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arguments
I have never had a real argument with my best friend, and I've been friends with her for more than 12 years. People say that if you don't argue with your best friend, it means you don't have a great relationship. Is that true?
Oh, and to clarify, by "real" argument I mean about anything important. We mostly only argue about silly things like the price of cheese or who will pick the game(neither of us ever wants to choose...its always like "you pick" "No you pick")
Anyways, yeah, does that mean that we aren't actually that great of friends? where did that advice come from anyways?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
What is a truth for one person isn't likely to be a truth for everyone, only some people. My ex and I were a mismatch and I was abused as well so there was fighting or I learned to withdraw and not respond to any attempts of his to start a fight which made him even angrier. However with my wonderful husband of 6 yrs now, we do not fight. But we do have disagreements and the working out of that in conversation which sounds much like the little you gave as an example. It can be over something of importance like my asking, "HOn, when the last time you checked the oil in this car" asked because it made a funny sound."He says, "I've been watching the miles and theres no need for an oil change." "But remember last oil change they said to check the oil cus we have a very slow leak." I remind him, "No, I'd know if there's something wrong he says. "I still think you should check or we take it somewhere cus I don't know how to check on this car, just my last car." "Its okay Hon. Don't worry." So I drop it for the day only to bring it up again a day or two later. And the same back and forth. I remind him that its our only tranportation, and also our home since we're homeless for the time being so we need it to be running and we can't be careless." My point finally gets through and he checks and we were dangerously low, almost no oil left. In this exchange, some would call it fighting, but I dont see it as that. It was done still on a healthy basis, not demeaning each other, yelling, using anger, throwing things, withholding love or sex, no name calling, no ultimatums, etc. That is what I classify as a true fight. The rest is the normal not seeing eye to eye at any particular point or even as you mention, its even very trivial stuff for you. Yes, I can see it possible. Its not the normal experience for most people because their close friends and mates are not the most perfect match for them and also mature at the same time and wise. It takes all that to have relationships where there isn't the kind of angry fighting that most people think of when they hear the word 'fight'.
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That saying is not true. You sound like you have a great relationship. Don't worry about it, obviously if your friendship has lasted this long, you are really great friends.
The idea that if you never argue, you don't have a great relationship is true in situations where one person is always in control. In a situation like this, there would never be any arguments because the second person would always just submit to the other. From your explanation, it is clear that this is not the way your relationship works.
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