband is not just my husband and lover but also my best friend. We share things with each other that we'd never share with anyone else, not even family. We tend to be more like identical in 80% of our thoughts, beliefs and dreams and such so it wouldn't have the same impact sharing some things to others who would react with oh, okay or so what?. But to us, those ideas or thoughts and feelings are real important. This doesnt mean you can't be a good listening ear to either of them. Its likely they have some kind of chemistry together just like married couples can have but for friends. and I'm not talking about anything to do with having to be gay to have this closeness with someone of the same sex, just friends but closer than close. You can't be a carbon copy mix of both of them to fit in. Its impossible. You'd have to find that one person who is that close to you that they can be labeled if you must use labels, as the best friend you have at that point in life. Like mine who moved away, she'll still always be a close friend but usually a best friend is one who is there with you in person in your life and each of you meeting the others needs. Sometimes, a person can go through a long period of life having close friends but no best friend, because a best friend is very special, like someone tailor made for you and a person can reasonably not have one through childhood, teen years or kid raising stage and not find one until after all your kids have left home to be on their own. Just because you don't have one doesnt make you any less special. Keep this all in mind because it will help you too when it comes to dating and marrying someday. Do not change who you are to be right for some guy so he'll be interested in you. Its hard to continually be someone you really arent and the moment you're not concentrating on it, you subconsciously revert back to acting and being yourself which may not be what is right for your guy so he leaves you. Just be yourself, don't ever compare yourself to other girls and wish you weighed more, or less, had bigger or smaller boobs, a different face, etc. Learn to love who you are. Just as there is no right flavor of icecream to love, there is no one female that is right for all males. Each will have their own personal preferences and that doesnt mean all the other women are rejects and will never find a guy. If a man ever tells you he wishes you had bigger boobs or a different hair color, tell him to go find another girl and leave him. He is one of the few men who either haven't grown up yet, never will, are players, have a warped mental understanding of healthy relationships and may be critical and unloving, unsupportive in many other areas and a bad match for you as I found out with my first husband I married at 20. 30 yrs later he admitted to a counselor he'd never been in love with me. If you can catch yourself comparing yourself to others in any way, stop right there and say aloud or internally to yourself that "They aren't better than me, I am just different and right and perfect for someone else." This will help to build a self confidence which is what draws people to each other more easily for friendship or even boyfriends. Good luck dear.
A best friend is that one person in life that you connect with in a way that your
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